This morning, I was having a bit of writer's block. I managed to knock out my other blog post... which is pretty easy because it's about my life in general. Whatever I do, regardless of how boring or uninteresting, it can go there..cause that's the place for it.
But, when it comes to posting here, that state of mind just doesn't work. I agreed from day one that this was going to be a weight loss/fitness related blog. As well as feelings and moods associated with trying to lose weight and get more active.
So, after sitting here for a while staring at a blank screen, I did what I always do when I can't think of anything to write about... I started reading other blogs.
I have a very bad habit when it comes to reading other weight loss blogs. I'm a lurker. I seldom comment unless I feel like I have something worth while to say. For me to just write "Great post!" or "Like this one!" just doesn't work for me. It doesn't mean I don't like what I read, but if the topic is way off the spectrum of anything I'm dealing with or anything I can provide some input towards... I just read and run.
This morning, I came across one of those blogs that didn't only resonate well with me... but actually helped me come up with my topic. That's another bad habit I have...
Which is what happened today.
I was reading a post from one of my favorite bloggers: Rage Your Way Thin. If you haven't read it, you should... freakin' hilarious and inspiring. Her post was all about finding ways to love yourself. Regardless of the flaws or the imperfections... just finding little things that make us feel a little better about ourselves.
That got me thinking. I spend a lot of time finding things I don't like about myself.
Hate my chicken wings... or more like ostrich wings.
Hate the way my thighs rub together and cause my shorts to rise.
Hate the way my stomach hangs down causing a nasty spare tire look in just about every pair of pants I wear.
Hate the way that I have to take a picture from above so to avoid seeing my double chin.
Hate the fact that none of my more flattering clothes fit anymore and I have to basically lube myself up if I want to wear my size 18 pants.
And the list goes on and on....
After a while, I start to feel like I'm standing in quick sand with all the negativity pulling me down. It just feels so depressing and heavy to look at myself in a mirror or see a picture of myself. If all I'm seeing is the negative stuff, how on earth can I ever focus on what is to become... or the positives that are all ready there?
Which got me thinking.
Here lately, I haven't bombarded myself with the constant negatives.
I've stood in front of the mirror and complimented the beautiful tan I currently have.
I've given myself a good pat on the back for going on a 4 mile walk as if it's as simple as writing my name.
I've taken and looked at pictures of myself and not cringed about fat rolls, but smiled about the look of happiness on my face.
I've run around with kids doing physical sports, giving them a run for their money, and come away feeling stronger than I have in such a long time.
I've put on a tank top and pair of shorts and told myself that I may not look great in them, but I can make sure that those clothing items are dripped in sweat after a good work-out which will ultimately make me look better wearing them.
And just those simple words of positiveness have helped fester good feelings inside of me that make me want to battle all of the negatives... get rid of them forever....fight the good fight of good versus evil.
All negatives produce more negatives.
Add a few positives in there...at a greater number than the negatives...and even more positives come out.
Don't like the way I look in an outfit? Well, a good walk/jog makes me feel better...and enforces that I'm on my way to fixing it.
Don't like the fat rolls? Saying no to a donut or peanut butter shake always makes me feel better...and enforces that I'm on my way to fixing it.
Don't like wearing a bathing suit in public? Well, putting it on and swimming laps and laps in my pool until I can't swim anymore enforces that I'm on my way to fixing that.
And the list can go on and on.
Negatives aren't necessarily all bad. In my opinion, they are the ying to the positive yang. Too many of one will start to overpower and the balance gets one sided.
Too many negatives, and self-loathing sets in. I start hating myself, wondering what the point is of even trying to fix it... because I've tried so many times before and failed.
Too many positives and the "who really cares? I love myself" syndrome sets in. I start wondering what the points is even trying to fix it, because I'm happy with who I am and I'm just going to live with it.
But, the right combination of negatives and positives keep me going. They make me strong when I feel weak. They make me feel determined when I'm doubtful. They make me seek motivation when I'm feeling lazy.
They go hand in hand.
I won't hate myself. I won't hate who I've become.
But I can dislike certain things about myself in order to focus on change.
The only way to make that change happen is to focus on what I can do... what I'm willing to do...what negatives I can overcome and seek victory from.
So, thanks Michelle for boosting me up this morning... and leading me to write this post. I needed it.
Till next time!