Weekly Weigh-In

                          

OK, so I've decided to go back to my Wednesday weigh-ins.  Just because, for some reason, it's easier for me to actually write two blogs on Wednesday morning than it is on Monday mornings, and because I prefer to have a mid-week weigh-in versus a start of the week weigh-in.  Changing my weigh-in day kinda skews the comparison I'll be making to my Weight Loss Challenge I'm doing at work, but oh well.

Last week, I weighed in at 250.6 at home and 255.8 at work.  

I hate the 5lbs difference.  That's a huge difference.  But, after doing a consensus with some of the other people I'm competing with at work, we've figured out that my scale is a lot more accurate and that pretty much everyone that's weighing in for the competition is seeing about a 3-5lbs jump at work versus their scales at home.

This week, I weighed in at 255lbs at work.  Down 0.8lbs.  Not great for a first week start, but not a gain.  The competition is all money driven.  Meaning there was a $10 entry fee, and for each partial or complete pound gained, there is a $1 fine.  I like the partial pound fine, because if someone gains 1.2 lbs, they have to cough up $2 to add to the pot.

Last week, we were told that the prize was starting at $110.  But, I know there's been a few people back out before paying the entry fee, so I'm not sure that the prize is really that much.  At the end of the day, though, I'm in it simply for the sweet victory and the better fitting pants.

This morning, on my scale at home, I weighed 249lbs.  That's down 1.6lbs from last week.  And that truly is from only being back at work and moving around every day versus sitting on the couch most of the day.  I haven't really "exercised" because the transition has been exhausting... and we spent last week testing which takes it's toll on me.  

I know, lame excuses.  

I'm sticking with my "no diet" mentality.  I've been making health conscious food choices, but it feels refreshing not being burdened with counting calories and writing everything down or eliminating certain foods.  I'm still eating protein and carbs and veggies and fruit.  And apparently, I'm doing something right because losing 1.6lbs in a week with no "diet" and only getting exercise from being back at work isn't too shabby.

It also helps me realize that if I can lose 1.6lbs from doing, well, nothing, then I think of what I can achieve when I do get out there and start jogging or throwing in some cardio some other way.  

The plans are being laid out to start an after-school fitness program at work.  The nurse, who is heading up the weight loss competition, wants to motivate the competitors as much as possible.  And that includes putting together an after school work-out session.  She thinks maybe Zumba, or stations, or something along those lines.  I'm all for it.  I'm one that never usually makes it out of work before 5PM anyways, so why not spend that time a couple evenings a week working out?

I enjoy group fitness.  I prefer to walk/jog alone, but I love when I'm doing other kinds of exercise with other people.  It keeps me motivated to give it my all, so I don't come off as weak.  It may be a weird way of looking at it, but it works for me.

Well, that's it for me today.  I'm sorry that I don't write very often, here.  I promise I'll try and get better.

Have a great Wednesday!

Till next time...

Weigh In Wednesday

                          

Another weigh-in day is here, and I didn't hit near the amount I wanted to lose this week.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm focusing on the fact that I lost some weight, rather than focusing on not hitting the number I wanted to see.  Which isn't the end of the world.  I know that some weeks will be slower than others, and as long as the number continues to keep going down each time I step on it, I'll be happy.

Last week, I weighed 248.4lbs.  

I really wanted to try and hit 245lbs this week, so that I'd hit the 20lbs lost milestone.  That would have meant losing 3.4lbs.  Which is a pretty tall order.

I didn't make that goal.

I did, however, see 246.6lbs.

That's a loss of 1.8lbs since last week.  Not super outstanding, but still a pretty good loss for a week.  I keep getting told that I should be losing about 2lbs a week...so that lines up with that expectation anyway.

That 20lbs milestone is so close I can taste it.

I can't wait for it to happen, especially since it's been less than 2 months since really buckling down and giving weight loss another try.  I think a loss of 18.4lbs in six and a half weeks is outstanding.  That's an average of 3lbs a week so far...and that's a mighty good average.  

I feel good.  I've started noticing changes in the way I look.  I have more energy and focus.  All in all, my weight loss progress is going very well...and there's nothing really to complain about.

I feel like I have a much better handle on my eating, and even though it's still not 100% healthy all of the time, I feel like how I'm eating is manageable and sustainable for the long time.  In fact, I think the longer I go in between each unhealthy food item, the more I convince myself that I'd rather stay clear from it anyhow.  

Good eating doesn't have to be from a certain plan or from eliminating certain foods.  It REALLY is about quantity versus quality.  It's knowing that I can eat more of the good stuff, and less of the bad stuff.  If I have some sugar, it's not the end of the world...but too much is.  If I eat something that's fried, my body will resent me and I leave myself wondering if it was even worth it.  

I think that, over time, I'll be able to figure out that I'm better off just sticking to healthy food.  But, I also love the fact that even though unhealthy stuff hasn't been completely eliminated from my diet, I haven't gone all nutso crazy on binging or overeating, either.  OK, so I've eaten meals that have way too many calories in one sitting...but it hasn't lead to an unstoppable, out of control, spiral effect either.  It's happened a couple of times in six weeks.  Compared to the fact that I ate pretty much that way each and every day before, it's pretty darned good progress.

Still struggling with the exercise aspect.  And my allergies are at the end of that excuse, right now.  Yes, it's still an excuse...but when I spend about 70% of my day sneezing and blowing my nose...it becomes very difficult to get too out of breath, because I'm already struggling with breathing in the first place because of a stopped up nose.

It will come.

I dreamt last night about doing another 5K.  It's something I really want to start doing again.  And I will...eventually.

Right now, though, I'm going to bask in the fact that I'm only 1.6lbs away from my 20lbs milestone, and focus on kicking that number away this next coming week.

If I hit my milestone next week, there'll be pictures to show my progress.  

Fingers crossed.

Till next time!

The Doctor's Results Are In!

Well, I went and had my one month doctor's check-up.

After the day I had had at work, I was very nervous about what the scale was going to show when I got there.  I was hot, a little dehydrated, and I just knew that the slight swelling I noticed around my ankles from standing all day were going to add some outrageous number to the number I was hoping for.

You see, I had spent all afternoon taking my students to an outdoor learning situation where staff from local state parks taught about the environment and nature.  The content is good stuff... but it's very hard to pay attention when it's 95 degrees, we're sitting in direct sunlight for over an hour, and there are bees and bugs constantly flying around.  I only had one bottle of water, that I drank after the excursion...and I had been on my feet the entire time we'd been there.  My class all sat on tarps at the various stations, but because of the giant grasshoppers and swarms of sweat bees that just wouldn't leave us alone, there was no way I was going to sit on the ground.

Anywho, by the time we got back to the school, I was tired, drenched in sweat, and my ankles and fingers were slightly swollen from the excessive heat and lack of water.  

Not the smartest idea, not taking more water, but I prepared to face my fate on the scale and plead my case to my doctor that the swelling was skewing my weigh-in results.

I got to my appointment about two minutes before the actual time of the appointment which was supposed to be 4:15.  But, then Jelly and I sat, and sat, and sat some more.  Jelly started getting really impatient after sitting for 30 minutes.  I started getting really impatient after sitting for 45 minutes. Finally, at 5:10, we got called back.  

The first stop was the scale.  I took off my shoes, handed my stuff to Jelly, and said a quick prayer before stepping up on the scale.  For a split second, I felt like a contestant on The Biggest Loser.  Like my fate rested on what the number was going to show me.  Was it enough to convince my doctor to let stay on the medicine or was I going to be sent home empty handed? 

The numbers rolled for a few seconds...and then....

251.4lbs

I actually let out a big "OH YEAH!"

That's the exact same number I had received on my weigh-in on Wednesday.  That told me straight away that there's a good chance I've lost some weight since then... because I'm pretty sure a weight at 5PM after the day I had was going to be a little off from my actual weight.

The nurse wrote the number down, but didn't say anything.  I was a little disappointed.  I figured this nurse would know that I was there to get a weight check, she was the nurse I saw at my first appointment, and surely my chart told her that's why I was there.  I expected a "good job" or something.

She showed Jelly and I in to a room and started typing on her little tablet.  It was then she looked up and said "You weighed 262.4lbs a month ago, you've lost 11lbs in a month... that's amazing!"

Finally, a little recognition for my hard work.  Yes.  Yes I did.  I did lose just about 11lbs in a month.

She then dropped a bombshell on me.  My doctor (or nurse practitioner, actually) that had prescribed me the medicine in the first place no longer worked in their office.  I'd be seeing a new nurse practitioner.  A male.  

I was a little upset by this.  I'd really liked the nurse practitioner I'd seen on my first visit.  She'd been through weight problems of her own.  She was encouraging and motivating and wanted to help me lose weight.  What if the new guy hated diet pills and refused to give me anymore?

The nurse took the rest of my vitals...blood pressure was great, so that was a relief.

The new guy finally came in.  A huge, burly man.  Dressed in blue jeans and a white shirt.  If it wasn't for the stethoscope wrapped around his neck, I would have assumed it was a patient that had stumbled in to the wrong room.  My nerves got pumped up again.  Here was a man that was very large, in weight terms, would he be willing to prescribe weight loss pills, or would he be one of those doctors that thought they were the devil?

He didn't really say much to me when he first came in, he barely glanced at me before sitting down.  He looked at my chart and then asked why I was there (still not looking up from the computer).  I told him that I had been prescribed the weight loss pill, and was there for my one month check up.  He then asked me if I'd actually lost any weight.  In a tone that almost sounded sarcastic... like he was expecting a thin me to be sitting there.  He had no idea what I looked like a month ago, so why he was talking to me like that I wasn't sure.  It's not like he'd even looked at me at all since walking in the room.

I then told him I'd lost 11lbs.  In a month.

He typed a few things on his computer, and then finally looked up at me.

Finally, a smile moved across his face.  I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing.  I'd only been with this guy for two minutes, but I was already starting to feel like this would be a huge mistake. Like I couldn't stay seeing him.  He wouldn't be the kind, caring, supportive APN like I'd seen the month before.  

He looked me in the eyes, and said "That's very good!  Eleven pounds in a month, even with a pill, is a big success.  Apparently, the pill is working."  

Phew.  OK.  Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

He then went on to ask how I was doing with eating and exercise.  I told him I'd been maintaining a 1200 calorie diet...and he scoffed.  He immediately told me that there'd be no way I could maintain that.  

I then scoffed myself and said quite proudly "Apparently I can, because I've gone an entire month eating that way and it's become somewhat of a habit.  I eat three meals a day, and every single day my calories are right around the 1200 mark.  I don't feel hungry or deprived, and I 100% believe that I can maintain eating that way for as long as I need to.  The problem will actually come when I have to up that calorie amount."

He sat there for a second quite stunned.  He looked at me carefully.  He let out a sigh and then.... APOLOGIZED.  For what, I'm not exactly sure.  Maybe for his stiff upper lip attitude, or his nonchalance for why I was there, or for doubting that I was able to follow through on my commitment.  But, after the apology, he softened...quite a bit.

He told me that he was very happy with the progress I've made, and that he hopes that when I see him again in a month I would have made the same type of progress.  He told me that he saw determination in my eyes, and that was something quite rare when it came to handing out diet pills.  He told me that way too often, people come in wanting weight loss pills and expecting them to be the fix-all and cure-all to their problems.  They continue to eat like crap, but then wonder why they're not seeing the results they wanted.  I, apparently, wasn't one of those people.  He told me that if I had, indeed, already starting putting the habits into place with my eating...then half of my troubles were already passed me.  That as long as I stayed as committed as I was in that moment, then I would definitely lose the weight.

Finally.  Just what I was wanting to hear.

He asked me how I was doing with exercise.  I laughed, and then looked to the ground.  I bit my lip and told him that was one area I was still struggling.  I told him that I had gone on a few 3-4 mile walks in the month, but that was about it.  But, that I was a teacher and on my feet most of the day.

He then laughed (a friendly laugh this time) and told me that our jobs weren't exercise.  If they were, neither him nor I would weigh what we weigh.  But rather than give me a lecture on how important it was for me to exercise, he simply told me that losing 11lbs with just changing my eating habits was a huge feat.  And that if that was the case, just imagine what I could do if I started making exercise a habit.  

I agreed.

If I could lose 11lbs in a month with hardly any exercise, I could definitely increase that number significantly if exercise became my focus for this next month.

He then smiled, tapped a few more keys in to his computer, and told me that my next month's prescription would be waiting for me at my pharmacist.  And to make an appointment in another month.

And that was it.  He said goodbye and walked out.

When I walked up to the counter to make my next appointment, I asked the receptionist if the wait would be so bad the next time.  She then informed me that the other receptionist had made a big boo-boo that day and had overbooked the APN several times, which had put him in quite a mood.  Well, that explained a lot.  She told me that next time, I shouldn't have to wait so long...and that he'd probably be in a better mood.

Driving back to the school to pick up the kids from their practices, I really started thinking about what had just happened.  It hadn't all gone as I'd planned, but I at least received the affirmations that I was hoping for.  I had made great progress.  I had exceeded the expectations set before me.  But, I knew that most people lose the most amount of weight the first few weeks of trying.  The second month was going to be a challenge, to pull off similar or better numbers than the first.

But, I decided to myself that I would stick the course, up the ante, and take myself back to the doctor a month later down at least another 11lbs...hopefully more.  I'm just getting started.  I have a very long way to go.  There's no reason that I should start losing momentum yet.  I even decided to set myself a mini goal.  

I weighed 262.2lbs on my first visit to the doctor.

I weighed 251.4lbs on the first month's check-up.

I want to see 239lbs or below on my next visit.  Meaning that I need to lose 12.4lbs before I go back on October 9th (my next appointment).  

I hate to set goals like that, but it also gives me something to focus on.  Commit to.  The appointment is in 4 1/2 weeks from now.  That means I need to lose at least 2 3/4 pounds each week between now and then.  

Knowing that I can walk in to my next appointment having lost 24lbs in two months would be freaking awesome.  And I believe it to be totally doable.

And I'm going to work my tail off to do it.  

Commit.  Focus.  Stay strong.

My new mantra for the next month.  

Right now, it's time for breakfast.  

Have a great weekend!!

Till next time!

Time for My Monthly Check-Up

Seems kinda unreal that it's already been a full month since I decided to go to the doctor for a check-up, and walked away with a prescription for weight loss pills.

And in order to keep that prescription, apart of the terms requires a monthly visit to check on my weight and blood pressure.  

Today would be that day.

I hate the fact that I don't have my appointment until 4:15 this afternoon.  Simply because by that time, I've eaten breakfast and lunch and drank several cups of water.  So, the weight that will be reflected on the scale won't be my accurate weight.  But, it's also the same time that I had my last appointment, so I guess it's a better reflection of the weight loss if I take that in to consideration.

I'll admit that I stood on the scale this morning, just so I could get an idea of the difference between what my scale says this morning and what the scale will say this afternoon.  This morning, I saw 251lbs.  Which is 0.4lbs less than I weighed on Wednesday.  It's also 11.2lbs less than what I weighed at my first doctor's visit.  That's awesome, in my books.  If I see a number within 1lb of that number, it will tell the doctor that I've lost at least 10lbs since I last saw her.  Hopefully, she'll be as impressed with that number as I am.  If it shows a little more than that, I'll be sure to tell her what my scale says first thing in the morning.  

One thing I do have in my favor is the fact that I'm going on a mini field trip with my kiddos this afternoon.  We have a conservation lesson at a state park, and the temperature outside is going to be HOT.  Standing outside, and walking around will definitely make me sweat.  I'll be guzzling water, but hopefully the sweat will prevent too much water weight from being depicted on the scale this afternoon.

But honestly?  I'm not that worried.  Unless my scale is completely broken and has been feeding me nasty, untrue weights these past four weeks...I'm going to be happy with whatever the scale says.  It should still show good progress.  It should still show that I've done what I was asked to do, and that I am committed to losing the weight.  My doctor, herself, told me that a healthy weight loss is about 2lbs a week.  Even if they document that I've only lost 10lbs since my last visit, that's more than 2lbs a week.  And that's just with changing my eating habits, I can't put exercise in to that success... because there hasn't been enough of it to really make an impact.

Yesterday, I put on a pair of pants that did NOT fit me a couple of months ago.  In fact, the last time I wore them was around the beginning of the school year last year.  By the end of the year, I had gained too much weight to even get them buttoned.  They are a size 18.  I have several pairs of size 18 pants, but very few them actually fit me by May.  I had gained too much weight, and I had to move in to size 20 and 22 pants.  Knowing that I'm making enough progress to fit in to a pair of pants I couldn't even button a few months ago is a wonderful feeling.  

I paired the pants with a shirt that clung to my waist.  And, for the first time since getting this thing started, people actually noticed I'm losing weight.  My own Butter, bless him, walked behind me at work yesterday and told me he noticed I "didn't jiggle as much when I walked".  Not exactly the sweetest compliment, but kids are honest.  I took it as a nice compliment.

Several others made comments about how good I was starting to look...that there was definite difference in my waist line and my size.  It's about freaking time!! Kidding.  Not really.  

I don't expect people that I see every day to notice minor differences.  And when I'm as big as I am, a 13lbs weight loss is still pretty minor.  Yes, my waist has gotten a little smaller, but when someone sees me every single day - I can understand that they won't notice straight away. 

Apparently, the minor is finally starting to take shape.  It's becoming somewhat noticeable.  Gotta be happy about that, right?

I'm going to try another pair of pants today that I know didn't fit me a few months ago.  Just to make sure that it wasn't just a fluke, or I was mistaken about the pants I wore yesterday.  I have a pair of capris that I had stashed away because I got so frustrated when I couldn't button them back in May.  I'm digging them out this morning to compare my progress.  I actually remember the last time I tried to put them on, and I actually cried!  If those babies go one today... tears may actually flow again.  But for a whole different reason.  Even if I still can't button them, I should be able to get a sense of the changes I've made.  Even them being a little on the snug side will still be OK.  Seriously, the last time I tried to get them on... there was no hope of getting them buttoned.  All the Crisco in the world wouldn't have got them on.  

Right now, I have to run, but tomorrow I will be sure to let you all know how the doctor's visit went as well as my capri trying experiment. I'm actually excited to go, and excited to hear the doctor's thoughts on my progress.  

And of course, sharing every detail of it with you all.

So, until then...

Have a wonderful Friday!!

Till next time!

Weigh-In Wednesday

                         

I'm lucky that I remembered to weigh-in this morning.  Being that I was off Monday, all day yesterday I was all out of whack...and kept thinking it was Monday.  

But, for some reason, I didn't have that problem when I woke up this morning.  No mistaking what day it is today!  It's definitely Wednesday, which means it's definitely weigh-in day.

I was pretty nervous to stand on the scale this morning (surprise, surprise, right?).  But that's only because Aunt Flo is visiting, and when she comes...she brings bloating and water weight.  My usual weight gain during her visits is anything from 1-3lbs.  So, I was a little unsure about what I was going to see this morning.

No reason to stall...here are the results...

Starting weight:  265lbs

Weight last week:  253.2lbs

Weight this week:  251.4lbs

Another loss...and this time of 1.8lbs!!!  

It would have been really nice to see 252.2lbs, so I could have lost an even 2lbs...but I'm definitely not going to complain!

On Friday, it'll be a month since starting to really buckle down (for the bazillionth time) and in that time, I've lost 10.6lbs.  Not too shabby, if I say so myself!  It took an entire month to lose 3lbs the month before that...so in two months, I'm down 13.6lbs.

That's pretty darned fantastic!

I've lost more in a month than I did during the three months of summer that I "committed to change".  I've lost more in a month than I have in the past couple of years "committing to change".  

What's different now?  Well, simple.  I actually committed to change.. duh.  No more just talking about it, wishing for it, or hoping it would eventually happen.  I just did it.  And it goes to show what putting my words where my mouth is can do, right?

This week marks a very momentous occasion.  It's been an entire month that I've eaten a restricted 1200 calorie diet.  It's been an entire month where I haven't yo-yoed up and down because I've fallen off track a couple days here and there.  It's been an entire month where I just decided that eating mostly junk food isn't worth it, I'm worth more than that.  I owe it to myself to do the work...and I'm actually surprised that it really hasn't been as hard as I thought it should be.

And that's only because my mind has been set to a different setting.

I haven't felt deprived.  I haven't felt like I'm missing out on anything.  I haven't felt like I have to be at war with junk food.  I've just convinced myself that it's not about doing without, it's about not NEEDING.  And that's the secret.  

Don't get me wrong, the entire month hasn't been a walk in the park.  There were some battles and mind-fights in the beginning...there still are some on occasions, just not as often.  But, once I really started to understand that I didn't have to look at a candy bar with passion, longing, and desire - I started to realize that this was possible.  Living healthy, I mean.

And if I'm being really honest...it hasn't been all "diet food".  I've eaten sensibly.  Meaning I've focused on portion sizes, set meal times, and not being swayed in to mid-meal time hunger or cravings.  I've started eliminating sugar and white flour.. but there have been traces here and there.  But, I'd much rather eat a Greek yogurt made with real sugar than a candy bar (now).  I'd much rather eat a small handful of low-fat crackers than gobble down half a loaf of white bread.  It's not about the eliminating more than it's been about the source.  I know that, if I wanted to, I could eliminate ALL sugar and white flour.  Completely rid it from every morsel of food that I eat.  But, if I'm still able to eat something that has minor traces, and not go in to carb crazy mode..I'm OK with that.

If I do sway and eat a couple of cookies, and then realize how miserable and disgusting they make my stomach feel - that's a big victory.  It tells me that my body has adjusted to the minor traces, and doesn't want any of the heavy stuff. 

I shared with everyone the cookie issue I had on Saturday.  A minor slip with dire consequences.  Just four small cookies sent my body into shock.  I felt physically ill after eating them.  

What I didn't share was that the very next night, my family decided to order pizza.  When I say "my family", I really mean Hubby.  It was just Hubby, Jelly, and me at home...and he didn't feel like cooking a meal for just the three of us.  So, being that it has been donkey's years since we ordered pizza from Dominos, I caved and let him have his favorite food.

A couple of months ago, I would have eaten an entire medium Dominos pizza all to myself.  And still had room for dessert after.  That was nothing uncommon.  A medium pizza yields eight slices...and I would inhale every one of them as if it were nothing.

Saturday night, I ate three pieces.  Pretty small pieces.  I keep telling myself that I should have eaten one.  One was more than enough.  One slice of the medium (1/8th), white sauce, Philly steak pizza yields about  210 calories.  So, three slices put me up to 630 calories for dinner.  I've done much worse in my time... MUCH WORSE.  I rationalized that I had 600 calories remaining for my dinner, and that's what prompted my acceptance that three slices was OK.  Even though I really knew it wasn't.  

However, I checked nutritional information first (mainly just calorie content).  I calculated the amount of calories I'd be eating.  And I even let that little Devil on my shoulder convince me about that one "treat" that wouldn't hurt anything.  

I ate the three slices, and I was full.  Kinda over full actually.  I felt bloated, and uncomfortable a little later.  Not near as bad as with the cookie incident, but still full to a level I shouldn't have allowed.  I should have stopped eating when I started to feel that full feeling, which was in to slice 2.  I didn't.  But, coming out the other side having difficulty finishing three slices...when my norm is usually an entire pizza did still make me feel good.  

To add a cherry on top, I had even ordered Chocolate Lava cake for dessert.  My biggest weakness.  I shared the other day that I'm not a big fan of cake...that's pretty much true, except for one type of cake.  That would be Lava Cake.  A cake full of ooey, gooey chocolate sauce.  The ones from Dominos are small (tiny, actually), and they come two to an order.  Even though they are small, they still pack 350 calories a piece! After eating my three pieces of pizza, I didn't want anymore food.  But, as with all bad carbs..it doesn't take long for hunger to return.  Jelly wanted one of the mini cakes, so I gave her one.  The other one sat there staring at me...calling to me...and I knew I just couldn't stay strong.  I cut the remaining one in half, and gave the big half to Hubby.  Leaving a small slither for myself - literally two small bites.  It was enough to satisfy, and didn't leave me reeling for more.

So, as you can see, I'm still facing battles.  I'm still overcoming hurdles.  I'm still having moments of weakness.  But, I'm learning through each one of them.  I'm not giving in, completely.  I'm still being somewhat mindful.  I still weigh the factors of stuff like calorie content, feelings of fullness, and rationalizing that I don't need as much food.  

Stuff like that isn't something to be all proud about.  Eating that much pizza still isn't healthy.  Giving in and having two bites of cake isn't showing strength.  Strength would have been not having any, or not even ordering them in the first place.  I know that I still have mountains to climb.

But, it helps remind me that I'm handling myself differently.  I CAN indeed live my life weighing pros and cons.  Making better decisions, even if they aren't perfect.  Understanding that I'll have these feelings, temptations, and opportunities for improvement forever.  They don't just go away when I go a month with successful weight loss.

And if I can rationalize with myself, maintain some form of self-control, then I know I won't be throwing myself back in to old ways.  I CAN live this way forever.  I CAN make these choices forever.  I CAN accept that there will be the odd occasion every now and then where I'll eat some pizza or some cake.. but moderation is the key.  

I'm not going to beat myself up about it.  I'm not going to wallow in guilt.  I'm going to walk away proud that I'm still making better choices.  I'm still learning.  I'm still committed.  

And nothing is going to stand in my way.

Till next time..

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

                             

Ahhh, Weigh-In Day, here you are again.  

It goes by so fast...the time, I mean.  The weight doesn't.  The weight comes on so fast, but it takes FOREVER to get it off again.

This week has had its ups and its downs.  Still not perfect by a long shot.  There was no exercise this past week.  Unless you count the swimming this past weekend.  There was no walking, no running, no going in to the gym after school to do some sprint work.  Nada.  

My excuse - because that's what it really is - was the weather.  I was so darned hot every day, I did NOT feel like making myself get even hotter and more uncomfortable.  Lame, I know.. but that's what it came down to.

I was weak in making myself work-out... but I was strong in sticking with my eating.  I did MUCH better this past week with my food intake.  The pot luck day was my only real day to eat stuff I probably could have done without.  I haven't logged much this week, but I've been keeping track of the calories I'm eating.  My breakfasts are always the same, my lunches are always pretty similar, and my dinners have been much smaller portions that what I'm used to eating.  I'm using the hand measurements of palm for protein, fist for carbs, and hand for veggies.  I know that's not an exact science, but I'm apparently doing something right.

Which brings me to the numbers.

My starting weight:  265lbs.

Weight last week:  254.8lbs.

Weight this week:  253.2lbs.

That's a loss of 1.6lbs in a week, and 11.8lbs since I started almost 2 months ago.  Even though I was pretty close to the 265lbs number when I went to my doctor's office only three weeks ago.  So, technically, I've lost almost 12lbs in a few weeks...not months.

In fact, I know that I've lost almost 10lbs since that doctor's appointment...because at the doctor's appointment I weighed 262lbs.  So, I'm shy 1.2lbs of losing 10lbs in three weeks.

Not too shabby.

A 1.6lbs weight loss is definitely nothing to complain about when there was no exercise involved, and I went two days without taking my pill.  Three, actually, because I totally forgot to take it yesterday.  I was worried that might happen... because I've decided to start taking my pill around 10AM.  That's right in the middle of my teaching, and unless I set some kind of reminder for myself, I go right past that time without even thinking about it.

Now, I'm just itching to see a number in the 240s.  That sure would be nice.  That would be a comparable weight to when I first started working last year.  I know I should really start feeling some differences in the way my clothes fit once I get down in the 240s range.  

For losing almost 12lbs, there hasn't been as much of the feeling different as I thought there would be. I figured that 12lbs would be a nice start to my pants feeling looser and fitting better.  The truth is, that's not really the case.  There are a couple pairs of pants I've put on and thought they felt a little looser, and then there are others that are still just as tight and uncomfortable when I put them on.

Yesterday, I put on a pair of capris that I wore only last week, and they felt looser.  The shirt I paired with them made me look at myself and see a little difference in my waist line.  But just one day before that, I had to shimmy myself in to a pair of leggings that I wear under a dress.  The dress still clung to me a little too much for my liking, and the leggings were still on the uncomfortable side.  Not to the point of cutting off circulation or anything.. but a little tighter than I like.  

I've decided that once I reach 20lbs lost, I'll do another progress photo.  I, at first, considered doing one every 10lbs lost, but I'd like to really be able to see some difference in each photo.  And I don't think I'll get that pleasure taking a picture right now.

So, I need to get down to 245lbs before there will be anymore photos.

Three weeks ago, getting down to 245lbs was a WAY off obstacle.  Something I would really have to be patient for.  It's crazy knowing that 245lbs is only 8lbs away.  I've lost more than that these past 3 weeks, so there's no reason I couldn't be seeing that number in another month or so.  At the latest.

Next Wednesday will be my last weigh-in before it's time to go back to my doctor for an evaluation of my progress.  Even if I maintained my loss so far, I can't see why my doctor would grumble about an almost 9lbs weight loss since my last visit.  Although, I'd really like to see that number above the 10lbs lost mark.  Especially since the appointment is at 4PM...meaning I would have eaten two meals and drank a gallon or so of water before I have to step on the scale.  I'd like to be able to go to that appointment and know that regardless of how much weight the scale shows from that day's consumption, I'm still going to show off a more than 10lbs loss.

Which means I really have to put in some extra work this week if I want that to happen.  Even a couple of work-outs would be better than none.  And there's absolutely no room for a few minor slip ups here and there with my eating.  NONE.  Perfect eating every day.  

I know I can do it, I'm challenging myself to do so.  That doctor's appointment will be my motivation.  

So, here we go...another week, another set of goals, another focus shift to a smaller number.

Being a loser has never felt so good!

Till next time!

Day Before Weigh-In Jitters

I have returned back to the land of the living after being without internet for 24 hours.  Hopefully you all read the post I uploaded only 10 hours ago, giving the update for my Sunday... which was another very successful day of not taking my pill, but doing exactly what I was supposed to do in terms of eating.  And then some.

And now, I'm only 24 hours away from that time of the week that gets me in to a little panic.  Weigh-In Day.  

I'm always a bundle of nerves the day before an "official" weigh-in, because I never know exactly what the scale is going to show me in terms of how well I think I did.  I've spent the past week feeling like I've rocked the house, once again, with another full week of successful eating and staying on plan with my calorie intake.  

I'll admit, I've slacked off just a tad on the religious logging.  That never seems to last very long.  But, on the days that I haven't logged everything, I do a little mental math just to make sure I'm staying in my caloric range.  The best part about only eating three times a day, is that it's pretty easy to keep track of my calories in my head.  I'm not sneaking little snacks here or there, or forgetting about eating something.  My meals are so simple, and pretty repetitive, that I can basically keep track from the days that I do track.  

The only real changes I made to my meals yesterday, was the inclusion of veggies and a fruit.  I took a cup of baby carrots and sliced cucumber with hummus in place of crackers.  And I took a peach to satisfy that sweet craving I always get after eating my lunch.  I was taking PB&J sandwiches last week, so that helped keep the sweet monster at bay... but I didn't like how much sugar I was consuming with the jelly, so I figured a fruit would be much healthier this week.  My sandwich was ham, cheese, and mustard.  Less calories than the PB&J - and actually more filling.

I plan on doing that each day - taking veggies and fruit that is.  Even though I only ate a sandwich prior, I couldn't finish my veggies.  I ate all of the cucumber, and several of the carrots.. but then I just had enough.  I ate the peach shortly there after, and I was full.  

For dinner, Hubby served me up three pieces of ham... we were having ham, beans, and corn on the cob.  I quickly grabbed my fork, speared off two pieces of ham and put them on the kids' plates, and left myself with one piece of ham, beans, and only a small piece of corn.  There was another piece waiting for me if I wanted it, but I didn't.  I knew right away that I wasn't going to be able to eat as much as he gave me, and I knew that I shouldn't be eating that much meat anyhow.  Another win to add to my record book.  Me taking food off my plate because I know it's too much?  Don't recall that ever happening before.

And despite taking my dinner plate down quite a bit, I still felt full once I was done.  I couldn't have eaten anymore even if I wanted to.  

AND... there were absolutely NO cravings last night.  NONE!  I took my pill right before lunch yesterday, and apparently my two day hiatus paid off.  Because I did not get any form of urge to eat a snack last night.  Last week, I was fighting myself each night to resist.  I was successful with my fight, but it was so nice to not have to do any inner fighting last night.  I was in bed before I'd realized I'd successfully gone an entire evening without feeling the need to eat something else.  

Today, I really need to focus on drinking more water.  I didn't get near enough water in me yesterday, and I paid the price by extreme dry mouth by the end of the day.  That's the only side effect I've had from taking my pill, but drinking gallons of water helps keep that monster at bay.  I have to make a point of refilling my water cup between every bathroom break, at lunch, and before picking my students up from specials, so I know I'm getting the water I need.

Other than that, I'm ready for tomorrow.  Yeah, I'm a little nervous.  But not because I'm worried about what the scale will say... just because I'm worried I might not be as happy with the results compared to how much hard work I've done.  That's always a worry.  I have also come to terms, though, that as long as I keep doing what I need to do - the scale will eventually catch up.  

And I think I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing.  I haven't felt this sure about myself in a long time.  Habits are starting to be formed, I can feel it...and that sure is a weight off my shoulders.

Till next time!

Weigh-In Wednesday!!

                             

Oh yes...it's that day.  The day that gets all the nerves racing around my insides like I'm some kind of Nascar racetrack.

Most Wednesdays, when I'm doing weigh-ins, the nerves are usually bad ones.  I'm nervous because I know I haven't really given it my all...and I know that the scale is going to show me that.  Because no matter how much I want to blame the scale for being wrong, the truth is...it usually isn't.

But this morning?

That was different.  It was a different nervous...an excited nervous.  Because this past week, I've really tried hard.  Still not completely perfect, but I'm not even sure how I'll justify "perfect".  There will probably always be room for improvement.  A full week of logging my food.  A full week of counting my calories.  A full week of staying under my calorie limit.  And there's even been some exercise thrown in to the mix - which was my goal to add this week.

So, let's get down to it..shall we?

Recap:  

When I first started, again, I weighed 265lbs. (Technically I started the summer at 260lbs, and then gained 5lbs..so I started over again the first week of July.)

I went to the doctor two weeks ago and got put on pills - that day I weighed 262lbs

I started taking the pills 11 days ago.

Last week (5 days after starting them), I weighed 257.8lbs.

Today??  Drumroll please.... 254.8lbs.

A loss of 3lbs in a week.

A loss of 7.2lbs in 11 days.

A loss of 10.2lbs in 1 month and three weeks.

That's freaking amazing!!  Especially since a bulk of that 10lbs has been lost in the past couple of weeks.

To lose 3lbs+ for two weeks in a row is unheard of for me.  I don't recall the last time I lost 3lbs in one week...let alone getting the exact same feeling the very next week.

Oh wait.. yes I do...that was the last time I buckled down and committed to being strong and doing what I'm supposed to do.

It's obvious that the pill is helping.  But, I'm not going to let it take all of the credit.  Had I not been diligent with my logging and counting and measuring and exercise - the pill probably wouldn't have done a thing.  I've put in the work, as well.  I only agreed to take the pill because I knew it would help buckle me down and really give it my all.

Not because I thought the pill would make all my problems disappear, but because I knew how much it's going to cost to pay for doctor visits and actually getting the pill each month.  I might throw junk food down my pie hole like it's going out of style, but I won't do the same with money.  If I'm paying for it, I better use it the way it's supposed to be used!

Staying on the pill is going to cost about $50 a month.  That's not a tiny chunk of change... in my world, that's a tank of gas, groceries, bill money.  I don't have $50 just laying around to play with.  If I'm going to spend that kind of money, I better put my money where my mouth is and justify it.

The sad part is, it sure has helped me stay vigilant with my eating and exercise... but it really hasn't helped in the way I was told it would.  My appetite isn't really curbed.  I still get hungry.  I still crave food.  I still get desires mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and mid-evening to peruse my surroundings on the hunt for sweets and snacks.  I've just made myself say NO!  I've told myself it's not worth it.  I've reminded myself about that cash I'm forking out, and to just try and focus on what I'm trying to accomplish.

So, I may be just paying $50 a month for the motivation to do what I need to do.  

However, I do have increased energy for the first couple of hours of taking the pill... but by the end of the school day I'm wiped out and ready to crawl in to bed.  So...again...a little of increased energy, but not near the effects I was warned about.  I've read about people taking the same pill, the same time I take it each day, and not being able to sleep at night.  That those people feel the effects for 8-12 hours after taking it.  I'm lucky if my effects last 2-4 hours.  

I could try taking it later in the day, but why disturb the apple cart?  I'm doing what I need to be doing. And that's the point, right?  

All in all, I'm completely happy with my results so far.  And I have no intention of slowing down.  I've reached a milestone - losing my first 10lbs - but that means I still have 90 more to go.  

Getting a taste of what success feels like sure does pump some air in my deflating system.  I was starting to think I was a lost cause, that no matter what I did...the weight would never come off.  The truth was, though, I wasn't really doing anything about it.  I'd whine and cry about increasing pounds.. but that didn't stop me from putting down the cookie jar, did it?

Hmm..cookies... haven't had one of those in a long time.  And it actually feels kinda great to say that.

In the past seven days, I haven't touched any soda (not even diet) or chocolate.  No cookies or cake.  No potato chips.  

There's another milestone to be proud of.

Yesterday, I had to fill out my paper for the Secret Pal program at work.  I love participating in Secret Pals, but I made sure to write on my form how I was trying to lose weight...and I'd really appreciate it if there was no inclusion of sweets or soda.  I'd be perfectly happy with receiving fruit or veggies or some other healthy snacks.  I don't want to be tempted..and I have the power to extinguish any fires before they are even started.

This next week, my goals are to just keep doing what I'm doing.  I want to add more fresh foods to my line-up, and try to avoid as much sugar as I can.  These past couple of weeks have shown me that eating three meals a day gets me where I need to be in terms of calories... no matter what I'm eating, as long as the portions are under control (and that even includes some junk food).  I want to focus on upping my portions, but of foods that are fresh, wholesome, and much healthier.  

I may still be getting hungry during the day because I'm eating the wrong foods.  I need to focus on eating more veggies...that's for sure.  They make a perfect snack, and don't wreck havoc on my caloric intake.

I also want to add some sprint work in to my exercise.  I was going to do that this week, but I stuck with just walking.  That's my goal for this next week - start running again.

And that's about it.  Nothing too major.  Nothing too crazy.

I'm going to keep taking it one day at a time.  

I have the power to do this, I know that.  I just have to stay the course, learn from my behaviors, and make every moment count.

Till next time!

Weigh-In Wednesday is Back!

                           

I know, I know.... I said I wasn't going to do this.

But, you all should know me well enough by now to know that I change my mind more often than some people change their underwear.

What can I say?

I live life one day to the next...and some days I just decide to recant everything I've ever said.

I figured that because I'm now taking the weight loss meds, I'd want to keep an eye on my progress.  It's probably going to be one of my biggest motivators.  I know that even if I decided to carry on doing "official" weigh-ins monthly... my butt would still be on the scale at least once a week seeing how I'm doing.

So, why not just go back to weighing in weekly?

Because it's been a while since I've updated my weight, I'll do a little backstory.

I started the summer off weighing 260lbs.  I then gained 5lbs over the course of the first month of the summer.  So, I was up to 265lbs.  That's when I started getting some great advice from a homeopathic nutritionist and decided to start all over.  I reset my weight counter to reflect the 265lbs and started following her advice.  I then dropped 5lbs in the next month and went back down to 260lbs.

Thursday of last week, I went for my doctor's appointment and weighed 262.5lbs.  That was at 2pm in the afternoon... so I figured I was probably still around the 260lbs mark if I took in to consideration what I'd eaten that day, and normal body fluctuations.  That's when she prescribed the medicine.  I didn't, however, start taking it until Saturday because I had to have a medical procedure done on Friday that would have to be put off had I started the meds then.

This morning, I stood on the scale.  

I weigh 257.8lbs.

That's a loss of almost 5lbs in 5 days (if I go by the doctor's weigh-in)!! 

Or, a loss of 2.2lbs from my previous 260lbs number.

Still a good loss for such a short time, right?

I haven't seen numbers in the 250s for a long time.  And it feels good knowing that I'm really buckling down and starting to see some quick progress.

Yesterday, I encountered my first situation of eating out.  After a meeting I attended at school, my team voted on eating at a small diner for lunch.  I had packed a lunch, but being that I was going to be at the school until 8PM because of our open house - I figured I could just eat my packed lunch for dinner.

I sat and stared at the menu for a long time.  It was a diner.  Burgers, burgers, and more burgers.  Or fried whatever.  My first instinct was to check the salad options... slim pickings.  They had a chef salad that was "loaded" with ham, turkey, and boiled egg.  They had a taco salad that came in a fried bowl and "loaded" with taco meat.

And, sure, I could have asked for stuff to be removed.. but I wasn't really in the mood to eat a plate full of iceberg lettuce and diced tomato.  Which was the extent of the "salad" minus any of the bad stuff.

The rest of the menu consisted of mostly 1/3lbs burgers loaded with all kinds of stuff:  Bacon, fried onions, onion rings, fried mushrooms, and so on.  But, I managed to find a tiny piece of the menu dedicated to "regular burgers".  I went with a basic cheeseburger and small fries.  

Total calories were (based on estimates) 800 calories.  OUCH!!

The fries were only a small portion (about the size of McDonald's small fry).  I went with higher estimates on MyFitnessPal - but I'm sure I wasn't that far off.

Thankfully, my breakfast only consisted of 160 calories and my lunch (that I ate for dinner) was only 300 calories.  So, I was still in my calorie range by the end of the day.  And at the lower end.

I definitely could have eaten something a little more healthy for lunch, but it was nice knowing that if I prepared and planned a little... I could still have something like a burger and fries and still not sabotage my eating for the day.

Later in the afternoon, I had cucumber slices with 2 tbsp of hummus.  I didn't eat all of the hummus.  I did eat all of the cucumber slices.  When I got home, I ate the sandwich that I had originally made for lunch.  I ate it a little later than I'd like, but I was too busy with work to stop and think about eating it at my normal dinner time.

Overall, I feel fantastic.

The pills aren't causing any crazy side effects.  I'm not cranky or jittery or shaky.  I still have urges to eat, but I'm able to ward them off and focus on something else.  I keep reminding myself that I'm going to really do it this time...and regardless of whether the pill is doing what it's supposed to do, I have to think about what life will be like without it.  In fact, I'm kinda convincing myself that the pill really isn't doing anything - I'm doing it on my own.  I think this mentality will help once it's time to come off of it.

I'm fighting the urge to eat.  I'm keeping my calories in check.  Not the pill.

I'm drinking water by the gallons and sweating gallons in the process.  I think those two aspects are from the pill.  I have dry mouth, and I have to barely move to start sweating like a geyser.  But, I feel like both are positive side effects.  One is making me get the water my body needs, the other is getting rid of the water I don't need.  Win.  Win.

OK, it's time for me to think about getting ready for work.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!  

Till next time!

Weigh-In Wednesday

Here we are at another Wednesday.  Time sure does fly by when you're having fun.  I can't believe I only have 3 days left of summer school...it's gone by so fast!  

It has been a really hard transition from frisbee football to kickball.  The kids just don't have their hearts in playing kickball, and I have heard nothing but sad comments about how much they miss their beloved frisbee game.  

I've still managed to work up quite a sweat playing our games of kickball, but my body just doesn't ache like it did last week.  I'm not working near as many muscles just kicking a ball and running the bases... or standing around waiting for a ball to come my way if I'm playing the outfield.  Blocking giant children, running up and down a make shift football field, and dragging kids around that are trying to tackle me is what got me that wonderful achey sensation that is no longer there.

I was a little sore yesterday... but from the tenderness of my shoulders that received just a little too much sun.  

Today is weigh-in day.  

I started off two weeks ago weighing 260lbs.  Last week, I gained 0.2lbs pushing me up to 260.2lbs.  

This week?

I am 258.8lbs.  

A loss of 1.4lbs from last week, 1.2lbs in total.

Not really sure how I feel about that.  I mean, OK, I lost.  But one pound?  Not really much to be celebrating... is it?

I think my scale may need new batteries.  No.  I'm not kidding...or making excuses.  I just know that when I stood on it this morning, and then moved it 6" across the floor - I got two different weights.  And I weighed on a ceramic tiled floor - so it wasn't a shifting of the floor causing it.  It's also been freezing up on me.  I went with the weight I got, because it was from the same place on the floor that I weighed last week.  I only tried it somewhere else because I just couldn't believe the number.  The other weight was a pound difference...not a huge difference, but I'm going to stick with the number for today because I feel like it's probably the most accurate.

I don't think that's the reason I only lost one pound... I'm just saying that my weigh-in was a little fluctuated because of it.  

While I am a little disheartened, I also remember that this happened to me during bootcamp.  I only lost 5lbs the entire 4 weeks of bootcamp... even though, three nights a week I was getting a work-out from Hades.  I was also on a very strict 2:1 protein/carb diet that I had to follow to a T in order to not have to do crazy amounts of extra push-ups at my sessions.  

I remember saying to one of my trainers that something was wrong with me... because what woman my size can go through that much torture and agony and only lose 5lbs?

I was surprised when I didn't get the whole "your body is turning fat in to muscle" speech I had heard from so many others.  My trainers just told me that I was putting my body in to shock.  It wasn't used to the activity after being dormant for so long.  It was gaining strength and endurance... but it would probably hold on to the weight (water weight mostly) until it got used to such a drastic change.

And they were right.  A few weeks after boot camp, and kicking my running in to high gear, I started dropping enormous amounts of weight.  

Not only that, but after 4 weeks of boot camp and only 5lbs lost, I did lose several inches from my starting measurements.  

I can only hope and pray that something like that is happening now.  

Because I've gone from doing absolutely no exercise for months and months (almost a year) to spending a couple of hours EVERY day working-out... maybe I have put my body in to shock.

Maybe it's going to take a little while for my body to start getting used to being active again..before I start seeing some results on the scale.

That's all I can think of right now.  Because I know I've gone through spouts where I just cut something out of my diet for a week (like carbs) and did no exercise at all and lost 5lbs in a week.  Surely, it's not possible to be doing this much exercise AND eating better and hardly lose anything...unless there is a valid reason.

I guess we'll have to see as the weeks continue to pass by.

Right now, though?  I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing...and hoping for the best.

Till next time!

Joanna

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman