Why Am I So Cranky?

                           

Well, this whole New Year thing just isn't turning out the way I had planned.  I come back after being gone a couple of months, I post my New Year plan, I get a comment that rubs me the wrong way, I write a whole post explaining why it rubbed me the wrong way, and then I start a whirlwind of concern from some of my long-time readers and more hatefulness from my not-so-long-term readers.

After writing my post yesterday, I started receiving messages and emails from people asking me if everything was OK.  If I was OK.  That I wasn't acting like my normal, happy-go-lucky self.  I received some emails and a comment basically telling me that I was majorly over-reacting, and that it was my own fault the original commenter wrote what she did, because I had basically said I was going to just keep on eating and hoping that exercise would save me.

And, after reading the original post over and over again, I see how some things could have been misconstrued, but I stand behind my post that I wrote yesterday.  

Carers and haters alike are both surprised by my outburst.  I've received some not-very-nice emails and comments before, but I've never gone off like that.  I overreacted, supposedly.  The original commenter was just sharing her opinion and giving me information that I should know, but maybe needed to hear again, and was giving her take on what I was saying.

Like a comment posted yesterday shows, I did say that I was going to "eat whatever I freaking want, when I want" and that usually means shoveling food in without a care.  

Usually, I'm pretty openminded and accepting of all comments posted - nice or not.

So, why now, am I going all bat s**t crazy over one comment that really wasn't downright mean?

I think one of my biggest problems is the fact that everyone seems to have this "one-size fits all" mentality.  Statistics, diet plans, weight loss gurus all say the same thing over and over and over, and it works for lots of people.  But, not all.

And by that, I mean me.  

I've been battling my weight problem for close to a decade, and yet here I sit still 250lbs.  I've tried every diet out there, followed all the advice, done what everyone else has done that worked for them, and I'm not really any better off for it.

I know that a lot of that has to do with follow through.  It's my own fault.  Had I stuck with what I've been told, and continued doing what everyone else is doing, I would have had the same success.  

But that's the point that has gotten me so cranky and rubbed the wrong way.

If it's not something I can sustain, then it's not going to work.  For me.

Sure, I'm lazy.  I'm not committed.  I'm lacking the true motivation and willingness to put in the hard work that comes with losing weight.  But, at the end of the day, I have tried so hard...and continued to fail.

Like I pointed out in my post yesterday. For the past two years, I've focused solely on my diet.  I've learned everything I can about what foods I should be eating, how much is enough, what foods I should be avoiding or eating more of or eating less of.  Have I followed all the nutritional guidelines to a tee?  No.  But, I can definitely sit here and say that I've spent more time in those two years eating the "right way" versus eating like crap.  

I've lost some weight, I've gained it back.  I can blame my food intake for the gain, I suppose, but gaining 5lbs because I ate pizza one night doesn't really make sense to me.  I gained 5lbs over the course of Christmas break because I know I overdid it.  But, if I look back at my history, I realize that I've basically been maintaining my weight all this time.  

I've decreased my calorie intake, that took off a few pounds for a while.  Then, the pounds starting coming back... even though my eating habits weren't really changing.  I was still eating pretty much the same stuff, yet I was gaining weight again.  I'd cut the calories again... same scenario.  Finally, I got to the point where my doctor said NO MORE CUTTING CALORIES!! He said I wasn't eating enough, and so my body was storing.  How can that be? I have more than enough fat to burn off.. but I also know that starving myself won't get me anywhere.

I tried weight loss pills.  Again, huge success in the beginning, but they started to fail me.  Doctor said they wouldn't do me any good by just watching what I was eating.  Exercise had to be incorporated.  

I, then, started to really think back to my successful year three years ago.  

I started that year weighing almost 300lbs!  I decided to start walking.  Fifteen minutes, three times a week.  And it killed me, but I also felt really accomplished when I had done it.  Then, I was able to up that.  Then some more.  Until I was walking thirty minutes three times a week.  And just by doing that, I lost 40lbs.

At around 260lbs, I did something crazy.  I decided to sign up for a boot camp.  Intense, hard-core, fitness boot camp.  Ninety minutes, three times a week, of calisthenics, running, obstacle courses, pulling HumVees.   At 260lbs, I thought I was basically going to kill myself.  And on most days, I did feel like I was going to die.  But, I got through each session.  No matter how much I was hurting, or puking, or on the verge of tears... I got through EVERY. SINGLE. SESSION.

After I completed the boot camp, the fitness world was mine for the taking.  My next target was running 5Ks.  Just a few months later, I achieved that goal.  Finishing a 5K in a little over 45 minutes.  Then another 5K came, and another.

By the end of that year, I had dropped 80lbs and felt better than I had ever felt in my entire life.  I was strong, fierce, and rocking a body that I was finally proud of.  Even though I was still around the 200lbs mark, I had dropped several inches from my body going from a size 24 down to a size 16... and was almost in to a size 14.  

Then, life got in the way.  Again.  Stress.  Worry.  Feelings of helplessness, that I wasn't good enough.  And all those strong feelings I had worked so hard to get were gone.  Poof.  Just like that.  All because I couldn't find a teaching job, and it cut me to the very core.  I had convinced myself that doing what I had done with my fitness would somehow help me with my job hunt.  When I found out how wrong I was, I let it eat away at me.  Literally.  Falling back in to old habits of eating to medicate.

Since that time, I've managed to get some of my self-esteem back.  Getting my job was a big motivator in that.  I've spent a lot of time evaluating my need to turn to food for comfort, and feel like I've come leaps and bounds from where I was a couple of years ago.  I was sure I could get back on the horse and lose all that weight again... except this whole time I forgot what it was that motivated me in the first place. 

Feeling that rush of adrenaline.  Feeling like a million bucks when I did something I just didn't think my body was capable of.  Having a purpose and focus, rather than just a desire.  

It truly was all about the exercise.  The strength.  The fitness. 

That's what had motivated me to lose the weight.   That's what had helped me drop 80lbs.  The food was just a part of the cycle.  Push my body, burn the fat, fuel it with healthy foods.  

Of course, had I explained this all a few days ago, I don't think I would have gotten the comment I received.  Had I explained what I meant by not following a diet "plan" and focusing entirely on exercise, I wouldn't have had to unleash like I did yesterday.

And that's my bad.

But, one thing I really wish people would understand is that everyone is different.  I don't give a flying hoot what the experts say.  I couldn't care less about who has managed to succeed with whatever plan they were doing.  I am tired of hearing it.  Tired of feeling like I'm doing something wrong if I'm not doing what everyone else is doing.  Tired of being judged or assumptions made about me.  

Yes, I choose to journal my weight loss journey.  Yes, I should expect to get some opinions I don't agree with.  Yes, I totally overreacted about a probably innocent comment that was made.  

But, when I post, I'm not always looking for advice or suggestions or someone telling me what I should or shouldn't be doing.

Believe me, I've tried.  And, none of it has worked.  

And that's not an invitation for someone to tell me why it hasn't worked.  I know why.  Really, I do.  I am the only one to blame.  I am the only reason I am still in the situation I am in.  But, when I feel like I might have discovered the answer for my constant failures, I really don't need someone telling me that it won't work... that I'm setting myself up for failure.

Because, I've failed so many times from doing what others have told me to do, by listening to people tell me what will and won't work.  And for once, I want to try something on my terms.  

I'm a person that needs a focus.  Apparently, just being healthier isn't that purpose.  Apparently, just losing weight isn't even the focus.  If that was the case, I know I would have given much more to the healthier eating lifestyle.  

I have realized that I need physical motivation.  Competition.  Even if it's just with myself.  Not just making my body smaller, but stronger.  I need to accomplish things I didn't think I could.  I need a drive that keeps taking me to the next level.  Keeps challenging me.  Keeps pushing me to do better, be better.  

And I truly believe that it's something to do with fitness.

Maybe it's running.   Maybe it's boxing.  Maybe it's Yoga.  Maybe it's Mud Runs or 5Ks or Triathlons or 

CrossFit.  I have no idea at this point.  But, I know that it's something along those lines.  I can feel it.  

So, I apologize for being a cranky pants the past couple of days.  It's all my fault for not saying all of this from the get-go.  Had I explained these feelings, many of you may have been more understanding about where I was coming from and what I meant.

Of course I know I have to eat healthy.  Of course I know that I have to be meticulous with my diet.  But, I also know that when I'm working out.  Hard.  I fuel my body the right way... the way it's supposed to be fueled.

So, let's start over, shall we? 

A new beginning.  Hopefully, I've explained it all now.. but if there is any question, please don't hesitate to ask.  I know that I've probably scared off people from commenting ever again, but I'm not really like that.  I truly do appreciate and accept opinions and advice, even that of the "opposing" kind.

I just ask that if you feel the need to recite the jargon I've heard so many times before, that you needn't bother.  I know how much I need to focus on what I eat.  I know how much I need to focus on how often I exercise.  I know at the end of the day I either put-up or shut-up.  

But, for the first time in a very long time, I feel like I don't have any stresses I can blame my demise on. I have a happy life.  I've checked off two of the three MAJOR life goals:  Get a teaching job?  Check!  Get a new house?  Check!  Lose weight and become stronger than I've ever been?  There we go.  That's the focus for this year.  It's time.

I promise to get rid of my Cranky Pants as of today.  No more hatefulness from me.  I promise.

OK, Let's Get One Thing Straight!

First off, let me start out by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you that commented on my post yesterday.  Those of you that were showing your support, that is.  It really meant a lot to me to know that after all this time, I still have people that have my back and are rooting for me.  Not everyone has given up on me... and that is a big deal.

With that being said, I had to also receive a comment that was basically what I was expecting.  The whole "you can't just lose weight with exercise, you have to eat right" comment.  To be fair, and not blow the whole thing out of proportion, I'm going to clarify myself today with that comment.

Here's the comment I'm speaking about:

"No workout can out-work a poor diet. You're a not-exactly-young female with a history of being overweight/obese. Your weight is determined by 80% diet, 10% exercise, 10% genetics. Your health is influenced tremendously by your diet...as are your children's choices. Eating what you feel like and thinking you can burn it off doesn't work, 1) because of physiology and 2) because if you're like the vast majority of people, the workouts happen sporadically, if at all, while the food intake is steady and voluminous. The only "plan" you need is to eat real food that contributes nutrition to your body. The portions will adjust themselves shortly as you find that you are much more easily and continuously satiated by eating whole foods and drinking plenty of water (a gallon a day). Exercise is to increase fitness; i.e., strength, flexibility, cardiovascular endurance, etc. --not to burn off crap you ate or buy you permission to eat crap/eat more."

No work-out can out-work a poor diet.  Let's start there.  First off, in yesterday's post I made several remarks about refusing a diet "plan".  Meaning I wasn't going to count calories, eliminate certain foods, or follow some diet plan that has been made very lucrative in the weight loss world.

Now, what I didn't mean by that statement was that I'd be working out and then stuffing myself full of cheeseburgers and fries.  I'm not going to go at this with the mentality that I can have my cake, run a mile, and then eat the whole damn thing.  I'm not the smartest person in the world, but I do know that just because I do some exercise, I won't be able to eat tons of junk food.  

I'm a not-exactly-young female with a history of being overweight/obese.  Ouch!  But, the truth hurts, so I'll give you that one.

My weight is determined by 80% diet, 10% exercise, 10% genetics.  This is one of those statements I love hearing.  I've heard it a THOUSAND times.  Well, make that 1001 now.  But you know what?  That statement is a generalized statement fed to the masses.  In fact, the past two years, my diet is all I've thought about.  I've given 99% to diet, and 1% to exercise...and you know what's happened?  Nothing.  I'm still the same weight I was 2 years ago.  The year before that, my life revolved around about 60% exercise and 40% diet.  I was told to eat better but exercise MUCH MORE.  I lost 80lbs.  I stopped exercising so much, but didn't really sway that far off from the "healthy" meal plans I'd been focusing on...and what do you know?  Gained it all back.

My health is influenced tremendously by my diet... as is my children's.  First off, please don't bring my kids in to this.  All three are in a healthy range.  They are active in sports, eat well, and have normal body weights.  My kids LOVE healthy foods, and don't just sit around all day snacking on junk food.  My youngest, for example, would much rather eat a bowl of carrots than a bowl of chips any day.  Just last night, we had homemade burritos for dinner.  She pulled out the lettuce, salsa, and cheese and ate that with a tortilla.  She also asked for a side of baby carrots to go with it.  She had a small spoonful of the meat, but was perfectly content with just eating the veggies.  Hardly sounds like a kid on the fast track to Obese Central.  My oldest is an avid volleyball player and track participant.  On her off seasons, it's very important for her to maintain her fitness and diet.  Which she does.  My son, who is a football player, has been a little overweight his whole life.  Until this last year, when he hit a growth spurt and evened stuff out.  My kids are given healthy, nutritious foods in my house.  So, don't judge my kids based on my fat behind.

Eating what you feel like and thinking you can burn it off doesn't work, 1) because of physiology and 2) because if you're like the vast majority of people, the workouts happen sporadically, if at all, while the food intake is steady and voluminous.  

I guess this all depends on how you interpret "eating what I feel like" (see next point).  

The only "plan" you need is to eat real food that contributes nutrition to your body. The portions will adjust themselves shortly as you find that you are much more easily and continuously satiated by eating whole foods and drinking plenty of water (a gallon a day)

Again, it's my bad for you interpreting that my not wanting to follow a diet plan automatically means I'm going to be eating a constant supply of McDonald's and Chocolate Eclairs.  I couldn't possibly be saying anything other than that, right?  I mean, when a person who wants to lose weight declares she's not going to diet, that automatically has to translate in to her continuing the binge high-life.  Big Macs?  Bags of chips?  Candy bars?  Cakes and pies?  OF COURSE!!  

For your information, I very rarely eat junk food.  I know, you probably don't believe me.  How on earth could an obese woman be obese and not stuff her face full of junk 24/7... right?  I mean, it's just not scientifically possible that an obese woman who focuses her life on three squares a day, drinks nothing but water and coffee, and even without counting knows that her calorie intake each day is between 1500-2000 (and very rarely does it go near the 2000 range)... because it's been the same kind of food/portions for the past two years while she's focused on nothing but her "diet" be this overweight, right?  

Exercise is to increase fitness; i.e., strength, flexibility, cardiovascular endurance, etc. --not to burn off crap you ate or buy you permission to eat crap/eat more.

Again, thanks for making the automatic assumption that my not wanting to "diet" and focus more on exercise is just my way of giving myself an excuse to load up on more crap.  That's totally understandable to assume.  Even though I made the point that I'm going to continue eating the way I am, you automatically assume - once again - that I'll be relying on my "best friends" Fat and Sugar, right?

Once again, I'd like to point out that I don't really eat that much 'crap'.  Over the past two years, I've actually got myself in to a pretty good mindset when it comes to eating.  The meals in my house are always freshly made, with fresh ingredients.  Veggies are a large portion of our meals.  Protein comes from lean cuts.  Grains are always of the whole-grain variety.  

Now, I'm not going to sit up here on my soapbox and declare that I never put junk in my mouth.  Once in a while, I'll eat some pizza.  Once in a blue moon, my family enjoys burgers and fries at a local restaurant.  I'll even confess that over the Christmas break I ate some chocolate and cookies and pie.  But, that's not my "normal" eating habits.  My problem is mostly on skipping meals.  I admit, I'll skip breakfast once in a while.  If I'm at home I can go an entire day without eating... until dinner time comes around.  But, even those situations have improved immensely over the past year.   Because I knew that I had to eat at least three small meals a day in order to lose weight.

But, again, how is it possible that I am able to maintain not eating that much junk food, eating pretty healthy meals, and not loading myself up with fat and sugar that I'm not losing.. and sometimes even gaining weight?

I'll tell you how... BECAUSE I DON'T EXERCISE!!

Which brings me right back around to where I wanted to be.

You automatically assume that with my declaration yesterday, I'd be another "fatty" who wants to stuff her face full of junk food, make the half-hearted pledge to move a little more, and then expect to drop 100lbs.  Am I right?

Do I have to explain the whole "Ass-u-me" scenario?

Had you taken even the tiniest morsel of time to understand about me is that eating really isn't the problem.  I've been on this diet rollercoaster for so long, that I'm tired of it.  Plan this, log that, count this, subtract that.  It's enough to make my head explode!! And I've been doing it for YEARS!!!  What do I have to show for it?  Nothing.

Well, that's not true.  I have an understanding about what foods I should be eating.  I can now eye up a piece of meat and know how much is a correct "portion".  I can know, to a error margin of 10, how many calories I'm consuming in a day without having to write a single thing down.  I have fully changed my mindset on good carbs versus bad carbs, the value of multi-grain and whole grain varieties, how to select lean protein, and how many calories my body is burning at rest.  

Yet, nothing has changed with my body!!

It's missing one very important factor... and that's the exercise.  I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can't lose the weight I want to lose by just eating right.  I'm already there.  I already do that.  Have I let myself go too many times?  Sure.  But, I still know how to get right back up on that Healthy Food Horse without books, and apps, and expensive supplements. 

When I lost 80lbs, it wasn't the eating right that did it.  It was the exercise.  Leaning up my muscle, burning the excess fat that's stored up on my body over the years, giving me the rush of adrenaline to make me stronger, giving me pride in accomplishing stuff I didn't think my fat body was capable of, and giving me the notion that I need to fuel my body with healthy stuff.. because why go through all that work just to waste it on a donut?

So, before you judge me or my plans, take a second to read through the lines, sista.  I'm not a beginner.  I'm not walking down this road for the first time. I have tasted the sweet taste of success.  I have trained my brain to know what "fuel" it needs.  But I'm filling up a gas tank that hasn't left the garage in WAY too long.  

Don't tell me stuff I already know.  I appreciate and respect your opinion, but just needed to clear up a few facts.

I in no way, shape, or form plan on giving up the "diet" to eat nothing but junk and expect exercise to swoop in and save me.  I know what the numbers and statistics and all that jazz are.  I am not going to diet.  Period.  I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing with my nutrition... because it's not at all how you assume it to be.  I'm just going to get back up on that exercise pony and ride myself back in to success.  

I've made it a routine to eat right.  Better, at least.  Now, I have to work on making exercise the routine.  That's my focus.  That's the "plan".  If I fail, it will be because I didn't get off that couch and follow through.  It won't be because I just continued eating my way in to oblivion.  

Thanks for the comment, though.

And hopefully, this clears up some of the missing pieces I left out from yesterday's post.

Losing Weight Without a Diet Plan?

                       

With beginning a new year, and a new plan to lose weight, comes the age old question:  What diet plan should I use?

The fact of the matter is, my history has told me that in order to lose weight, I have to follow some kind of diet plan and exercise.  Whether it be one of the fancy, read all the books, diet plans or the simple "eat this many calories" diet plan, something has to be done in order to drop the pounds.

But, what if there was a way to lose weight without being on some strict diet plan?

And didn't that just sound like one of those commercials pushing the Miracle Diet Pills?

What I mean is, wouldn't it be fantastic if I could lose weight without counting calories, writing down everything that goes in my mouth, not having to eliminate certain foods from my diet, or picking a plan that seems to work for everyone else?

The truth is, when it comes to losing weight, I fail because it's too much work.  All the calculating, the logging, the checking ingredient lists, etc.  I hate it.  I do really well for a while, and then I get so tired of all the work... I give up. 

There's just no way to sugar coat it:  I'm lazy.  Plain and simple.  Not about my life in general, but doing the extra work involved with curbing out a diet plan and sticking to it.

For the past two years, my weight loss focus has all been directed to my eating.  What I should and shouldn't eat, when I should eat it, how much I should eat.  Out comes the fancy logging apps on my phone, grocery store visits take twice as long because I'm checking ingredient labels, and I make sure all the measuring cups in my house get used to portion out my food.  And for the most part, each time I've gone to these extremes, I've lost weight.  Then, I start getting lazy, the app doesn't get any use for a couple of days, I'm in and out of the grocery store and hoping I'm getting the right stuff, and my eyes become my measuring cups because it takes too long to measure stuff out.  And then you know what happens?  The weight starts coming back again.

But, when I really think about the time I lost the most weight...and I'm talking the 80lbs I dropped in a year... it wasn't really the food that got me through all of that.  It was the exercise.  

Sure, I logged here and there.  I drank a lot more water.  I swayed away from fatty, fried foods and focused on more healthier choices... but I worked out.  Hard.  A lot.

So, this year, I'm going to try a little experiment.  

It may fail, big time.  And I'm sure plenty of naysayers will be standing in line taking bets on my weight loss demise, but I'm going to give it a go.  See what happens.  Run with it.  Literally.

This year, I am absolutely, 100% refusing any form of diet plan.  Zip.  Zilch.  Nada.

I'm going to eat what I eat, when I eat it.  I'm going to try and be more health conscious with my choices, but there will be NO counting, logging, or measuring.  

What I am going to do is start incorporating more exercise.  Walking.  Jogging.  Get-Fit games on my PS3. Yoga.  And work-out DVDs.  All stuff I enjoyed doing three years ago when I lost the most weight.

I don't recall a single time of my exercise past where I got tired of exercising.  Was it a struggle to make myself do it?  Sure.  But, once I got started, I wanted more.  And was always very happy and felt great once it was over.  The biggest struggle was always the get-up and go.  Which, I've decided, is the one and only struggle I'm going to get over this year.

I know that if I have any chance whatsoever of my little experiment working, I have to make myself exercise.  I really don't want to be sitting here next year lapping up the "I told you so" from every person who will have something negative to say about my thought process.  If there's one thing I hate more than anything, it's being wrong.  Not because I'm wrong, but because I could have been right but didn't follow through enough to prove it.

If I want this experiment to work, I'm going to have to get off my rear end and make it happen.  

I think it would be so awesome to share the story of a girl that didn't go in to crazy diet mode in order to lose weight, but simply started adding exercise in to her routine.  She didn't have to buy special foods, didn't have to log all that food, didn't have to eliminate all the stuff she loved to eat... but still managed to lose weight just by exercising a little more.

And, yes, I know that if I just lose weight by exercising more and not changing my eating habits, I will gain all the weight back the minute I stop exercising.  But, what if I learned to eat better without all the crazy diet expectations, and maintained a routine of exercise?  Made it a habit?

That could work, right?

I know I've said it a thousand times before: I'm going to eat better and exercise more.  But, at the end of the day, the "eat better" always revolved around some form of diet plan and the "exercise more" was a wishy-washy way of saying that if I'm eating right, I really don't have to exercise all that much.

I've always been told that the first step to weight loss was diet.  Exercise is only a small factor in losing weight.  Really?  Then how come I lost 80lbs the year I got my fat behind off the couch 3 to 5 times a week and pushed myself to the limits? I've worked on the diet part every year since... and the weight has all come back. I know, I know, I didn't stick with the eating plan.  THAT'S why I gained it back, right?

I don't think so.  I fully believe that had I stuck with my exercise plan, even fudging on my diet as much as I did, the weight would have stayed away.  It was giving up that active lifestyle that truly did me in.  

So, call me crazy (I know many will), but this year I'm ditching the diet.  No more diets.  Whatever freaking food I want to eat, when I want to eat it.... with a HUGE side dish of exercise. 

On January 1st, I weighed 252lbs.  

Today, I weigh 250lbs.  I've lost 2lbs in a week.  I haven't changed my eating patterns.  I haven't stopped snacking.  I haven't counted a single calorie.  But, I've moved a little more.  I've gotten off the couch a few times and made myself move a bit.

So... weight loss plan #4,327 shall commence.  

Something's got to work.  Something's got to make the weight come off.  And I'm going to try, once again, to see if this is the year I can make it happen.

Call me crazy, if you will... but there's a reason my blog is titled what it is.

I Think 2014 Maybe the Year I Build a Brand New Wagon!!

                          

I know, I know, it's been almost two months since I've posted.  Enough time to make the point that, once again, I fell off the wagon.  

Truth is, I did.  I fell off.  But, not until a couple of weeks ago.  In fact, up until the second week of December, I was actually doing pretty well.  Then we got a big bought of snow that gave us a week off, then we went back to work for a week, and that led in to Christmas break...which I'm currently enjoying at this very moment.

With a new year comes the regular new plan to lose weight.  It is always my number one resolution, and has been for several years.  Some years I've had more success than others, but no year has given me a complete year of weight loss success and then keeping it off.  

This morning, I weighed myself for the first time in a few weeks and I've gained ten pounds.  Am I surprised?  No.  Gaining weight tends to happen when you enjoy late night snacks of chips or pie or handfuls of little chocolates.  And for two and a half weeks out of the last four, I've been at home.  Meaning, sitting around, not moving very much.  

Let's throw in to the mix the fact that my mom had major surgery three weeks ago, putting her in the hospital for five days and me traveling back and forward to see her... eating on the go, at whatever fast food restaurant was on the way.  

I'm surprised it's only 10lbs I've gained.

This year, like all the others, I plan on trying to get the weight off.  What makes this year any different?  Well, I can't say for definite that it will be... except for one major aspect.  This year, I can completely rebuild a new wagon, because I shouldn't be carrying around any extra baggage this year to use as a big, fat excuse.

What do I mean?  

Well, let's take a small trip back in my virtual time machine, shall we?

In 2010, I lost 80lbs.  The first half of the year, I was a junior in college.  It was a non-stressful first half of the year.  Even though I was busy with school, I was only working part-time and made time to participate in a boot camp that was the inspiration for my success that year.  Nothing bad happened.  Nothing overly great happened (besides losing 80lbs!!).  I was the fittest and happiest I had been in a very long time.  I went from a size 24 down to a size 16.  I found a new confidence in myself, and achieved a major milestone when I was able to go from barely able to walk for 15 minutes to RUNNING entire 5Ks.  Then, in August, I started m senior year.  I had to quit my job and went to being a full-time student teacher.  That took it's toll on me, and I started to slip just a little but I ended the year out pretty strong.  That year, I went from weighing almost 300lbs down to around 220lbs.  

In 2011, I finished out my extremely stressful senior year and graduated from college.  Then, I entered one of the most stressful times in my life trying to find a teaching job. Despite some hard efforts to use running as an outlet for my stress, I failed.  Miserably.  I was so happy about graduating, but so distraught when I realized that school was over and the big, bad world was waiting for me.  And there was no one knocking on my door trying to give me a teaching job.  I ended up "settling" for a teaching assistant job right after the new school year started.  I was happy that I found a job in a school, but miserable that it wasn't in my own classroom.  That year, I went from starting the year off around 220lbs and ending it around 240lbs.  

In 2012, I finally had my dream come true.  I found a teaching job.  Finally.  You would think that would mean getting rid of the stress and being able to focus on losing the weight, right? Wrong-O!  Sure, getting the job was a huge stress reliever, but do you know how stressful it is becoming a first year teacher?  The last thing I had time to think about was working out and planning meals properly.  I was working extremely long hours, trying to get my footing in a new school with new students and co-workers, and even though it was a good stress...it was still stress.  

In 2013, I went through another really stressful year.  This time, hunting for a new house and buying one.  Any therapist will tell you that buying a house is one of the most stressful things a couple can go through.  And it was that, indeed.  From the arguing over whether or not we could afford to buy a house, to forcing the situation on Hubby, to looking at tons of houses thinking it was a lost cause, to finally finding the house I wanted but still getting reservations from Hubby, to actually putting in an offer and going through months of paperwork to actually close, to then moving.  Then, the last couple of months of the year, I found out my mom had a life threatening illness that needed quick surgery.  STRESSFUL! I started 2013 off weighing about 240lbs, but that number rose quickly to the 260lbs mark.  I did bring that number back down to the 240lbs mark...but the 10lbs gain I've had the past month has put me back up to the 250lbs range.  252lbs to be exact.

Which leads us to now.  For 2014 there's no college, no job hunting, no life-altering plans.  Just a year of normalcy...whatever that is.  Just doing my job, living my life, and not stressing about too much.  I have my dream job, and I've been doing it for over a year so I've started to find my footing.  I have my dream home, and we've been in here long enough to get our footing with paying the bills and managing the stresses that comes with home ownership.  My mom made it through her surgery and received a clean bill of health, so the worst is over and now the focus shifts to just getting her strength back.  

If I fail, again, this year at losing weight... I will have nothing to blame it on.  No excuses.  It will be my laziness and total lack of willpower.  

So, rather than just jumping back on that faithful old wagon, I think it's high time there was a new wagon.  A brand new one.  Preferably one with a cage and seat belts... because I'm so dang sick of falling off!  

I could sit here like I've done in years past and write a list of all the things I will do to help me lose weight.  I could promise to portion out my food, plan my meals, exercise intensely several times a week, drink more water, etc. etc.  

But this year, that's not my plan.

This year's plan is simple: Take one day at a time.

While successful weight loss revolves a lot around plans, they don't do me any good if I don't stick to them.  I can plan until I'm blue in the face, but if it's nothing more than words on paper... what good are they?

What I need to do is wake up every morning and consciously ask myself "What am I going to do today that will help me lose weight?"  

Maybe that question will lead to me planning out my breakfast and lunch, and packing sensible, healthy foods rather than opting for the food served in the cafeteria.  Maybe that question will lead me to skip any snacks.   Maybe that question will lead me to drinking water and less coffee or soda.  Maybe that question will prompt me in to going for a walk or doing some other form of exercise.  And maybe, just maybe, waking up with that mentality each and every morning might lead to all of those things being done each day, routinely. 

One thing I have learned during the past several years is that I ALWAYS start the year off with the mentality that I'm going to achieve great things.  I am full of motivation and drive.  That motivation usually lasts a while, and then slowly starts to fade.  

It's like starting a marathon off by sprinting.  I can only go so far before my legs give out and I have to give up.

Instead of sprinting from the start line, I want to pace myself.  Maybe even start with just walking.  Small changes.  Small adjustments.  Finding my bearings as I introduce new challenges and focuses, rather than trying them all at once.  

After this many years, I also know that no matter how I look at my weight loss situation, if I don't stick with it I will fail.  Period.  I can explain why I didn't keep my motivation, I can come up with reasons that got me off track... but under the surface of those reasons and lack of motivation is my extreme lack of strength and willpower.  The only two things I need to accomplish the goal I've tried so many years to reach.  

So, here we go 2014.  A new year.  A fresh start.  Could this be the year where my weight loss dreams come true?  Well, only time will tell... but time won't mean anything unless I'm behind the wheel of my new wagon keeping me on course.

Ready for Some Progress Pics??

Well, this post has taken a lot longer to write than I had originally intended.  The plan was to post updated progress pics after every 20lbs lost.  The first 20lbs was supposed to be gone about a month ago... but I just managed to break through the barrier last week.  So, it's time to get those progress pictures, right?

Back in July, when I decided to get back on the weight loss wagon, I weighed 265lbs.  The plan was to lose 20lbs in two months.. but it was slow moving in the beginning.  I finally decided to ask my doctor for some help, and in August, I was given weight loss pills.

The first month, I dropped an amazing 11lbs. Going from 265lbs down to 254lbs. I was so happy with that.  Eleven pounds in a month was awesome...and I figured that month two would be just as successful.  Not so much.  The second month I only dropped a couple of pounds.  I went down from 254lbs to 249lbs.  Still leaving me with four more pounds until that 20lbs lost mark.  

This past week, I finally broke through the barrier, and weighed in at 243.8lbs.  Putting me at a loss of 21.2lbs since August.  

Here is a pic of me in July...weighing 265lbs.

And here is a pic of me, taken last Wednesday, weighing 243.8lbs

The only way to tell the difference, right off the bat, is because of the phone.  I really wish I hadn't blocked my face in the first picture.  But, upon a more thorough check, it does appear that my waist line looks a little smaller.  Sure, there are still bumps and rolls that I'm not happy about, but they look to be quite a bit smaller than in the first picture.

Here's another picture of me when I was at 265lbs...the side view...

And that same pose at 243.8lbs...

Again, not a HUGE difference...but definitely somewhat smaller than the first photo.  Especially in my rear area.  

I, honestly, thought that after losing 20lbs that the differences would be a lot more apparent.  A significant difference.  But, as I'm seeing, that's not so much the case.  Surely, after this next 20lbs is gone, there will be no doubt in the obvious changes between those pictures and my beginning pictures.  

It's a little disheartening to know that I've lost 20lbs and don't really have that much to "show" for it... but it does reinforce how much I really have to lose, which motivates me to keep going.  I'm really pumped to get rid of this next 20lbs because I really want to see the noticeable changes in my body.  I want to look at progress pictures and realize how many changes 40lbs lost can do.

The first 20lbs took me way too long.  I was on track to lose 20lbs in two months, and slipped off the rails a little.  I'm not going to let that happen again.  While I'm not setting any deadlines or goals or timelines, I am focused on seeing the scale go down each week.  

The only way I can do that is to continue doing what I'm doing.  Watching my portions, taking my pills, and making myself exercise as often as I can.  

Despite how long it took, I am proud that I have lost 20lbs.  Sure, I have an extremely long way to go.. but 20lbs is still a significant amount of weight.  Think of two 10lbs pounds of potatoes.  Lifting one of those things is hard enough, but to know that I have lost the equivalent to two of those is quite extraordinary.  

And something to be very happy about.

I've decided that as long as the scale is moving in the right direction, I'm happy.  I know that I have the ability to lose the weight.  I know that I have the willpower.  I will just keep doing what I'm doing...and I'll eventually get to where I need to be.

That's if for me....

Till next time!

Weigh In Wednesday

                                

It's going to be a quick post today.  I have to hurry because I'm dealing with a water leak under our house, and I have to go take a shower pretty soon that will require in and out as soon as possible as to not waste anymore water than necessary.

It's been a pretty stressful week, and that is apparent in my weight today.

Last week, I weighed 244.8lbs.

This week, I weigh 243.8lbs.

I've lost a pound this past week.  A loss is a loss, but it's not exactly much to write home about.  

And do you really want me to write the same old stuff?  

I've decided that as long as the scale is moving in the right direction, I won't beat myself up too much. I know I could be doing a lot more, but the small efforts I am making are having some impact...and that's better than nothing.

I know some people will translate that last paragraph in to me starting to give up.  That's NOT true.  I'm just tired of being so negative about my weight loss.  I know what work has to be done, and if I'm not doing the work I have no one else to blame but myself.

I'm pretty stressed out right now, and if I can still make it through that stress by watching what I eat, and managing to lose a little weight... I can be OK with that.

I am very happy that I made it through Halloween without going crazy on candy.  That's a victory.  There is and has been candy in my house since Halloween.  I'm not going to say I haven't eaten any of it, but what I have eaten has been a small piece here and there.  Far from overdoing it.  

I have been packing my lunch each day, and I've been on a soup thing for a little over a week.  I've been buying those low calorie, throw in a microwave and eat kind.  They aren't the most healthy option in the world, but they don't hurt my calorie intake, they fill me up, and I love the variety of flavors that I can choose from.  There aren't any more calories in a bowl of that soup than there is in a sandwich.  So, I figure it's not that bad of a choice.

All in all, I'm just happy that there is some weight loss.  

And, now I need to go and hurry and take a shower.

Weigh In Wednesday: Finally Moving in the Right Direction....Again!

                            

It's been three weeks since I posted a Weigh In Post.  Mostly because there hasn't been any weight lost in the past three weeks.  In that time I've been holding steady at 246lbs, wondering if I'd ever break through that plateau.

To be fair, I can't really call it a plateau.  A plateau is when you stop losing weight while still doing everything you can to lose the weight....and it means you have to up your game.  I hit a wall because I stopped trying.  To lose, anyway.  I was managing to maintain, which meant I wasn't doing anything my doctor told me I needed to be doing.

This past week, I've gone back to trying again.  Eating 1200 calories a day.  Taking my pill.  There hasn't been any steady walking, and I really have no reason why.

What I can say is that since last week, I've lost 1.2lbs.  This week, my scale says 244.8lbs.

A month ago, I was dying to get to that spot.  To be under 245lbs...and to have lost more than 20lbs.  But, because it's taking me so stinking long to get to it, its kinda lost its pazazz.  

Losing 20lbs in 2 months was going to be awesome.

Losing 20lbs in 3 months, just isn't as awesome.

I will take some pictures this morning when I go get dressed so you can see the difference from three months ago and today.  Although I'm really hoping that it won't be 3 months until I can post the next set of progress pictures.  

Of course, these next two months are going to be TOUGH!!  Halloween is just a day away.  Thanksgiving is just a month away.  And Christmas will follow a few weeks later.

This is usually the time of year where I start thinking that it's not worth trying to lose weight.  Just focus on sensibility as to not gain it all back.

I can't do that, this time.

My doctor has told me that if there is no weight loss, there's no pill.  And even though I know I could lose the weight without the pill, I'm also confident that the pill is giving me the boost I need.  It doesn't curb my hunger, but it does curb the cravings.  I can eat... but I can't eat as much.  And the pill also messes with my senses.  Smells that I used to find absolutely irresistible are now kind of nauseating.

But that only happens when I'm taking the pill.

The minute I start to falter, the cravings come back.  The over eating comes back.  And the irresistible smells are once again irresistible.

In the three weeks that I maintained, I took my pill maybe a couple of times.  And even after visiting the doctor the last time, and hearing his warnings about not getting the pill anymore if it wasn't helping, I didn't jump right back in to taking it.  Somehow, I was trying to convince myself that I didn't need it.

But, I started taking it again this week...and BAM.  Down another pound.

While I don't want to become subservient to the pill, and depend on it being the only way to lose the weight, I do feel that it's helping kick start my motivation.  The proof is in the pudding that I'm not ready to fly solo.  I absolutely, 100% believe that when I'm ready... when I've lost enough weight to really keep the momentum going... I'll be ready to say goodbye to the pill without putting the weight back on.  I maintained for 3 weeks without the pill, I know that I'll be just fine when I do decide to give it up for good.

So, there we are.  Finally back on the horse and losing the weight.  

Even though I'm not as stoked for reaching this milestone... only because it took so long... I will say that I do feel pretty happy.  I can see the changes my body has started to make.  I can feel some of the differences.  

Last night, as I was walking out to my car after a very long Family Night at work, one of my coworkers stopped me.  She wanted to tell me that even though she hasn't said anything before, she had noticed that I was really looking good.  

It was perfect timing for such a wonderful compliment.

It meant a lot for her to say something, and I know that she meant it.  It turned around my whole perspective on my visual success....and I got to leave with a big smile on my face.

Yes, I am starting to look better.  Still have a long way to go until I believe I look "good"... but I'll get there.

PLUS, if I can lose weight over the next couple of months, then NOTHING will ever stand in my way.  I'm confident and ready to prove to myself that holidays or no holidays, my weight loss comes first!!

OK... next time you hear from me, I'll have progress pictures to share.

Till next time!!

Doctor Orders Me to Quit My Whining

I'm still here.  Fighting the good fight.  The fight is just being fought outside the realms of Blog World, simply because I haven't wanted to get out of bed a single day this week in time to write two blog posts.  A couple of days there wasn't even time to write one blog post.

I missed my weekly weigh in and the post recapping my monthly check up with my doctor.  The weigh was kinda sorta missed on purpose, because I really didn't need another depressing week of little results on top of the huge amount of stress I have been under.  And the huge amount of stress isn't anything major, it's just a lot of little stressful things all piled up on top of each other....causing me to feel like I'm under a LOT of stress.

My doctor's visit was somewhat therapeutic.  Somewhat needed for the "poor me" attitude I was putting on myself.  My weigh in wasn't good because of the stress.  The stress was causing me to overeat and turn to food - once again- as a refuge.  

And my doctor had just one thing to say about it all:  QUIT YOUR WHINING!!

Yep.  That's what he had to say to me.  

Let's back up and explain.  

I got to my appointment, and went back to weigh.  

At my first appointment, I weighed 262lbs.  On my second appointment, I weighed 251lbs...down 11lbs from my first visit.  This time, I weighed and the scale said 249lbs.

I knew that wasn't right.  I had weighed that morning and the scale had said 246lbs.  But, it was 4:30 in the afternoon, I had eaten breakfast and lunch and drank a few gallons of water throughout the day. Either way, though... I lost 2lbs or I lost 5lbs.  Neither one anything to write home about.  

The doctor came in, looked at my results, and just asked why I thought I was able to lose 11lbs in my first month but only a couple of pounds my second.  He asked me if I was under any stress.  I laughed, and started listing off everything that has been going on in my life, recently, to answer his question.  I fully expected him to nod his head in understanding and give me a soothing talk about how I really needed to find a way to dispel some of the stress if I wanted the weight to be gone.

He didn't.

He simply said "Everyone has excuses, and you need to quit your whining and deal with them".  Urm.  What?  That's not what a caring doctor would say to a patient that's stressed and unhappy with the fact that she's turned back to food as a form of comfort, and is slowing down the awesome progress she had in her first month.

He saw the obvious shock in my face, because he then asked me if there had been any stress my first month in.  I thought about it.  It was the month I went back to work.  The kids started their sports, but they weren't in to playing many games.  I remember being pretty emotional about some of the changes that were taking place at school and the impact they had on my classroom.  I was going to be working a long side a co-teacher, having the special education kids in my room for math and reading.  That was new and different and a little stressful.  But, then I simply told him that it was nothing compared to what I'd dealt with this month.

He laughed and said "Bull!"  

Again, I was shocked.  Who on earth was this doctor to speak to me this way?

But, he then responded with the fact that of course I was under stress the previous month.  I just had a better grasp on how to deal with it.  OK, the current month had put a little more on my plate than I could handle...but he asked me how many times I'd gone for a walk to release my stress.  A strategy I had told him a month earlier myself for dealing with stress.  He asked me how many times I had stopped before eating something to calculate my calories, and determine if I'm supposed to eat it or I was just eating it for the sake of eating it.  A strategy I had, once again, told him I used a month earlier.  He asked me how many times I'd logged my food intake.  A strategy I told him I used when I felt like my eating was getting a little out of control, in order to help me process how much I was actually eating.

And then it all clicked.

He was doing exactly what I needed him to do.  Throw my own words back in my face.  Throw my own excuses under the bus.  Highlight the fact that I had sat in that very same chair only a month earlier telling him the strategies I was using to battle stress...my original reason for being so overweight.

The realization on my face softened his demeanor just a little.  He looked me square in the eyes and told me that there will ALWAYS be stress.  I knew that, had said the very same thing to him on our first visit together.  I had come to that first check-in meeting full of pride and excitement over the fact that I had been battling everything thrown in my way, and still lost 11lbs in a month.  Yet, the person in front of him at that moment was full of shame and guilt.  I knew that what I was feeding him were excuses.  That there was NO reason to overeat unless I give myself one.  Food is not a fix-all, it's poison....if I look at it with that attitude.  I should be looking at food as nothing more than fuel.  

He then used a pretty good analogy that I would never have thought of.  He asked me if I was old enough to remember Leaded gasoline.  I wasn't old enough to drive when leaded gasoline was available, but I did remember the days when my parents had the option of leaded or unleaded fuel for their cars.  Leaded gasoline was banned because of the toxic poisons that were being emitted in to the atmosphere.  It was cheaper to make, but was actually causing people to get sick.  Thus, resulting in an alternative approach being invented: Unleaded fuel.  

He then asked me that if Leaded fuel was made available again, at a much cheaper cost to what we're currently paying for gas...knowing that it could cause severe damage to my vehicle AND me....would I opt to use Leaded gasoline, or stick to paying for the more expensive, healthier option?

I sat there and looked at him for a moment.  He wasn't finished.  He went on to explain that I could go ahead and use the Leaded version because of the money it would save, but eventually my car would start to have problems.  It's a new car, one not built to handle leaded gasoline.  It would start to have problems.  Stuff would stop working.  The car would start to run a lot less efficiently, and would end up in the shop needing major, expensive repairs.

He asked me if I knew where he was going with all of this....

And I did.

My body isn't built to handle the crap I put in to it.  It starts to lag, store up the junk that's being pumped in to it because it doesn't know what to do with the fat and oil that's not healthy for my system.  It causes fatigue.  It causes pain in the joints and muscles.  

A healthy body runs on healthy fuel.  Enough to keep all the parts running smoothly, but not too much where anything has to be stored because the body doesn't know what to do with it.  

I am an unleaded vehicle pumping myself with toxic, leaded fuel.

Freakin' GENIUS analogy!!

My doctor must be a car man, because he told me that I also wouldn't keep filling my car up with fuel if it just sat in the garage everyday.  Also, leaving my car in the garage and never using it would cause belts to start drying out, gears that become sticky and caked in gunk, and an engine that would collect dust and debris from not being used.  Meaning, if I'm not exercising very often, I don't need to be eating very much.  If I'm not exercising, I'm not keeping my parts in working order and causing them to collect gunk that needs to be driven out.  

He's absolutely RIGHT!!  And what a perfect way to help me see it.  I am not doing myself any favors by being sedentary.  I'm not doing myself any favors by overeating or stress eating or eating junk food because it's quick, cheap, and available.  I have got to get myself up and out of the garage....and see what my engine is capable of.

I go back in a month.  At that time he wants no excuses.  He wants nothing more than results.  Good results.  There is no number attached to those results...because he said I will know if I've done everything I could do to show how committed I am.  The numbers will speak for themselves if I've spent the month 100% committed to my plan, my focus.  

And he's right.  Time to remember that again, get back to doing what I was doing before...and knocking his socks off a month from now.  I can do it, I know I can.  I did it the first month.  No reasons or excuses can come in the way of making this next month absolutely AMAZING.

So, that's where I am right now.  

Now is the time to see what I have in me...and focus everything on getting this weight off, and keeping it off.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Till next time!

Weigh In Wednesday

                           

Oh yeah.  It's one of those weigh in days.  When I stand on the scale and then feel like cursing at it and throwing it out of the window.

For the most part, I know that the scale is pretty honest with me.  It's going to tell me like it is.  Yet, this morning, I know that it's lying.  It's not being honest with me.  Yet, it's not the scale's fault.

Smart one, here (that would be me), decided to not eat dinner until 11PM last night.  

Eating dinner that late is a no-no the night before a weigh in because I KNOW that it's going to skew my results the following morning.  That food laid in my stomach all night, and I've eaten enough late night dinners to know that by tomorrow...the scale will be back to where it's supposed to be.

It wasn't really my fault..eating that late.  I mean, I had planned on eating dinner when I got home from the football game.  But, previous games have ended by 8PM.  Which usually get me home before 9PM... still a little too late to eat, but an hour or two before I actually go to bed.  Last night, the game didn't get over until 9:30, putting me home until almost 11PM.  It was in the door, scarf my food and bed within 15 minutes.  

Last week, I weighed in at 247lbs, which was a slight gain from the previous week.  The week before, I had weighed in at 246.6lbs.

This week, I managed to lose the weight I gained and a little more.  I'm now down to 246lbs.  

Only a one pound loss from last week, and only 0.6lbs down from the previous week's weight before I gained.

Which is a real pain in the rear, because I REALLY wanted to be down to 245lbs this week so I could post my 20lbs lost progress pics.  

What makes matters worse is the fact that I saw that number this past weekend when I stood on the scale for a mid-week check in.  To see that number then got me all excited, but I tried to stay cool... because I always make sure to go with what the scale says on Wednesday as my "official" weigh in.  

And now, because I was stupid and ate so late last night, it's going to be another week before I can see that number.  

I have my doctor's appointment this afternoon.  It's going to be a tough stretch to get that number down to where I want it by then.  Especially since the appointment is at 4PM in the afternoon.  

It's going to be a tough pill to swallow walking in to that doctor's office losing less than 10lbs since my last appointment.  I've only lost 6lbs since my last appointment... a month ago.  Not exactly the best success in the world.  I'm hoping it's good enough for the doctor to keep giving me my medicine.

I am just very thankful that this is the last week that my life will be so darned hectic.  The volleyball season ends on Monday of next week.  Then that's it.  I just have two more football games after that, and I'll be home free.  Back to getting home at a reasonable hour each night.  Back to planning meals, and staying focused on my weight loss rather than how much sleep I'm going to fit in.  

These past couple of weeks may have been slow moving, but I'll get momentum back.  Being gone four nights a week and at least one day on the weekend for sports has taken it's toll on me.  I've made it through, but it's wore me down.  

I actually can't wait for the days when I can go back to spending an hour or so in my classroom doing stuff and then heading on home for some rest and relaxation.  

Until then, though, I'll take whatever loss I can get and run with it.  This last month may not have been the most successful, and not near as good as my first month, but I'll keep my chin up and keep pounding the weight away.  

Slow progress is better than no progress.

That's the way I'm going to look at it.

But, right now, I need to run.

Till next time!

Weigh In Wednesday

                          

Another weigh-in day is here, and I didn't hit near the amount I wanted to lose this week.

I guess it's a good thing that I'm focusing on the fact that I lost some weight, rather than focusing on not hitting the number I wanted to see.  Which isn't the end of the world.  I know that some weeks will be slower than others, and as long as the number continues to keep going down each time I step on it, I'll be happy.

Last week, I weighed 248.4lbs.  

I really wanted to try and hit 245lbs this week, so that I'd hit the 20lbs lost milestone.  That would have meant losing 3.4lbs.  Which is a pretty tall order.

I didn't make that goal.

I did, however, see 246.6lbs.

That's a loss of 1.8lbs since last week.  Not super outstanding, but still a pretty good loss for a week.  I keep getting told that I should be losing about 2lbs a week...so that lines up with that expectation anyway.

That 20lbs milestone is so close I can taste it.

I can't wait for it to happen, especially since it's been less than 2 months since really buckling down and giving weight loss another try.  I think a loss of 18.4lbs in six and a half weeks is outstanding.  That's an average of 3lbs a week so far...and that's a mighty good average.  

I feel good.  I've started noticing changes in the way I look.  I have more energy and focus.  All in all, my weight loss progress is going very well...and there's nothing really to complain about.

I feel like I have a much better handle on my eating, and even though it's still not 100% healthy all of the time, I feel like how I'm eating is manageable and sustainable for the long time.  In fact, I think the longer I go in between each unhealthy food item, the more I convince myself that I'd rather stay clear from it anyhow.  

Good eating doesn't have to be from a certain plan or from eliminating certain foods.  It REALLY is about quantity versus quality.  It's knowing that I can eat more of the good stuff, and less of the bad stuff.  If I have some sugar, it's not the end of the world...but too much is.  If I eat something that's fried, my body will resent me and I leave myself wondering if it was even worth it.  

I think that, over time, I'll be able to figure out that I'm better off just sticking to healthy food.  But, I also love the fact that even though unhealthy stuff hasn't been completely eliminated from my diet, I haven't gone all nutso crazy on binging or overeating, either.  OK, so I've eaten meals that have way too many calories in one sitting...but it hasn't lead to an unstoppable, out of control, spiral effect either.  It's happened a couple of times in six weeks.  Compared to the fact that I ate pretty much that way each and every day before, it's pretty darned good progress.

Still struggling with the exercise aspect.  And my allergies are at the end of that excuse, right now.  Yes, it's still an excuse...but when I spend about 70% of my day sneezing and blowing my nose...it becomes very difficult to get too out of breath, because I'm already struggling with breathing in the first place because of a stopped up nose.

It will come.

I dreamt last night about doing another 5K.  It's something I really want to start doing again.  And I will...eventually.

Right now, though, I'm going to bask in the fact that I'm only 1.6lbs away from my 20lbs milestone, and focus on kicking that number away this next coming week.

If I hit my milestone next week, there'll be pictures to show my progress.  

Fingers crossed.

Till next time!

Why Did it Take So Long to Think of That?

Let me first start off by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you that commented and left me suggestions yesterday about my problem with eating on the go.

They were all great suggestions.

The only small problem is the fact that it's not coming up with ideas for food, nor the preparing food a head of time I struggle with...it's the literal act of eating on the go.  Meaning, while I'm driving down the road.

When most people think of "eating on the go", they think of needing quick meals to prepare in a short amount of time.  Thus, why I think I got so many great ideas for preparing foods on the weekend that can be grabbed each day of the week.  

That's not the problem, it's the fact that I don't have any time between getting off work and having to jump in the car to drive to the ball games.  When I stop at a fast food place for food, it's stuff that we eat in the car while driving.

So, that's why taking sandwiches was my basic go-to food...because I can eat those while I'm driving down the road.  

But, with all the great suggestions, I did come up with what I believe will be a great idea to help me out...and I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

I had already decided that the only food that would really be "on the go" worthy would be sandwiches. Paired with some kind of fruit.  However, I was struggling with the fact that my lunch each day usually consists of a sandwich...and I didn't want to eat sandwiches twice a day each time I had to travel to a game.

What I'd failed to see, however, is that there's no reason I have to take sandwiches for lunch.  I have plenty of options for lunches.  I have microwaves to use during my lunch time.  Why on earth couldn't I pack myself a hot lunch and take sandwiches for my dinner?  Duh!!

There's no reason why I can't eat dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner, right?

With a little preparation this week, I can prepare foods to take for lunch like salads, leftovers, and quick meals that I can prep at night and take with me the next day.  Then, I make sandwiches for Jelly and I to eat on the road as we're traveling to the games.  

I picked up some sub rolls, in order to have a more hearty sandwich some nights, and an array of stuff to make them with.  I also bought a couple pounds of grapes, to pack as a compliment with the sandwiches.   I can keep the rolls in the fridge at work, and at the end of the day I just grab my lunch box and we go.  

Simple.

Why this idea didn't hit me before I don't know.  It makes so much sense.

I guess I've just been preprogrammed to think that the best lunch food for me is sandwiches.  I hardly ever take something different for lunch, unless there's leftovers available from the night before.  Which doesn't happen very much, because I've become a stickler for preparing only enough food for the family to eat sensible portions for dinner.

I was shooting myself in the foot with that idea.  My intentions were good, but now that I think I'm better at controlling how much I eat for dinner, there's no reason that we can't prepare a little extra for me to take for lunch each day.  

So, that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to try it out and see how it works.  

Rachel also came up with another great idea for me to use, on days where I might want a change.  And that would be protein shakes.  

While the idea of drinking my dinner has never really appealed to me, there's no reason I couldn't do that every now and then.  I also noticed at the store, yesterday, on-the-go soup cans.  They're drinkable...so a great idea for while I'm driving down the road.  Have one of those with a few whole wheat crackers while I'm driving, and I'll be all set.

The solution really was staring me right in the face.  I'm not sure if I didn't see it before because I maybe didn't want to.  Not having a solution to my eating on the go kinda gave me an excuse to eat junk food.  And the last thing I need is anymore excuses.  

Eventually, I want to be able to get to a point where I can walk in to a restaurant and order stuff that's healthy.  Just about every fast food restaurant I know offers some kind of healthier alternative to burgers and fries... I just choose to not order them.  Until I have the willpower to do that, then I just need to stay away from those places.  It might be a little more work to prepare foods ahead of time to take with me, but it's just what I have to do.  

And I'm going to end today with another feel-good...

Yesterday, I put on a pair of shorts that I bought at the end of May.  They are a size 20.  When I bought them, I had a muffin top that stuck over the top of them.  Being that I refused, at that point, to buy a pair of 22s (which is what I probably should have done), I just opted to wear the shorts with baggy t-shirts so the muffin top wasn't too obvious.

I put those shorts on yesterday, and didn't even have to unbutton them to get them on.  I can pull them up and down without undoing the button or the zipper.  In fact, there's about a 2" gap between my shorts and my stomach.  Almost to the point of being too big to wear!  I paired them with a close fitting shirt and there was NO muffin top!

I really feel that in the next few weeks, I'll be able to dig out all of the 18s that got too small for me and will be able to comfortably fit back in to them once again.

I could probably start doing that now.... but I want to wait for a few more pounds to fall off.  

I have two more weeks until my next doctor's visit, and I'm still holding on to the hope that I can be down to 239lbs by that time.  Which would mean, by last week's weight, that I'd have to lose 8lbs in a couple of weeks... which may not be possible, but I can get as close to that number as possible.

Once I hit 245lbs, I'd have lost 20lbs since starting.  Last week, I was only 3.4lbs away from that number.  It sure would be nice to hit that milestone this week, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself or set myself up for disappointment.

If I have to wait until next week to hit that number, so be it.  I know it will come...and that's the most important part.

Right now, I need to go and get ready for work.

Have a great Monday, everyone!!

Till next time!