tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-53664163520729161852024-03-05T07:25:48.476-06:00Diary of a Mad, Fat WomanJoannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.comBlogger101125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-50826720531058764022014-06-07T11:22:00.001-05:002014-06-07T11:22:38.235-05:00Come See Me I am not gone. I have not disappeared. I've just been blogging on another blog.<br />
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Come visit me? I miss you all!!<br />
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www.lifeandtimesofjoblog.blogspot.com<br />
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-61901161241119515762014-01-22T05:31:00.000-06:002014-01-22T05:31:19.793-06:00Weekly Weigh-In<div>
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OK, so I've decided to go back to my Wednesday weigh-ins. Just because, for some reason, it's easier for me to actually write two blogs on Wednesday morning than it is on Monday mornings, and because I prefer to have a mid-week weigh-in versus a start of the week weigh-in. Changing my weigh-in day kinda skews the comparison I'll be making to my Weight Loss Challenge I'm doing at work, but oh well.</div>
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Last week, I weighed in at 250.6 at home and 255.8 at work. </div>
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I hate the 5lbs difference. That's a huge difference. But, after doing a consensus with some of the other people I'm competing with at work, we've figured out that my scale is a lot more accurate and that pretty much everyone that's weighing in for the competition is seeing about a 3-5lbs jump at work versus their scales at home.</div>
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This week, I weighed in at 255lbs at work. Down 0.8lbs. Not great for a first week start, but not a gain. The competition is all money driven. Meaning there was a $10 entry fee, and for each partial or complete pound gained, there is a $1 fine. I like the partial pound fine, because if someone gains 1.2 lbs, they have to cough up $2 to add to the pot.</div>
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Last week, we were told that the prize was starting at $110. But, I know there's been a few people back out before paying the entry fee, so I'm not sure that the prize is really that much. At the end of the day, though, I'm in it simply for the sweet victory and the better fitting pants.</div>
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This morning, on my scale at home, I weighed 249lbs. That's down 1.6lbs from last week. And that truly is from only being back at work and moving around every day versus sitting on the couch most of the day. I haven't really "exercised" because the transition has been exhausting... and we spent last week testing which takes it's toll on me. </div>
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I know, lame excuses. </div>
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I'm sticking with my "no diet" mentality. I've been making health conscious food choices, but it feels refreshing not being burdened with counting calories and writing everything down or eliminating certain foods. I'm still eating protein and carbs and veggies and fruit. And apparently, I'm doing something right because losing 1.6lbs in a week with no "diet" and only getting exercise from being back at work isn't too shabby.</div>
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It also helps me realize that if I can lose 1.6lbs from doing, well, nothing, then I think of what I can achieve when I do get out there and start jogging or throwing in some cardio some other way. </div>
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The plans are being laid out to start an after-school fitness program at work. The nurse, who is heading up the weight loss competition, wants to motivate the competitors as much as possible. And that includes putting together an after school work-out session. She thinks maybe Zumba, or stations, or something along those lines. I'm all for it. I'm one that never usually makes it out of work before 5PM anyways, so why not spend that time a couple evenings a week working out?</div>
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I enjoy group fitness. I prefer to walk/jog alone, but I love when I'm doing other kinds of exercise with other people. It keeps me motivated to give it my all, so I don't come off as weak. It may be a weird way of looking at it, but it works for me.</div>
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Well, that's it for me today. I'm sorry that I don't write very often, here. I promise I'll try and get better.</div>
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Have a great Wednesday!</div>
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Till next time...</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-10919960632708107192014-01-14T06:00:00.000-06:002014-01-22T05:11:28.746-06:00The Beginning Numbers<div>
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So, it's just going to be a quick one today, so that I can update and post my starting numbers for the at-work weight loss challenge thing I'm doing.</div>
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It just dawned on me that even though I did my first weigh in yesterday, I have absolutely no idea how the challenge is going to go. I mean, I don't know if I'm going to weigh in weekly or what the rules are if we gain weight, etc. Someone mentioned yesterday that in the past, if a person gained weight they had to pay a $1 for every pound gained... but nothing was really explained yesterday so I should really find out today.</div>
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Anywho, I weighed myself when I first got up and I weighed 250.6lbs. Which is 2lbs down since my last weigh in on January 2nd.</div>
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At work, after drinking a couple cups of coffee, I weighed in at 255.8lbs. But, the nurse did say that the scale tends to be about 3lbs heavier than a regular scale... so I guess I will be able to compare that after a few weigh ins.</div>
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I hate being 8lbs heavier than I was the last time I weighed in back in November. Gaining 8lbs in two months isn't good, but I guess that's what happens when out of two months I was out of work for 5 weeks of that time. So, it really shows that my work does give me some activity. My doctor told me that the activity I do at work doesn't count towards getting in any exercise, because it's my regular routine. Well, if that's the case, explain why I was losing weight while at work and gaining it while I wasn't?</div>
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Don't really answer that. It was rhetorical. </div>
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I know that I can't blame my weight gain solely on the fact that I was out of work so much. </div>
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But, I am back now, and my body should start adjusting back to being on my feet all day, rather than sitting on the couch all day.</div>
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In fact, I have way too many aches and pains this morning for my liking. It actually makes me want to get out and run all the kinks out. Something I plan on doing today after work. I have a training all day, so I'll be sitting all day. I don't want another day of sitting. I need to be up, and active, and moving. I hate standing up and feeling tightness and pain in my legs... unless that pain comes from the fact that I've done some serious working out.</div>
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I figure after a day of listening to a speaker, I'll need to run off some energy. </div>
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OK, that's it for me today. Told you it was going to be quick. I will find out all the details on the challenge and post them when I get them. </div>
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Till next time....</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-66111605886582806862014-01-13T06:01:00.000-06:002014-01-13T06:01:32.734-06:00A Little At-Work Weight Loss Competition? Sounds Good!!<div>
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Today, I'm going back to work for the first time in 24 days. What was supposed to be a two week break, ended up being three weeks thanks to some nasty weather we got last week keeping us out for an extra five days.</div>
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And, I tell you right now, the WORST thing that could happen to someone who wants to lose weight is to give them an extra five days off work. Especially when there was snow and ice outside for each of those days. Kinda drains the motivation level, you know?</div>
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But, today, I'm going back. And I'm not just going back to teacher mode, I'm also going to be stepping in to hardcore weight loss mode... because our school nurse has decided to do something that always seems to light a fire under my caboose: Make it a competition.</div>
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Oh yes. For the first time in two years, I will be participating in an at-work weight loss competition. Nothing has been said about prizes or how long it will last or how it will work... all I needed was that one very important word: COMPETITION.</div>
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That should have been my middle name, because that word somehow lights a fire inside of me. I seek nothing more than the thrill of being a winner. I don't need a fancy prize, I just like the glory that comes from winning.</div>
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Unfortunately, when it comes to weight loss competitions, I've never actually gotten the chance to claim that victory. I mean, I've participated in weight loss competitions at work before, but haven't won one. Each time, though, I've come pretty close. Pretty close still isn't good enough. No one remembers the person that came in second or third place. </div>
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To go along with my whole "competitive mentality" that I want this year to be about, I thought that the introduction of a weight loss competition would be perfect. We didn't have one last year, so this is the first (since I've been in the school) they've had. And my plan is to kick butt and take names.</div>
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Even though I'm still sticking to the fact that I won't be "dieting" this year, I did go out this past weekend and stock up on some of the essentials I need. My Greek yogurt, salad ingredients, lean meats, and veggies. Like I said last week, I am certain that I don't need to "diet" to eat healthier. I've been doing it so long, it's almost like second nature. I know what I can and can't eat to keep me in the calorie limit that will optimize my weight loss... as long as I've got plenty of exercise to go with it. As long as I stick to eating my three small meals a day, and drinking my water, I should be fine. If I'm not? Well, I'll deal with that hurdle if it comes.</div>
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To start off with, I'm going to see how I do with walking/jogging intervals. I'm thinking about starting the Couch to 5K program again. It's what helped me go from walking to running three miles the last time I got all gung-ho about my exercise, no reason why I can't do it again. </div>
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The original plan was to use the gym after school for some sprinting and calisthenic rotations, but basketball season is starting so the gym will be off limits for a while. But, that doesn't mean I can't find other ways to make it work. There's a perfectly good playground at work, when the weather isn't too cold, and I have no problems getting out and about the streets of my neighborhood when I get home to get my work-out in. </div>
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I really feel like this at-work competition will give me the kindling to the fire I want to ignite inside of me. I'm so competitive by nature, and I do my best when I feel like I'm competing. Plus, I need to get in to training mode if I have any chance of running my first 5K in April. Which I'm planning on doing, by the way. Three and a half months to go from being able to jog for a minute or so to jogging three miles? We shall see. But it's not like I haven't done it before. </div>
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I weighed myself this morning on my scale, but I'm going to wait and see what I weigh at work...then I'll update on all the numbers tomorrow.</div>
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But, right now, I have to go and get ready for work. Which seems really weird... it's been so long.</div>
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Till next time....</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-48802565739598191282014-01-10T07:48:00.001-06:002014-01-10T08:54:04.802-06:00Why Am I So Cranky?<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh07Y7Xsep6PW5wj-C9kJ4tFDs-38HZtcgjwVECB4Jx4qnL2y_1dfgZKsmvZ-x40UAp0vZIGKwyvPM3rblgyZhk6UBiG8fdqaH356cId1udSf-ZussaGc_7TE8OYhRvRX0MiFgPid9D5Ek/s640/blogger-image--1601793531.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhh07Y7Xsep6PW5wj-C9kJ4tFDs-38HZtcgjwVECB4Jx4qnL2y_1dfgZKsmvZ-x40UAp0vZIGKwyvPM3rblgyZhk6UBiG8fdqaH356cId1udSf-ZussaGc_7TE8OYhRvRX0MiFgPid9D5Ek/s640/blogger-image--1601793531.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Well, this whole New Year thing just isn't turning out the way I had planned. I come back after being gone a couple of months, I post my New Year plan, I get a comment that rubs me the wrong way, I write a whole post explaining why it rubbed me the wrong way, and then I start a whirlwind of concern from some of my long-time readers and more hatefulness from my not-so-long-term readers.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">After writing my post yesterday, I started receiving messages and emails from people asking me if everything was OK. If I was OK. That I wasn't acting like my normal, happy-go-lucky self. I received some emails and a comment basically telling me that I was majorly over-reacting, and that it was my own fault the original commenter wrote what she did, because I had basically said I was going to just keep on eating and hoping that exercise would save me.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And, after reading the original post over and over again, I see how some things could have been misconstrued, but I stand behind my post that I wrote yesterday. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Carers and haters alike are both surprised by my outburst. I've received some not-very-nice emails and comments before, but I've never gone off like that. I overreacted, supposedly. The original commenter was just sharing her opinion and giving me information that I should know, but maybe needed to hear again, and was giving her take on what I was saying.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Like a comment posted yesterday shows, I did say that I was going to "eat whatever I freaking want, when I want" and that usually means shoveling food in without a care. </div><br></div><div>Usually, I'm pretty openminded and accepting of all comments posted - nice or not.</div><div><br></div><div>So, why now, am I going all bat s**t crazy over one comment that really wasn't downright mean?</div><div><br></div><div>I think one of my biggest problems is the fact that everyone seems to have this "one-size fits all" mentality. Statistics, diet plans, weight loss gurus all say the same thing over and over and over, and it works for lots of people. But, not all.</div><div><br></div><div>And by that, I mean me. </div><div><br></div><div>I've been battling my weight problem for close to a decade, and yet here I sit still 250lbs. I've tried every diet out there, followed all the advice, done what everyone else has done that worked for them, and I'm not really any better off for it.</div><div><br></div><div>I know that a lot of that has to do with follow through. It's my own fault. Had I stuck with what I've been told, and continued doing what everyone else is doing, I would have had the same success. </div><div><br></div><div>But that's the point that has gotten me so cranky and rubbed the wrong way.</div><div><br></div><div>If it's not something I can sustain, then it's not going to work. For me.</div><div><br></div><div>Sure, I'm lazy. I'm not committed. I'm lacking the true motivation and willingness to put in the hard work that comes with losing weight. But, at the end of the day, I have tried so hard...and continued to fail.</div><div><br></div><div>Like I pointed out in my post yesterday. For the past two years, I've focused solely on my diet. I've learned everything I can about what foods I should be eating, how much is enough, what foods I should be avoiding or eating more of or eating less of. Have I followed all the nutritional guidelines to a tee? No. But, I can definitely sit here and say that I've spent more time in those two years eating the "right way" versus eating like crap. </div><div><br></div><div>I've lost some weight, I've gained it back. I can blame my food intake for the gain, I suppose, but gaining 5lbs because I ate pizza one night doesn't really make sense to me. I gained 5lbs over the course of Christmas break because I know I overdid it. But, if I look back at my history, I realize that I've basically been maintaining my weight all this time. </div><div><br></div><div>I've decreased my calorie intake, that took off a few pounds for a while. Then, the pounds starting coming back... even though my eating habits weren't really changing. I was still eating pretty much the same stuff, yet I was gaining weight again. I'd cut the calories again... same scenario. Finally, I got to the point where my doctor said NO MORE CUTTING CALORIES!! He said I wasn't eating enough, and so my body was storing. How can that be? I have more than enough fat to burn off.. but I also know that starving myself won't get me anywhere.</div><div><br></div><div>I tried weight loss pills. Again, huge success in the beginning, but they started to fail me. Doctor said they wouldn't do me any good by just watching what I was eating. Exercise had to be incorporated. </div><div><br></div><div>I, then, started to really think back to my successful year three years ago. </div><div><br></div><div>I started that year weighing almost 300lbs! I decided to start walking. Fifteen minutes, three times a week. And it killed me, but I also felt really accomplished when I had done it. Then, I was able to up that. Then some more. Until I was walking thirty minutes three times a week. And just by doing that, I lost 40lbs.</div><div><br></div><div>At around 260lbs, I did something crazy. I decided to sign up for a boot camp. Intense, hard-core, fitness boot camp. Ninety minutes, three times a week, of calisthenics, running, obstacle courses, pulling HumVees. At 260lbs, I thought I was basically going to kill myself. And on most days, I did feel like I was going to die. But, I got through each session. No matter how much I was hurting, or puking, or on the verge of tears... I got through EVERY. SINGLE. SESSION.</div><div><br></div><div>After I completed the boot camp, the fitness world was mine for the taking. My next target was running 5Ks. Just a few months later, I achieved that goal. Finishing a 5K in a little over 45 minutes. Then another 5K came, and another.</div><div><br></div><div>By the end of that year, I had dropped 80lbs and felt better than I had ever felt in my entire life. I was strong, fierce, and rocking a body that I was finally proud of. Even though I was still around the 200lbs mark, I had dropped several inches from my body going from a size 24 down to a size 16... and was almost in to a size 14. </div><div><br></div><div>Then, life got in the way. Again. Stress. Worry. Feelings of helplessness, that I wasn't good enough. And all those strong feelings I had worked so hard to get were gone. Poof. Just like that. All because I couldn't find a teaching job, and it cut me to the very core. I had convinced myself that doing what I had done with my fitness would somehow help me with my job hunt. When I found out how wrong I was, I let it eat away at me. Literally. Falling back in to old habits of eating to medicate.</div><div><br></div><div>Since that time, I've managed to get some of my self-esteem back. Getting my job was a big motivator in that. I've spent a lot of time evaluating my need to turn to food for comfort, and feel like I've come leaps and bounds from where I was a couple of years ago. I was sure I could get back on the horse and lose all that weight again... except this whole time I forgot what it was that motivated me in the first place. </div><div><br></div><div>Feeling that rush of adrenaline. Feeling like a million bucks when I did something I just didn't think my body was capable of. Having a purpose and focus, rather than just a desire. </div><div><br></div><div>It truly was all about the exercise. The strength. The fitness. </div><div><br></div><div>That's what had motivated me to lose the weight. That's what had helped me drop 80lbs. The food was just a part of the cycle. Push my body, burn the fat, fuel it with healthy foods. </div><div><br></div><div>Of course, had I explained this all a few days ago, I don't think I would have gotten the comment I received. Had I explained what I meant by not following a diet "plan" and focusing entirely on exercise, I wouldn't have had to unleash like I did yesterday.</div><div><br></div><div>And that's my bad.</div><div><br></div><div>But, one thing I really wish people would understand is that everyone is different. I don't give a flying hoot what the experts say. I couldn't care less about who has managed to succeed with whatever plan they were doing. I am tired of hearing it. Tired of feeling like I'm doing something wrong if I'm not doing what everyone else is doing. Tired of being judged or assumptions made about me. </div><div><br></div><div>Yes, I choose to journal my weight loss journey. Yes, I should expect to get some opinions I don't agree with. Yes, I totally overreacted about a probably innocent comment that was made. </div><div><br></div><div>But, when I post, I'm not always looking for advice or suggestions or someone telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing.</div><div><br></div><div>Believe me, I've tried. And, none of it has worked. </div><div><br></div><div>And that's not an invitation for someone to tell me why it hasn't worked. I know why. Really, I do. I am the only one to blame. I am the only reason I am still in the situation I am in. But, when I feel like I might have discovered the answer for my constant failures, I really don't need someone telling me that it won't work... that I'm setting myself up for failure.</div><div><br></div><div>Because, I've failed so many times from doing what others have told me to do, by listening to people tell me what will and won't work. And for once, I want to try something on my terms. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm a person that needs a focus. Apparently, just being healthier isn't that purpose. Apparently, just losing weight isn't even the focus. If that was the case, I know I would have given much more to the healthier eating lifestyle. </div><div><br></div><div>I have realized that I need physical motivation. Competition. Even if it's just with myself. Not just making my body smaller, but stronger. I need to accomplish things I didn't think I could. I need a drive that keeps taking me to the next level. Keeps challenging me. Keeps pushing me to do better, be better. </div><div><br></div><div>And I truly believe that it's something to do with fitness.</div><div><br></div><div>Maybe it's running. Maybe it's boxing. Maybe it's Yoga. Maybe it's Mud Runs or 5Ks or Triathlons or </div><div>CrossFit. I have no idea at this point. But, I know that it's something along those lines. I can feel it. </div><div><br></div><div>So, I apologize for being a cranky pants the past couple of days. It's all my fault for not saying all of this from the get-go. Had I explained these feelings, many of you may have been more understanding about where I was coming from and what I meant.</div><div><br></div><div>Of course I know I have to eat healthy. Of course I know that I have to be meticulous with my diet. But, I also know that when I'm working out. Hard. I fuel my body the right way... the way it's supposed to be fueled.</div><div><br></div><div>So, let's start over, shall we? </div><div><br></div><div>A new beginning. Hopefully, I've explained it all now.. but if there is any question, please don't hesitate to ask. I know that I've probably scared off people from commenting ever again, but I'm not really like that. I truly do appreciate and accept opinions and advice, even that of the "opposing" kind.</div><div><br></div><div>I just ask that if you feel the need to recite the jargon I've heard so many times before, that you needn't bother. I know how much I need to focus on what I eat. I know how much I need to focus on how often I exercise. I know at the end of the day I either put-up or shut-up. </div><div><br></div><div>But, for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I don't have any stresses I can blame my demise on. I have a happy life. I've checked off two of the three MAJOR life goals: Get a teaching job? Check! Get a new house? Check! Lose weight and become stronger than I've ever been? There we go. That's the focus for this year. It's time.</div><div><br></div><div>I promise to get rid of my Cranky Pants as of today. No more hatefulness from me. I promise.</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-70364473197945400612014-01-09T10:23:00.001-06:002014-01-09T12:31:54.963-06:00OK, Let's Get One Thing Straight!<div>First off, let me start out by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you that commented on my post yesterday. Those of you that were showing your support, that is. It really meant a lot to me to know that after all this time, I still have people that have my back and are rooting for me. Not everyone has given up on me... and that is a big deal.</div><div><br></div><div>With that being said, I had to also receive a comment that was basically what I was expecting. The whole "you can't just lose weight with exercise, you have to eat right" comment. To be fair, and not blow the whole thing out of proportion, I'm going to clarify myself today with that comment.</div><div><br></div><div>Here's the comment I'm speaking about:</div><div><br></div><div><p id="bc_0_4MC" class="comment-content" style="text-align: start; margin: 0px 0px 8px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><i>"No workout can out-work a poor diet. You're a not-exactly-young female with a history of being overweight/obese. Your weight is determined by 80% diet, 10% exercise, 10% genetics. Your health is influenced tremendously by your diet...as are your children's choices. Eating what you feel like and thinking you can burn it off doesn't work, 1) because of physiology and 2) because if you're like the vast majority of people, the workouts happen sporadically, if at all, while the food intake is steady and voluminous. The only "plan" you need is to eat real food that contributes nutrition to your body. The portions will adjust themselves shortly as you find that you are much more easily and continuously satiated by eating whole foods and drinking plenty of water (a gallon a day). Exercise is to increase fitness; i.e., strength, flexibility, cardiovascular endurance, etc. --not to burn off crap you ate or buy you permission to eat crap/eat more."</i></span></p><div><br></div><span id="bc_0_4MN" class="comment-actions secondary-text" kind="m" style="color: rgb(51, 51, 51); font-family: Georgia, Utopia, 'Palatino Linotype', Palatino, serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 20px; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgb(102, 187, 51);"></span></div><div><i>No work-out can out-work a poor diet</i>. Let's start there. First off, in yesterday's post I made several remarks about refusing a diet "plan". Meaning I wasn't going to count calories, eliminate certain foods, or follow some diet plan that has been made very lucrative in the weight loss world.</div><div><br></div><div>Now, what I didn't mean by that statement was that I'd be working out and then stuffing myself full of cheeseburgers and fries. I'm not going to go at this with the mentality that I can have my cake, run a mile, and then eat the whole damn thing. I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I do know that just because I do some exercise, I won't be able to eat tons of junk food. </div><div><br></div><div><i>I'm a not-exactly-young female with a history of being overweight/obese.</i> Ouch! But, the truth hurts, so I'll give you that one.</div><div><br></div><div><i>My weight is determined by 80% diet, 10% exercise, 10% genetics.</i> This is one of those statements I love hearing. I've heard it a THOUSAND times. Well, make that 1001 now. But you know what? That statement is a generalized statement fed to the masses. In fact, the past two years, my diet is all I've thought about. I've given 99% to diet, and 1% to exercise...and you know what's happened? Nothing. I'm still the same weight I was 2 years ago. The year before that, my life revolved around about 60% exercise and 40% diet. I was told to eat better but exercise MUCH MORE. I lost 80lbs. I stopped exercising so much, but didn't really sway that far off from the "healthy" meal plans I'd been focusing on...and what do you know? Gained it all back.</div><div><br></div><div><i>My health is influenced tremendously by my diet... as is my children's.</i> First off, please don't bring my kids in to this. All three are in a healthy range. They are active in sports, eat well, and have normal body weights. My kids LOVE healthy foods, and don't just sit around all day snacking on junk food. My youngest, for example, would much rather eat a bowl of carrots than a bowl of chips any day. Just last night, we had homemade burritos for dinner. She pulled out the lettuce, salsa, and cheese and ate that with a tortilla. She also asked for a side of baby carrots to go with it. She had a small spoonful of the meat, but was perfectly content with just eating the veggies. Hardly sounds like a kid on the fast track to Obese Central. My oldest is an avid volleyball player and track participant. On her off seasons, it's very important for her to maintain her fitness and diet. Which she does. My son, who is a football player, has been a little overweight his whole life. Until this last year, when he hit a growth spurt and evened stuff out. My kids are given healthy, nutritious foods in my house. So, don't judge my kids based on my fat behind.</div><div><br></div><div><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Eating what you feel like and thinking you can burn it off doesn't work, 1) because of physiology and 2) because if you're like the vast majority of people, the workouts happen sporadically, if at all, while the food intake is steady and voluminous. </i></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I guess this all depends on how you interpret "eating what I feel like" (see next point). </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The only "plan" you need is to eat real food that contributes nutrition to your body. The portions will adjust themselves shortly as you find that you are much more easily and continuously satiated by eating whole foods and drinking plenty of water (a gallon a day)</i></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Again, it's my bad for you interpreting that my not wanting to follow a diet plan automatically means I'm going to be eating a constant supply of McDonald's and Chocolate Eclairs. I couldn't possibly be saying anything other than that, right? I mean, when a person who wants to lose weight declares she's not going to diet, that automatically has to translate in to her continuing the binge high-life. Big Macs? Bags of chips? Candy bars? Cakes and pies? OF COURSE!! </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">For your information, I very rarely eat junk food. I know, you probably don't believe me. How on earth could an obese woman be obese and not stuff her face full of junk 24/7... right? I mean, it's just not scientifically possible that an obese woman who focuses her life on three squares a day, drinks nothing but water and coffee, and even without counting knows that her calorie intake each day is between 1500-2000 (and very rarely does it go near the 2000 range)... because it's been the same kind of food/portions for the past two years while she's focused on nothing but her "diet" be this overweight, right? </span></div><div><br></div><div><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Exercise is to increase fitness; i.e., strength, flexibility, cardiovascular endurance, etc. --not to burn off crap you ate or buy you permission to eat crap/eat more.</i></div><div><i style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></i></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Again, thanks for making the automatic assumption that my not wanting to "diet" and focus more on exercise is just my way of giving myself an excuse to load up on more crap. That's totally understandable to assume. Even though I made the point that I'm going to continue eating the way I am, you automatically assume - once again - that I'll be relying on my "best friends" Fat and Sugar, right?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Once again, I'd like to point out that I don't really eat that much 'crap'. Over the past two years, I've actually got myself in to a pretty good mindset when it comes to eating. The meals in my house are always freshly made, with fresh ingredients. Veggies are a large portion of our meals. Protein comes from lean cuts. Grains are always of the whole-grain variety. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Now, I'm not going to sit up here on my soapbox and declare that I never put junk in my mouth. Once in a while, I'll eat some pizza. Once in a blue moon, my family enjoys burgers and fries at a local restaurant. I'll even confess that over the Christmas break I ate some chocolate and cookies and pie. But, that's not my "normal" eating habits. My problem is mostly on skipping meals. I admit, I'll skip breakfast once in a while. If I'm at home I can go an entire day without eating... until dinner time comes around. But, even those situations have improved immensely over the past year. Because I knew that I had to eat at least three small meals a day in order to lose weight.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But, again, how is it possible that I am able to maintain not eating that much junk food, eating pretty healthy meals, and not loading myself up with fat and sugar that I'm not losing.. and sometimes even gaining weight?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I'll tell you how... BECAUSE I DON'T EXERCISE!!</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Which brings me right back around to where I wanted to be.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">You automatically assume that with my declaration yesterday, I'd be another "fatty" who wants to stuff her face full of junk food, make the half-hearted pledge to move a little more, and then expect to drop 100lbs. Am I right?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Do I have to explain the whole "Ass-u-me" scenario?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Had you taken even the tiniest morsel of time to understand about me is that eating really isn't the problem. I've been on this diet rollercoaster for so long, that I'm tired of it. Plan this, log that, count this, subtract that. It's enough to make my head explode!! And I've been doing it for YEARS!!! What do I have to show for it? Nothing.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Well, that's not true. I have an understanding about what foods I should be eating. I can now eye up a piece of meat and know how much is a correct "portion". I can know, to a error margin of 10, how many calories I'm consuming in a day without having to write a single thing down. I have fully changed my mindset on good carbs versus bad carbs, the value of multi-grain and whole grain varieties, how to select lean protein, and how many calories my body is burning at rest. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Yet, nothing has changed with my body!!</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">It's missing one very important factor... and that's the exercise. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can't lose the weight I want to lose by just eating right. I'm already there. I already do that. Have I let myself go too many times? Sure. But, I still know how to get right back up on that Healthy Food Horse without books, and apps, and expensive supplements. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When I lost 80lbs, it wasn't the eating right that did it. It was the exercise. Leaning up my muscle, burning the excess fat that's stored up on my body over the years, giving me the rush of adrenaline to make me stronger, giving me pride in accomplishing stuff I didn't think my fat body was capable of, and giving me the notion that I need to fuel my body with healthy stuff.. because why go through all that work just to waste it on a donut?</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">So, before you judge me or my plans, take a second to read through the lines, sista. I'm not a beginner. I'm not walking down this road for the first time. I have tasted the sweet taste of success. I have trained my brain to know what "fuel" it needs. But I'm filling up a gas tank that hasn't left the garage in WAY too long. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Don't tell me stuff I already know. I appreciate and respect your opinion, but just needed to clear up a few facts.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I in no way, shape, or form plan on giving up the "diet" to eat nothing but junk and expect exercise to swoop in and save me. I know what the numbers and statistics and all that jazz are. I am not going to diet. Period. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing with my nutrition... because it's not at all how you assume it to be. I'm just going to get back up on that exercise pony and ride myself back in to success. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I've made it a routine to eat right. Better, at least. Now, I have to work on making exercise the routine. That's my focus. That's the "plan". If I fail, it will be because I didn't get off that couch and follow through. It won't be because I just continued eating my way in to oblivion. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Thanks for the comment, though.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">And hopefully, this clears up some of the missing pieces I left out from yesterday's post.</span></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-56649930187959114022014-01-08T12:05:00.001-06:002014-01-08T12:59:17.997-06:00Losing Weight Without a Diet Plan?<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-RFoWQLgANQA-6XjQziaNYqGM9ECpqsAk76rrmAV7kchhWiYwIfMEycHHqu0JTc7CIWaqX_GqoUmxsS9Dk0kV5fDQyM2JeVInZmpghhWOkBns6_h6_-vFliWqVMzx387tAHt0al8a0mmn/s640/blogger-image-33806509.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh-RFoWQLgANQA-6XjQziaNYqGM9ECpqsAk76rrmAV7kchhWiYwIfMEycHHqu0JTc7CIWaqX_GqoUmxsS9Dk0kV5fDQyM2JeVInZmpghhWOkBns6_h6_-vFliWqVMzx387tAHt0al8a0mmn/s640/blogger-image-33806509.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">With beginning a new year, and a new plan to lose weight, comes the age old question: What diet plan should I use?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The fact of the matter is, my history has told me that in order to lose weight, I have to follow some kind of diet plan and exercise. Whether it be one of the fancy, read all the books, diet plans or the simple "eat this many calories" diet plan, something has to be done in order to drop the pounds.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But, what if there was a way to lose weight without being on some strict diet plan?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And didn't that just sound like one of those commercials pushing the Miracle Diet Pills?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What I mean is, wouldn't it be fantastic if I could lose weight without counting calories, writing down everything that goes in my mouth, not having to eliminate certain foods from my diet, or picking a plan that seems to work for everyone else?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The truth is, when it comes to losing weight, I fail because it's too much work. All the calculating, the logging, the checking ingredient lists, etc. I hate it. I do really well for a while, and then I get so tired of all the work... I give up. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">There's just no way to sugar coat it: I'm lazy. Plain and simple. Not about my life in general, but doing the extra work involved with curbing out a diet plan and sticking to it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">For the past two years, my weight loss focus has all been directed to my eating. What I should and shouldn't eat, when I should eat it, how much I should eat. Out comes the fancy logging apps on my phone, grocery store visits take twice as long because I'm checking ingredient labels, and I make sure all the measuring cups in my house get used to portion out my food. And for the most part, each time I've gone to these extremes, I've lost weight. Then, I start getting lazy, the app doesn't get any use for a couple of days, I'm in and out of the grocery store and hoping I'm getting the right stuff, and my eyes become my measuring cups because it takes too long to measure stuff out. And then you know what happens? The weight starts coming back again.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">But, when I really think about the time I lost the most weight...and I'm talking the 80lbs I dropped in a year... it wasn't really the food that got me through all of that. It was the exercise. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Sure, I logged here and there. I drank a lot more water. I swayed away from fatty, fried foods and focused on more healthier choices... but I worked out. Hard. A lot.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So, this year, I'm going to try a little experiment. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It may fail, big time. And I'm sure plenty of naysayers will be standing in line taking bets on my weight loss demise, but I'm going to give it a go. See what happens. Run with it. Literally.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This year, I am absolutely, 100% refusing any form of diet plan. Zip. Zilch. Nada.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I'm going to eat what I eat, when I eat it. I'm going to try and be more health conscious with my choices, but there will be NO counting, logging, or measuring. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What I am going to do is start incorporating more exercise. Walking. Jogging. Get-Fit games on my PS3. Yoga. And work-out DVDs. All stuff I enjoyed doing three years ago when I lost the most weight.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I don't recall a single time of my exercise past where I got tired of exercising. Was it a struggle to make myself do it? Sure. But, once I got started, I wanted more. And was always very happy and felt great once it was over. The biggest struggle was always the get-up and go. Which, I've decided, is the one and only struggle I'm going to get over this year.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I know that if I have any chance whatsoever of my little experiment working, I have to make myself exercise. I really don't want to be sitting here next year lapping up the "I told you so" from every person who will have something negative to say about my thought process. If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's being wrong. Not because I'm wrong, but because I could have been right but didn't follow through enough to prove it.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">If I want this experiment to work, I'm going to have to get off my rear end and make it happen. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I think it would be so awesome to share the story of a girl that didn't go in to crazy diet mode in order to lose weight, but simply started adding exercise in to her routine. She didn't have to buy special foods, didn't have to log all that food, didn't have to eliminate all the stuff she loved to eat... but still managed to lose weight just by exercising a little more.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And, yes, I know that if I just lose weight by exercising more and not changing my eating habits, I will gain all the weight back the minute I stop exercising. But, what if I learned to eat better without all the crazy diet expectations, and maintained a routine of exercise? Made it a habit?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">That could work, right?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I know I've said it a thousand times before: I'm going to eat better and exercise more. But, at the end of the day, the "eat better" always revolved around some form of diet plan and the "exercise more" was a wishy-washy way of saying that if I'm eating right, I really don't have to exercise all that much.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I've always been told that the first step to weight loss was diet. Exercise is only a small factor in losing weight. Really? Then how come I lost 80lbs the year I got my fat behind off the couch 3 to 5 times a week and pushed myself to the limits? I've worked on the diet part every year since... and the weight has all come back. I know, I know, I didn't stick with the eating plan. THAT'S why I gained it back, right?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I don't think so. I fully believe that had I stuck with my exercise plan, even fudging on my diet as much as I did, the weight would have stayed away. It was giving up that active lifestyle that truly did me in. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So, call me crazy (I know many will), but this year I'm ditching the diet. No more diets. Whatever freaking food I want to eat, when I want to eat it.... with a HUGE side dish of exercise. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">On January 1st, I weighed 252lbs. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today, I weigh 250lbs. I've lost 2lbs in a week. I haven't changed my eating patterns. I haven't stopped snacking. I haven't counted a single calorie. But, I've moved a little more. I've gotten off the couch a few times and made myself move a bit.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So... weight loss plan #4,327 shall commence. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Something's got to work. Something's got to make the weight come off. And I'm going to try, once again, to see if this is the year I can make it happen.</div></div><div><br></div><div>Call me crazy, if you will... but there's a reason my blog is titled what it is.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-84425086244640595112014-01-02T09:54:00.000-06:002014-01-02T09:54:04.125-06:00I Think 2014 Maybe the Year I Build a Brand New Wagon!!<div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24N4r9Ba5jsERsi8XrpMZD0OlLAc2dQqj_5-5zCOUc4iUa-w6aeAbcD_BoCuBWNb9tt8xJXd78Ca-65eljLRf0V68kZmP0TRxfogNz3iCtD7xeL8hlK8r1GOzkdlaRhPR4xdp458omSql/s640/blogger-image-1262565218.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh24N4r9Ba5jsERsi8XrpMZD0OlLAc2dQqj_5-5zCOUc4iUa-w6aeAbcD_BoCuBWNb9tt8xJXd78Ca-65eljLRf0V68kZmP0TRxfogNz3iCtD7xeL8hlK8r1GOzkdlaRhPR4xdp458omSql/s400/blogger-image-1262565218.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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I know, I know, it's been almost two months since I've posted. Enough time to make the point that, once again, I fell off the wagon. </div>
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Truth is, I did. I fell off. But, not until a couple of weeks ago. In fact, up until the second week of December, I was actually doing pretty well. Then we got a big bought of snow that gave us a week off, then we went back to work for a week, and that led in to Christmas break...which I'm currently enjoying at this very moment.</div>
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With a new year comes the regular new plan to lose weight. It is always my number one resolution, and has been for several years. Some years I've had more success than others, but no year has given me a complete year of weight loss success and then keeping it off. </div>
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This morning, I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks and I've gained ten pounds. Am I surprised? No. Gaining weight tends to happen when you enjoy late night snacks of chips or pie or handfuls of little chocolates. And for two and a half weeks out of the last four, I've been at home. Meaning, sitting around, not moving very much. </div>
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Let's throw in to the mix the fact that my mom had major surgery three weeks ago, putting her in the hospital for five days and me traveling back and forward to see her... eating on the go, at whatever fast food restaurant was on the way. </div>
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I'm surprised it's only 10lbs I've gained.</div>
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This year, like all the others, I plan on trying to get the weight off. What makes this year any different? Well, I can't say for definite that it will be... except for one major aspect. This year, I can completely rebuild a new wagon, because I shouldn't be carrying around any extra baggage this year to use as a big, fat excuse.</div>
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What do I mean? </div>
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Well, let's take a small trip back in my virtual time machine, shall we?</div>
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In 2010, I lost 80lbs. The first half of the year, I was a junior in college. It was a non-stressful first half of the year. Even though I was busy with school, I was only working part-time and made time to participate in a boot camp that was the inspiration for my success that year. Nothing bad happened. Nothing overly great happened (besides losing 80lbs!!). I was the fittest and happiest I had been in a very long time. I went from a size 24 down to a size 16. I found a new confidence in myself, and achieved a major milestone when I was able to go from barely able to walk for 15 minutes to RUNNING entire 5Ks. Then, in August, I started m senior year. I had to quit my job and went to being a full-time student teacher. That took it's toll on me, and I started to slip just a little but I ended the year out pretty strong. That year, I went from weighing almost 300lbs down to around 220lbs. </div>
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In 2011, I finished out my extremely stressful senior year and graduated from college. Then, I entered one of the most stressful times in my life trying to find a teaching job. Despite some hard efforts to use running as an outlet for my stress, I failed. Miserably. I was so happy about graduating, but so distraught when I realized that school was over and the big, bad world was waiting for me. And there was no one knocking on my door trying to give me a teaching job. I ended up "settling" for a teaching assistant job right after the new school year started. I was happy that I found a job in a school, but miserable that it wasn't in my own classroom. That year, I went from starting the year off around 220lbs and ending it around 240lbs. </div>
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In 2012, I finally had my dream come true. I found a teaching job. Finally. You would think that would mean getting rid of the stress and being able to focus on losing the weight, right? Wrong-O! Sure, getting the job was a huge stress reliever, but do you know how stressful it is becoming a first year teacher? The last thing I had time to think about was working out and planning meals properly. I was working extremely long hours, trying to get my footing in a new school with new students and co-workers, and even though it was a good stress...it was still stress. </div>
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In 2013, I went through another really stressful year. This time, hunting for a new house and buying one. Any therapist will tell you that buying a house is one of the most stressful things a couple can go through. And it was that, indeed. From the arguing over whether or not we could afford to buy a house, to forcing the situation on Hubby, to looking at tons of houses thinking it was a lost cause, to finally finding the house I wanted but still getting reservations from Hubby, to actually putting in an offer and going through months of paperwork to actually close, to then moving. Then, the last couple of months of the year, I found out my mom had a life threatening illness that needed quick surgery. STRESSFUL! I started 2013 off weighing about 240lbs, but that number rose quickly to the 260lbs mark. I did bring that number back down to the 240lbs mark...but the 10lbs gain I've had the past month has put me back up to the 250lbs range. 252lbs to be exact.</div>
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Which leads us to now. For 2014 there's no college, no job hunting, no life-altering plans. Just a year of normalcy...whatever that is. Just doing my job, living my life, and not stressing about too much. I have my dream job, and I've been doing it for over a year so I've started to find my footing. I have my dream home, and we've been in here long enough to get our footing with paying the bills and managing the stresses that comes with home ownership. My mom made it through her surgery and received a clean bill of health, so the worst is over and now the focus shifts to just getting her strength back. </div>
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If I fail, again, this year at losing weight... I will have nothing to blame it on. No excuses. It will be my laziness and total lack of willpower. </div>
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So, rather than just jumping back on that faithful old wagon, I think it's high time there was a new wagon. A brand new one. Preferably one with a cage and seat belts... because I'm so dang sick of falling off! </div>
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I could sit here like I've done in years past and write a list of all the things I will do to help me lose weight. I could promise to portion out my food, plan my meals, exercise intensely several times a week, drink more water, etc. etc. </div>
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But this year, that's not my plan.</div>
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This year's plan is simple: Take one day at a time.</div>
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While successful weight loss revolves a lot around plans, they don't do me any good if I don't stick to them. I can plan until I'm blue in the face, but if it's nothing more than words on paper... what good are they?</div>
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What I need to do is wake up every morning and consciously ask myself "<i>What am I going to do today that will help me lose weight?</i>" </div>
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Maybe that question will lead to me planning out my breakfast and lunch, and packing sensible, healthy foods rather than opting for the food served in the cafeteria. Maybe that question will lead me to skip any snacks. Maybe that question will lead me to drinking water and less coffee or soda. Maybe that question will prompt me in to going for a walk or doing some other form of exercise. And maybe, just maybe, waking up with that mentality each and every morning might lead to all of those things being done each day, routinely. </div>
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One thing I have learned during the past several years is that I ALWAYS start the year off with the mentality that I'm going to achieve great things. I am full of motivation and drive. That motivation usually lasts a while, and then slowly starts to fade. </div>
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It's like starting a marathon off by sprinting. I can only go so far before my legs give out and I have to give up.</div>
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Instead of sprinting from the start line, I want to pace myself. Maybe even start with just walking. Small changes. Small adjustments. Finding my bearings as I introduce new challenges and focuses, rather than trying them all at once. </div>
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After this many years, I also know that no matter how I look at my weight loss situation, if I don't stick with it I will fail. Period. I can explain why I didn't keep my motivation, I can come up with reasons that got me off track... but under the surface of those reasons and lack of motivation is my extreme lack of strength and willpower. The only two things I need to accomplish the goal I've tried so many years to reach. </div>
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So, here we go 2014. A new year. A fresh start. Could this be the year where my weight loss dreams come true? Well, only time will tell... but time won't mean anything unless I'm behind the wheel of my new wagon keeping me on course.</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12638837780331412429noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-22800129808467016712013-11-09T11:19:00.001-06:002013-11-09T11:43:55.215-06:00Ready for Some Progress Pics??<div>Well, this post has taken a lot longer to write than I had originally intended. The plan was to post updated progress pics after every 20lbs lost. The first 20lbs was supposed to be gone about a month ago... but I just managed to break through the barrier last week. So, it's time to get those progress pictures, right?</div><div><br></div><div>Back in July, when I decided to get back on the weight loss wagon, I weighed 265lbs. The plan was to lose 20lbs in two months.. but it was slow moving in the beginning. I finally decided to ask my doctor for some help, and in August, I was given weight loss pills.</div><div><br></div><div>The first month, I dropped an amazing 11lbs. Going from 265lbs down to 254lbs. I was so happy with that. Eleven pounds in a month was awesome...and I figured that month two would be just as successful. Not so much. The second month I only dropped a couple of pounds. I went down from 254lbs to 249lbs. Still leaving me with four more pounds until that 20lbs lost mark. </div><div><br></div><div>This past week, I finally broke through the barrier, and weighed in at 243.8lbs. Putting me at a loss of 21.2lbs since August. </div><div><br></div><div>Here is a pic of me in July...weighing 265lbs.</div><div><br></div><div><font color="#000000" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRUCoteUqUaIJ-53AKi3HMgqkC86nciEE5uq71ijDwMr9jJ6EUWehpOB7zRorrkFUtgX7Sz6D6ZeMXTvaVqrQUVD_qkixxvzLsOh9mRYTKs7wTHgvfINWEtWJfYderXf1mDBm96xoIhR2E/s640/blogger-image--1516241639.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiRUCoteUqUaIJ-53AKi3HMgqkC86nciEE5uq71ijDwMr9jJ6EUWehpOB7zRorrkFUtgX7Sz6D6ZeMXTvaVqrQUVD_qkixxvzLsOh9mRYTKs7wTHgvfINWEtWJfYderXf1mDBm96xoIhR2E/s640/blogger-image--1516241639.jpg"></a></font></div><div><br></div><div>And here is a pic of me, taken last Wednesday, weighing 243.8lbs</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5-q38qcYK17N798zaclS0m4kc8WfLtm0uF6HtyEy2La7-42c63jndV8GDKOmtSoetVoVW1h1UcevucC1WRsoqYP_ihfceOsJmiJ1C8au1dUBYwDpZWsAxs-cfEQR68JGWuAMr5xKi2IE/s640/blogger-image-985853685.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjO5-q38qcYK17N798zaclS0m4kc8WfLtm0uF6HtyEy2La7-42c63jndV8GDKOmtSoetVoVW1h1UcevucC1WRsoqYP_ihfceOsJmiJ1C8au1dUBYwDpZWsAxs-cfEQR68JGWuAMr5xKi2IE/s640/blogger-image-985853685.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The only way to tell the difference, right off the bat, is because of the phone. I really wish I hadn't blocked my face in the first picture. But, upon a more thorough check, it does appear that my waist line looks a little smaller. Sure, there are still bumps and rolls that I'm not happy about, but they look to be quite a bit smaller than in the first picture.</div><br></div><div>Here's another picture of me when I was at 265lbs...the side view...</div><div><br></div><div><font color="#000000" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi47GVIioJ3LyNM1_mwWXTtVyxjOCn6gGrGXTqD08rruSbdko_cZe_joOs16AZF9qEQmLvkMKiUel2zNYJEyUSk5SVJMSzWUAbi6Nq_Vu5DRTjYSRBULbJhyYaFVorNSv7c4lhrgwSHpSEw/s640/blogger-image-561706862.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi47GVIioJ3LyNM1_mwWXTtVyxjOCn6gGrGXTqD08rruSbdko_cZe_joOs16AZF9qEQmLvkMKiUel2zNYJEyUSk5SVJMSzWUAbi6Nq_Vu5DRTjYSRBULbJhyYaFVorNSv7c4lhrgwSHpSEw/s640/blogger-image-561706862.jpg"></a></font></div><div><br></div><div>And that same pose at 243.8lbs...</div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK2Cxexs09h96ChSB9QZ4Peqbr4SI97OcadXrpJUAWEzUByowSa78AVddUvmJCUoUGia2NAa3pc2yM-6r_a98ZSI5pqZDQ9vjx3PH0amL3LmVMhiIrs8KvyLWCQ7azOYZxJnR85Owd8Y-D/s640/blogger-image--1246589941.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiK2Cxexs09h96ChSB9QZ4Peqbr4SI97OcadXrpJUAWEzUByowSa78AVddUvmJCUoUGia2NAa3pc2yM-6r_a98ZSI5pqZDQ9vjx3PH0amL3LmVMhiIrs8KvyLWCQ7azOYZxJnR85Owd8Y-D/s640/blogger-image--1246589941.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Again, not a HUGE difference...but definitely somewhat smaller than the first photo. Especially in my rear area. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I, honestly, thought that after losing 20lbs that the differences would be a lot more apparent. A significant difference. But, as I'm seeing, that's not so much the case. Surely, after this next 20lbs is gone, there will be no doubt in the obvious changes between those pictures and my beginning pictures. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It's a little disheartening to know that I've lost 20lbs and don't really have that much to "show" for it... but it does reinforce how much I really have to lose, which motivates me to keep going. I'm really pumped to get rid of this next 20lbs because I really want to see the noticeable changes in my body. I want to look at progress pictures and realize how many changes 40lbs lost can do.</div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The first 20lbs took me way too long. I was on track to lose 20lbs in two months, and slipped off the rails a little. I'm not going to let that happen again. While I'm not setting any deadlines or goals or timelines, I am focused on seeing the scale go down each week. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">The only way I can do that is to continue doing what I'm doing. Watching my portions, taking my pills, and making myself exercise as often as I can. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Despite how long it took, I am proud that I have lost 20lbs. Sure, I have an extremely long way to go.. but 20lbs is still a significant amount of weight. Think of two 10lbs pounds of potatoes. Lifting one of those things is hard enough, but to know that I have lost the equivalent to two of those is quite extraordinary. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And something to be very happy about.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I've decided that as long as the scale is moving in the right direction, I'm happy. I know that I have the ability to lose the weight. I know that I have the willpower. I will just keep doing what I'm doing...and I'll eventually get to where I need to be.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">That's if for me....</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-74558841864817320122013-11-06T05:35:00.000-06:002013-11-06T05:35:17.228-06:00Weigh In Wednesday<div>
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It's going to be a quick post today. I have to hurry because I'm dealing with a water leak under our house, and I have to go take a shower pretty soon that will require in and out as soon as possible as to not waste anymore water than necessary.</div>
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It's been a pretty stressful week, and that is apparent in my weight today.</div>
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Last week, I weighed 244.8lbs.</div>
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This week, I weigh 243.8lbs.</div>
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I've lost a pound this past week. A loss is a loss, but it's not exactly much to write home about. </div>
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And do you really want me to write the same old stuff? </div>
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I've decided that as long as the scale is moving in the right direction, I won't beat myself up too much. I know I could be doing a lot more, but the small efforts I am making are having some impact...and that's better than nothing.</div>
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I know some people will translate that last paragraph in to me starting to give up. That's NOT true. I'm just tired of being so negative about my weight loss. I know what work has to be done, and if I'm not doing the work I have no one else to blame but myself.</div>
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I'm pretty stressed out right now, and if I can still make it through that stress by watching what I eat, and managing to lose a little weight... I can be OK with that.</div>
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I am very happy that I made it through Halloween without going crazy on candy. That's a victory. There is and has been candy in my house since Halloween. I'm not going to say I haven't eaten any of it, but what I have eaten has been a small piece here and there. Far from overdoing it. </div>
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I have been packing my lunch each day, and I've been on a soup thing for a little over a week. I've been buying those low calorie, throw in a microwave and eat kind. They aren't the most healthy option in the world, but they don't hurt my calorie intake, they fill me up, and I love the variety of flavors that I can choose from. There aren't any more calories in a bowl of that soup than there is in a sandwich. So, I figure it's not that bad of a choice.</div>
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All in all, I'm just happy that there is some weight loss. </div>
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And, now I need to go and hurry and take a shower.</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-2443501007267535452013-10-30T05:38:00.000-05:002013-10-30T05:38:52.866-05:00Weigh In Wednesday: Finally Moving in the Right Direction....Again!<div>
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It's been three weeks since I posted a Weigh In Post. Mostly because there hasn't been any weight lost in the past three weeks. In that time I've been holding steady at 246lbs, wondering if I'd ever break through that plateau.</div>
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To be fair, I can't really call it a plateau. A plateau is when you stop losing weight while still doing everything you can to lose the weight....and it means you have to up your game. I hit a wall because I stopped trying. To lose, anyway. I was managing to maintain, which meant I wasn't doing anything my doctor told me I needed to be doing.</div>
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This past week, I've gone back to trying again. Eating 1200 calories a day. Taking my pill. There hasn't been any steady walking, and I really have no reason why.</div>
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What I can say is that since last week, I've lost 1.2lbs. This week, my scale says 244.8lbs.</div>
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A month ago, I was dying to get to that spot. To be under 245lbs...and to have lost more than 20lbs. But, because it's taking me so stinking long to get to it, its kinda lost its pazazz. </div>
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Losing 20lbs in 2 months was going to be awesome.</div>
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Losing 20lbs in 3 months, just isn't as awesome.</div>
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I will take some pictures this morning when I go get dressed so you can see the difference from three months ago and today. Although I'm really hoping that it won't be 3 months until I can post the next set of progress pictures. </div>
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Of course, these next two months are going to be TOUGH!! Halloween is just a day away. Thanksgiving is just a month away. And Christmas will follow a few weeks later.</div>
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This is usually the time of year where I start thinking that it's not worth trying to lose weight. Just focus on sensibility as to not gain it all back.</div>
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I can't do that, this time.</div>
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My doctor has told me that if there is no weight loss, there's no pill. And even though I know I could lose the weight without the pill, I'm also confident that the pill is giving me the boost I need. It doesn't curb my hunger, but it does curb the cravings. I can eat... but I can't eat as much. And the pill also messes with my senses. Smells that I used to find absolutely irresistible are now kind of nauseating.</div>
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But that only happens when I'm taking the pill.</div>
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The minute I start to falter, the cravings come back. The over eating comes back. And the irresistible smells are once again irresistible.</div>
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In the three weeks that I maintained, I took my pill maybe a couple of times. And even after visiting the doctor the last time, and hearing his warnings about not getting the pill anymore if it wasn't helping, I didn't jump right back in to taking it. Somehow, I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need it.</div>
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But, I started taking it again this week...and BAM. Down another pound.</div>
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While I don't want to become subservient to the pill, and depend on it being the only way to lose the weight, I do feel that it's helping kick start my motivation. The proof is in the pudding that I'm not ready to fly solo. I absolutely, 100% believe that when I'm ready... when I've lost enough weight to really keep the momentum going... I'll be ready to say goodbye to the pill without putting the weight back on. I maintained for 3 weeks without the pill, I know that I'll be just fine when I do decide to give it up for good.</div>
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So, there we are. Finally back on the horse and losing the weight. </div>
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Even though I'm not as stoked for reaching this milestone... only because it took so long... I will say that I do feel pretty happy. I can see the changes my body has started to make. I can feel some of the differences. </div>
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Last night, as I was walking out to my car after a very long Family Night at work, one of my coworkers stopped me. She wanted to tell me that even though she hasn't said anything before, she had noticed that I was really looking good. </div>
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It was perfect timing for such a wonderful compliment.</div>
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It meant a lot for her to say something, and I know that she meant it. It turned around my whole perspective on my visual success....and I got to leave with a big smile on my face.</div>
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Yes, I am starting to look better. Still have a long way to go until I believe I look "good"... but I'll get there.</div>
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PLUS, if I can lose weight over the next couple of months, then NOTHING will ever stand in my way. I'm confident and ready to prove to myself that holidays or no holidays, my weight loss comes first!!</div>
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OK... next time you hear from me, I'll have progress pictures to share.</div>
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Till next time!!</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-26883476831048536662013-10-26T10:50:00.001-05:002013-10-27T11:17:42.940-05:00Weekly Check-In<div>I really don't mean to only be writing here once a week. I just really don't have that much to share, and then I find that I get myself in to a rut of repeating the same thing over, and over, and over again.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm doing OK.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm still hanging in there.</div><div><br></div><div>Even though the kids' sports all ended, last week wasn't any less crazy or busy. I spent Monday and Tuesday night at Parent Teacher conferences. Tuesday, I didn't even get home until midnight because Butter had his last football game - that I couldn't go to - so after I was all finished with conferences, I had to wait until he got back...and it was close to 11PM.</div><div><br></div><div>I did get two days off of work this week, though. And the sad part is that even though I got time off work, I really didn't do much with those days. In terms of helping my weight loss situation. It would have been a perfect time to get out and do some walking...but I didn't. I wanted to rest. I wanted to relax. </div><div><br></div><div>I have been a little better about taking my pills this week. And watching what I've been eating. I haven't logged everything I've eaten, but my decisions about what I have eaten have been more sensible. </div><div><br></div><div>These past few weeks I've felt like a failure. I've felt like I've slowly been falling off the side of a cliff. At times I am desperately trying to hold on, and others I think it would be easier just to let go. </div><div><br></div><div>I had such spirit and motivation a couple of months ago. And so much success. I lost a HUGE amount of weight that first month, and I'm not sure why that wasn't enough to keep me motivated to continue doing what I was doing. But it wasn't. I've had to be so diligent with myself. Stopping myself doing something I know I'll regret, eating too much. And it's a hard pill to swallow. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday, I decided to put away all of my summer clothes and get out my fall/winter closet. As I was unpacking the cute sweaters and pants, I wondered to myself if the pants would even fit. They are size 18, most of them. Have I lost enough for them to be used? Or will I be left with a bunch of clothes hanging in my closet that don't fit?</div><div><br></div><div>One good thing is that I haven't gained any weight since I last checked in. I'm still teetering around the 246lbs mark. That's what I weighed on Wednesday, however, I haven't checked since then. I'm maintaining my weight, but I still weigh far too much to get to such a plateau. I know I haven't stalled losing weight because I'm at a point where I need to up my game. It's simply following through on what I was doing. Being consistent with 1200 calories a day, for one. And then if I did the walking my doctor told me to do, I know that the weight would disappear. </div><div><br></div><div>So, why is it such a mental game to get myself to do it?</div><div><br></div><div>It's not as though it's hard. I'm not really having to do a lot of work to do those two little things. I plan my food, I go for a walk. Simple. Yet, I'm the person that makes it 100 times harder than it needs to be, and is the main reason why the scale hasn't moved in a few weeks.</div><div><br></div><div>I think back a few weeks to the amount of people that were noticing the changes I was making. I was receiving daily compliments and questions about what I was doing to lose the weight. People were noticing that my body was starting to look a little different. </div><div><br></div><div>Those have all stopped now. Changes aren't as apparent anymore. No, I haven't gained anything back... but by this point in time I should be another 20lbs or so lighter. I should be celebrating another notch down in the belt buckle, another size down in my pant size, pictures of solid change.</div><div><br></div><div>I honestly don't know what's wrong with me. Yes, I'm having a little pity party for myself...something else I said I'd stop doing. But it's frustrating. Being at the controls of my own body and mind, yet still having so much trouble getting them to do what I want them to do. I have the desire, but I suck at the follow through.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not going to give up. I can't. I'll hold on to the edge of the cliff for as long as it takes. </div><div><br></div><div>I just need to focus on taking one day at a time, again. I'm convinced that at some point, something will click inside of me to really fuel my fire and get me off my caboose to losing MAJOR weight. Until that happens, I just have to mentally take tiny little steps. Get through a day without slipping on my food intake. Taking my pill. Eating three meals and calculating the calories. Just little steps in the right direction. </div><div><br></div><div>Hopefully I'll be here on Wednesday showing some form of a gain. Let's all keep our fingers crossed. </div><div><br></div><div>People tell me all the time how hard weight loss is... but, when I sit down like I am right now, I realize that it's really not. It's more about giving up a lifestyle that becomes so comfortable... so easy. The steps to lose weight are all VERY easy. But, it's the follow through. The mindset. The complete and utter change to the comfortable and normal that's the difficult part.</div><div><br></div><div>And that's the stuff I need to focus on right now.</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-37130057727057633062013-10-21T05:21:00.001-05:002013-10-21T05:48:31.709-05:00That's One Way to Kick Off a Good Week!<div>Yesterday, I got hit with the 24 hour stomach bug that has plagued my house this week. </div><div><br></div><div>First, Jelly had it on Wednesday. She got sent home from school, and had to stay off Thursday because there's a 24 hour no throw up rule before returning back to school. Then, Butter had it. On Thursday. And again on Saturday... but, I think his was medicine related. The second time around. He took a pain pill on an empty stomach, and it made him throw up. </div><div><br></div><div>Saturday, the kids and I went and saw P-Momma for a while. When I got home, Hubby informed me that he'd spent most of the day throwing up.</div><div><br></div><div>Awesome.</div><div><br></div><div>Usually, I can get away with avoiding stuff like that. Sickies can fleet around my family and I'm usually lucky enough to make it out unscathed. Not this time around, however. It hit me hard yesterday, and I spent the entire day either in bed or throwing up. </div><div><br></div><div>Awesome. Again.</div><div><br></div><div>The only stuff that went in to my body yesterday was water and a cup of Sprite. Which neither lasted any amount of time before they were back out of my body. </div><div><br></div><div>After a day of being sick and not eating anything, I was kinda hoping that the scale would show me that I dropped something crazy like 5lbs in a day.... but no such luck. Stupid scale. Apparently, starving myself and throwing up is NOT the way to go for losing weight. Darn.</div><div><br></div><div>Today kicks off my Doctor's Orders month of no whining and no excuses. Starting today, I'm going back to basics. 1200 calories that are logged and calculated. No slipping, no faltering, no "one little bite won't hurt me" mentality. My plan is to really bring it home and lose a ton of weight. So, when I walk back in to his office at the end of the month, I can show him that I really am determined and I can live by a no-excuse mentality. </div><div><br></div><div>Being that fall has been in full force the past couple of days, I want to get out all the cute fall/winter clothes I have stored away that were a little too small for me last year. That's my number one goal at this point. I have no idea how much weight I need to lose in order for it to happen, but I know that this time last year there were several items of clothing I had to bypass because I could no longer fit them over my expanding behind.</div><div><br></div><div>NOT THIS YEAR!</div><div><br></div><div>My doctor also told me that he wants me walking for 30 minutes at least 3 times a week. I told him that I wanted to start running again, but he asked me to hold off on that for a while. Only because I have bad knees, and he's worried that too much impact may end up causing me knee problems... especially with the time of the year. When it starts getting chilly outside, the joints in my knees start getting all funky on me. He thinks that I should just focus on power walking for a while, and that I could probably start thinking about running when I'm down another 20lbs or so. </div><div><br></div><div>Well, being that this week is a short week at work, I'm thinking that I'll start off my two days off by walking. Today and tomorrow, I'll be at school until after 8PM due to parent teacher conferences, so there won't be time to walk either day. Wednesday I will be spending some time in my classroom making sure that I don't have too much work to take home with me for fall break. Then, Thursday and Friday I'm off work....so I can spend some time thinking about exercising. </div><div><br></div><div>It's definitely time.</div><div><br></div><div>One thing I really have to focus on this month is being regular with my pill. Last month, I was very sporadic with taking it. In fact, I haven't actually taken the pill in over a week. A lot of it has to do with forgetting. I am supposed to take the pill around 10AM, but I'm in the middle of teaching at that time. I sometimes forget about it until after lunch, and then it's too late. I'm thinking that this week, I'm going to try taking the pill at 8AM...before my kids come in to the classroom. We'll see.</div><div><br></div><div>My doctor truly believes that if I take my pill every day, eat 1200 calories per day, and walk three times a week for at least 30 minutes, I have a HUGE potential of dropping some serious weight this month. My first month, I lost 11lbs by doing hardly any exercise. He thinks I could double that number if I add the regular exercise in to the routine.</div><div><br></div><div>How awesome would that be? Twenty plus pounds in a month? Is that even possible?</div><div><br></div><div>I've even thrown a little incentive in to the mix. Not for me, however. </div><div><br></div><div>Peanut has been begging me to let her get highlights in her hair. I'm extremely opposed to the idea because I know how damaging hair color can be, and I think she's a little too young to start doing stuff like that. </div><div><br></div><div>Especially since she straightens her hair quite a bit. </div><div><br></div><div>But, I'm also not opposed to a little wheeling and dealing either. I have made a pact with her that when I drop 60lbs...I'll let her highlight her hair. For every pound I lose, that's $1 I'll spend on her hair...and I want it done professionally, so it will cost about $60. That means, when I get down to 185lbs, she can get her hair done.</div><div><br></div><div>At first she wasn't very happy about it. But, when she heard that I have the potential of losing that amount of weight in about 6 months, she was a little more open to it. The alternative was her waiting until she is 16. </div><div><br></div><div>Peanut's 14th birthday is in April, and I would LOVE to have lost the weight by then so that she can get her hair done for her birthday. Plus, she graduates from 8th grade in May...so the timing would be perfect. That means I really have to buckle down and get this weight off in time.</div><div><br></div><div>I usually try and come up with some reward for myself... but I think it might be a little more motivational if I know that one of my kids gets something out of it.</div><div><br></div><div>In order to grant her wish, I have to lose 10lbs a month for the next 6 months. Totally doable. If I lose more than that, even better.</div><div><br></div><div>So, that's what's going on with me right now. But it's time for me to go and get ready for work.</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-46264444142920395472013-10-19T10:13:00.003-05:002013-10-19T11:06:08.374-05:00Doctor Orders Me to Quit My Whining<div>I'm still here. Fighting the good fight. The fight is just being fought outside the realms of Blog World, simply because I haven't wanted to get out of bed a single day this week in time to write two blog posts. A couple of days there wasn't even time to write one blog post.</div><div><br></div><div>I missed my weekly weigh in and the post recapping my monthly check up with my doctor. The weigh was kinda sorta missed on purpose, because I really didn't need another depressing week of little results on top of the huge amount of stress I have been under. And the huge amount of stress isn't anything major, it's just a lot of little stressful things all piled up on top of each other....causing me to feel like I'm under a LOT of stress.</div><div><br></div><div>My doctor's visit was somewhat therapeutic. Somewhat needed for the "poor me" attitude I was putting on myself. My weigh in wasn't good because of the stress. The stress was causing me to overeat and turn to food - once again- as a refuge. </div><div><br></div><div>And my doctor had just one thing to say about it all: QUIT YOUR WHINING!!</div><div><br></div><div>Yep. That's what he had to say to me. </div><div><br></div><div>Let's back up and explain. </div><div><br></div><div>I got to my appointment, and went back to weigh. </div><div><br></div><div>At my first appointment, I weighed 262lbs. On my second appointment, I weighed 251lbs...down 11lbs from my first visit. This time, I weighed and the scale said 249lbs.</div><div><br></div><div>I knew that wasn't right. I had weighed that morning and the scale had said 246lbs. But, it was 4:30 in the afternoon, I had eaten breakfast and lunch and drank a few gallons of water throughout the day. Either way, though... I lost 2lbs or I lost 5lbs. Neither one anything to write home about. </div><div><br></div><div>The doctor came in, looked at my results, and just asked why I thought I was able to lose 11lbs in my first month but only a couple of pounds my second. He asked me if I was under any stress. I laughed, and started listing off everything that has been going on in my life, recently, to answer his question. I fully expected him to nod his head in understanding and give me a soothing talk about how I really needed to find a way to dispel some of the stress if I wanted the weight to be gone.</div><div><br></div><div>He didn't.</div><div><br></div><div>He simply said "<i>Everyone has excuses, and you need to quit your whining and deal with them</i>". Urm. What? That's not what a caring doctor would say to a patient that's stressed and unhappy with the fact that she's turned back to food as a form of comfort, and is slowing down the awesome progress she had in her first month.</div><div><br></div><div>He saw the obvious shock in my face, because he then asked me if there had been any stress my first month in. I thought about it. It was the month I went back to work. The kids started their sports, but they weren't in to playing many games. I remember being pretty emotional about some of the changes that were taking place at school and the impact they had on my classroom. I was going to be working a long side a co-teacher, having the special education kids in my room for math and reading. That was new and different and a little stressful. But, then I simply told him that it was nothing compared to what I'd dealt with this month.</div><div><br></div><div>He laughed and said "<i>Bull!</i>" </div><div><br></div><div>Again, I was shocked. Who on earth was this doctor to speak to me this way?</div><div><br></div><div>But, he then responded with the fact that of course I was under stress the previous month. I just had a better grasp on how to deal with it. OK, the current month had put a little more on my plate than I could handle...but he asked me how many times I'd gone for a walk to release my stress. A strategy I had told him a month earlier myself for dealing with stress. He asked me how many times I had stopped before eating something to calculate my calories, and determine if I'm supposed to eat it or I was just eating it for the sake of eating it. A strategy I had, once again, told him I used a month earlier. He asked me how many times I'd logged my food intake. A strategy I told him I used when I felt like my eating was getting a little out of control, in order to help me process how much I was actually eating.</div><div><br></div><div>And then it all clicked.</div><div><br></div><div>He was doing exactly what I needed him to do. Throw my own words back in my face. Throw my own excuses under the bus. Highlight the fact that I had sat in that very same chair only a month earlier telling him the strategies I was using to battle stress...my original reason for being so overweight.</div><div><br></div><div>The realization on my face softened his demeanor just a little. He looked me square in the eyes and told me that there will ALWAYS be stress. I knew that, had said the very same thing to him on our first visit together. I had come to that first check-in meeting full of pride and excitement over the fact that I had been battling everything thrown in my way, and still lost 11lbs in a month. Yet, the person in front of him at that moment was full of shame and guilt. I knew that what I was feeding him were excuses. That there was NO reason to overeat unless I give myself one. Food is not a fix-all, it's poison....if I look at it with that attitude. I should be looking at food as nothing more than fuel. </div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">He then used a pretty good analogy that I would never have thought of. He asked me if I was old enough to remember Leaded gasoline. I wasn't old enough to drive when leaded gasoline was available, but I did remember the days when my parents had the option of leaded or unleaded fuel for their cars. Leaded gasoline was banned because of the toxic poisons that were being emitted in to the atmosphere. It was cheaper to make, but was actually causing people to get sick. Thus, resulting in an alternative approach being invented: Unleaded fuel. </span></div><div><br></div><div>He then asked me that if Leaded fuel was made available again, at a much cheaper cost to what we're currently paying for gas...knowing that it could cause severe damage to my vehicle AND me....would I opt to use Leaded gasoline, or stick to paying for the more expensive, healthier option?</div><div><br></div><div>I sat there and looked at him for a moment. He wasn't finished. He went on to explain that I could go ahead and use the Leaded version because of the money it would save, but eventually my car would start to have problems. It's a new car, one not built to handle leaded gasoline. It would start to have problems. Stuff would stop working. The car would start to run a lot less efficiently, and would end up in the shop needing major, expensive repairs.</div><div><br></div><div>He asked me if I knew where he was going with all of this....</div><div><br></div><div>And I did.</div><div><br></div><div>My body isn't built to handle the crap I put in to it. It starts to lag, store up the junk that's being pumped in to it because it doesn't know what to do with the fat and oil that's not healthy for my system. It causes fatigue. It causes pain in the joints and muscles. </div><div><br></div><div>A healthy body runs on healthy fuel. Enough to keep all the parts running smoothly, but not too much where anything has to be stored because the body doesn't know what to do with it. </div><div><br></div><div>I am an unleaded vehicle pumping myself with toxic, leaded fuel.</div><div><br></div><div>Freakin' GENIUS analogy!!</div><div><br></div><div>My doctor must be a car man, because he told me that I also wouldn't keep filling my car up with fuel if it just sat in the garage everyday. Also, leaving my car in the garage and never using it would cause belts to start drying out, gears that become sticky and caked in gunk, and an engine that would collect dust and debris from not being used. Meaning, if I'm not exercising very often, I don't need to be eating very much. If I'm not exercising, I'm not keeping my parts in working order and causing them to collect gunk that needs to be driven out. </div><div><br></div><div>He's absolutely RIGHT!! And what a perfect way to help me see it. I am not doing myself any favors by being sedentary. I'm not doing myself any favors by overeating or stress eating or eating junk food because it's quick, cheap, and available. I have got to get myself up and out of the garage....and see what my engine is capable of.</div><div><br></div><div>I go back in a month. At that time he wants no excuses. He wants nothing more than results. Good results. There is no number attached to those results...because he said I will know if I've done everything I could do to show how committed I am. The numbers will speak for themselves if I've spent the month 100% committed to my plan, my focus. </div><div><br></div><div>And he's right. Time to remember that again, get back to doing what I was doing before...and knocking his socks off a month from now. I can do it, I know I can. I did it the first month. No reasons or excuses can come in the way of making this next month absolutely AMAZING.</div><div><br></div><div>So, that's where I am right now. </div><div><br></div><div>Now is the time to see what I have in me...and focus everything on getting this weight off, and keeping it off.</div><div><br></div><div>Have a great weekend, everyone!</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-49844558995271909432013-10-13T11:03:00.001-05:002013-10-13T12:48:28.852-05:00I Have a Few Days to Make it Right<div>What a crazy, stressful, busy week it has been. And, I know I say that quite a bit...and it's always true...but nothing compared to the crazy that's taken place this week.</div><div><br></div><div>Monday, volleyball game in Joplin, MO., home around 10PM. Tuesday, football game at home, home around 10:30PM. Wednesday, was supposed to be my one and only free night, that was until Butter broke his wrist at practice resulting in us being at the ER until almost 1AM. Thursday, another volleyball game at home followed by a home football game of one of her best friends, home around 11PM. Friday, a volleyball field trip to the University of Arkansas to watch the Lady Razorbacks play volleyball, home around 11PM. Yesterday, afternoon I went in to work trying to get some stuff caught up, but not succeeding in the slightest, home around 6:30PM.</div><div><br></div><div>And you think I exaggerate when I say I lead a hectic life?</div><div><br></div><div>If you're wondering about the whole broken wrist thing, you should really read my other blog... I went in to great detail about it there. If you didn't read it, the short of it is Butter was tackled at football practice and landed on his wrist. It dislocated his growth plate and fractured the forearm bone. They had to call in an orthopedic surgeon to pop the growth plate back in to place, because leaving it could have resulted in permanent damage to his wrist, possibly with him not being able to use that wrist again. My poor boy went through it that night, and he's been recovering ever since at my mom's house. He was supposed to go back on Tuesday to get a hard cast put on, but he's still in so much pain that I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to see him again. </div><div><br></div><div>So, this entire week has revolved around my kids. Not that I mind. That's what a parent does, right? Puts their kids first and goes without sleep so that they can do the things they want to do.</div><div><br></div><div>And I wish that I could say that while all this crazy was going on, I was diligent with my eating and taking my pill and doing everything I'm supposed to do in order to get this weight off. But, then I'd be lying. </div><div><br></div><div>I was supposed to go to my doctor's appointment on Wednesday. I had already made the decision to reschedule, because I was having a sub on Thursday and had absolutely no time to prepare. It was a good thing I did reschedule, because with Butter's accident I wouldn't have been able to go anyway. I'm going, instead, this Thursday.</div><div><br></div><div>The bad news is I haven't been near as diligent as I should have been. The good news is I haven't had much time to eat, so rather than spending all that time overeating.. I've ended up under my calorie goal most days. There has been quite a bit of fast food, though. </div><div><br></div><div>Being that I've been so sleep deprived and frazzled this week, I've ran out the door a couple of times leaving my breakfast behind. I've packed light for lunch, and then dinner has been either skipped or we've grabbed food while out. The grabbed food hasn't been great, but there hasn't been tons of it either. I haven't opted for burgers and super sized fries every time. Monday night, we ate at Golden Corral. I had a plate of food and was full. On Tuesday, we grabbed half priced burgers at Sonic. I ate a burger. On Wednesday, I had fish that Hubby had prepared...a couple of small pieces while running out the door during the dropping off the girls at home and turning back around to get Butter to the hospital. On Thursday, it was Sonic again. But this time I went with chicken. No sides. Friday, we ate at McDonalds. So...there has been WAY too much fast food.</div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday, I didn't eat anything before eating dinner last night. We had pot roast, and I ate a small piece of meat and some potatoes. Eating that made me feel full..a little too full. </div><div><br></div><div>And I took my pill maybe twice all week long. Again, not good at ALL.</div><div><br></div><div>So, this week has basically been a wash. There just hasn't been anything good come out of it in terms of my dedication to my weight loss. Thankfully, the crazy is now going to be put behind me after tomorrow. One last volleyball game of the season, and then it's smooth sailing for a while. Butter will still be going to football practice, but he won't be able to play. He has his last game next Tuesday, which just so happens to be the same night as my parent teacher conferences, so I won't get to go.</div><div><br></div><div>Being that I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday, I really want to buckle down these next few days and do EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do. Eat all three meals, and sensible meals. Take my pill each day. Drink gallons of water. And maybe, just maybe, I can get rid of some of the bloat that's plaguing me.</div><div><br></div><div>My usual midweek check on the scale this morning revealed that this week hasn't been as bad to me as I thought it would. But, then again, I've come to learn that the midweek check in can be misleading. I end up with a pretty good number on Sunday, but by the time Wednesday rolls around it's not near as good as I thought it would be. I just need to make sure that I stay on track between now and then. There's no reason I should gain any weight if I do what I'm supposed to do.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not giving up, though. Yeah, these past couple of weeks have been rough. Emotionally and physically draining. But, I'm not ready to throw in the towel. I'm not ready to call it quits. I just look at these weeks as being obstacles I wasn't able to overcome. Tests, if you will, that I failed. I may have lost these battles, but the war is still very much in my favor. I'll still come out victorious. I haven't lost my momentum or dedication, I just truly haven't had any time to think about either. Everything else has come first, and as a mother...that's going to happen. </div><div><br></div><div>I wish I could sit here and say that I need to start putting myself first, but the truth is..that will never happen. My kids will always be my first priority. And I've heard the argument that I need to put myself first so that I can be here for my kids longer. But, I won't sacrifice their happiness for my own. It just means I need to work harder at figuring out how to juggle everything at once. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm just kinda relieved at this point that we didn't decide to put Jelly in to dance classes. Can you imagine how much more would be piled on my plate had we decided to do that? Thankfully that wasn't something she wanted to do, and something I wanted her to do. I think I'll just wait a while until she develops some interests on her own, and then support them when that happens.</div><div><br></div><div>One thing I can brag about today is the fact that I ordered a shirt at work in XL instead of 2XL - which is what I'd always ordered before. The XL fit very well, and doesn't cling to me like they used to. That shows that I've lost some inches around my waist, and that's something to be happy about.</div><div><br></div><div>It's those little moments that help me hang on, stay the course. Yeah, I'll slip and fall sometimes.. but as long as I get right back up I'll be OK. I'll figure this whole mess out. I'll eventually get there. </div><div><br></div><div>OK, time for me to go and get some work done. </div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-19422104551490624372013-10-09T05:05:00.001-05:002013-10-09T05:25:40.771-05:00Weigh In Wednesday<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeYCy5Qh3GDjVh3qTJQPY_QD9arLbD0ItTPeywqmkWuYYMwu4TaLhUKOsnjfVtIDBiVSxES1FLmu_rUDIqiAbduCTthvdNUsz-lLG4DytdxKw4Ze7itpbtOrJUI3ZlpY44eygy-Pp6VB_/s640/blogger-image-1904824244.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXeYCy5Qh3GDjVh3qTJQPY_QD9arLbD0ItTPeywqmkWuYYMwu4TaLhUKOsnjfVtIDBiVSxES1FLmu_rUDIqiAbduCTthvdNUsz-lLG4DytdxKw4Ze7itpbtOrJUI3ZlpY44eygy-Pp6VB_/s640/blogger-image-1904824244.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Oh yeah. It's one of <i>those</i> weigh in days. When I stand on the scale and then feel like cursing at it and throwing it out of the window.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">For the most part, I know that the scale is pretty honest with me. It's going to tell me like it is. Yet, this morning, I know that it's lying. It's not being honest with me. Yet, it's not the scale's fault.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Smart one, here (that would be me), decided to not eat dinner until 11PM last night. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Eating dinner that late is a no-no the night before a weigh in because I KNOW that it's going to skew my results the following morning. That food laid in my stomach all night, and I've eaten enough late night dinners to know that by tomorrow...the scale will be back to where it's supposed to be.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It wasn't really my fault..eating that late. I mean, I had planned on eating dinner when I got home from the football game. But, previous games have ended by 8PM. Which usually get me home before 9PM... still a little too late to eat, but an hour or two before I actually go to bed. Last night, the game didn't get over until 9:30, putting me home until almost 11PM. It was in the door, scarf my food and bed within 15 minutes. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Last week, I weighed in at 247lbs, which was a slight gain from the previous week. The week before, I had weighed in at 246.6lbs.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This week, I managed to lose the weight I gained and a little more. I'm now down to 246lbs. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Only a one pound loss from last week, and only 0.6lbs down from the previous week's weight before I gained.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Which is a real pain in the rear, because I REALLY wanted to be down to 245lbs this week so I could post my 20lbs lost progress pics. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">What makes matters worse is the fact that I saw that number this past weekend when I stood on the scale for a mid-week check in. To see that number then got me all excited, but I tried to stay cool... because I always make sure to go with what the scale says on Wednesday as my "official" weigh in. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And now, because I was stupid and ate so late last night, it's going to be another week before I can see that number. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I have my doctor's appointment this afternoon. It's going to be a tough stretch to get that number down to where I want it by then. Especially since the appointment is at 4PM in the afternoon. </div><br></div><div>It's going to be a tough pill to swallow walking in to that doctor's office losing less than 10lbs since my last appointment. I've only lost 6lbs since my last appointment... a month ago. Not exactly the best success in the world. I'm hoping it's good enough for the doctor to keep giving me my medicine.</div><div><br></div><div>I am just very thankful that this is the last week that my life will be so darned hectic. The volleyball season ends on Monday of next week. Then that's it. I just have two more football games after that, and I'll be home free. Back to getting home at a reasonable hour each night. Back to planning meals, and staying focused on my weight loss rather than how much sleep I'm going to fit in. </div><div><br></div><div>These past couple of weeks may have been slow moving, but I'll get momentum back. Being gone four nights a week and at least one day on the weekend for sports has taken it's toll on me. I've made it through, but it's wore me down. </div><div><br></div><div>I actually can't wait for the days when I can go back to spending an hour or so in my classroom doing stuff and then heading on home for some rest and relaxation. </div><div><br></div><div>Until then, though, I'll take whatever loss I can get and run with it. This last month may not have been the most successful, and not near as good as my first month, but I'll keep my chin up and keep pounding the weight away. </div><div><br></div><div>Slow progress is better than no progress.</div><div><br></div><div>That's the way I'm going to look at it.</div><div><br></div><div>But, right now, I need to run.</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-36673655822738079112013-10-06T09:35:00.000-05:002013-10-06T11:25:12.052-05:00Getting Back on Track<div>Another week of very few posts from me. I promise you it's because of the crazy life I'm currently living and NOT because I'm falling off track, and don't want anyone to know about it.</div><div><br></div><div>In fact, the last post I wrote - my weigh in post - did kinda say that I was struggling just a little. So, it wouldn't surprise me that some of you are thinking that I'm swaying off course, and letting myself go.</div><div><br></div><div>Just so you know, that's not the case. In fact, this week has been MUCH better. Still crazy beyond crazy, but I'm adjusting and monitoring. I'm surviving and doing what I need to do.</div><div><br></div><div>I stood on the scale this morning, just to get an idea of whether or not some of the changes I've made this week have helped. Let's just say that things are moving, once again, in the right direction. I'm not going to share specifics, because that's all for Wednesday. But, it felt good knowing that I'm making some positive changes that are affecting the damage I did last week.</div><div><br></div><div>This past week, I have had so much going on that I didn't know if I was coming or going most of the time. It was homecoming spirit week at work, and I was up and at 'em early each day just so I could get all dressed up for whatever the day's theme was. Wednesday was the only night I made it home before 9PM. It was tough to plan and prepare and stay on course during all of it, but I did pretty well...and didn't decide to just throw in the towel. Even though I felt like it several times.</div><div><br></div><div>The way I look at it is if I can make it through these crazy weeks, it should be smooth sailing once my life starts to even out a little more. Nothing like jumping in head first to the shark tank just to see if I can still swim out alive. I only have two more weeks left of football and volleyball, and then I can start coming home at a reasonable time once again. And I won't have games to attend, practices, and all the rest of it. Life will slow down, and I'll be able to adjust and monitor my progress a lot easier.</div><div><br></div><div>My only hope is, that once life does start settling down a little..I can finally make time for some much needed exercise. The hope is, I'll be so used to go, go, going all of the time, that my body will crave more movement when it's not getting as much. One can hope, right?</div><div><br></div><div>Here lately, even my weekends have become nothing more than blurs of time that go whizzing by. I've got so much going on that my house has become almost like an acquaintance to me. Someone I see every now and then. The short amounts of time I'm here, I'm sleeping. The house is in desperate need of some attention, and I haven't been around to give it. </div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday I was gone all day, today I'm going to be gone for quite a while. I just don't even feel like I can sit at home and relax anymore. There's always something on the calendar, somewhere to go, something to do. </div><div><br></div><div>But, one thing I can say is that even though my eating hasn't been perfect..not even close, really, I'm keeping my head above water. I had a slight setback this week when I saw my first weight gain in 8 weeks, but I don't think that is something that will happen again this week. Amid everything that's going on, I am able to take a step back and keep my weight loss a priority. </div><div><br></div><div>I am learning a very valuable lesson in all of this: Weight loss isn't something that can be planned and prepared for all of the time. Life gets in the way. But, if I'm able to keep the progress going with everything that life is throwing at me - I can do this for the rest of my life. I know it.</div><div><br></div><div>I may not be writing all my food down, planning all my meals out ahead of time, running a few miles every other day... but I'm staying conscious of what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, and how much my body is moving, even though it's not planned exercise.</div><div><br></div><div>As long as I continue to see the scale moving in the right direction, I know that I must be doing something right. I forgot that last week, but didn't this week. I remained focused, I let the number on the scale this week plague me every time I even had a fleeting thought of eating more than I should. I stayed strong, even though I was exhausted and stressed and emotionally drained. </div><div><br></div><div>I may not be living by the custom set of rules that apply to those trying to lose weight, but it's working for me right now. I don't have time to do half the stuff I want to do, or plan to do, or need to do. But, I always have the time to stop and take a second before putting something in my mouth and asking myself if it's worth it. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm continuing on this journey. It may be a bumpy ride, but I'm holding on...I will not let go. I will ride these crazy waves out until the storm passes. Just two more weeks of crazy, and then life can go back to being more calm. Giving me a chance to reassess, look at any changes that need to be made, and carving away some time to focus on my fitness needs.</div><div><br></div><div>This week I make another trek back to my doctor for a progress check. I'm already accepting the fact that I won't be anywhere near the goal I set for myself, but I will also walk in there knowing there has been several pounds lost. I will walk in knowing that with everything that has gone on this past month, I'm still losing weight. I'm still succeeding, even if it's not at the level I had planned. Success is success. And that's something I'm going to keep reminding myself.</div><div><br></div><div>OK, I have a thousand and one things to do today... and sitting here all morning isn't really one of them.</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-92073766112413855422013-10-02T05:30:00.000-05:002013-10-02T05:30:51.503-05:00Weigh In Wednesday<div>
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Today is weigh in day, and for the first time in eight weeks, I'm going to be reporting a gain.</div>
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I'm not surprised by it. I kinda knew it was going to come. </div>
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After the rocky end of the week last week, and the not so great weekend, I just knew that I had some damage to undo. I did better than I thought I would do at undoing that damage, and Aunt Flo came to see me yesterday....so I also know that some of the weight is bloat.</div>
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Last week, I weighed in at 246.6lbs.</div>
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This week, I went up to 247lbs.</div>
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A gain of 0.4lbs. Not the end of the world. Not a major gain. And, most likely not a real gain in the sense that once I lose the water weight I'm currently holding on to, it might not even be a real gain.</div>
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When I stood on the scale on Sunday, after that I had that major ordeal with Peanut, I was up to 249lbs. So, at least I'm not still there today. I got back down, a little.</div>
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I was going to say that I'm not going to beat myself up over such a small gain. But, in reality, I kinda am. Just for the simple fact that I let myself go a little... I allowed myself to get off course enough for that gain to be there. It was my fault, and if I don't stand up and take responsibility... I won't really do anything about getting stronger at avoiding those situations.</div>
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I'm still pleased with the progress I've made, overall, but I still have a VERY long way to go. And it's not time for me to be slacking off in the slightest. If I don't stay firm. Committed. Strong. I won't get where I need to be.</div>
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I've already majorly cleaned up my act since this weekend. I've been eating what I should...and my only downside since Sunday is that I haven't been eating dinner until around 9PM. </div>
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Tonight is the only night I'll be home at a reasonable hour this entire week, actually. Tomorrow Peanut has a volleyball game, and then we have the Homecoming Bonfire. Friday night is Homecoming, and we'll be going to that...and it will undoubtably be a late night. </div>
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I have agreed to take the kids out for dinner Friday night before the game. And I already know exactly where we're going: Subway. They can like it or not. Subway is a place I feel safe when it comes to staying mindful with my eating. I know that I can get out of there without being tempted in to eating something I shouldn't. And, I can feel leaving satisfied and not as though I've just eaten rabbit food.</div>
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Alright. That's what I've got, for now. Not much more to say.</div>
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Except, there won't be a gain showing on the scale next week. I can promise you that.</div>
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Till next time!</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-62872435140876423902013-09-29T09:40:00.001-05:002013-09-29T10:06:04.025-05:00It's Been a Rough Few Days<div>The title really says it all. It has been a very rough last few days. Both physically and mentally.</div><div><br></div><div>And in terms of weight loss, or the lack thereof.</div><div><br></div><div>On Thursday night, my 13 year old daughter got her first experience with heartbreak. Her boyfriend, for the past three months, decided to break up with her. For no rhyme or reason. With no explanation. Completely unexpectedly.</div><div><br></div><div>It shattered my poor daughter into a million pieces. And <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I've been trying to glue the pieces back together ever since.</span></div><div><br></div><div>On top of that, I had a day long workshop to attend on Friday, and was at an all day volleyball tournament yesterday.</div><div><br></div><div>It's been a very busy few days...and it's left me scrounging around for meal ideas and trying to stay focused.</div><div><br></div><div>But, I'll be honest. I've faltered. Quite a bit, actually. According to the scale when I stood on it this morning because I knew that it was going to give me some news to shake me from my lackluster efforts from the past couple of days - and knock me back in to the reality of what I need to be doing.</div><div><br></div><div>It's amazing to me how quickly I can go from believing I'm on my way to true healing, breaking away from the desires and urges to eat badly, committing to healthy eating and living, and believing that I'm on the fast track to a whole different path, only to finding myself right back in those very same situations with only a minor push in that direction.</div><div><br></div><div>The scale wasn't mean to me this morning, it was downright honest. This is what happens when you stray...even for a few moments, a few meals. It takes weeks to burn off a few pounds, but mere days to put them back on.</div><div><br></div><div>And if I don't do something right now, this very second... I'll be seeing a gain on the scale on Wednesday, which will be my first gain in seven weeks.</div><div><br></div><div>So much for hitting my 20lbs lost milestone. It will be more like getting back to the weight I was last week. </div><div><br></div><div>When life chooses to throw me curveballs, it always seems to do so all at once. Several at the same time. And I'm left ducking and diving to dodge them, but getting struck by several of them.</div><div><br></div><div>I did something terrible for my daughter on Friday night. Something I shouldn't have done, and left me feeling guilty and ashamed. </div><div><br></div><div>While trying to make her feel better, I decided to try doing it with food. Ice-cream to be more specific. The break-up food. Sit down with a tub of ice-cream, and you'll feel better routine. </div><div><br></div><div>What a bad mother I am. Urging my child to eat junk food to calm her sadness. Turning her to the one thing I've tried for so long to break free from. Using food as a comfort, or a friend in time of need.</div><div><br></div><div>Thankfully she's got a better head on her shoulders than I do. She ate some ice-cream, but knew her limits...she's an athlete after all, thank goodness. She knew that turning to ice-cream wouldn't make her feel better or cure her sadness. </div><div><br></div><div>I could spill out right here the foods I've consumed these past fews days that I'm ashamed of. I could spill out how I didn't have a choice or they were last minute decisions, even on the back end of careful planning NOT to stray in to eating foods I know I shouldn't be eating. But, I did it. No excuses. My own fault. </div><div><br></div><div>The damage has been done, and there's no going back to change it. All I can do now is to try and repair the damage I did, and just start this week over. Again focused and committed. Again reminding myself of the hard work I've put in, and how I can't let life stop me in my tracks or derail me altogether.</div><div><br></div><div>There isn't any room for days off, or little slip ups, or minor splurges. Because they all lead to trouble. I've said that I don't have real restrictions on my food intake, being that I keep moderation and portion size in account. But, that wasn't what was on my mind these past couple of days.</div><div><br></div><div>I was hurting. I was tired. I was mentally and physically drained. And then opened up old wounds by turning to food for comfort. To help me feel better. To put some kind of handle on my world as it was spinning out of control, and I didn't know what to do about it.</div><div><br></div><div>And I wasn't even the one that was dealing with the major heartbreak. </div><div><br></div><div>But to see my daughter in that situation put me right there with her. Taking me back to all of those times where my heart was broken, when I felt like the earth just stopped turning and I couldn't function without food to make me feel better. </div><div><br></div><div>I thank all things holy that my daughter's way of dealing with this is to cry in her mother's arms. To lay on her bed reminiscing the times with her boyfriend. To try and take her mind off of it with playing sports. </div><div><br></div><div>I know I've messed up this week. I know there has been some damage done. And now I must move on and fix it. Take care of it. Not let it falter me or damage me. </div><div><br></div><div>Just as I've been telling my daughter to do these past few days...</div><div><br></div><div>It's time for me to move on. Start over. </div><div><br></div><div>Happiness is out there for the taking. And I can't let bad situations blind me from them.</div><div><br></div><div>So, I'm going to take my own advice this week....and rock it out.</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-34165713384527380502013-09-25T05:31:00.000-05:002013-09-25T05:31:37.121-05:00Weigh In Wednesday<div>
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Another weigh-in day is here, and I didn't hit near the amount I wanted to lose this week.</div>
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I guess it's a good thing that I'm focusing on the fact that I lost some weight, rather than focusing on not hitting the number I wanted to see. Which isn't the end of the world. I know that some weeks will be slower than others, and as long as the number continues to keep going down each time I step on it, I'll be happy.</div>
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Last week, I weighed 248.4lbs. </div>
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I really wanted to try and hit 245lbs this week, so that I'd hit the 20lbs lost milestone. That would have meant losing 3.4lbs. Which is a pretty tall order.</div>
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I didn't make that goal.</div>
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I did, however, see <b>246.6lbs.</b></div>
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That's a loss of 1.8lbs since last week. Not super outstanding, but still a pretty good loss for a week. I keep getting told that I should be losing about 2lbs a week...so that lines up with that expectation anyway.</div>
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That 20lbs milestone is so close I can taste it.</div>
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I can't wait for it to happen, especially since it's been less than 2 months since really buckling down and giving weight loss another try. I think a loss of 18.4lbs in six and a half weeks is outstanding. That's an average of 3lbs a week so far...and that's a mighty good average. </div>
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I feel good. I've started noticing changes in the way I look. I have more energy and focus. All in all, my weight loss progress is going very well...and there's nothing really to complain about.</div>
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I feel like I have a much better handle on my eating, and even though it's still not 100% healthy all of the time, I feel like how I'm eating is manageable and sustainable for the long time. In fact, I think the longer I go in between each unhealthy food item, the more I convince myself that I'd rather stay clear from it anyhow. </div>
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Good eating doesn't have to be from a certain plan or from eliminating certain foods. It REALLY is about quantity versus quality. It's knowing that I can eat more of the good stuff, and less of the bad stuff. If I have some sugar, it's not the end of the world...but too much is. If I eat something that's fried, my body will resent me and I leave myself wondering if it was even worth it. </div>
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I think that, over time, I'll be able to figure out that I'm better off just sticking to healthy food. But, I also love the fact that even though unhealthy stuff hasn't been completely eliminated from my diet, I haven't gone all nutso crazy on binging or overeating, either. OK, so I've eaten meals that have way too many calories in one sitting...but it hasn't lead to an unstoppable, out of control, spiral effect either. It's happened a couple of times in six weeks. Compared to the fact that I ate pretty much that way each and every day before, it's pretty darned good progress.</div>
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Still struggling with the exercise aspect. And my allergies are at the end of that excuse, right now. Yes, it's still an excuse...but when I spend about 70% of my day sneezing and blowing my nose...it becomes very difficult to get too out of breath, because I'm already struggling with breathing in the first place because of a stopped up nose.</div>
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It will come.</div>
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I dreamt last night about doing another 5K. It's something I really want to start doing again. And I will...eventually.</div>
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Right now, though, I'm going to bask in the fact that I'm only 1.6lbs away from my 20lbs milestone, and focus on kicking that number away this next coming week.</div>
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If I hit my milestone next week, there'll be pictures to show my progress. </div>
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Fingers crossed.</div>
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Till next time!</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-8467258330559685502013-09-23T05:11:00.001-05:002013-09-23T06:01:50.039-05:00Why Did it Take So Long to Think of That?<div>Let me first start off by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you that commented and left me suggestions yesterday about my problem with eating on the go.</div><div><br></div><div>They were all great suggestions.</div><div><br></div><div>The only small problem is the fact that it's not coming up with ideas for food, nor the preparing food a head of time I struggle with...it's the literal act of eating on the go. Meaning, while I'm driving down the road.</div><div><br></div><div>When most people think of "eating on the go", they think of needing quick meals to prepare in a short amount of time. Thus, why I think I got so many great ideas for preparing foods on the weekend that can be grabbed each day of the week. </div><div><br></div><div>That's not the problem, it's the fact that I don't have any time between getting off work and having to jump in the car to drive to the ball games. When I stop at a fast food place for food, it's stuff that we eat in the car while driving.</div><div><br></div><div>So, that's why taking sandwiches was my basic go-to food...because I can eat those while I'm driving down the road. </div><div><br></div><div>But, with all the great suggestions, I did come up with what I believe will be a great idea to help me out...and I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.</div><div><br></div><div>I had already decided that the only food that would really be "on the go" worthy would be sandwiches. Paired with some kind of fruit. However, I was struggling with the fact that my lunch each day usually consists of a sandwich...and I didn't want to eat sandwiches twice a day each time I had to travel to a game.</div><div><br></div><div>What I'd failed to see, however, is that there's no reason I have to take sandwiches for lunch. I have plenty of options for lunches. I have microwaves to use during my lunch time. Why on earth couldn't I pack myself a hot lunch and take sandwiches for my dinner? Duh!!</div><div><br></div><div>There's no reason why I can't eat dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner, right?</div><div><br></div><div>With a little preparation this week, I can prepare foods to take for lunch like salads, leftovers, and quick meals that I can prep at night and take with me the next day. Then, I make sandwiches for Jelly and I to eat on the road as we're traveling to the games. </div><div><br></div><div>I picked up some sub rolls, in order to have a more hearty sandwich some nights, and an array of stuff to make them with. I also bought a couple pounds of grapes, to pack as a compliment with the sandwiches. I can keep the rolls in the fridge at work, and at the end of the day I just grab my lunch box and we go. </div><div><br></div><div>Simple.</div><div><br></div><div>Why this idea didn't hit me before I don't know. It makes so much sense.</div><div><br></div><div>I guess I've just been preprogrammed to think that the best lunch food for me is sandwiches. I hardly ever take something different for lunch, unless there's leftovers available from the night before. Which doesn't happen very much, because I've become a stickler for preparing only enough food for the family to eat sensible portions for dinner.</div><div><br></div><div>I was shooting myself in the foot with that idea. My intentions were good, but now that I think I'm better at controlling how much I eat for dinner, there's no reason that we can't prepare a little extra for me to take for lunch each day. </div><div><br></div><div>So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to try it out and see how it works. </div><div><br></div><div>Rachel also came up with another great idea for me to use, on days where I might want a change. And that would be protein shakes. </div><div><br></div><div>While the idea of drinking my dinner has never really appealed to me, there's no reason I couldn't do that every now and then. I also noticed at the store, yesterday, on-the-go soup cans. They're drinkable...so a great idea for while I'm driving down the road. Have one of those with a few whole wheat crackers while I'm driving, and I'll be all set.</div><div><br></div><div>The solution really was staring me right in the face. I'm not sure if I didn't see it before because I maybe didn't want to. Not having a solution to my eating on the go kinda gave me an excuse to eat junk food. And the last thing I need is anymore excuses. </div><div><br></div><div>Eventually, I want to be able to get to a point where I can walk in to a restaurant and order stuff that's healthy. Just about every fast food restaurant I know offers some kind of healthier alternative to burgers and fries... I just choose to not order them. Until I have the willpower to do that, then I just need to stay away from those places. It might be a little more work to prepare foods ahead of time to take with me, but it's just what I have to do. </div><div><br></div><div>And I'm going to end today with another feel-good...</div><div><br></div><div>Yesterday, I put on a pair of shorts that I bought at the end of May. They are a size 20. When I bought them, I had a muffin top that stuck over the top of them. Being that I refused, at that point, to buy a pair of 22s (which is what I probably should have done), I just opted to wear the shorts with baggy t-shirts so the muffin top wasn't too obvious.</div><div><br></div><div>I put those shorts on yesterday, and didn't even have to unbutton them to get them on. I can pull them up and down without undoing the button or the zipper. In fact, there's about a 2" gap between my shorts and my stomach. Almost to the point of being too big to wear! I paired them with a close fitting shirt and there was NO muffin top!</div><div><br></div><div>I really feel that in the next few weeks, I'll be able to dig out all of the 18s that got too small for me and will be able to comfortably fit back in to them once again.</div><div><br></div><div>I could probably start doing that now.... but I want to wait for a few more pounds to fall off. </div><div><br></div><div>I have two more weeks until my next doctor's visit, and I'm still holding on to the hope that I can be down to 239lbs by that time. Which would mean, by last week's weight, that I'd have to lose 8lbs in a couple of weeks... which may not be possible, but I can get as close to that number as possible.</div><div><br></div><div>Once I hit 245lbs, I'd have lost 20lbs since starting. Last week, I was only 3.4lbs away from that number. It sure would be nice to hit that milestone this week, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself or set myself up for disappointment.</div><div><br></div><div>If I have to wait until next week to hit that number, so be it. I know it will come...and that's the most important part.</div><div><br></div><div>Right now, I need to go and get ready for work.</div><div><br></div><div>Have a great Monday, everyone!!</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-4559095281562033342013-09-22T10:25:00.001-05:002013-09-22T10:56:01.173-05:00The Obstacle of Eating on the Go<div>Yesterday, I wrote a post that was basically filled with rainbows and sunshine. A positive post about getting a handle on what I'm doing, and looking at what I'm doing (finally) as a life long change instead of a plan to just lose weight.</div><div><br></div><div>And I felt really good after I posted it.</div><div><br></div><div>I was able to read through it and realize what the words meant. I'm succeeding. I'm losing weight. I'm feeling positive about life in general, and that I can definitely keep the momentum going.</div><div><br></div><div>But one thing a person trying to lose weight knows is that it's not always rainbows and sunshine. </div><div><br></div><div>There are always battles, struggles, days that make me think "why do I give a crap?" But, I truly am realizing that those days are coming much less frequently. The good days, by far, outweigh the bad ones.</div><div><br></div><div>In fact, sitting here right now at this very minute, there's only one area of my life that's causing me to struggle...and that would be eating on the go.</div><div><br></div><div>When school started, both Peanut and Butter decided they wanted to play sports. Peanut plays volleyball and Butter plays football. For the first couple of weeks, playing sports meant that they went to practice after school each and every night...and I would work in my classroom until they were finished. We would then all drive home and eat dinner when we got there.</div><div><br></div><div>But with sports come games.</div><div><br></div><div>They started two weeks ago. Peanut first, and then Butter kicked off his season last week.</div><div><br></div><div>With football, it's not too bad. Butter has one game a week for six weeks. Not a big deal. But Peanut, on the other hand, has two to three games per week...and then throw in a football game and I'm on the road three to four nights a week.</div><div><br></div><div>When the games are at home, we can expect to get home between 8 and 9PM. When the games are away? Yeah, it's more closer to 10 or 11PM when we get home. Much too late to wait and eat dinner. Especially for little Jelly who ends up falling asleep on the drive home and is taken straight to bed when we get there.</div><div><br></div><div>Which means, on those game nights, we usually grab something to eat on the way. </div><div><br></div><div>Peanut and Butter don't have to worry. They get fed before their games. Even though it's not a big meal, it's fitting for the fact that they will be running around. Their dinners consist of a sandwich, some chips, and some fruit or a granola bar. It's not a great deal, but at least they're not having to wait until 8PM to eat something.</div><div><br></div><div>Jelly and I, on the other hand, have to make rash decisions about where we're going to grab something quick to eat. And then the struggle of eating on the go rears it's ugly head.</div><div><br></div><div>The ideal option would be to pack dinner to go with us. When I'm making my lunch in the morning, I could easily prepare extra sandwiches to take with us to the games. However, that hasn't been the case so far. Instead, I've opted for stopping at a fast food place to pick something up. Fast food is NEVER the best option.</div><div><br></div><div>Two out of the three nights I've been gone to games so far, I've eaten junk. One night we went to a Chinese restaurant after the game, the other Jelly and I grabbed a burger and fries on the way. The first game, I actually bought Jelly something to eat and opted on waiting until I got home to eat anything.</div><div><br></div><div>This upcoming week, I have three games...once again. Tomorrow night, Tuesday night, and Thursday night I'll be traveling to games. And I'm sitting here telling myself that I MUST prepare ahead of time. Eating on the go is NO excuse for eating junk. </div><div><br></div><div>Today just happens to be grocery shopping day, so I'm trying to rack my brain for ideas. Being that I take a sandwich for lunch most days, I'll admit that the thought of eating sandwiches for lunch AND dinner three days isn't that appealing. But, I also won't have the ability to cook anything either. Thursday is the only night that I'll have a little time before having to rush off straight after school, and could possibly take something with me to throw in the microwave at school before we have to go.</div><div><br></div><div>But, I really can't think of alternative options. </div><div><br></div><div>I feel like I'm stuck in this rut that I either just suck it up and eat sandwiches twice a day three days this week, or just wait until I get home to eat anything. Then, I'm stuck with eating late at night...and that's not really the best idea either.</div><div><br></div><div>And those restricted feelings are usually what end up pushing me in to just grabbing food from the closest fast-food place.</div><div><br></div><div>UGH!!</div><div><br></div><div>Before I head out for my grocery excursion, I'm going to try and research some ideas for cold meals. Something I can maybe make ahead of time to take with me. Stuff that's convenient, healthy, and satisfying. If you guys have any ideas...I'd love to hear them.</div><div><br></div><div>Right now, though, I need to get to getting. I've got to go and pick up Peanut and Butter from Oklahoma this afternoon, AND I've been volunteered to cook dinner tonight...so it's going to be a busy day.</div><div><br></div><div>That doesn't even include the cleaning I really need to get done today.</div><div><br></div><div>Gotta love Sundays, right?</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-77579410122513109482013-09-21T09:18:00.001-05:002013-09-21T11:57:54.157-05:00Days Since Weigh-In Recap<div>I'm really going to have to get better in figuring out a way that I can write here more often than Wednesdays and the weekend. </div><div><br></div><div>It seems like, lately, the only times I post is when it's weigh-in day, or when time isn't really that important...and I have plenty of it. Which, of course, is only the weekends.</div><div><br></div><div>I get up at 4:30 each and every work day just so I can try and fit in two blog posts. One here and one on my other blog. But, it seems like that Wednesdays are the only days I manage to get that accomplished. I end up spending WAY too long writing my other blog, and coming here doesn't happen.</div><div><br></div><div>I promise I will try and get better.</div><div><br></div><div>But, honestly, I don't really have that much to write about. Definitely not enough to write each and every day. With success comes a lack of content. I was able to write here so often, back a few months ago, because I was struggling so much. And struggling is something to write about. Each time I binged, or ate way too much, or struggled with coming up with a solid plan of action... my fingers could hash it all out right here on the page.</div><div><br></div><div>Now, my blog posts would basically consist of "another day of good eating and doing what I'm supposed to". And that's great... but a little boring to write about all of the time.</div><div><br></div><div>This week hasn't been all perfect, but even the minor slip ups haven't done enough damage for me to consider "blog worthy". I ate a school lunch on Thursday, and I loaded up my tray a little too much. But, then I couldn't eat it all...not by a long shot, so even though I started out with the intention of overeating... my body wouldn't allow that, and I actually listened to it.</div><div><br></div><div>On Thursday morning, a student brought me a king sized Snickers. I had joked around with her the day before, and she'd asked me what I'd like for her to buy me when she went to the store. A king sized Snickers is what I had said...without thinking that she'd actually buy it. </div><div><br></div><div>I am very happy to report that for two days, the Snickers sat on my desk. All day Thursday, and all day yesterday. I packed it in my bag when I came home yesterday, and it's still in there at this moment.</div><div><br></div><div>And I'm going to be completely honest and say that I have EVERY intention of eating it. At some point. Because I'm a firm believer that a little chocolate now and then won't kill me. I definitely won't eat the whole thing at one time... but when I feel like a candy bar, I'll eat half of it. </div><div><br></div><div>I just can't believe that it's survived this long. Snickers are my all time favorite candy bar. A few months ago, it was hard for me to walk past them at the grocery store. More often than not, I walked out with one...and ate the whole thing on the drive home. The king sized variety. </div><div><br></div><div>The last time I've let any chocolate pass through my lips was at the pot luck lunch last month at work. And to think that I can have my favorite chocolate bar stare me in the face for two days, and not get the slightest inclining to actually eat it is OUTSTANDING! </div><div><br></div><div>I didn't feel tormented or tempted. I didn't stare at it longly having to talk myself down from the temptation. It just sat there, and I basically didn't pay it any attention. I had even told myself that when I wanted it, I'd eat it. But, the want never came. So, I didn't eat it.</div><div><br></div><div>Being that it's Saturday, and I usually spend Saturday evenings on the couch watching a movie, there's a very good chance that tonight will be the night that the urge comes. And I'm OK with that. I've accepted it. Again, I will only eat half..and store the other half away for another time the urge hits. </div><div><br></div><div>I've really been working on training my mind to not look at food as a form of treat. Or a guilty pleasure. My mind is finally starting to come to terms with the fact that food is just food. If I'm craving a certain type of food, I'll eat it. And, I've discovered that the more good stuff I put in to my body, the more good stuff it craves. </div><div><br></div><div>Two days last week, a student brought me an apple to class. How old fashioned, right? Bringing the teacher an apple. HA! But, on both days, that apple didn't stand a chance. When I saw it, I wanted to eat it. And I did... both times. </div><div><br></div><div>If those are the types of "temptations" that are going to be invading my brain..then that's A-OK with me. The apples just happen to be perfect compliments - or a sweet ending - to my lunch. And eating the apples sent off the same kind of euphoric feelings I used to feel when eating chocolate. The apples were sweet, delicious, and I enjoyed every bite. </div><div><br></div><div>Last night was the first time I actually ate "bad" food. I had to drive the kids to Oklahoma after getting home at 6:30PM. Hubby had already decided that it would be a good night to just grab something on the way home. Jelly was given the power to choose our eating place...and she chose Hardee's. I ate a burger and onion rings. OK, I ate a Frisco bacon cheeseburger and onion rings. Those bad boys pack 880 calories. The onion rings pack a punch of 410 calories for the small order (which I had). So, my dinner was 1290 calories. My breakfast yesterday morning was 130 calories. My lunch was 300 calories. So my intake for yesterday was 1720 calories. That's 500 calories over my allotment. </div><div><br></div><div>And, once again, I suffered for putting the junk in to my body. Bloated feeling, minor cramps, discomfort. I am my own worst enemy. I know how that junk will make me feel, I don't even feel like eating it anymore... but like I said, I'm working on trying to convince my brain that food isn't a treat. It's just not always a successful process. Standing in front of the menu last night, I could have gone with something a little healthier...but those dang "treat" waves took over.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm making strong progress, but I'm still having issues. I guess it can't be perfect all of the time. </div><div><br></div><div>The best thing is, I'm getting much better at looking at the "big picture". I truly feel like I'm adjusting at looking at my journey as a life long process. Focusing on eating healthy <i>most</i> of the time, but understanding that there may be occasions I steer off course and eat stuff I shouldn't. I no longer dwell or beat myself up over it...because my mind has started understanding the changes it's making.</div><div><br></div><div>My previous attempts at losing weight have always ended because I got to a place where I started steering off track, and not caring. But, the difference now is the fact that I'm not caring about a slight hiccup every once in a while. Before, not caring translated in to me getting tired of what I was doing and just giving up.</div><div><br></div><div>In other words, I'm OK if I eat something I shouldn't every once in a while...because as soon as I've finished I tell myself that it's the only bad eating I'll be doing for a while, and the next thing I put in to my mouth will be healthy. Before, a bad eating situation resulted in me telling myself that I was OK with eating like crap...or more that I had accepted that I would eat like crap...and just throwing in the towel.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm not the same person anymore.</div><div><br></div><div>My body is appreciating the new found energy that comes from eating healthy. It despises the feelings of uncomfortableness that comes from eating crap. OK, not enough for me to never touch another piece of crap food again, but enough to tell me that crap can't be a constant fixture. </div><div><br></div><div>I'm starting to rekindle the old feelings of fitting in to clothes better, feeling better about the way I'm starting to notice the changes it's making. </div><div><br></div><div>And, honestly,for the first time ever...I don't look at what I'm doing as a diet or a weight loss plan or a set of rules that have to be followed. </div><div><br></div><div>Even back a few years ago when I lost so much weight, my mind set was that of rules, discipline, and plans. The slightest falter on any of them resulted in gains and feelings of failure. </div><div><br></div><div>I can honestly say that it feels different this time around. I haven't logged my food in a couple of weeks. I'm focusing more on the types of foods I'm eating and portion sizes. No food is off limits, but the healthier options are starting to become second nature. It's been long enough, now, that the habits are starting to take hold..and I don't really have to assess and count and measure. It's starting to just be natural to do what I'm doing.</div><div><br></div><div>And the proof is in the pudding. I've logged losses each and every week since I made the commitment almost two months ago. The weight is coming off. More quickly on some weeks than others, but it's still coming off each and every week.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm obviously doing something right, and being that there's not near as much mental discipline involved anymore - it tells me that it's something I can keep going with. Forever.</div><div><br></div><div>The weight really is going to come off this time...and stay off. I feel it in every ounce of my being. I'm making drastic transformations, and I'm loving each and every one of them.</div><div><br></div><div>I feel free. Yet, at the same time I feel focused. </div><div><br></div><div>I no longer look at my situation as a battle that has to be won, but more as a dedication to a life-long way of living. It's not something I'm going to do <i>just</i> to lose weight, but something I'm going to do for the rest of my life that results in losing weight...until the weight is gone, and I'm just maintaining.</div><div><br></div><div>I know that some people will read this today and think it's pretty pathetic that I'm "allowing" myself to eat junk food every now and then. They will probably think that if I'm truly committed, that I won't ever touch the stuff again...and that I'm just making up excuses when I do slip and fall.</div><div><br></div><div>But that's not the case at all. Yes, there are some people who have gone YEARS without letting a single morsel of junk food pass through their lips. And good for them! But, what I've achieved in the last couple of months is a big deal to me...and I feel like what I'm doing and how I'm doing it is working.</div><div><br></div><div>And really, I couldn't be any happier than I am. It's all starting to hit home, come in to focus, adjust my perspective.</div><div><br></div><div>It's no longer about winning or losing, it's about committing to a lifestyle change. </div><div><br></div><div>And the outlook for the rest of my life is a healthy one!</div><div><br></div><div>Till next time!</div><div><br></div><a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg"></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-14956319813095950432013-09-18T05:30:00.000-05:002013-09-18T05:30:39.041-05:00Weigh In Wednesday!<div>
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When I woke up this morning, something told me that today's weigh-in wasn't going to go very well. Call it a premonition, call it ESP, or call it the fact that I knew darned well what was going to happen because of how the last week or so has gone.</div>
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And the fact that I ate gas station food for dinner last night.</div>
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And the fact that I have only taken my pill once since last Wednesday, because I keep forgetting..and I really need to come up with a better system to remind myself when it's time to take it.</div>
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Last week, I weighed in at 248.8lbs. A great loss from the week before. </div>
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This week? <b>248.4lbs.</b></div>
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So, still down <i>something</i>... but only 0.4lbs. </div>
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That still puts me at losing 16.6lbs in less than two months. </div>
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I don't think that's too bad. And it's still possible, I suppose, that I can lose 8.4lbs in the next couple of weeks before my next doctor's appointment... but it's going to be REALLY tough.</div>
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And while I'm happy to see at least a tiny loss, I know that my tiny loss versus a decent loss is at my own hand and my own doing. </div>
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With the CR-AZY schedule I had last week, there were several nights that I wasn't eating until after 10PM. There were several days during the last week that I ate foods I shouldn't. And the lack of sleep that I had last week didn't help anything. </div>
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This week is going to be better. Except for the cheeseburger and fries that I had for dinner last night because I was traveling to a football game, and the only place to stop and grab something to eat was a gas station/diner. </div>
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I did, however, skip the shake I bought for everyone else after the game. While my kids enjoyed a late night Sonic shake - one of the things that helped me gain a few pounds over the summer - I opted for a cherry limeade instead. </div>
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One thing I've learned this week is that when I keep a crazy schedule, I have to be better at planning ahead. When I know I'm going to be traveling for a game, I need to pack something to eat on the road. I can't rely on stopping somewhere and making the right choice. When I'm in a hurry, I don't let stuff like calories and portions take the front seat for my decision. I shove them both in the back, and think about what the quickest food is to grab and go.</div>
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Losing 16.6lbs is amazing. And I'm very proud of it. Yet, I know that I still have so much to learn, and so much to do before I have a handle on what "eating healthy for life" is all about. It can't just pertain to "life" when there's no running here, there and everywhere...because my life doesn't work that way. I spend a good majority of my life in that mode, so I have to figure out the best ways to deal with healthy eating on the go...as a busy mom.</div>
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But, I learn each and every day, move on, and just start over. That's the mentality I'm going to have and keep. If I fall, I just stand back up. I just have to try and watch myself more closely so that there's less trips and falls on my part, but it's a process..and it's still very early on. I know I can and will do better.</div>
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OK, time to move on...let it go...and get ready for a brand new day.</div>
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Till next time!</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5366416352072916185.post-14694496209935122332013-09-15T12:34:00.000-05:002013-09-15T12:34:34.069-05:00Don't Let This Big Butt Fool Ya<div>
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Before I get to the meat of this post, I want to first say that I don't think there's a single person on this earth that isn't guilty of judgement. Judging others. Casting judgement. It's almost as if our brains our hardwired to do so. And even though there are many people, myself included, who claim to not judge others...it happens.</div>
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My brain has done it. I, for the most part, let my brain make said judgement and then take a second to think. I can stand in front of someone and judge them, but one thing I know for sure is that I don't know their story...where they've come from, what they've been through. It's just a first glance that sends the thoughts to my brain.</div>
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Seeing that woman in the grocery store wearing the "shorty shorts" and thinking that she really shouldn't be wearing those out in public...she has self esteem issues and is screaming for attention.</div>
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The mother pushing a baby around that is in tattered and stained clothing, has a dirty face, and hair that is matted, while she wears clean clothes, has clean hair, and looks well maintained and groomed...she neglects her child.</div>
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The guy standing on the street corner with a sign begging for food or money...he needs to devote his time to finding a job.</div>
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The pregnant teenager... she should have been kept on a shorter leash, and taught better values by her parents.</div>
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The parents that never show up to parent/teacher conferences, family nights, or sporting events... they don't give a rat's behind about their child's school life.</div>
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And my list could go on and on and on.</div>
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Each one of those judgements I've cast myself. And there have been more. I use these examples today, because I've been fortunate to find out the error of my judgement...the true story of what's misconstrued in to my judgement.</div>
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That girl in the shorty shorts? She grew up as an obese child. She hated herself, hated who she was and what she looked like. In college, she finally found hope in a fitness group, lost over 100lbs, and wears those shorts with pride...because it goes against the person she grew up as. Her shorty shorts are now a badge of honor...she finally has the fit body to do so. And she doesn't care what other people think about her when she's in them.</div>
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That mother pushing around the dirty child? They had spent the day at the park. Her child had played in the creek and the mud. They had eaten ice-cream that dripped all over the place...getting in to the child's hair and on his clothes. They hadn't made it home for bath time, and were finishing out the day picking up treats for a movie night at home.</div>
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The guy standing on the street corner? He'd been laid off of his job three months ago. He had three children he was trying to support...and a wife that had an illness preventing her from working. He had spent three months in employment agencies and trying to find a job. On the weekends, he started out his day trying to gather enough money to provide a meal for his family...before hitting the streets once again on the hunt for employment.</div>
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The pregnant teenager? Raped. By a person close to the family. Instead of having an abortion, she had found parents that would take care of her baby after birth. Instead of ending the life of the child growing inside of her, and putting an end to her suffering...she decided to make a bad situation a blessing for people that had been trying to conceive for a decade.</div>
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The parents that never show up for anything? Only one parent living in the household, the other deceased. Mom was working two jobs to support her family, and taking time off from work to attend school events just wasn't an option. Because of the income generated from both jobs, she didn't qualify for any form of assistance..but both jobs barely brought in enough to support her family. Taking time off could mean not being able to afford a rent payment, or electric bill, or food on the plates of her children.</div>
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Sad, but very true. </div>
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And while my examples are extreme, they are the types of judgements that each and every one of us make at some point in our lives...and I was unfortunate enough to be at the receiving end of the judgement yesterday. Not near the level of the examples I provided, but not any less damaging to my mind...how it made me feel.</div>
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I decided to go out on my walk yesterday. And I had already decided that I was going to try jogging again. Throw in some intervals of jogging and walking, just to see how far I could go. </div>
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I walked up to the park, which is a mile away from my house. When I got there, I started my intervals... 30 seconds of jogging, one minute of walking. And I did it! I was able to go the first 30 seconds with no problem. I was so happy and proud of myself. I walked my one minute, and did another interval of 30 seconds jogging. Again, no trouble. Another minute came to an end, and another 30 second jog started.</div>
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By this time, I had reached the playground area of the park, and there were some teenagers hanging out. As I approached, I noticed one of the teens pointing at me, and the others in the group laughing. I held my ground, kept on jogging, and tried to ignore it. Then, the pointer decided to yell out "<i>Earthquake!</i>" as I ran by. I pulled one of my headphones out of my ear, and had planned on saying something.. but then another teen in the group yelled "<i>Stop running, Fatty, you're making the whole ground shake!</i>"</div>
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Tears instantly sprang to my eyes. My first reaction was to march right over there and give them a piece of my mind. But I didn't. I couldn't. My tears told me that they'd take it as weakness, and I didn't want to give them the satisfaction. I just put my headphones back in my ears, and even though it was time for my walk interval.. I took off running. To get away from them. I had to wipe tears from my cheek when I stopped running. And then I got angry. Really angry. </div>
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How dare those little punks say something like that about me. They didn't know me. They didn't know what I'd been through. They probably couldn't fathom the ecstatic feeling I had felt only minutes before when I was able to get through two intervals of jogging for 30 seconds, and how much it meant to me.</div>
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They just cast their judgement. Without knowing MY story.</div>
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Would it have made any difference if I had stopped? Would they have regretted their taunts if I had told them that almost 3 years ago I weighed 300lbs and could barely walk for 15 minutes, and that I had managed to lose enough weight to run 3 miles? Would they have apologized if I had told them that in the past month I've dropped 14lbs, after gaining a lot of the weight back and was starting the process over to be able to run again? Would they have understood the impact of their words if I had shared with them that I may be fat, but I'm working my behind off to change that..to be healthier for my kids, and alive to see them grow up?</div>
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Probably not.</div>
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Which is why I didn't bother. </div>
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But, I let those little twerps get inside my head. I let what they said bother me. And it affected the rest of my time out. I passed them one more time and again saw their laughter and the movement of their mouths as they were probably calling out more jeers. I made the decision after that to just head on home. </div>
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On the walk back home, instead of dwelling on what had just happened, I let this blog post surface in my head. </div>
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Who am I to give them a piece of my mind when I'm guilty for casting judgement myself? </div>
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It's not the first time I've been judged or made fun of...probably won't be the last. But, what I can take away from it is the pleasure of knowing that at least when judgmental thoughts pass in to my head, I can take a step back and remind myself that I don't know that person's story. I don't know what they've been though. And that I possess no room to pass ANY judgement, because my life is quite worthy of it's own false judgement.</div>
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By the time I made it back to my driveway, I had let all the anger and frustration go. I replaced it, once again, with joy and pride that I had done what I set out to do. OK, had the teens not been there, I probably would have done more.. but those few intervals were enough to tell me that I am ready to get back in to the running game again. Maybe even sooner than I thought. </div>
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And, those tears that had immediately sprang to my eyes had filled me with fire. Anger. Rage. But, rather than unleashing any of it on to some kids that have no idea of my story or my life, I decided to push it all down and refocus it. Use it for good. I am now more motivated than ever to get down to my goal weight, to get my running back, and be the fit person I've always dreamed of being.</div>
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My only hope is that one day, when I've done what I intend to do, I see those teens again. Their faces will probably be scarred in to my brain from here on out. I will use them to push me every minute I doubt myself, want to give up, or convince myself that I'm too tired to do what I planned on doing. So, that if we shall ever meet again... I can finally give them a taste of what their words did to me.</div>
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I will tell them who I am and where I came from. I will tell them the struggles I faced and the obstacles I overcame to get to where I am at that moment. I will tell them that one day, they will face that kind of judgement themselves...and will hopefully remember my story.</div>
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Will it make any difference? Who knows. But it will to me. </div>
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I am who I am because of the paths I chose to get me here. The paths I have still yet to take are of my own choosing. </div>
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My life has been no bed of roses. I've had to pick up the pieces many times over and start over...wipe the slate clean...make the decision to turn them around.</div>
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There have been paths that have led me right back to the beginning. Wrong turns here and there. But, I keep on down the paths looking for the right one. The one that leads to my goals. And I will never stop until I get there.</div>
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"<i>Judge not, lest ye be judged</i>"</div>
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And yesterday I got a taste of that medicine. And something for me to take with me on this journey. </div>
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Judge away, if you want, but until you've walked in my shoes you will never know my story...or where I came from...and you have no idea where I'm going. </div>
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I am a fighter. A winner. A struggler. A loser.</div>
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All make me who I am, all motivate the person I want to become. And no words or actions of others will take that away from me. I am the commander of my vessel, and I'm taking this ship on a journey of success!</div>
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Till next time!</div>
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<a href="http://s197.photobucket.com/user/jojo_hill44/media/signature.jpg.html" target="_blank"><img alt=" photo signature.jpg" border="0" src="http://i197.photobucket.com/albums/aa277/jojo_hill44/signature.jpg" /></a>Joannahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13807379587473251820noreply@blogger.com1