Weigh In Wednesday: Finally Moving in the Right Direction....Again!

                            

It's been three weeks since I posted a Weigh In Post.  Mostly because there hasn't been any weight lost in the past three weeks.  In that time I've been holding steady at 246lbs, wondering if I'd ever break through that plateau.

To be fair, I can't really call it a plateau.  A plateau is when you stop losing weight while still doing everything you can to lose the weight....and it means you have to up your game.  I hit a wall because I stopped trying.  To lose, anyway.  I was managing to maintain, which meant I wasn't doing anything my doctor told me I needed to be doing.

This past week, I've gone back to trying again.  Eating 1200 calories a day.  Taking my pill.  There hasn't been any steady walking, and I really have no reason why.

What I can say is that since last week, I've lost 1.2lbs.  This week, my scale says 244.8lbs.

A month ago, I was dying to get to that spot.  To be under 245lbs...and to have lost more than 20lbs.  But, because it's taking me so stinking long to get to it, its kinda lost its pazazz.  

Losing 20lbs in 2 months was going to be awesome.

Losing 20lbs in 3 months, just isn't as awesome.

I will take some pictures this morning when I go get dressed so you can see the difference from three months ago and today.  Although I'm really hoping that it won't be 3 months until I can post the next set of progress pictures.  

Of course, these next two months are going to be TOUGH!!  Halloween is just a day away.  Thanksgiving is just a month away.  And Christmas will follow a few weeks later.

This is usually the time of year where I start thinking that it's not worth trying to lose weight.  Just focus on sensibility as to not gain it all back.

I can't do that, this time.

My doctor has told me that if there is no weight loss, there's no pill.  And even though I know I could lose the weight without the pill, I'm also confident that the pill is giving me the boost I need.  It doesn't curb my hunger, but it does curb the cravings.  I can eat... but I can't eat as much.  And the pill also messes with my senses.  Smells that I used to find absolutely irresistible are now kind of nauseating.

But that only happens when I'm taking the pill.

The minute I start to falter, the cravings come back.  The over eating comes back.  And the irresistible smells are once again irresistible.

In the three weeks that I maintained, I took my pill maybe a couple of times.  And even after visiting the doctor the last time, and hearing his warnings about not getting the pill anymore if it wasn't helping, I didn't jump right back in to taking it.  Somehow, I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need it.

But, I started taking it again this week...and BAM.  Down another pound.

While I don't want to become subservient to the pill, and depend on it being the only way to lose the weight, I do feel that it's helping kick start my motivation.  The proof is in the pudding that I'm not ready to fly solo.  I absolutely, 100% believe that when I'm ready... when I've lost enough weight to really keep the momentum going... I'll be ready to say goodbye to the pill without putting the weight back on.  I maintained for 3 weeks without the pill, I know that I'll be just fine when I do decide to give it up for good.

So, there we are.  Finally back on the horse and losing the weight.  

Even though I'm not as stoked for reaching this milestone... only because it took so long... I will say that I do feel pretty happy.  I can see the changes my body has started to make.  I can feel some of the differences.  

Last night, as I was walking out to my car after a very long Family Night at work, one of my coworkers stopped me.  She wanted to tell me that even though she hasn't said anything before, she had noticed that I was really looking good.  

It was perfect timing for such a wonderful compliment.

It meant a lot for her to say something, and I know that she meant it.  It turned around my whole perspective on my visual success....and I got to leave with a big smile on my face.

Yes, I am starting to look better.  Still have a long way to go until I believe I look "good"... but I'll get there.

PLUS, if I can lose weight over the next couple of months, then NOTHING will ever stand in my way.  I'm confident and ready to prove to myself that holidays or no holidays, my weight loss comes first!!

OK... next time you hear from me, I'll have progress pictures to share.

Till next time!!

Weekly Check-In

I really don't mean to only be writing here once a week.  I just really don't have that much to share, and then I find that I get myself in to a rut of repeating the same thing over, and over, and over again.

I'm doing OK.

I'm still hanging in there.

Even though the kids' sports all ended, last week wasn't any less crazy or busy.  I spent Monday and Tuesday night at Parent Teacher conferences.  Tuesday, I didn't even get home until midnight because Butter had his last football game - that I couldn't go to - so after I was all finished with conferences, I had to wait until he got back...and it was close to 11PM.

I did get two days off of work this week, though.  And the sad part is that even though I got time off work, I really didn't do much with those days.  In terms of helping my weight loss situation.  It would have been a perfect time to get out and do some walking...but I didn't.  I wanted to rest.  I wanted to relax.  

I have been a little better about taking my pills this week.  And watching what I've been eating.  I haven't logged everything I've eaten, but my decisions about what I have eaten have been more sensible.  

These past few weeks I've felt like a failure.  I've felt like I've slowly been falling off the side of a cliff.  At times I am desperately trying to hold on, and others I think it would be easier just to let go.  

I had such spirit and motivation a couple of months ago.  And so much success.  I lost a HUGE amount of weight that first month, and I'm not sure why that wasn't enough to keep me motivated to continue doing what I was doing.  But it wasn't.  I've had to be so diligent with myself.  Stopping myself doing something I know I'll regret, eating too much.  And it's a hard pill to swallow.  

Yesterday, I decided to put away all of my summer clothes and get out my fall/winter closet.  As I was unpacking the cute sweaters and pants, I wondered to myself if the pants would even fit.  They are size 18, most of them.  Have I lost enough for them to be used?  Or will I be left with a bunch of clothes hanging in my closet that don't fit?

One good thing is that I haven't gained any weight since I last checked in.  I'm still teetering around the 246lbs mark.  That's what I weighed on Wednesday, however, I haven't checked since then.  I'm maintaining my weight, but I still weigh far too much to get to such a plateau.  I know I haven't stalled losing weight because I'm at a point where I need to up my game.  It's simply following through on what I was doing.  Being consistent with 1200 calories a day, for one.  And then if I did the walking my doctor told me to do, I know that the weight would disappear.  

So, why is it such a mental game to get myself to do it?

It's not as though it's hard.  I'm not really having to do a lot of work to do those two little things.  I plan my food, I go for a walk.  Simple.  Yet, I'm the person that makes it 100 times harder than it needs to be, and is the main reason why the scale hasn't moved in a few weeks.

I think back a few weeks to the amount of people that were noticing the changes I was making.  I was receiving daily compliments and questions about what I was doing to lose the weight.  People were noticing that my body was starting to look a little different.  

Those have all stopped now.  Changes aren't as apparent anymore.  No, I haven't gained anything back... but by this point in time I should be another 20lbs or so lighter.  I should be celebrating another notch down in the belt buckle, another size down in my pant size, pictures of solid change.

I honestly don't know what's wrong with me.  Yes, I'm having a little pity party for myself...something else I said I'd stop doing.  But it's frustrating.  Being at the controls of my own body and mind, yet still having so much trouble getting them to do what I want them to do.  I have the desire, but I suck at the follow through.

I'm not going to give up.  I can't.  I'll hold on to the edge of the cliff for as long as it takes.  

I just need to focus on taking one day at a time, again.  I'm convinced that at some point, something will click inside of me to really fuel my fire and get me off my caboose to losing MAJOR weight.  Until that happens, I just have to mentally take tiny little steps.  Get through a day without slipping on my food intake.  Taking my pill.  Eating three meals and calculating the calories.  Just little steps in the right direction.  

Hopefully I'll be here on Wednesday showing some form of a gain.  Let's all keep our fingers crossed.  

People tell me all the time how hard weight loss is... but, when I sit down like I am right now, I realize that it's really not.  It's more about giving up a lifestyle that becomes so comfortable... so easy.  The steps to lose weight are all VERY easy.  But, it's the follow through.  The mindset.  The complete and utter change to the comfortable and normal that's the difficult part.

And that's the stuff I need to focus on right now.

Till next time!

That's One Way to Kick Off a Good Week!

Yesterday, I got hit with the 24 hour stomach bug that has plagued my house this week.  

First, Jelly had it on Wednesday.  She got sent home from school, and had to stay off Thursday because there's a 24 hour no throw up rule before returning back to school.  Then, Butter had it.  On Thursday.  And again on Saturday... but, I think his was medicine related.  The second time around.  He took a pain pill on an empty stomach, and it made him throw up.  

Saturday, the kids and I went and saw P-Momma for a while.  When I got home, Hubby informed me that he'd spent most of the day throwing up.

Awesome.

Usually, I can get away with avoiding stuff like that.  Sickies can fleet around my family and I'm usually lucky enough to make it out unscathed.  Not this time around, however.  It hit me hard yesterday, and I spent the entire day either in bed or throwing up.  

Awesome.  Again.

The only stuff that went in to my body yesterday was water and a cup of Sprite.  Which neither lasted any amount of time before they were back out of my body.  

After a day of being sick and not eating anything, I was kinda hoping that the scale would show me that I dropped something crazy like 5lbs in a day.... but no such luck.  Stupid scale.  Apparently, starving myself and throwing up is NOT the way to go for losing weight.  Darn.

Today kicks off my Doctor's Orders month of no whining and no excuses. Starting today, I'm going back to basics.  1200 calories that are logged and calculated.  No slipping, no faltering, no "one little bite won't hurt me" mentality.  My plan is to really bring it home and lose a ton of weight.  So, when I walk back in to his office at the end of the month, I can show him that I really am determined and I can live by a no-excuse mentality.  

Being that fall has been in full force the past couple of days, I want to get out all the cute fall/winter clothes I have stored away that were a little too small for me last year.  That's my number one goal at this point.  I have no idea how much weight I need to lose in order for it to happen, but I know that this time last year there were several items of clothing I had to bypass because I could no longer fit them over my expanding behind.

NOT THIS YEAR!

My doctor also told me that he wants me walking for 30 minutes at least 3 times a week.  I told him that I wanted to start running again, but he asked me to hold off on that for a while.  Only because I have bad knees, and he's worried that too much impact may end up causing me knee problems... especially with the time of the year.  When it starts getting chilly outside, the joints in my knees start getting all funky on me.  He thinks that I should just focus on power walking for a while, and that I could probably start thinking about running when I'm down another 20lbs or so.  

Well, being that this week is a short week at work, I'm thinking that I'll start off my two days off by walking.  Today and tomorrow, I'll be at school until after 8PM due to parent teacher conferences, so there won't be time to walk either day.  Wednesday I will be spending some time in my classroom making sure that I don't have too much work to take home with me for fall break.  Then, Thursday and Friday I'm off work....so I can spend some time thinking about exercising.  

It's definitely time.

One thing I really have to focus on this month is being regular with my pill.  Last month, I was very sporadic with taking it.  In fact, I haven't actually taken the pill in over a week.  A lot of it has to do with forgetting.  I am supposed to take the pill around 10AM, but I'm in the middle of teaching at that time.  I sometimes forget about it until after lunch, and then it's too late.  I'm thinking that this week, I'm going to try taking the pill at 8AM...before my kids come in to the classroom.  We'll see.

My doctor truly believes that if I take my pill every day, eat 1200 calories per day, and walk three times a week for at least 30 minutes, I have a HUGE potential of dropping some serious weight this month.  My first month, I lost 11lbs by doing hardly any exercise.  He thinks I could double that number if I add the regular exercise in to the routine.

How awesome would that be?  Twenty plus pounds in a month?  Is that even possible?

I've even thrown a little incentive in to the mix.  Not for me, however.  

Peanut has been begging me to let her get highlights in her hair.  I'm extremely opposed to the idea because I know how damaging hair color can be, and I think she's a little too young to start doing stuff like that.  

Especially since she straightens her hair quite a bit.  

But, I'm also not opposed to a little wheeling and dealing either.  I have made a pact with her that when I drop 60lbs...I'll let her highlight her hair.  For every pound I lose, that's $1 I'll spend on her hair...and I want it done professionally, so it will cost about $60.  That means, when I get down to 185lbs, she can get her hair done.

At first she wasn't very happy about it.  But, when she heard that I have the potential of losing that amount of weight in about 6 months, she was a little more open to it.  The alternative was her waiting until she is 16.  

Peanut's 14th birthday is in April, and I would LOVE to have lost the weight by then so that she can get her hair done for her birthday.  Plus, she graduates from 8th grade in May...so the timing would be perfect.  That means I really have to buckle down and get this weight off in time.

I usually try and come up with some reward for myself... but I think it might be a little more motivational if I know that one of my kids gets something out of it.

In order to grant her wish, I have to lose 10lbs a month for the next 6 months.  Totally doable.  If I lose more than that, even better.

So, that's what's going on with me right now.  But it's time for me to go and get ready for work.

Till next time!!

Doctor Orders Me to Quit My Whining

I'm still here.  Fighting the good fight.  The fight is just being fought outside the realms of Blog World, simply because I haven't wanted to get out of bed a single day this week in time to write two blog posts.  A couple of days there wasn't even time to write one blog post.

I missed my weekly weigh in and the post recapping my monthly check up with my doctor.  The weigh was kinda sorta missed on purpose, because I really didn't need another depressing week of little results on top of the huge amount of stress I have been under.  And the huge amount of stress isn't anything major, it's just a lot of little stressful things all piled up on top of each other....causing me to feel like I'm under a LOT of stress.

My doctor's visit was somewhat therapeutic.  Somewhat needed for the "poor me" attitude I was putting on myself.  My weigh in wasn't good because of the stress.  The stress was causing me to overeat and turn to food - once again- as a refuge.  

And my doctor had just one thing to say about it all:  QUIT YOUR WHINING!!

Yep.  That's what he had to say to me.  

Let's back up and explain.  

I got to my appointment, and went back to weigh.  

At my first appointment, I weighed 262lbs.  On my second appointment, I weighed 251lbs...down 11lbs from my first visit.  This time, I weighed and the scale said 249lbs.

I knew that wasn't right.  I had weighed that morning and the scale had said 246lbs.  But, it was 4:30 in the afternoon, I had eaten breakfast and lunch and drank a few gallons of water throughout the day. Either way, though... I lost 2lbs or I lost 5lbs.  Neither one anything to write home about.  

The doctor came in, looked at my results, and just asked why I thought I was able to lose 11lbs in my first month but only a couple of pounds my second.  He asked me if I was under any stress.  I laughed, and started listing off everything that has been going on in my life, recently, to answer his question.  I fully expected him to nod his head in understanding and give me a soothing talk about how I really needed to find a way to dispel some of the stress if I wanted the weight to be gone.

He didn't.

He simply said "Everyone has excuses, and you need to quit your whining and deal with them".  Urm.  What?  That's not what a caring doctor would say to a patient that's stressed and unhappy with the fact that she's turned back to food as a form of comfort, and is slowing down the awesome progress she had in her first month.

He saw the obvious shock in my face, because he then asked me if there had been any stress my first month in.  I thought about it.  It was the month I went back to work.  The kids started their sports, but they weren't in to playing many games.  I remember being pretty emotional about some of the changes that were taking place at school and the impact they had on my classroom.  I was going to be working a long side a co-teacher, having the special education kids in my room for math and reading.  That was new and different and a little stressful.  But, then I simply told him that it was nothing compared to what I'd dealt with this month.

He laughed and said "Bull!"  

Again, I was shocked.  Who on earth was this doctor to speak to me this way?

But, he then responded with the fact that of course I was under stress the previous month.  I just had a better grasp on how to deal with it.  OK, the current month had put a little more on my plate than I could handle...but he asked me how many times I'd gone for a walk to release my stress.  A strategy I had told him a month earlier myself for dealing with stress.  He asked me how many times I had stopped before eating something to calculate my calories, and determine if I'm supposed to eat it or I was just eating it for the sake of eating it.  A strategy I had, once again, told him I used a month earlier.  He asked me how many times I'd logged my food intake.  A strategy I told him I used when I felt like my eating was getting a little out of control, in order to help me process how much I was actually eating.

And then it all clicked.

He was doing exactly what I needed him to do.  Throw my own words back in my face.  Throw my own excuses under the bus.  Highlight the fact that I had sat in that very same chair only a month earlier telling him the strategies I was using to battle stress...my original reason for being so overweight.

The realization on my face softened his demeanor just a little.  He looked me square in the eyes and told me that there will ALWAYS be stress.  I knew that, had said the very same thing to him on our first visit together.  I had come to that first check-in meeting full of pride and excitement over the fact that I had been battling everything thrown in my way, and still lost 11lbs in a month.  Yet, the person in front of him at that moment was full of shame and guilt.  I knew that what I was feeding him were excuses.  That there was NO reason to overeat unless I give myself one.  Food is not a fix-all, it's poison....if I look at it with that attitude.  I should be looking at food as nothing more than fuel.  

He then used a pretty good analogy that I would never have thought of.  He asked me if I was old enough to remember Leaded gasoline.  I wasn't old enough to drive when leaded gasoline was available, but I did remember the days when my parents had the option of leaded or unleaded fuel for their cars.  Leaded gasoline was banned because of the toxic poisons that were being emitted in to the atmosphere.  It was cheaper to make, but was actually causing people to get sick.  Thus, resulting in an alternative approach being invented: Unleaded fuel.  

He then asked me that if Leaded fuel was made available again, at a much cheaper cost to what we're currently paying for gas...knowing that it could cause severe damage to my vehicle AND me....would I opt to use Leaded gasoline, or stick to paying for the more expensive, healthier option?

I sat there and looked at him for a moment.  He wasn't finished.  He went on to explain that I could go ahead and use the Leaded version because of the money it would save, but eventually my car would start to have problems.  It's a new car, one not built to handle leaded gasoline.  It would start to have problems.  Stuff would stop working.  The car would start to run a lot less efficiently, and would end up in the shop needing major, expensive repairs.

He asked me if I knew where he was going with all of this....

And I did.

My body isn't built to handle the crap I put in to it.  It starts to lag, store up the junk that's being pumped in to it because it doesn't know what to do with the fat and oil that's not healthy for my system.  It causes fatigue.  It causes pain in the joints and muscles.  

A healthy body runs on healthy fuel.  Enough to keep all the parts running smoothly, but not too much where anything has to be stored because the body doesn't know what to do with it.  

I am an unleaded vehicle pumping myself with toxic, leaded fuel.

Freakin' GENIUS analogy!!

My doctor must be a car man, because he told me that I also wouldn't keep filling my car up with fuel if it just sat in the garage everyday.  Also, leaving my car in the garage and never using it would cause belts to start drying out, gears that become sticky and caked in gunk, and an engine that would collect dust and debris from not being used.  Meaning, if I'm not exercising very often, I don't need to be eating very much.  If I'm not exercising, I'm not keeping my parts in working order and causing them to collect gunk that needs to be driven out.  

He's absolutely RIGHT!!  And what a perfect way to help me see it.  I am not doing myself any favors by being sedentary.  I'm not doing myself any favors by overeating or stress eating or eating junk food because it's quick, cheap, and available.  I have got to get myself up and out of the garage....and see what my engine is capable of.

I go back in a month.  At that time he wants no excuses.  He wants nothing more than results.  Good results.  There is no number attached to those results...because he said I will know if I've done everything I could do to show how committed I am.  The numbers will speak for themselves if I've spent the month 100% committed to my plan, my focus.  

And he's right.  Time to remember that again, get back to doing what I was doing before...and knocking his socks off a month from now.  I can do it, I know I can.  I did it the first month.  No reasons or excuses can come in the way of making this next month absolutely AMAZING.

So, that's where I am right now.  

Now is the time to see what I have in me...and focus everything on getting this weight off, and keeping it off.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Till next time!

I Have a Few Days to Make it Right

What a crazy, stressful, busy week it has been.  And, I know I say that quite a bit...and it's always true...but nothing compared to the crazy that's taken place this week.

Monday, volleyball game in Joplin, MO., home around 10PM.  Tuesday, football game at home, home around 10:30PM.  Wednesday, was supposed to be my one and only free night, that was until Butter broke his wrist at practice resulting in us being at the ER until almost 1AM.  Thursday, another volleyball game at home followed by a home football game of one of her best friends, home around 11PM.  Friday, a volleyball field trip to the University of Arkansas to watch the Lady Razorbacks play volleyball, home around 11PM.  Yesterday, afternoon I went in to work trying to get some stuff caught up, but not succeeding in the slightest, home around 6:30PM.

And you think I exaggerate when I say I lead a hectic life?

If you're wondering about the whole broken wrist thing, you should really read my other blog... I went in to great detail about it there.  If you didn't read it, the short of it is Butter was tackled at football practice and landed on his wrist.  It dislocated his growth plate and fractured the forearm bone.  They had to call in an orthopedic surgeon to pop the growth plate back in to place, because leaving it could have resulted in permanent damage to his wrist, possibly with him not being able to use that wrist again.  My poor boy went through it that night, and he's been recovering ever since at my mom's house.  He was supposed to go back on Tuesday to get a hard cast put on, but he's still in so much pain that I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to see him again. 

So, this entire week has revolved around my kids.  Not that I mind.  That's what a parent does, right?  Puts their kids first and goes without sleep so that they can do the things they want to do.

And I wish that I could say that while all this crazy was going on, I was diligent with my eating and taking my pill and doing everything I'm supposed to do in order to get this weight off.  But, then I'd be lying.  

I was supposed to go to my doctor's appointment on Wednesday.  I had already made the decision to reschedule, because I was having a sub on Thursday and had absolutely no time to prepare.  It was a good thing I did reschedule, because with Butter's accident I wouldn't have been able to go anyway.  I'm going, instead, this Thursday.

The bad news is I haven't been near as diligent as I should have been.  The good news is I haven't had much time to eat, so rather than spending all that time overeating.. I've ended up under my calorie goal most days.  There has been quite a bit of fast food, though.  

Being that I've been so sleep deprived and frazzled this week, I've ran out the door a couple of times leaving my breakfast behind.  I've packed light for lunch, and then dinner has been either skipped or we've grabbed food while out.  The grabbed food hasn't been great, but there hasn't been tons of it either.  I haven't opted for burgers and super sized fries every time.  Monday night, we ate at Golden Corral.  I had a plate of food and was full.  On Tuesday, we grabbed half priced burgers at Sonic.  I ate a burger.  On Wednesday, I had fish that Hubby had prepared...a couple of small pieces while running out the door during the dropping off the girls at home and turning back around to get Butter to the hospital.  On Thursday, it was Sonic again.  But this time I went with chicken.  No sides.  Friday, we ate at McDonalds.  So...there has been WAY too much fast food.

Yesterday, I didn't eat anything before eating dinner last night.  We had pot roast, and I ate a small piece of meat and some potatoes.  Eating that made me feel full..a little too full.  

And I took my pill maybe twice all week long.  Again, not good at ALL.

So, this week has basically been a wash.  There just hasn't been anything good come out of it in terms of my dedication to my weight loss.  Thankfully, the crazy is now going to be put behind me after tomorrow.  One last volleyball game of the season, and then it's smooth sailing for a while.  Butter will still be going to football practice, but he won't be able to play.  He has his last game next Tuesday, which just so happens to be the same night as my parent teacher conferences, so I won't get to go.

Being that I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday, I really want to buckle down these next few days and do EVERYTHING that I'm supposed to do.  Eat all three meals, and sensible meals.  Take my pill each day.  Drink gallons of water.  And maybe, just maybe, I can get rid of some of the bloat that's plaguing me.

My usual midweek check on the scale this morning revealed that this week hasn't been as bad to me as I thought it would.  But, then again, I've come to learn that the midweek check in can be misleading.  I end up with a pretty good number on Sunday, but by the time Wednesday rolls around it's not near as good as I thought it would be.  I just need to make sure that I stay on track between now and then.  There's no reason I should gain any weight if I do what I'm supposed to do.

I'm not giving up, though.  Yeah, these past couple of weeks have been rough.  Emotionally and physically draining.  But, I'm not ready to throw in the towel.  I'm not ready to call it quits.  I just look at these weeks as being obstacles I wasn't able to overcome.  Tests, if you will, that I failed.  I may have lost these battles, but the war is still very much in my favor.  I'll still come out victorious.  I haven't lost my momentum or dedication, I just truly haven't had any time to think about either.  Everything else has come first, and as a mother...that's going to happen. 

I wish I could sit here and say that I need to start putting myself first, but the truth is..that will never happen.  My kids will always be my first priority.  And I've heard the argument that I need to put myself first so that I can be here for my kids longer.  But, I won't sacrifice their happiness for my own.  It just means I need to work harder at figuring out how to juggle everything at once.  

I'm just kinda relieved at this point that we didn't decide to put Jelly in to dance classes.  Can you imagine how much more would be piled on my plate had we decided to do that?  Thankfully that wasn't something she wanted to do, and something I wanted her to do.  I think I'll just wait a while until she develops some interests on her own, and then support them when that happens.

One thing I can brag about today is the fact that I ordered a shirt at work in XL instead of 2XL - which is what I'd always ordered before.  The XL fit very well, and doesn't cling to me like they used to.  That shows that I've lost some inches around my waist, and that's something to be happy about.

It's those little moments that help me hang on, stay the course.  Yeah, I'll slip and fall sometimes.. but as long as I get right back up I'll be OK. I'll figure this whole mess out.  I'll eventually get there.  

OK, time for me to go and get some work done.  

Till next time!

Weigh In Wednesday

                           

Oh yeah.  It's one of those weigh in days.  When I stand on the scale and then feel like cursing at it and throwing it out of the window.

For the most part, I know that the scale is pretty honest with me.  It's going to tell me like it is.  Yet, this morning, I know that it's lying.  It's not being honest with me.  Yet, it's not the scale's fault.

Smart one, here (that would be me), decided to not eat dinner until 11PM last night.  

Eating dinner that late is a no-no the night before a weigh in because I KNOW that it's going to skew my results the following morning.  That food laid in my stomach all night, and I've eaten enough late night dinners to know that by tomorrow...the scale will be back to where it's supposed to be.

It wasn't really my fault..eating that late.  I mean, I had planned on eating dinner when I got home from the football game.  But, previous games have ended by 8PM.  Which usually get me home before 9PM... still a little too late to eat, but an hour or two before I actually go to bed.  Last night, the game didn't get over until 9:30, putting me home until almost 11PM.  It was in the door, scarf my food and bed within 15 minutes.  

Last week, I weighed in at 247lbs, which was a slight gain from the previous week.  The week before, I had weighed in at 246.6lbs.

This week, I managed to lose the weight I gained and a little more.  I'm now down to 246lbs.  

Only a one pound loss from last week, and only 0.6lbs down from the previous week's weight before I gained.

Which is a real pain in the rear, because I REALLY wanted to be down to 245lbs this week so I could post my 20lbs lost progress pics.  

What makes matters worse is the fact that I saw that number this past weekend when I stood on the scale for a mid-week check in.  To see that number then got me all excited, but I tried to stay cool... because I always make sure to go with what the scale says on Wednesday as my "official" weigh in.  

And now, because I was stupid and ate so late last night, it's going to be another week before I can see that number.  

I have my doctor's appointment this afternoon.  It's going to be a tough stretch to get that number down to where I want it by then.  Especially since the appointment is at 4PM in the afternoon.  

It's going to be a tough pill to swallow walking in to that doctor's office losing less than 10lbs since my last appointment.  I've only lost 6lbs since my last appointment... a month ago.  Not exactly the best success in the world.  I'm hoping it's good enough for the doctor to keep giving me my medicine.

I am just very thankful that this is the last week that my life will be so darned hectic.  The volleyball season ends on Monday of next week.  Then that's it.  I just have two more football games after that, and I'll be home free.  Back to getting home at a reasonable hour each night.  Back to planning meals, and staying focused on my weight loss rather than how much sleep I'm going to fit in.  

These past couple of weeks may have been slow moving, but I'll get momentum back.  Being gone four nights a week and at least one day on the weekend for sports has taken it's toll on me.  I've made it through, but it's wore me down.  

I actually can't wait for the days when I can go back to spending an hour or so in my classroom doing stuff and then heading on home for some rest and relaxation.  

Until then, though, I'll take whatever loss I can get and run with it.  This last month may not have been the most successful, and not near as good as my first month, but I'll keep my chin up and keep pounding the weight away.  

Slow progress is better than no progress.

That's the way I'm going to look at it.

But, right now, I need to run.

Till next time!

Getting Back on Track

Another week of very few posts from me.  I promise you it's because of the crazy life I'm currently living and NOT because I'm falling off track, and don't want anyone to know about it.

In fact, the last post I wrote - my weigh in post - did kinda say that I was struggling just a little.  So, it wouldn't surprise me that some of you are thinking that I'm swaying off course, and letting myself go.

Just so you know, that's not the case.  In fact, this week has been MUCH better.  Still crazy beyond crazy, but I'm adjusting and monitoring.  I'm surviving and doing what I need to do.

I stood on the scale this morning, just to get an idea of whether or not some of the changes I've made this week have helped.  Let's just say that things are moving, once again, in the right direction.  I'm not going to share specifics, because that's all for Wednesday.  But, it felt good knowing that I'm making some positive changes that are affecting the damage I did last week.

This past week, I have had so much going on that I didn't know if I was coming or going most of the time.  It was homecoming spirit week at work, and I was up and at 'em early each day just so I could get all dressed up for whatever the day's theme was.  Wednesday was the only night I made it home before 9PM.  It was tough to plan and prepare and stay on course during all of it, but I did pretty well...and didn't decide to just throw in the towel.  Even though I felt like it several times.

The way I look at it is if I can make it through these crazy weeks, it should be smooth sailing once my life starts to even out a little more.  Nothing like jumping in head first to the shark tank just to see if I can still swim out alive.  I only have two more weeks left of football and volleyball, and then I can start coming home at a reasonable time once again.  And I won't have games to attend, practices, and all the rest of it.  Life will slow down, and I'll be able to adjust and monitor my progress a lot easier.

My only hope is, that once life does start settling down a little..I can finally make time for some much needed exercise.  The hope is, I'll be so used to go, go, going all of the time, that my body will crave more movement when it's not getting as much.  One can hope, right?

Here lately, even my weekends have become nothing more than blurs of time that go whizzing by.  I've got so much going on that my house has become almost like an acquaintance to me.  Someone I see every now and then.  The short amounts of time I'm here, I'm sleeping.  The house is in desperate need of some attention, and I haven't been around to give it.  

Yesterday I was gone all day, today I'm going to be gone for quite a while.  I just don't even feel like I can sit at home and relax anymore.  There's always something on the calendar, somewhere to go, something to do.  

But, one thing I can say is that even though my eating hasn't been perfect..not even close, really, I'm keeping my head above water.  I had a slight setback this week when I saw my first weight gain in 8 weeks, but I don't think that is something that will happen again this week.  Amid everything that's going on, I am able to take a step back and keep my weight loss a priority.  

I am learning a very valuable lesson in all of this:  Weight loss isn't something that can be planned and prepared for all of the time.  Life gets in the way.  But, if I'm able to keep the progress going with everything that life is throwing at me - I can do this for the rest of my life.  I know it.

I may not be writing all my food down, planning all my meals out ahead of time, running a few miles every other day... but I'm staying conscious of what I'm eating, how much I'm eating, and how much my body is moving, even though it's not planned exercise.

As long as I continue to see the scale moving in the right direction, I know that I must be doing something right.  I forgot that last week, but didn't this week.  I remained focused, I let the number on the scale this week plague me every time I even had a fleeting thought of eating more than I should.  I stayed strong, even though I was exhausted and stressed and emotionally drained.  

I may not be living by the custom set of rules that apply to those trying to lose weight, but it's working for me right now.  I don't have time to do half the stuff I want to do, or plan to do, or need to do.  But, I always have the time to stop and take a second before putting something in my mouth and asking myself if it's worth it.  

I'm continuing on this journey.  It may be a bumpy ride, but I'm holding on...I will not let go.  I will ride these crazy waves out until the storm passes.  Just two more weeks of crazy, and then life can go back to being more calm.  Giving me a chance to reassess, look at any changes that need to be made, and carving away some time to focus on my fitness needs.

This week I make another trek back to my doctor for a progress check.  I'm already accepting the fact that I won't be anywhere near the goal I set for myself, but I will also walk in there knowing there has been several pounds lost.  I will walk in knowing that with everything that has gone on this past month, I'm still losing weight.  I'm still succeeding, even if it's not at the level I had planned.  Success is success.  And that's something I'm going to keep reminding myself.

OK, I have a thousand and one things to do today... and sitting here all morning isn't really one of them.

Till next time!

Weigh In Wednesday

                             

Today is weigh in day, and for the first time in eight weeks, I'm going to be reporting a gain.

I'm not surprised by it.  I kinda knew it was going to come.  

After the rocky end of the week last week, and the not so great weekend, I just knew that I had some damage to undo.  I did better than I thought I would do at undoing that damage, and Aunt Flo came to see me yesterday....so I also know that some of the weight is bloat.

Last week, I weighed in at 246.6lbs.

This week, I went up to 247lbs.

A gain of 0.4lbs.  Not the end of the world.  Not a major gain.  And, most likely not a real gain in the sense that once I lose the water weight I'm currently holding on to, it might not even be a real gain.

When I stood on the scale on Sunday, after that I had that major ordeal with Peanut, I was up to 249lbs.  So, at least I'm not still there today.  I got back down, a little.

I was going to say that I'm not going to beat myself up over such a small gain.  But, in reality, I kinda am.  Just for the simple fact that I let myself go a little... I allowed myself to get off course enough for that gain to be there.  It was my fault, and if I don't stand up and take responsibility... I won't really do anything about getting stronger at avoiding those situations.

I'm still pleased with the progress I've made, overall, but I still have a VERY long way to go.  And it's not time for me to be slacking off in the slightest.  If I don't stay firm.  Committed.  Strong.  I won't get where I need to be.

I've already majorly cleaned up my act since this weekend.  I've been eating what I should...and my only downside since Sunday is that I haven't been eating dinner until around 9PM.  

Tonight is the only night I'll be home at a reasonable hour this entire week, actually.  Tomorrow Peanut has a volleyball game, and then we have the Homecoming Bonfire.  Friday night is Homecoming, and we'll be going to that...and it will undoubtably be a late night.  

I have agreed to take the kids out for dinner Friday night before the game.  And I already know exactly where we're going:  Subway.  They can like it or not.  Subway is a place I feel safe when it comes to staying mindful with my eating.  I know that I can get out of there without being tempted in to eating something I shouldn't.  And, I can feel leaving satisfied and not as though I've just eaten rabbit food.

Alright.  That's what I've got, for now.  Not much more to say.

Except, there won't be a gain showing on the scale next week.  I can promise you that.

Till next time!