This post is something I've been thinking about for a very long time. A couple of years, to be exact. I've started to write it several times, but end up deleting it...putting it on the back burner, for a better time, a more committed time.
Every time I get focused on losing weight, I start to think about all the things I'd like to accomplish that I feel my weight impacts. There are lots of things I can't do because of my weight, there are a lot of things I chose not to do because of my weight. There are a lot of feelings I want to experience during the process of losing weight... without the fear that I can only hold on to those feelings for a short while - until the weight comes back again.
Many people write out a list of goals they want to accomplish while losing weight. I have only one goal when it comes to that part: Stay the course! That includes being diligent in my eating choices, putting in some exercise, staying away from anything that could derail my progress or motivation. But, what about the goals that are to come once the weight is gone?
I always feel like, even in moments of success, this type of blog post could be a jinx. A curse that would lead to falling back in to old habits and kissing goodbye any chance of every actually succeeding in doing everything I want.
But, this time, I feel different. I feel like the changes I'm making are coming from a different place. Not just a whim of wanting to lose weight, but a real commitment to a lifestyle change, motivated by my health, and hitting rock bottom to finally bring myself to where I need to be.
So, today, I throw caution to the wind, and write the post that has been a couple years in the making... My Weight Loss Bucket List. A list of all the things I want to do while losing weight and once the weight is gone (after I get to goal weight). A list of accolades and triumphs, overcoming fears and obstacles, from the minor to the major. I lay it all out right here....
1. Run every step of a 5K at a pace that is considered "race worthy" - I've participated in several, but have never run every step. I've completed one in which I jogged the entire way, but I want to actually RUN the whole thing and feel like I'm up there with everyone else that's competing.
2. Spend a day going in to every clothing store at the mall and trying on at least one outfit, even if I have no desire to buy anything.
3. Not having to preplan before a visit to a restaurant...knowing exactly what I'll order without weighing any consequences (meaning I'll order healthy without having to think about it).
4. Take pictures of myself in a bathing suit, and being OK with it - this includes trying on new bathing suits, and while with family and friends in a bathing suit.
5. Wear a pair of shorts where my hands touch skin when placed down to my side...yes, shorty-shorts.
6. Wear heels for an entire day without having to kick them off in surrender from the pain.
7. Get on roller-coasters and extreme rides at a fair or theme park.
8. Zip line through the trees or over a river or something...high up, nothing but a cord holding me in place.
9. Throw myself an Extreme Makeover reveal party...even if everyone in attendance has seen the transformation that has taken place before their eyes. Chris Powell not included.
10. Finally get married, and feel like a princess on my wedding day
11. Enter a local singing contest
12. Go on a day long trail ride with my brother, on horseback. Something that's on his own bucket list.
13. Transform my yard in to a yoga retreat, full with flowers, wind chimes, and other fancy "new-agy" stuff.
14. Grow my own selection of fruits and veggies like cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers, melon, strawberries, etc.
15. Borrow an item of clothing from Peanut (to her upmost horror)..whether it be a shirt or a pair of pants, just something I can fit in to.
16. Have an extremely tasteful boudoir photo shoot..and be OK with sharing some of the images with friends and family. I'm not talking about nude photos, I'm talking sexy, but PG13 friendly. Oxymoron? We'll see.
17. Spend the day (or weekend) at a spa retreat getting pampered to the fullest extent..mud bath, massage, mani-pedi, facial, yoga...the works!
18. Join some form of community outreach group that mentors people about losing weight...or starting one if there isn't one local
19. Join a competitive sporting team like softball, soccer, or volleyball. As long as it doesn't take away from my children's sports. I'll settle for meeting with some new found friends at the local park each weekend.
20. Donate ALL of my old clothes to charity...again. Every item that is plus-sized...it will all GO!
And there's a pretty good start. Twenty things. The twenty things I've dreamed of doing for a very long time. I'm sure that more will pop in to my head along the way... but that's a great start to a great list of stuff that's accomplishable.
Overtime, my hope is to revisit this list and start chiseling away.
In May, my kids have a trip to a theme park with their school band. I have already been signed up to chaperone. Which means, I have less than a year to get to a weight that puts me comfortable with riding extreme rides. I won't right now. I'm terrified that my weight will prevent me from being securely buckled in to place. Getting on a roller-coaster would make me face two fears at once: My extreme fear of heights, and the fear of falling out.
I haven't gone on a roller-coaster since 2007. And it was pure, extreme torture. I kept my eyes closed the whole time while tears streamed from them, and it took several minutes to get me walking straight after I got off. I wouldn't go back on another roller-coaster that day or any day after that.
My weight was the main reason for that. The whole time, I felt like I hadn't been secured as tight as I should been...or could have been if I wasn't so heavy.
I know that I have the power within me to accomplish everything on that list. And the only thing stopping me is my current weight. I am convinced, that once I drop a large portion of the weight - the fears won't be as extreme. Sure, I'll still be scared of heights, but I'd much rather face that fear being 100lbs smaller than I'd be willing to be if I wasn't.
So, I've finally bit the bullet and prepared the list I've spent so much time thinking about. The list that I somehow believed would curse my efforts, send me straight down the path to failing. Let's hope and pray that the opposite holds true. It's now my motivator. My list of rewards that await me in the land of healthy size.
I can do it. I know I can.
Till next time!