Friday, August 2, 2013

My Self Image... I Really Do Love Myself

I wrote a pretty deep blog on my personal blog this morning.  It was to someone close to me that's having a hard time loving herself.  

She's thin.  She's beautiful.  Yet she doesn't see it.

Which got me thinking... how does one know when they truly love who are they?

I've read many blogs about people wanting to lose weight because they hate the person looking back at them in the mirror.  They hate what they've become... who they've become.  They hate the rolls, they hate the fat...and they want to lose weight so that they can love themselves again.

When I think about those statements, it hits close to home.  I don't like what looks back at me in the mirror.  I don't like having to wade through outfits finding one that doesn't cling to my fat rolls or I have to apply Crisco just to get in to.

But, the big revelation I had this morning while writing the tough blog post is that I do love myself.  No matter what I look like.

And, I'm not trying to lose weight so that I'd love myself, but BECAUSE I love myself.

I love the person I am.  On the inside.  

I'm funny.  I'm quirky.  I'm dedicated.  I'm loving.  I'm loyal.  I'm smart.  I'm talented.  I'm a damn good mother and teacher and lover and friend.

It's always been my mindset to surround myself with people that love who I am rather than what I look like.

That doesn't happen near as much as I'd like... but those that are closest to me, love me for who I am.  And that's the important part.

I don't like the person looking back in the mirror.  I don't hate her.  I just look at a person that lost their way somewhere... gave in to stress and anxiety and turned to food for comfort.  If anything, I feel sorry for her.  Rather than being strong and standing up to troubles, she kept them locked inside and thought that applying food on top of the problems would keep them at bay.

When I think about my dedication to weight loss (or lack thereof in many cases) it's not because I stopped caring or because I finally accepted the person looking back at me... it's because I once again fell trap to problems.  Rather than facing them head on, I put them down...way down in the pit of my stomach, and started feeding them to keep them at bay.  Literally.

But, the realization is, when I commit to losing the weight it's because I love myself so much.  I want to be the best form of myself that I can be.  I don't want to be skinny, I want to be fit and healthy...and rock an outfit minus any Crisco applications.  

The more I commit to trying to lose weight, the more I'm showing myself how important I think I am...and how much more I can love myself.  

So, yeah..that's what I needed to get off my chest this morning.  I don't think there's anything wrong with the person on the inside, I love her.  She's amazing.  I just need the outside to reflect those inner feelings.  And it's something I'm going to remind myself each time I reach for something that harms that image instead of helping it.

I'm not losing weight to love myself.  I already do.  

I'm losing weight because it's what I want to do.  

I'm sure it will make me happier, but I'm already happy.  It's about being stronger, fitter, healthier.  Not about happiness.  Not about love.

Well, I guess it is.  In a way.

I'm doing it because I love myself.  And I'm OK with that.

Till next time!

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