OK, so I decided that Wednesdays are going to be my weigh in days. I like Wednesdays because they are in the middle of the week. No stressing all weekend what the scale will say Monday morning, and giving myself a few days to mentally prepare for any temptation that may head my way with the upcoming weekend.
I will admit. I was kinda looking forward to standing on the scale this morning. OK, I haven't jumped back in to total "weight loss mode" with my eating and activity level just yet... but I've been making pretty conscious efforts with what I'm putting in to my mouth and how I'm moving my body each day. Or so I thought.
This past week, I've been pretty active. I've spent the majority of my days moving around at school - and even getting pretty darned sweaty in the afternoons playing frisbee golf with my classes. Saturday I didn't exactly do anything that physical, but sweat my behind off playing some miniature golf. And Sunday, I spent several hours in the pool...not swimming the whole time, but doing MANY laps.
Even last night when I got home, I threw on my bathing suit and jumped in the pool for at least 10 laps of the pool before I lounged around for a while. And that's not including the laps I did racing little Jelly.. in which I had to swim pretty slowly, but I was still swimming.
I've also been drinking TONS of water. OK, maybe not TONS, but way more than I'm used to drinking.
Which is why, I was really shocked this morning when I stood on the scale to see that not only hadn't I lost any weight.. but I've gained 0.2lbs. I'm now at 260.2lbs.
I have to admit, it was pretty darned disheartening to see that. Anytime I've decided to have another go at the weight loss game, I end up losing something the first week. Even if it's the only week I actually lose anything. The first week, I can usually count on seeing a little difference - in a good way - that pumps me up to try and beat it the next week...regardless of if I make it full another full week or not.
As disheartening as it was, I didn't actually have the reaction I thought I would. I mean, now that I'm sitting here I'm thinking my reaction when I saw that number should have been "Well, screw it! I eat less and be more active all week and gain weight? What on earth am I even bothering for?"
But it wasn't. When I saw that number, my first reaction was "Huh, that was unexpected. Apparently I haven't done near as good as I thought I did.. and will have to try WAY harder this next week."
That's a good reaction to have, I suppose.
Because Lord knows, I definitely could try WAY harder.
One thing that comes to mind is the fact that I'm now eating breakfast and lunch at school each day. Despite schools opting for a more healthy approach with the foods that they are serving to children.. at the end of the day, the food isn't really that much healthier. It may be baked instead of fried, but the actual food is still not good..as in super healthy good. And teachers are always given way more than they need to eat.
Of course, this teacher shouldn't be eating more than she needs...and so it's nobody's fault but my own.
So, I guess I'm going to have a little experiment this week. I'm not ditching the school breakfasts and lunches. That should be the first thing to do... but meals are provided free of charge during summer school. As silly and petty as that may sound, I'm not giving up the free meals. It saves me some money. And just because food a plenty is offered, doesn't mean that food a plenty I need to eat. I'm a big girl with a grown up voice. I can quite easily say "Urm.. can you just give me as much as you are giving the kids, please?"
At the end of the day, while I don't want to jump in to diet plans or programs, I know that I'm not doing what I can or should in term of eating right. Eating better just isn't good enough. It does me no good to eat crappy food in smaller amounts or better foods in large amounts. It's all about portion control and being mindful about what's going in to my pie hole. Eating a salad is great... but it's no good covered in ranch dressing. And that's the case with all food. Just because it's low fat or less calories does me no good if I top if with crap or eat more of it.
As my good friend, Cathy, told me yesterday. It doesn't matter what I call this blog or how I refer to myself, it's what I write and making sure that I'm motivating myself to do what I need to do.
If I'm sitting here each day rambling on about what I should be doing rather than actually doing it.. then I'm just wasting my time.
OK, so I don't want to get all crazy with dieting. But, I also know what I need to do in order to lose weight... and pretending that I'm just "going to take it slow" just won't give me the results I need or want.
By just skipping dessert every day, I can't expect to shed pounds. I've also got to make sure the rest of my meals are in line with what I need for fuel - not comfort or convenience.
So, yeah, I was surprised that I saw a gain this morning... but it's just a reality check that I'm not putting in near enough effort as I need to be. Getting a little more active isn't going to do me any good. I need more active, less food. Period. In fact, I need more active, more healthy food. Just cutting down isn't really going to help me achieve much either.
My challenge for myself this next week is to not stand on that scale this time next Wednesday and see a gain. And to not see that gain because I know that I've done everything I needed to do to prevent that from happening. It's the first time in the history of my weight loss efforts that I've ever seen a gain my first week starting out. That's just not good AT ALL.
Here's to a new week. A new game plan. And a new commitment that I'm really going to get my head in the game and make this happen!
Till next time!
a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman