Well, yesterday was a busy and good first day back to work.
I got to the high school and got my breakfast. I had scrambled eggs, grapes, strawberries, and two slices of bacon. It was around 350 calories... but I had trouble finishing the eggs and didn't eat all of them.
After our meeting, we went back to our home schools and were given some time to work in our classrooms before it was time to meet at 1PM to get our first day back meeting over with. I took that opportunity to decorate a bulletin board.
Even though all I had to do was climb up and down off a chair a few times, cut out long strips of paper, and then climb back up and down off the chair again...throw in not having any air conditioning in my classroom, and I was a sopping hot mess. Even though that was the only physical activity I really did all day, you would have thought I'd spent an hour in a gym. My hair was wet with sweat, and the nice "teacher clothes" I'd worn for my meetings weren't looking so nice after all that.
Before it was time to go to my meeting, I prepared my lunch. My teammates decided to go out and eat lunch, but I was able to decline and threw my lunch in the microwave. I ate leftovers from my dinner the night before. Even though it was only a small portion, I had trouble finishing it too.
Finally, it was time to go to our meeting.
It's basically an afternoon of going over all the school rules, discussing schedules, just getting our heads back in to the grinds of work.
One thing my principal always likes to do is give us a little something to welcome us back.
This year, it was a new school t-shirt and a PayDay candy bar.
She opens with how hard a teacher really works, working above and beyond what our contract requires... and it's her way of giving us an extra "Pay Day" for all of that hard work.
It's sweet. And thoughtful.
Yet, because of my current eating situation... I made it more like she was out to destroy all of my hard work and wave temptation under my nose to see if I'd crack.
My immediate reaction was to whine and complain about having a candy bar.
Instead of being courteous of her gesture and thankful that we have a principal that likes to give us little treats to welcome us back... I whined.
Looking back again now, I feel awful. And I'm super surprised I didn't really upset her and hurt her feelings. I was sitting right in front of her when I was doing all of my whining and complaining.
Her's a woman that truly cares about her staff, wants to make them feel welcome on their first day back, does something nice and buys us all candy bars....and Miss Ungrateful (me) throws it back in her face.
I'm an idiot.
What I need to learn is that even though I'm committed to being strong and not wavering my stand on losing the weight, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be challenged and confronted with temptation. Especially working in a school environment. There will ALWAYS be temptations. There will be potlucks and cupcakes and sodas and sweets.
My job is to just avoid. Not give in.
It's certainly not to offend or rant and rave about how hard it is for me to resist when it's right in front of my face.
No is a powerful word. But, it has to be used with a certain level of respect and dignity. I can say it pleasantly.
Not use it with anger and disgust that I'm even being tempted with it in the first place.
"Ugh, I'm trying to lose weight... NO I don't want a stinkin' candy bar!!"
A strong and powerful lesson I have to learn is that the world doesn't revolve around me. Just because I'm trying to lose weight, doesn't mean the world is going to stop tempting me. That everyone around me is going to hide the sweets whenever they hear me coming. They're not going to replace their kind gestures of candy bars and homemade cupcakes with Greek yogurts and carrot sticks.
It's a part of life I have to adjust to.
Not everyone else around me.
But then again, that's another great quality she has. She let's stuff slide. She knows that people sometimes say things that aren't meant to offend...are just thoughtless rants. I just now have to keep reminding myself that I need to keep my mouth shut when standing in front of temptation. Be nice. Be strong.. but nice.
And for those wondering about the fate of the PayDay?
I stuck it in my lunchbox and brought it home...where I gave it to Peanut. Appropriate, yes?
It's actually her boyfriend's favorite candy bar, and I thought it would be a cute gesture on my part to let her have it. Not just that, but I found out she made Advanced on both of her MAP tests she took at the end of the school year last year.
So, I turned the nice gesture that was given to me, and just passed it on. In the exact same way. Ironic, right? Of course, my Peanut didn't complain and whine and be ungrateful about it. At least I taught her well...too bad I'm not leading by example, right?
It was easy to not eat it. I didn't sit and stare at it. I didn't sweat over how it was calling my name. At one point I did check the label to see how many calories it had... but once I saw that first ingredient: Sugar... I put it quickly back in to my lunchbox.
Overall, I'm proud of myself. I'm proud that I was able to eat sensibly for breakfast. I'm proud that I was able to avoid going to grab a hamburger for lunch because I had brought my lunch. I'm proud that I was able to stick that candy bar away and not be tempted to eat it.
I just have to work on my understanding of being strong in my head...not letting it slip out of my mouth.
I know that no one is out to get me. They're not trying to sabotage me or see if I'm really as strong as I think I am. They're just being thoughtful. And I can be thoughtful with my decline. I know they won't be hurt or upset if I just politely decline.
But, they will be hurt and upset if I don't watch how I use the word No.
And that was my lesson for the day.
Today, I'm going to do it all over again....and this time, be a lot more polite about it.
Till next time!