Why Did it Take So Long to Think of That?

Let me first start off by saying a big THANK YOU to those of you that commented and left me suggestions yesterday about my problem with eating on the go.

They were all great suggestions.

The only small problem is the fact that it's not coming up with ideas for food, nor the preparing food a head of time I struggle with...it's the literal act of eating on the go.  Meaning, while I'm driving down the road.

When most people think of "eating on the go", they think of needing quick meals to prepare in a short amount of time.  Thus, why I think I got so many great ideas for preparing foods on the weekend that can be grabbed each day of the week.  

That's not the problem, it's the fact that I don't have any time between getting off work and having to jump in the car to drive to the ball games.  When I stop at a fast food place for food, it's stuff that we eat in the car while driving.

So, that's why taking sandwiches was my basic go-to food...because I can eat those while I'm driving down the road.  

But, with all the great suggestions, I did come up with what I believe will be a great idea to help me out...and I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

I had already decided that the only food that would really be "on the go" worthy would be sandwiches. Paired with some kind of fruit.  However, I was struggling with the fact that my lunch each day usually consists of a sandwich...and I didn't want to eat sandwiches twice a day each time I had to travel to a game.

What I'd failed to see, however, is that there's no reason I have to take sandwiches for lunch.  I have plenty of options for lunches.  I have microwaves to use during my lunch time.  Why on earth couldn't I pack myself a hot lunch and take sandwiches for my dinner?  Duh!!

There's no reason why I can't eat dinner for lunch and lunch for dinner, right?

With a little preparation this week, I can prepare foods to take for lunch like salads, leftovers, and quick meals that I can prep at night and take with me the next day.  Then, I make sandwiches for Jelly and I to eat on the road as we're traveling to the games.  

I picked up some sub rolls, in order to have a more hearty sandwich some nights, and an array of stuff to make them with.  I also bought a couple pounds of grapes, to pack as a compliment with the sandwiches.   I can keep the rolls in the fridge at work, and at the end of the day I just grab my lunch box and we go.  

Simple.

Why this idea didn't hit me before I don't know.  It makes so much sense.

I guess I've just been preprogrammed to think that the best lunch food for me is sandwiches.  I hardly ever take something different for lunch, unless there's leftovers available from the night before.  Which doesn't happen very much, because I've become a stickler for preparing only enough food for the family to eat sensible portions for dinner.

I was shooting myself in the foot with that idea.  My intentions were good, but now that I think I'm better at controlling how much I eat for dinner, there's no reason that we can't prepare a little extra for me to take for lunch each day.  

So, that's what I'm going to do.  I'm going to try it out and see how it works.  

Rachel also came up with another great idea for me to use, on days where I might want a change.  And that would be protein shakes.  

While the idea of drinking my dinner has never really appealed to me, there's no reason I couldn't do that every now and then.  I also noticed at the store, yesterday, on-the-go soup cans.  They're drinkable...so a great idea for while I'm driving down the road.  Have one of those with a few whole wheat crackers while I'm driving, and I'll be all set.

The solution really was staring me right in the face.  I'm not sure if I didn't see it before because I maybe didn't want to.  Not having a solution to my eating on the go kinda gave me an excuse to eat junk food.  And the last thing I need is anymore excuses.  

Eventually, I want to be able to get to a point where I can walk in to a restaurant and order stuff that's healthy.  Just about every fast food restaurant I know offers some kind of healthier alternative to burgers and fries... I just choose to not order them.  Until I have the willpower to do that, then I just need to stay away from those places.  It might be a little more work to prepare foods ahead of time to take with me, but it's just what I have to do.  

And I'm going to end today with another feel-good...

Yesterday, I put on a pair of shorts that I bought at the end of May.  They are a size 20.  When I bought them, I had a muffin top that stuck over the top of them.  Being that I refused, at that point, to buy a pair of 22s (which is what I probably should have done), I just opted to wear the shorts with baggy t-shirts so the muffin top wasn't too obvious.

I put those shorts on yesterday, and didn't even have to unbutton them to get them on.  I can pull them up and down without undoing the button or the zipper.  In fact, there's about a 2" gap between my shorts and my stomach.  Almost to the point of being too big to wear!  I paired them with a close fitting shirt and there was NO muffin top!

I really feel that in the next few weeks, I'll be able to dig out all of the 18s that got too small for me and will be able to comfortably fit back in to them once again.

I could probably start doing that now.... but I want to wait for a few more pounds to fall off.  

I have two more weeks until my next doctor's visit, and I'm still holding on to the hope that I can be down to 239lbs by that time.  Which would mean, by last week's weight, that I'd have to lose 8lbs in a couple of weeks... which may not be possible, but I can get as close to that number as possible.

Once I hit 245lbs, I'd have lost 20lbs since starting.  Last week, I was only 3.4lbs away from that number.  It sure would be nice to hit that milestone this week, but I'm not going to get ahead of myself or set myself up for disappointment.

If I have to wait until next week to hit that number, so be it.  I know it will come...and that's the most important part.

Right now, I need to go and get ready for work.

Have a great Monday, everyone!!

Till next time!

The Obstacle of Eating on the Go

Yesterday, I wrote a post that was basically filled with rainbows and sunshine.  A positive post about getting a handle on what I'm doing, and looking at what I'm doing (finally) as a life long change instead of a plan to just lose weight.

And I felt really good after I posted it.

I was able to read through it and realize what the words meant.  I'm succeeding.  I'm losing weight.  I'm feeling positive about life in general, and that I can definitely keep the momentum going.

But one thing a person trying to lose weight knows is that it's not always rainbows and sunshine.  

There are always battles, struggles, days that make me think "why do I give a crap?"  But, I truly am realizing that those days are coming much less frequently.  The good days, by far, outweigh the bad ones.

In fact, sitting here right now at this very minute, there's only one area of my life that's causing me to struggle...and that would be eating on the go.

When school started, both Peanut and Butter decided they wanted to play sports.  Peanut plays volleyball and Butter plays football.  For the first couple of weeks, playing sports meant that they went to practice after school each and every night...and I would work in my classroom until they were finished.  We would then all drive home and eat dinner when we got there.

But with sports come games.

They started two weeks ago.  Peanut first, and then Butter kicked off his season last week.

With football, it's not too bad.  Butter has one game a week for six weeks.  Not a big deal.  But Peanut, on the other hand, has two to three games per week...and then throw in a football game and I'm on the road three to four nights a week.

When the games are at home, we can expect to get home between 8 and 9PM.  When the games are away?  Yeah, it's more closer to 10 or 11PM when we get home.  Much too late to wait and eat dinner.   Especially for little Jelly who ends up falling asleep on the drive home and is taken straight to bed when we get there.

Which means, on those game nights, we usually grab something to eat on the way.  

Peanut and Butter don't have to worry.  They get fed before their games.  Even though it's not a big meal, it's fitting for the fact that they will be running around.  Their dinners consist of a sandwich, some chips, and some fruit or a granola bar.  It's not a great deal, but at least they're not having to wait until 8PM to eat something.

Jelly and I, on the other hand, have to make rash decisions about where we're going to grab something quick to eat.  And then the struggle of eating on the go rears it's ugly head.

The ideal option would be to pack dinner to go with us.  When I'm making my lunch in the morning, I could easily prepare extra sandwiches to take with us to the games.  However, that hasn't been the case so far.  Instead, I've opted for stopping at a fast food place to pick something up.  Fast food is NEVER the best option.

Two out of the three nights I've been gone to games so far, I've eaten junk.  One night we went to a Chinese restaurant after the game, the other Jelly and I grabbed a burger and fries on the way.  The first game, I actually bought Jelly something to eat and opted on waiting until I got home to eat anything.

This upcoming week, I have three games...once again.  Tomorrow night, Tuesday night, and Thursday night I'll be traveling to games.  And I'm sitting here telling myself that I MUST prepare ahead of time.  Eating on the go is NO excuse for eating junk.  

Today just happens to be grocery shopping day, so I'm trying to rack my brain for ideas.  Being that I take a sandwich for lunch most days, I'll admit that the thought of eating sandwiches for lunch AND dinner three days isn't that appealing.  But, I also won't have the ability to cook anything either.  Thursday is the only night that I'll have a little time before having to rush off straight after school, and could possibly take something with me to throw in the microwave at school before we have to go.

But, I really can't think of alternative options.  

I feel like I'm stuck in this rut that I either just suck it up and eat sandwiches twice a day three days this week, or just wait until I get home to eat anything.  Then, I'm stuck with eating late at night...and that's not really the best idea either.

And those restricted feelings are usually what end up pushing me in to just grabbing food from the closest fast-food place.

UGH!!

Before I head out for my grocery excursion, I'm going to try and research some ideas for cold meals.  Something I can maybe make ahead of time to take with me.  Stuff that's convenient, healthy, and satisfying.  If you guys have any ideas...I'd love to hear them.

Right now, though, I need to get to getting.  I've got to go and pick up Peanut and Butter from Oklahoma this afternoon, AND I've been volunteered to cook dinner tonight...so it's going to be a busy day.

That doesn't even include the cleaning I really need to get done today.

Gotta love Sundays, right?

Till next time!

Days Since Weigh-In Recap

I'm really going to have to get better in figuring out a way that I can write here more often than Wednesdays and the weekend.  

It seems like, lately, the only times I post is when it's weigh-in day, or when time isn't really that important...and I have plenty of it.  Which, of course, is only the weekends.

I get up at 4:30 each and every work day just so I can try and fit in two blog posts.  One here and one on my other blog.  But, it seems like that Wednesdays are the only days I manage to get that accomplished.  I end up spending WAY too long writing my other blog, and coming here doesn't happen.

I promise I will try and get better.

But, honestly, I don't really have that much to write about.  Definitely not enough to write each and every day.  With success comes a lack of content.  I was able to write here so often, back a few months ago, because I was struggling so much.  And struggling is something to write about.  Each time I binged, or ate way too much, or struggled with coming up with a solid plan of action... my fingers could hash it all out right here on the page.

Now, my blog posts would basically consist of "another day of good eating and doing what I'm supposed to".  And that's great... but a little boring to write about all of the time.

This week hasn't been all perfect, but even the minor slip ups haven't done enough damage for me to consider "blog worthy".  I ate a school lunch on Thursday, and I loaded up my tray a little too much.  But, then I couldn't eat it all...not by a long shot, so even though I started out with the intention of overeating... my body wouldn't allow that, and I actually listened to it.

On Thursday morning, a student brought me a king sized Snickers.  I had joked around with her the day before, and she'd asked me what I'd like for her to buy me when she went to the store.  A king sized Snickers is what I had said...without thinking that she'd actually buy it.  

I am very happy to report that for two days, the Snickers sat on my desk.  All day Thursday, and all day yesterday.  I packed it in my bag when I came home yesterday, and it's still in there at this moment.

And I'm going to be completely honest and say that I have EVERY intention of eating it.  At some point.  Because I'm a firm believer that a little chocolate now and then won't kill me.  I definitely won't eat the whole thing at one time... but when I feel like a candy bar, I'll eat half of it.  

I just can't believe that it's survived this long.  Snickers are my all time favorite candy bar.  A few months ago, it was hard for me to walk past them at the grocery store.  More often than not, I walked out with one...and ate the whole thing on the drive home.  The king sized variety.  

The last time I've let any chocolate pass through my lips was at the pot luck lunch last month at work.  And to think that I can have my favorite chocolate bar stare me in the face for two days, and not get the slightest inclining to actually eat it is OUTSTANDING!  

I didn't feel tormented or tempted.  I didn't stare at it longly having to talk myself down from the temptation.  It just sat there, and I basically didn't pay it any attention.  I had even told myself that when I wanted it, I'd eat it.  But, the want never came.  So, I didn't eat it.

Being that it's Saturday, and I usually spend Saturday evenings on the couch watching a movie, there's a very good chance that tonight will be the night that the urge comes.  And I'm OK with that.  I've accepted it.  Again, I will only eat half..and store the other half away for another time the urge hits.  

I've really been working on training my mind to not look at food as a form of treat.  Or a guilty pleasure.  My mind is finally starting to come to terms with the fact that food is just food.  If I'm craving a certain type of food, I'll eat it.  And, I've discovered that the more good stuff I put in to my body, the more good stuff it craves.  

Two days last week, a student brought me an apple to class.  How old fashioned, right? Bringing the teacher an apple.  HA!  But, on both days, that apple didn't stand a chance.  When I saw it, I wanted to eat it.  And I did... both times.  

If those are the types of "temptations" that are going to be invading my brain..then that's A-OK with me.  The apples just happen to be perfect compliments - or a sweet ending - to my lunch.  And eating the apples sent off the same kind of euphoric feelings I used to feel when eating chocolate.  The apples were sweet, delicious, and I enjoyed every bite.  

Last night was the first time I actually ate "bad" food.  I had to drive the kids to Oklahoma after getting home at 6:30PM.  Hubby had already decided that it would be a good night to just grab something on the way home.  Jelly was given the power to choose our eating place...and she chose Hardee's.  I ate a burger and onion rings.  OK, I ate a Frisco bacon cheeseburger and onion rings.  Those bad boys pack 880 calories.  The onion rings pack a punch of 410 calories for the small order (which I had).  So, my dinner was 1290 calories.  My breakfast yesterday morning was 130 calories.  My lunch was 300 calories.  So my intake for yesterday was 1720 calories.  That's 500 calories over my allotment.  

And, once again, I suffered for putting the junk in to my body.  Bloated feeling, minor cramps, discomfort.  I am my own worst enemy.  I know how that junk will make me feel, I don't even feel like eating it anymore... but like I said, I'm working on trying to convince my brain that food isn't a treat.  It's just not always a successful process.  Standing in front of the menu last night, I could have gone with something a little healthier...but those dang "treat" waves took over.

I'm making strong progress, but I'm still having issues.  I guess it can't be perfect all of the time.  

The best thing is, I'm getting much better at looking at the "big picture".  I truly feel like I'm adjusting at looking at my journey as a life long process.  Focusing on eating healthy most of the time, but understanding that there may be occasions I steer off course and eat stuff I shouldn't.  I no longer dwell or beat myself up over it...because my mind has started understanding the changes it's making.

My previous attempts at losing weight have always ended because I got to a place where I started steering off track, and not caring.  But, the difference now is the fact that I'm not caring about a slight hiccup every once in a while.  Before, not caring translated in to me getting tired of what I was doing and just giving up.

In other words, I'm OK if I eat something I shouldn't every once in a while...because as soon as I've finished I tell myself that it's the only bad eating I'll be doing for a while, and the next thing I put in to my mouth will be healthy.  Before, a bad eating situation resulted in me telling myself that I was OK with eating like crap...or more that I had accepted that I would eat like crap...and just throwing in the towel.

I'm not the same person anymore.

My body is appreciating the new found energy that comes from eating healthy.  It despises the feelings of uncomfortableness that comes from eating crap.  OK, not enough for me to never touch another piece of crap food again, but enough to tell me that crap can't be a constant fixture.  

I'm starting to rekindle the old feelings of fitting in to clothes better, feeling better about the way I'm starting to notice the changes it's making.  

And, honestly,for the first time ever...I don't look at what I'm doing as a diet or a weight loss plan or a set of rules that have to be followed.  

Even back a few years ago when I lost so much weight, my mind set was that of rules, discipline, and plans.  The slightest falter on any of them resulted in gains and feelings of failure.  

I can honestly say that it feels different this time around.  I haven't logged my food in a couple of weeks.  I'm focusing more on the types of foods I'm eating and portion sizes.  No food is off limits, but the healthier options are starting to become second nature.  It's been long enough, now, that the habits are starting to take hold..and I don't really have to assess and count and measure.  It's starting to just be natural to do what I'm doing.

And the proof is in the pudding.  I've logged losses each and every week since I made the commitment almost two months ago.  The weight is coming off.  More quickly on some weeks than others, but it's still coming off each and every week.

I'm obviously doing something right, and being that there's not near as much mental discipline involved anymore - it tells me that it's something I can keep going with.  Forever.

The weight really is going to come off this time...and stay off.  I feel it in every ounce of my being.  I'm making drastic transformations, and I'm loving each and every one of them.

I feel free.  Yet, at the same time I feel focused.  

I no longer look at my situation as a battle that has to be won, but more as a dedication to a life-long way of living.  It's not something I'm going to do just to lose weight, but something I'm going to do for the rest of my life that results in losing weight...until the weight is gone, and I'm just maintaining.

I know that some people will read this today and think it's pretty pathetic that I'm "allowing" myself to eat junk food every now and then.  They will probably think that if I'm truly committed, that I won't ever touch the stuff again...and that I'm just making up excuses when I do slip and fall.

But that's not the case at all.  Yes, there are some people who have gone YEARS without letting a single morsel of junk food pass through their lips.  And good for them!  But, what I've achieved in the last couple of months is a big deal to me...and I feel like what I'm doing and how I'm doing it is working.

And really, I couldn't be any happier than I am.  It's all starting to hit home, come in to focus, adjust my perspective.

It's no longer about winning or losing, it's about committing to a lifestyle change.  

And the outlook for the rest of my life is a healthy one!

Till next time!

I'm Still Good

I'm still alive and well.

I know I haven't posted since Wednesday, but other than to just say "I'm still doing well", I haven't really had much to say.

I don't, today, either.  

Except:  I'm still doing well!

I've gone another week of eating well, counting calories, and being good.  In fact, I could say that this past week has been one of my best weeks yet.  Not once have I eaten anything I shouldn't, or really even felt tempted to do so.

Yesterday, the ice-cream truck made a visit to the school so that kids could have a treat.  We did this once a month last year, and several times I bought an ice-cream bar.  I didn't even consider it yesterday.  Even though I was hot, and an ice-cream would have been a great treat to help cool me down.  It just wasn't something I wanted.  I watched as kids lined up, I watched them eat their sweet, ice-cold treats, and all the while all I could think about was where those sticky hands would end up when they were finished.  HA!

I've been taking my pill each day between 10:30 and 11.  That has really seemed to help.  There has been absolutely no late night cravings for food, and I've had a lot of trouble eating the small portions of food that I've been dished up for dinner each night.  I'm pretty sure that I may have forgotten my pill yesterday, but it didn't impact my thoughts on my food or require me to need more food.  And when I say I'm "pretty sure" it comes down to I've gotten myself in to a routine...and I sometimes can't remember one day to the next if I actually stopped long enough to take the pill.  The realization usually hits later in the afternoon, and then I try and remember if I did or didn't.  Being that each day just run together in blurs, it's hard for me to remember if I'm thinking about that actual day or the day before.  

Regardless, pill or no pill, my eating IS becoming a habit.  I eat at the same time each day.  I eat similar foods each day.  And I'm loving the fact that it's just becoming my normal routine, and not something I have to consciously remind myself to do.

I'm still staying firm on their being hope for me yet.

Yesterday was Jeans Day at work.  I put on my jean capris that I haven't worn in a couple of weeks.  I immediately noticed that they were looser around my stomach.  And the school t-shirt I wore with them, I haven't worn since the Back to School Block Party we had the week before school started.  That day, the shirt held tight to my midsection.  Yesterday, it hung off of me...obviously, now too big.

It was a great feeling.  

Nobody else has really seemed to notice my weight loss.  Which is hardly surprising.  The people I work with see me every day, and I'm sure they're not noticing any drastic changes just yet.  I don't expect them to remember how my t-shirt looked the last time I wore it to know that it no longer fits snugly around my stomach.  But, feeling those changes myself is A-OK with me.  I know my body is finally starting to get smaller.  And I knew it wouldn't be long before I started noticing the changes.

This afternoon, I'm taking my Jelly to a birthday party.  Decked out with sweets, and cupcakes, and other birthday party goodies.  There will be none for me.  I already know that.  It won't even be a temptation problem.  How do I know?  Because just thinking about that stuff doesn't have the same effect that it used to.  I'm more worried about sitting outside for two hours in the heat...just thinking about food with that doesn't appeal.  

I'll be more worried about filling up my water cup and staying hydrated.  

Next Friday, I have my first check-up with my doctor since starting the pill.  It's weird to know that it's already been a whole month since I started taking those pills.  It's been three weeks exactly today that I started taking them.  It's crazy that in three weeks I've been able to make so much progress in the way I think about food, and how easy it was to overcome the battle I was having with junk food.  

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit.  Well, it's 21 days to the day for me...and I know that the habit is falling in to place.  

I don't feel like I'm in so much of a struggle or that temptation is lurking around every corner.  I've started to program my brain to only want foods I can eat, or at least...only the foods that I need.  I no longer think about a candy bar with longing and desire.  I no longer consider how a small handful of chips really can't be all that bad.  

I'm starting to finally get it.

Food is not a prize or reward.  It's not a companion during tough times or boredom.  It's just stuff that my body needs to function...and there are only certain foods my body really needs to function in a healthy way.  

The only "treat" I'm allowing myself is an extra cup of coffee on weekend mornings.  Hardly anything to worry about.  And even the extra teaspoon of fat-free creamer I put in to it is nothing to cause great concern.

Of course, I'm not out of the woods.  I'll never be.  These next few months, I'll be traveling a lot with my kiddos to various sporting events.  On those nights, dinner will come from places we stop to eat.  Or figuring out some way to pack foods to take with us...which will be hard because I'll be at work all day before we go.  So, I will get a true test at overcoming my food battle.  Will I opt for healthier options?  Will I seek out places that won't ruin my waistline?  Will I figure out a way to pack a dinner-on -the-go?

What it really comes down to is that a person battling weight issues will never be "cured".  Life will always stand in the way, throwing curveballs of various situations.  It won't always seem easy.  And it only takes a few minor setbacks to cause havoc on the success I've had.

But one thing I do know for sure, is that right at this moment...I'm good.  Great.  Feeling better than I have in a long time.  And I know that it will be hard to give up that feeling.

Have a great Saturday!

Day Before Weigh-In Jitters

I have returned back to the land of the living after being without internet for 24 hours.  Hopefully you all read the post I uploaded only 10 hours ago, giving the update for my Sunday... which was another very successful day of not taking my pill, but doing exactly what I was supposed to do in terms of eating.  And then some.

And now, I'm only 24 hours away from that time of the week that gets me in to a little panic.  Weigh-In Day.  

I'm always a bundle of nerves the day before an "official" weigh-in, because I never know exactly what the scale is going to show me in terms of how well I think I did.  I've spent the past week feeling like I've rocked the house, once again, with another full week of successful eating and staying on plan with my calorie intake.  

I'll admit, I've slacked off just a tad on the religious logging.  That never seems to last very long.  But, on the days that I haven't logged everything, I do a little mental math just to make sure I'm staying in my caloric range.  The best part about only eating three times a day, is that it's pretty easy to keep track of my calories in my head.  I'm not sneaking little snacks here or there, or forgetting about eating something.  My meals are so simple, and pretty repetitive, that I can basically keep track from the days that I do track.  

The only real changes I made to my meals yesterday, was the inclusion of veggies and a fruit.  I took a cup of baby carrots and sliced cucumber with hummus in place of crackers.  And I took a peach to satisfy that sweet craving I always get after eating my lunch.  I was taking PB&J sandwiches last week, so that helped keep the sweet monster at bay... but I didn't like how much sugar I was consuming with the jelly, so I figured a fruit would be much healthier this week.  My sandwich was ham, cheese, and mustard.  Less calories than the PB&J - and actually more filling.

I plan on doing that each day - taking veggies and fruit that is.  Even though I only ate a sandwich prior, I couldn't finish my veggies.  I ate all of the cucumber, and several of the carrots.. but then I just had enough.  I ate the peach shortly there after, and I was full.  

For dinner, Hubby served me up three pieces of ham... we were having ham, beans, and corn on the cob.  I quickly grabbed my fork, speared off two pieces of ham and put them on the kids' plates, and left myself with one piece of ham, beans, and only a small piece of corn.  There was another piece waiting for me if I wanted it, but I didn't.  I knew right away that I wasn't going to be able to eat as much as he gave me, and I knew that I shouldn't be eating that much meat anyhow.  Another win to add to my record book.  Me taking food off my plate because I know it's too much?  Don't recall that ever happening before.

And despite taking my dinner plate down quite a bit, I still felt full once I was done.  I couldn't have eaten anymore even if I wanted to.  

AND... there were absolutely NO cravings last night.  NONE!  I took my pill right before lunch yesterday, and apparently my two day hiatus paid off.  Because I did not get any form of urge to eat a snack last night.  Last week, I was fighting myself each night to resist.  I was successful with my fight, but it was so nice to not have to do any inner fighting last night.  I was in bed before I'd realized I'd successfully gone an entire evening without feeling the need to eat something else.  

Today, I really need to focus on drinking more water.  I didn't get near enough water in me yesterday, and I paid the price by extreme dry mouth by the end of the day.  That's the only side effect I've had from taking my pill, but drinking gallons of water helps keep that monster at bay.  I have to make a point of refilling my water cup between every bathroom break, at lunch, and before picking my students up from specials, so I know I'm getting the water I need.

Other than that, I'm ready for tomorrow.  Yeah, I'm a little nervous.  But not because I'm worried about what the scale will say... just because I'm worried I might not be as happy with the results compared to how much hard work I've done.  That's always a worry.  I have also come to terms, though, that as long as I keep doing what I need to do - the scale will eventually catch up.  

And I think I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing.  I haven't felt this sure about myself in a long time.  Habits are starting to be formed, I can feel it...and that sure is a weight off my shoulders.

Till next time!

Another Very Successful Day

I'm very happy to report that Day Two of no pill was just as successful as Day One.  If not more so.  I actually made sure to eat all of my meals, and still ended up eating only 1100 calories... which is 100 below what I should have eaten.

Once again, there were no cravings or desires to rummage through my cabinets in search of something to snack on.

I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner...and kinda sorta had to force myself to do that.  Had I not been focused on making sure to eat when I was supposed to, I could have easily gone all day without eating anything.

We even lost our TV and internet yesterday, which would normally cause me to stress or get super bored and then eat.  I didn't.  I read and then went swimming instead.  The kids gave me all kinds of exercise goodness by racing me and playing catch...in which I had to tread water in 8 feet of water for about 30 minutes while we played.  It's surprising how tiring it can be to just treat water while at the same time trying to catch floating toy frogs that are being thrown at me.

I can't believe how amazing I feel having accomplished two days of mindful eating, minus a pill that's supposed to help me do exactly that.  Not just pulling off mindful eating, but actually having to focus on making sure I eat and not just making sure I eat healthy.

I noticed at dinner time I still didn't feel very hungry, and that's my usual worst time of the day.  I ate a smaller plate than everyone else, and felt perfectly content when I was finished.

Swimming is another activity that can cause some hunger pangs, but even though I went swimming after dinner...right in the midst of my snack attack time... I didn't want anything to eat when I was finished.

I'm going to take my pill today...and every day this week.  I'm opting to take it around 10AM, so it will be later in the day.  The hope is that taking it later will decrease urges that fall in the late afternoon/early evening.  And also maybe provide an energy boost when I need it the most.  It's no good giving me energy first thing in the morning, when I'm already rested and ready for the day.  I need that push by midday, after I've eaten lunch and ready for a nap.

That's all I've got for today.  Another successful and happy entry.  YAY!!

Have a great Monday!

Till next time!

Joanna

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman

Well, That Was Weird....

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Despite going to bed around 11PM last night, I still managed to drag myself out of bed by 7:30 this morning.  I guess my body is finally starting to adjust, and realizes that 7-8 hours of sleep is all I need each night.  Which is all I'm supposed to need.  And that's good.

It's almost 9AM here in my neck of the woods and all of my laundry is either in the washer or the dryer.  I'm making it a plan to have it all completely folded and put away by 11 this morning.  That would be something I haven't done in a very long time.  Man, I hate laundry.  But, then I'll have Jelly's laundry to take care of...and that's even worse than mine.  Because her stuff is so small, and it requires a lot of folding and not as much hanging.

Anywho, reading about my laundry tales surely isn't how you want to spend your time if you're here on my blog, right?

So, let's talk about how I felt yesterday not taking my pill.

If you missed the scoop, yesterday, I announced that because I wasn't really feeling any effects of my pill.. I was going to take myself off of them for two days and start back up on Monday.  

Coming off the pill on the weekends is probably not the smartest idea.  During the week, while I'm busy working, eating is really the last thing I'm thinking about.  There's more important things to take care of... like keeping 20 kids focused on their work, grading papers, entering grades, and wading through the piles of paperwork that seem to appear out of nowhere each and EVERY day.

On the weekends, I don't have as much to occupy my thoughts.  Boredom sometimes takes over.  Boredom leads to eating.  I don't necessarily have to be bored.  I could be perfectly content watching a movie, reading a book, sitting in front of my computer...and the same feeling starts to lure its head:  I need food.

I knew all of this going in, yet I figured I'd throw caution to the wind and see how I did.

My day got started the way it usually does...coffee on the patio.  I opted for a second cup, being that I've already told myself that on the weekends, I'll splurge for 2 cups of coffee in the morning instead of the one cup I've programmed myself to drink during the week.  And after my 2 cups, I was done.  I didn't want anymore.  Shortly there after, the family got ready to head out for our weekly grocery shopping adventure.  

As I perused aisles and aisles of food for breakfasts, lunches, snacks, and dinners, I noticed I wasn't feeling any urges to eat anything.  I wasn't tempted to sneak a little something extra in to the cart that wasn't on our list.  I kept my head focused on the stuff I'd be taking for lunches each day.  I had already decided to add some fruit and veggies in to the mix each day.  I picked up some baby carrots, cucumber, and peaches.  Something different than what I've been taking.  I grabbed my morning yogurts.  I picked out my baked crackers.  And all the while, completely focused on the task at hand.

I did goof up, however.  I was so focused on grocery shopping, I completely missed lunch.  A big no-no.  We got home around 3PM and I realized I hadn't taken the time to eat anything for lunch.  I just knew I was going to regret it once dinner time rolled around.  It was too late to actually eat lunch, so I quickly dug out my crackers and had a snack.  Hoping that it would take care of overeating at dinner time.

Two hours later, dinner was ready.  We were eating baked chicken breast, cornbread stuffing, green beans, and gravy.  I took two small pieces of chicken breast (they were the thin, tenderloin cuts), a scoop of stuffing, and a couple spoonfuls of the green beans.  I looked at my plate, knowing I had served myself the adequate required portion sizes of everything... but had a niggling feeling I wasn't going to be satisfied after eating such a small helping.  Especially seeing that there was food left over after everyone else had received their food.  I sat down and I ate.

When I was finished, I felt full.  Even though I hadn't eaten lunch, and had only eaten a handful of crackers since early that morning, my small plate of food had left me feeling satisfied.  I didn't need or want anymore.  

That was weird.  But, not even the weirdest part.

After dinner, I took the kids out to swim.  They played in the pool for over an hour...enjoying the fact that they haven't been able to get in the pool for a couple of weeks due to the very unseasonable temperatures we've been having.  Around 7:30PM, I decided it was time to go inside.  When everyone was dressed, Hubby suggested we all sit down and watch a movie.

And we did.

And throughout the entire movie, not ONCE did I get the urge to go and grab a snack from the kitchen or find something to nibble on while watching.  I didn't even have to talk myself out of doing it, because it didn't even cross my mind the whole time.  It wasn't until after the movie was over that realization had hit that I had sat for almost 2 hours watching a movie...and didn't eat a single thing, nor wanted to eat a single thing the whole time.

Not just weird.. but downright CRAZY!

I am the person that could eat dinner, put a movie on right after we're finished, and be munching on something within 10 minutes of the opening credits.  I'm the person that can't function without some kind of sweet or salty snack in my lap while a movie is on.  

After the movie, Hubby started pulling up stuff on his iPad about making cup desserts.  You know, those cakes you can bake in a coffee cup in the microwave with very few ingredients.  I kid you not, the word "ugh" came out of my mouth.  Not because I was grumbling about his waving around of temptations... but because the stuff he was showing me didn't appeal to me AT ALL.

What the heck is happening to me?

All week, while on the pill, I had been very conscious of my desire to eat.  Getting cravings to find something to snack on in the evening, or wanting to put a little extra on my plate because I was so hungry.  I had to be very diligent to ensure that I didn't do it.  I had to keep reminding myself of my purpose.  I had to mentally battle with myself that I didn't need the extra food or the snack.

And then, I go one day without the pill...and no desires or cravings come up.  At all.  In fact, not only was there no desires, but I even managed to skip a meal...and don't feel any form of deprivation from that skipped meal.

Could it be that coming off the pill for a couple of days will indeed have the effect I'm hoping for?  Does it even make sense that I feel the effects the pill is supposed to give when I'm not taking it?

It's all just very weird.

I'm staying off the pill again today.  I'm going to be a little more mindful of my meal times, and be sure that I stick to eating when I'm supposed to eat.  And I'm going to evaluate how I feel.  Will I have another day of amazing success?  Or, will I come to find that I'm wanting more food and starting to feel pangs of cravings?

I will have to wait and see.

Of course, there could be the slightest possibility that my body is starting to adjust to needing less food.  That while I'm taking the pill, I'm constantly reminding myself how strong I have to be..which leads to the desires of feeling hungry.  No pill, no thoughts about it.  My body may actually be starting to function with the small amount of food I'm giving it, feeling happier about the effects the smaller portions are having, and letting my brain focus on something other than food.  

I know it hasn't been long enough to just give the pill up.  I'm not taking it for it's mental qualities... I'm taking it because it's supposed to help with cravings, curbing my appetite, and boosting my metabolism.  The proof that it's working has been in my numbers on the scale the past couple of weeks.  There's no way I'm ready to jump ship, even if the appetite curbing effects really aren't working. If it's just boosting my metabolism, it's doing something positive for me.  And I plan to stick with it for as long as I need to get the maximum benefits from it.

I also feel, though, that I am starting to really get in to a good mentality about what I eat, when I eat it, and what I really need for fuel and what I don't.  And that's exactly what I wanted and needed.

It's still early days.  I still have a long way to go.  But, it's nice to know that even so early in to the process.. I'm making such good decisions and having so much progress.

And I can't ask for more than that.

Right now, though, I need to go and eat my breakfast...and finish that dreaded laundry.

Till next time!!

The Pot Luck Recap... How Did I Do?

So, yesterday I told you all that I was going to be facing my first Pot Luck of this school year.  Last year, a pot luck was something I got excited about.  A smorgasbord of homemade creations, fantastic indulgent desserts, and piles of grab-all-day snacks of chips and crackers and sweets.

But this year, just hearing the words "Pot Luck" sent shivers down my spine and sensations of fear to rise from my stomach.  

To someone who's trying, and has been pretty diligent, in trying to lose weight.. a pot luck is a huge nightmare.  It's not as easy as just staying clear or just saying no.  It's coming face to face with temptation and finding the willpower to make selections that are mindful.  Yes, the option is always there to just avoid it at all costs and not put myself in a situation to be tempted.. but then what am I learning from that?  I've tried to stay clear from temptation for the past couple of weeks, and the truth is.. I can't avoid it forever.  Just because there's tons of selections of all forms of food to choose from doesn't mean I can't have any of it... I just have to learn to take what I can and rather than avoid what I can't, train my mind to not even want any of that stuff.

All staff members are expected to participate in the pot luck, because the pot lucks are to celebrate birthdays..and the time will come when each of us will have our turn at being in the limelight of the celebration.  My first go-to option was to bring a couple bags of chips..which is what I usually do.  Then realization hit that I shouldn't be a part of the problem, but a part of the solution.  How many other faculty members were feeling the same way I was about the lack of healthy options?  So, I decided on buying a veggie tray.

There was just one problem.  When I got to the store yesterday morning, there were't any veggie trays available.  I panicked for a second..looking towards the chip aisle.. and then saw huge tubs of strawberries for a really great price.  I looked them over, picked up three tubs, and decided they would be my offering.  Not veggies.. but fruit is still good.

When I got to school, I took my strawberries down to the lounge and saw that the temptations had already started flowing in.. including some breakfast casseroles and sweet breads.  I didn't even consider taking any of it.  I popped my strawberries in the fridge, and walked back to my classroom empty handed.  And it felt really good.  I didn't have to talk myself out of not eating, I didn't even consider it.

Then, the moment of truth came: Lunch time.  I went down with my team, and the options were strewn over three counters, and a table was set up specifically for desserts.  The smell coming from the room sent my tastebuds in to overdrive.  I looked to the dessert table and thought it looked like a chocoholics paradise...or nightmare to this chocoholic.

I had tried to plan ahead and didn't take my pill until an hour before lunch.  I had hoped that the pill would eliminate any cravings... but it didn't.  I was on my own and had to face the now or never moment of proving that I could be mindful in my selections.  

I grabbed a plate and started with some green beans.  Then added some pea salad (actual salad containing peas that was topped with a thin layer of sour cream).  Then added a small spoonful of pasta salad.  Then a small spoonful of rice (boiled not fried).  In terms of proteins, I had options of fried chicken, barbecue chicken chunks, and meatballs.  I took a few chunks (4 to be exact) of the chicken.  I then grabbed two mini tortilla pinwheels.  And I was done.  I didn't even continue looking through the other two counters of food.  My plate was covered, and there was no desire to add more.  And for the record, when I say small spoonful.. I mean an actual spoonful.  A regular sized spoon, not a giant serving spoon.  

I sat down, and I ate what was on my plate.  I smiled to myself when I thought about what my plate used to look like last year... filled to the brim, piled high, spilling over the side.  When I was done, I was done.  No going back for more, no deciding to try a little more of this or a little more of that.  The only weakness came when I went up for some strawberries.  They just happened to be near the dessert table, and I noticed a pudding based dessert.  It looked like chocolate pudding with cream on top, sprinkled with nuts.  The dessert had already been cut in to serving sized pieces.  I grabbed the pie cutter and cut one of those pieces in half and took a small piece.  Basically enough for three bites.  And it was delicious.  There was a taste of peanut butter added to the chocolate, and the bottom of the dish was layered in a very thin sweet pastry.

Having not let chocolate pass over my lips in over two weeks, the sweetness was overwhelming.  Almost too much so.  I know that I couldn't have eaten more than the three bites I did eat.  I also had a couple of strawberries with it.  And when I was done, I felt full.  Satisfyingly full.  

I have no idea how many calories I consumed, because it was impossible to track the dishes without hunting down each person that brought the stuff I ate and ask them the ingredients used.  But, I feel like I did pretty well.  Maybe not perfect, but I felt in control.  I didn't pig out.  I didn't feel the need to eat more.  I didn't go back to the room for any snacks or afternoon seconds.  And, OK, I ate some chocolate dessert.. but not enough to consider the entire meal a total fail.

I don't feel like I ate too much, and comparing my performance to those acted out last year... the differences are immense.  

I could have probably done without the pasta and rice.  I could have definitely done without the small dessert.  But, all in all, I don't think I did too bad.  There were MANY more devastating options I could have chosen from... fried chicken being at the top of that list.  But, again, there was no talking myself down or rationalizing or inner bargaining taking place.  I knew right off the bat I wouldn't be eating fried chicken, or chips, or nachos, or hashbrown casserole, or brownies, or chocolate cake, or coconut cream pie.  I saw all of them, and there wasn't a fleeting chance that any of that stuff would make it on to my plate.

I consider that ultimate success.

And the best part is, the pill really didn't help AT ALL in curbing my hunger.  It may have contributed to the full and satisfied feeling I had when I was finished.. but I have no way of knowing.  That could have just been from my stomach actually shrinking, or having spent the past two weeks eating very small portions of food.  What I have noticed, though, is that I haven't really felt any effects of the pill these past few days.  Which is why I made the decision this morning to skip my pill for the weekend.  

I'm going to stay off of it for a couple of days, continue to be vigilant with my eating without it, and then try taking it again on Monday.  With the hopes that a few days off will boost the effects back in to full gear.  

Which reminds me... I need to think about getting out to grocery shop.  My house is pretty bare, in terms of food right now.  And it's time to stock everything up ready for another successful week.

Till next time!!

My First School Pot Luck.. Yikes!!

Today is the last day of the second full week back at work.  It's only been a week and one day since actually having students in my class.

And, it's upon me.

The dreaded Pot Luck lunch.

The Pot Luck is a teacher's rite of passage.  A sacred part of the culture.  I have never been in a school that didn't have a pot luck celebration once a month, or every couple of months.  Our school is opting for once a month this year, to celebrate all of the faculty birthdays that fall within that month.

And every ounce of me is quivering with nerves.

Regardless of whether or not I plan on eating anything... I am still expected to participate.  I'm doing my usual, and buying a couple of bags of chips.  It's my go-to pot luck plan, because I am at school until 6PM each night, and I barely have enough time to feed the kids when we get home before we're all passing out... let alone trying to prepare something for an entire school faculty.

This will be my first true test at my commitment to losing weight.  Will I be able to resist the temptations?  Will I be able to sway myself from the dips and chips and meats and desserts?  Is there a chance I can eat, but only stick to stuff I know won't kill my calorie intake?  I know that lots of the faculty often bring some form of salad.  Can I get away with just having a few samplings of the different salads and veggies that are served?  Do I take my own lunch and just avoid the pot luck altogether?

Questions that have been haunting me since the minute I drove out of the school parking lot last night.

I didn't do so well yesterday.  I took a frozen burrito for lunch, that packs 300 calories all by itself... because I just needed a break from the mundane sandwich that I've been taking each and every day.  A 300 calorie lunch isn't that bad.  The burrito didn't contain any trans fat... just the usual processed crap I told myself I was going to try and avoid this week.  Yet, when I got home, I found that Hubby had made burgers and fries for dinner.  He did bake the burgers (they're not as bad as they sound and have way less fat than if they're fried), but he fried the fries.  I ate one burger and some steak fries.  Too many steak fries, probably... but only taking one burger instead of two was still out of my norm.  

Still, not happy with my food intake yesterday.  I was a little over in my calories...not substantially.. but over.  

And I'm not happy about going in to a pot luck situation a day later.

I'm stuck with that dilemma.  A part of me is saying that I should just take my own lunch and not participate at all.  Another part of me is saying that I participate, I just stay clear of the stuff I know I shouldn't be eating.

At least there's not a part of me that's telling me to just throw caution to the wind and enjoy one day of mindless eating... it has been two weeks since I've done anything like that, after all.  But, that's not going through my head.  My ONLY options are to not eat or only eat the good stuff.

I think my best route, and the safest route, is to take my own lunch.. peruse the options at the pot luck.. if nothing appeals as healthy, then I just eat what I brought.  I go in with one option, but have a back up plan if that backfires.  

One thing I want to try and do for future pot lucks is be the person that offers at least one super healthy option.  Like a veggie platter with hummus.  Veggies aren't healthy drenched in ranch dressing.  So, by pairing them with hummus..it gives people who are trying to watch their weight (hmm..me) an alternative to snack on.  Maybe a veggie AND fruit tray.  Hummus and Greek yogurt as the pairings.  

That will be great for future pot lucks, and something I definitely need to prepare for.  But, it's a little late now.  Or is it?  I suppose I could pick up a small veggie platter on my way.  See what the store has to offer at 7AM in the morning.  Now that I'm getting that idea... that's something I might do.  

Huh.

Look at me making decisions like being mindful of providing an option I can eat... even if it is a little last minute.  That's a good sign, right?

I suppose it does me no good to whine and complain about healthy options if I'm offering up bags of chips to the mix.  The only way I can be sure there's something available to me is to be the one to provide it.  And OK, I can't make my whole lunch out of a few veggies and some hummus.. but I can sure add that to go with whatever sandwich I decide to take with me.

See, people, there's hope for me yet!  

I've also made the executive decision to take my pill to work with me, and take it a little later than usual.  I know I said on Wednesday that I wasn't going to upset the apple cart and mess with what I've been doing... but I've noticed that the effects of the pill have become almost non-existent now.  The cravings are calling pretty much all afternoon, once I'm finished with lunch.  Mornings have never been a time where I've dove headfirst in to binge eating, so it kinda makes sense to start taking the pill later.. when the cravings are at their worst...and see if the pill helps curb some of that.  It would be really nice today if that happens.. before walking in to the room of temptations.  

Being that it's Friday, it's a perfect day to experiment.  If taking the pill a couple of hours later does keep me up a lot later, I can adjust accordingly over the next two days...and still get the sleep I need.  If I take my pill around 10AM and find that I'm still up late tonight, I can sleep in tomorrow and try something else tomorrow.  

OK... I feel so much better now.  I'm not as nervous.  I've got a plan, and I intend on putting it in to action.  I'll pick up some veggies and hummus on my way to work, I'll pack my own lunch, I'll see what is available at the pot luck and only choose stuff that's healthy.  If that just means some veggies and hummus from my own offering, so be it.  I'll eat them and my own lunch.  Simple.

And I know I can do it.  I know I can be strong.  

Now, let's see if my actions speak as loud as my words.

Till next time!

Got to Make it Quick....

OK.  I only have a few minutes before I need to get to getting ready for work.

But, I wanted to at least come by and share that my first day back to work was AWESOME.  You can read all about it on my other blog... www.lifeandtimesofjoblog.blogspot.com

I was so nervous about going back in terms of my eating.  What sweets were waiting?  What temptations would I run in to? 

Thankfully - none. 

I stuck to eating my sandwich for lunch...and didn't even want the crackers I brought for a snack.  

I was on my feet pretty much all day, and that took it's toll on me.  It's been a few months since I've stood for that long.  By the end of the day, my legs and back were killing me.  But, it further instilled the fact that I really need to start walking now.  I have to start cracking down on working out and making those aches and pains disappear.

I'll openly admit, I faltered at dinner time.  I had to pick up something for dinner after work, and being that neither I nor Hubby were in the mood to cook, I grabbed two ready made pizzas at Walmart.  Even though that was probably the worst thing I could have selected... I only ate two pieces of pizza, versus the five slices I usually eat.  

I also made sure to pick up a veggie loaded pizza.  It was stacked with peppers, onions, mushrooms, and tomatoes.  Not healthy at all when they are all covered in cheese and grease, but at least I got some veggies in me.

I have to admit, the grease on the pizza did make me a little queasy.  After I ate, I felt yucky.  Like my body was not impressed with my food choices.  Even though I haven't eaten all healthy the past week, the amount of grease in one meal was NOT what my body was ordering.

I also got my test results back from all the blood work I had at my doctor's office last week.  I was happy to see that my blood sugar level was well within the realms of normal, and the doctor had no concern about pre-diabetes.  My cholesterol, however?  Yeah, not so good.  The doctor even believes I might want to consider taking some medicine for it.

That, I want to hold off on.  I know that if my cholesterol is that high, I run a greater risk for a heart attack... but I also know that if I really buckle down and lose the weight, my cholesterol will improve.  I want to give it a year to see how much improvement I can make with just eating and exercise.  If, by this time next year, the doctor is still very worried about my cholesterol levels...then I will take the medicine.  

This was kinda the scenario I was expecting.  A life or death situation where the weight had to come off, or run an extreme risk of an early demise.  I need to know that if I quit...again... I'm putting myself in to grave danger.  If I don't run the course, lose the weight, and get healthier - I'm literally killing myself.

So.  Game On.  

I have to lose the weight.  My life is at stake.

And that's all I have time for.

Got to go get ready for work.

Till next time!

A Little Game of Mind Over Matter, Anyone?

Today is my first official day back to work.  

That event kicks off with a district wide meeting first thing this morning, where breakfast will be served. And we're not talking muffins and coffee.  No.  I'm talking about a full, cooked, buffet style breakfast.  Eggs, bacon, sausage, biscuits & gravy, hashbrowns, fruit, waffles, donuts...etc. etc.  

This morning will be a true testament to how well my pill is actually working, and how much control I have over my own mind.

I will be taking my pill before I leave.  I will be drinking water on my drive there.  I am focusing on eggs and fruit.  Eggs and fruit.  Eggs and fruit.

No coffee.  No juice.  Just water for me.

I upped my medication, yesterday, to taking a full pill.  And to be honest, it wasn't that much different than taking half a pill.  No jitters.  No feeling funny.  The only side effect I had to deal with was dry mouth... which just made me drink tons and tons of water.  Can't complain about that, right?

I also found that I felt pretty good about myself.  Meaning happy.  Relaxed.  Alert and awake.  I wouldn't really say full of energy, but I had a little pep in my step.  I did a few laps in the pool for some exercise with the family...and I didn't feel drained or tired after.

I did notice, however, that I was still feeling the urge to eat, but I fought it.  Only sticking to eating my set meals.  At dinner time, I made sure my portion was about half the size of what I normally eat, and I found that I was satisfied when I was finished.  There were even some left-over, and I didn't even consider having more.  

I spent the evening reading, and not once did I even think about grabbing a snack.

I don't know how much the pill has to do with that.  I'm even starting to wonder if the pill is more of a mind over matter situation.  I know I've taken the pill.  I expect it to work.  I find that even though I feel like I want to eat, I don't... because I'm committed to letting the pill kick in and take over my hunger feelings.  

That didn't happen, but I was able to focus on not wanting to eat.  

I actually ended my day yesterday being too far below my calorie intake.  That's not good.  I don't want to go in to starvation mode... which means I have to eat more today.

I figure the breakfast will help, and I'm taking the leftovers from dinner as my lunch.  It was a perfect sized portion left for me to take.  

I did take a little looksy at the scale this morning...and I was shocked to see that I'm already down 4lbs!!  In two days.

I know that a lot of that is water weight.  I've been drinking water like nobody's business...and sweating just as much.  I'm not sure if sweating is a side effect of the medicine, or if it's just so hot outside that I'm sweating my behind off from just being out there... but I'm really dripping after not much activity.

What I do know is, I've shown more control over the past two days than I have the entire summer.  I've logged everything that's gone in to my mouth, I've resisted temptations, I've kept my portions small, and I've forced myself to eat three times each day.  I've even stuck to only drinking two cups of coffee each morning... which is a HUGE deal for me.  And I haven't once felt cranky or gotten any headaches from my big decrease in caffeine.

Now that I'm going back to work, it's going to be a real challenge.  I have to be on my game... perfection only.  Planned meals.  Preparation.  Willpower.  There will be lots of goodies in my midst over the next few days, and I have to show that I have the power to resist.  

Honestly, after the past two days, I think it will be a cake walk (no pun intended).  I really feel like I can do it.  

So, let the games begin!

My First Experience with Quinoa

                    

One thing I promised myself with revamping my weight loss efforts was that I'd jump out of my comfort zone and try some of the "super foods" I keep hearing about.  Foods that are healthy, tasty, and satisfy cravings that can be brought on by certain other foods that I eat.

I'm a carb junkie.  Everyone should know this by now.  No matter how healthy a carb is, I tend to overeat it thus taking away any and all health benefits.  Because, come on, even healthy carbs can do havoc to the waist line if not eaten in moderation.

Because I know that I can't cut carbs out of my diet, I know that there are carbs out there that I need to avoid and others that I can try that give me the health benefits without the normal carb induced feelings of triggering certain binges.

Enter: Quinoa

I've heard a lot about it, yet up until last night, I'd never tried it.

Stop your gasping...I know, it's unbelievable... but truth be told:  I'm not a real big fan of trying new fancy foods because of hype that I've heard about them.

When it comes to healthy eating, I still have somewhat of a rabbit food mentality.  Stick to veggies and lean protein, whole grains (that I'm familiar with) and then just eat less than what I normally eat.

But then what happens? I get bored seeing the same old same old in my pantry and refrigerator, and I start swaying in to dangerous territory looking for something to satisfy my hunger from places I shouldn't be looking.

So, I decided that this time, I'd start trying new things... discovering the plethora of "super foods" and healthy eating options that are out there so that I could avoid the boring scenario I usually get myself in to.

I know that some people may be reading this and be shocked that I consider Quinoa as a new food.  I know it's been around for gazillions of years.  I know that health gurus have been eating the stuff since health junkyism took off.  I'm a late bloomer, what can I say?

But, last night, I bit the bullet and Hubby prepared quinoa for the first time to accompany our dinner.

It wasn't so long ago that we tried couscous for the first time...and Hubby was a little apprehensive.  He's not really all that in to my healthy eating "fads".  He is more of a meat and potatoes kinda guy, but he knows that when I want to eat healthy, I want the whole family to eat healthy with me...so he'll give new stuff a go.  And, thankfully, he liked couscous making the introduction of quinoa a little easier.

Well, unlike Hubby, I actually preferred the quinoa over couscous.  Hubby didn't think the quinoa was bad, but he said he preferred couscous.  It may just mean I need to nudge him to try different seasonings or something when he cooks it... but an OK is better than hating the stuff, so I've got some room to keep trying.

We ate braised lean pork chops cooked with mushrooms, quinoa, and green beans.  The whole dinner was fantastic.  The quinoa was moist, filling, and tasty.  I ate and felt full, and I didn't get the urge to eat again 10 minutes after dinner.

I have to admit, I enjoyed the experience.  Trying something knew.  Feeling good about it.

Adding to my new tries, I discovered Greek yogurt cream cheese the other day.  A perfect companion to my onion whole wheat bagels.  Creamy, yummy, less fat, better for me.  

Life hasn't been all new foods and roses.  I have eaten a few things this week that I shouldn't.  Mainly Klondike bars.  And some Chex mix.  Chocolate Chex mix.  Not in great quantities...but I've strayed a couple of times.  

I bought the kids their new lunch boxes this weekend.  I'm so excited about preparing our lunches every evening, and eating foods I'm picking rather than foods that are being picked for me.  I really feel that going back to work will really help push me in the right direction, and give me the focus I need.  Away from sitting around and doing nothing which leads to wanting to eat because I'm bored.

When I get back to work, I'll be eating because I have to...and that's it.  

Speaking of which, I need to go and get ready... I have to work today.

Till next time!!

Joanna

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman

 

Moving Furniture Constitutes as a Work-Out, Right?

So, the day has officially arrived that it's time for me to head back in to my classroom to prepare for the beginning of the school year.

It arrived way too quickly...and "officially" I don't go back until August 12th.  But there's way too much that needs to be done before the first day of school (Aug. 15th) to gamble waiting until the 12th.

Back to school classroom preparation is both a mental and physical work-out.

Mental in the sense that I worry and over-think and stress over what I need to get done, rather than just jumping in and doing it.  Or maybe making a to-do list to keep myself focused.

Physical because it's my job to unpack all of my furniture from the corner it's been stacked in to and get it to where it needs to be.  All by myself.

I know it probably doesn't sound too bad, but move around 22 student desks, a teacher's desk, several book shelves, a kidney table, and computer carts... and then once they've been moved, move them all over again and again until the layout is just right.  It can get pretty exhausting.  

Especially when it's just me.  And not even a dolly or equipment to help.

Who needs gym equipment when they can lug around classroom furniture?

That equates to a work-out, right?  Spending a couple of hours moving furniture around... which I know is how long it will take.  And that's just today.  No doubt I'll hate the arrangement by the time I go back tomorrow and will start from scratch.  Again.

Yesterday morning, I went and walked 5K.  It was close to mid-day, but the temps were only in the lower 70s by then...and it was just perfect.  I quickly got in to my zone, letting the beat of my music set the pace of my walking.  I may or may not have been singing out loud while doing it... but that's one of the fun parts about walking.  I love being able to sing along with my music and not have any idea how loud I actually am.

I walked down to the park.  Walked around the park a couple of times.  Walked down Main Street for a while.  Then, turned around and came home.  It was probably more than 5K being that it's a mile down to the park... so it's two miles just there and back.  But, 5K is pretty close.

It's amazing how good I feel after a walk.  Not just mentally, but physically as well.  For the past few days, my knees have been acting up.  Undoubtedly due to the weather changes.  By early evening, I've been feeling quite a bit of soreness in my knees that have to be babied and hobbled around on.  I knew that I ran the risk of further aggravating my knees with my walking, but I took the chance.  And it paid off.  I didn't have a bit of knee pain last night.

I've also been waking up with some back pain over the past week or so.  Probably from sleeping so hard and so long.  Well, I felt some twinges in my back while walking... but twinges like whatever was clogged up back there was getting untwined.  And, no back pain this morning.

I know that with body aches, I should air on the side of caution about how much physical activity I do... but it's different when those body aches come from a lack of use.  I know my knees get sore from sitting around too much.  I know my back aches from sleeping too long.  The only way to fix those issues is to put them both to work.  Which paid off, big time.

With the physical remedies, there's also the mental remedies.  Clearing my head.  Not thinking about anything except the music that's playing in my ears and the way my feet hit the ground.  Sure, thoughts come sneaking in to my mind... but they don't last long.  I'm too busy focusing on keeping my pace to the beat of the music.  I'm not talented enough to multi-task my brain.  It has to be thinking about one thing at a time... while I'm walking, anyway.

I just wish I could remember how great I feel after a walk each time I am mentally arguing with myself about whether I want to go and walk or not.  Making myself go is the hardest part.  I never regret going.  But, for some reason, my mind just fights with me to just get started.

My eating has been going pretty well.  I'm eating less.  I'm eating better foods.  I found some small onion bagels while grocery shopping on Friday and Greek yogurt cream cheese.  I had both after coming back from walking yesterday and they were SUPER yummy and filling.  And I didn't have any cravings after for something else.  

I guess there are carbs out there that can satisfy me without sending me on a binge.  It will just take a while to test and evaluate.  

Anyway, it's time for me to start thinking about heading to work.

That sounds weird.

But it is what it is.

Till next time!

In Case You Noticed...

If you've paid some attention, you'll notice that there is now a "2lbs Lost" on my Fitness Pal badge.  I updated this morning, even though I swore that I was going to hold off until August 1st to do my weigh-in.

And, I will admit, I changed the starting weight a little over a week ago... before I started doing Sally's suggestions... because I noticed I had gained a few pounds since I last reported my weight.

So, technically, I haven't really lost any weight from when I first started in June... but I have lost weight since I started really focusing on my food and following my new plan.

I plan on weighing in again on August 1st, just to see if there's any change...and to do my "official" one month weight loss.  The plan is to then weigh in on the first of the month from there on out.  

Can I stay off the scale for an entire month?  No.  But, I will only be using my weigh-ins from the first of each month to log my progress.

I've done a really good job of staying off the scale, actually.  When I vowed to stay off the scale a few weeks ago, I didn't get back on it until I started my new plan.  I was upset when I saw how much I'd gained since being off the scale - but it wasn't like I was really gung-ho on doing much with my eating before that.

It's nice to see that even though I haven't been very active since focusing on my food, the pounds are slowly coming off.

I haven't gone swimming in a couple of days, and because of the heat I haven't done much walking.  Today, it's pouring down rain...and plans on staying that way all day.  It would be the perfect opportunity for a refreshing walk (rain doesn't bother me), but I have friends coming over to spend the day with me.

Thankfully, I've chosen healthy snacks to feed to my friends.  Not sure they'll be thrilled, but the crackers I've picked out are super yummy...so, I don't see why there should be any problems.

That's all I'm going to share today... being that I have to get in my social state of mind.

Have a great Friday!

Till next time!

Joanna

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman

Creating My Own Diet Plan - Part V.... The Actual Plan

  

                       

For the past five days, I've been sharing a bunch of stuff that I've been discussing with a new found friend...who just happens to be a nutritionist.  Unlike other nutritionists I've spoken to in the past, she doesn't tell me I need to eat less than 1800 calories a day, cut out certain foods from my diet, or log every single morsel of food I eat in to a little journal or online planner.

I love her.

For someone that's just starting out with the weight loss thing, it can be very overwhelming at the amount of information there is out there about different things one should or shouldn't do while trying to lose weight, countless diet programs, and health gurus around every corner that wants you to believe that the way they lost weight is the best and only way to lose weight.

For someone that's been trying for years and years?  It's exactly the same.  Except I'm still overweight and trying to find something that works.

I expected for Sally to refer me to the other information I'd been given already, tell me which diet plan is the best, and leave it at that.

But, she didn't.

She told me how different each person is.  Why certain diets don't work for everyone.  And basically the information I'd already been given by so many... but how to combine it all together to trial and error my way in to finding a diet plan that works for ME.

Over the course of the past five days, I've shared health reasons that can be caused from eliminating certain foods.  I've shared information on why just counting calories won't work for me.  I've shared the information on the most popular diet plans I've been told to try.... with the reasons I just don't think they'll work for me.  And I've shared the food groups that I should be filling my pantry and refrigerator up with.

All of it is well known information.  All of it I double checked and Googled and researched.  All of it made sense - even though I'd heard it before - probably because it was delivered to me in a way that I'm not used to.  And that's with the understanding that I don't need to follow the rules of some strict diet plan, that I can basically make my own.

So, after discussing everything I've shared in great length with Sally... I wanted to know the answer to the main questions that had been playing on my mind...

What do I eat, when, and how often?

What I expected was a plan of action.  Eat this much for breakfast at this time, eat these foods for lunch at this time, eat this for dinner at this time, and then eat a snack or two at these times of day.

But, I didn't get that.

Sally asked me what my normal eating habits were like.  I laughed and shared that there aren't any habits when it comes to my eating.  

Some days I go all day without eating anything until dinner time comes around, and then I eat an enormous dinner because I realize I haven't eaten all day...and make up for it.

Other days, I start off right with a good, large breakfast, then stop in at McDonald's to grab something for lunch, then eat an enormous dinner... followed up with late night snacks and treats.

On occasion I get up and eat a Greek yogurt, maybe a sandwich for lunch, eat a few nuts or some trail mix for a snack, and then eat a light dinner... like a salad or chicken with veggies.

Rather than criticizing me on my poor eating habits, or proclaiming a well deserved "Duh, no wonder you're overweight", she simply shared that I need to figure out a way to create eating habits.  A routine.  Something I can stick with and get used to.

If I made myself get up and grab a Greek yogurt with my coffee each and every morning...maybe a piece of toast with a poached egg on the weekends... I can start a breakfast routine.  One thing I don't suffer from is getting bored eating the same things.  I could eat a Greek yogurt every single day, and probably never get bored with it.

Working in the environment I do, there really is no room for a mid-morning snack, so I just wait until lunch.  Lunch comes early enough.  At lunch, I eat a cooked meal prepared by the cafeteria ladies.  During my plan time in the afternoon, eat a snack.  

Then, at dinner time...eat what I eat, but focus on my portion sizes.  

If all of my foods are coming from the selections of food groups I've been given, and I eat at regular times each and every day.... I will lose weight and keep it off.

One thing I've been told for years is that I have to have a schedule for my eating.  I need to eat breakfast before 9am, lunch at noon, snack at 2pm, and dinner around 5.  No eating after 6pm.  (Times vary).  I've been told to eat a big breakfast, light lunch, and healthy portioned dinner.  With snacks that may or may not be needed.  Each with their own set of calorie guidelines.  Three hundred calories for breakfast and lunch, five to six hundred calories for dinner, and one hundred calorie snacks. (As an example)

Sally says that while I do need some form of structure in the way I eat, it's more about a regular routine that will just become second nature.  Not by which foods to eat, simply by when I eat and how much.  If I'm only selecting foods from the "healthy food list", then I shouldn't have to use specific ratios or whatever with each meal.

OK, I'm starting to get a little shady and confusing with my explanation...sounding like I'm negating everything...let's break it down a little.

Take breakfast.  By just about every health professional and weight loss success story I've ever heard tells me that I should eat a large breakfast.  Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.  A good serving of carbs and protein to kick off my energy and help me feel full longer.

Part of that is true.  Eating in the morning does awaken the system and gets the body in calorie burning mode, versus the calorie store mode it was in for the past seven hours.  

But Sally says if I feel satisfied with a Greek yogurt and a cup of coffee as my breakfast, then that's all I need to eat.  I don't need to force anymore food in if it's not what I want to do.  If I get up early and feel pretty energized after just eating a yogurt...then fine.  Greek yogurt has the same protein as two eggs and even though it has sugar.. it doesn't give me that quick desire to eat more and make me hungry a lot faster (unlike my other simple carb friends).  

Lunch while I'm working is a lot easier - because it happens the same time each and every day.  The teachers in my school have the privilege of a "teacher's menu"... which can be good and bad.  The cooks often prepare foods that the kids can't have because of the strict restrictions they have on what they can and can't feed to the children and then feed it to the teachers.  However, every day there is always a beautiful salad bar.  My routine will be making sure I opt for the foods that are incorporated in my healthy food guidelines, and making sure I pay attention to the portion sizes.  

If I've eaten a pretty good lunch, I shouldn't really need an afternoon snack.. but if the snack monster rears it's head, I need to take little baggies that are already broke in to serving sizes.  Whole wheat pretzels, crackers, veggies, or trail mix are good choices.  However, I shouldn't be eating the snack just because it's available... only if I start to feel hungry or sluggish.

Then, for dinner, just remember my portion sizes.  Only eat what's on my plate.  If I start to get full...stop eating.  Don't eat dinner too early if I have trouble with feeling hungry before bed... try to eat between 6pm and 7pm (if possible) so the need for a late snack won't be so likely.  If the need for a snack does come up, then slice up a few slices of cucumber and snack on those.  They are mostly water, won't devastate my daily eating, and will satisfy the craving for something sweet or salty.

What it really comes down to, and the piece of information that Sally provided that I will probably cherish forever is this...

It's not about the "rules" of healthy eating.  It's about the willpower to eat healthy.  You have to train your mind and body to only eat what's good for you, and only eat as much of it to keep it good for you.  When you eat it or how you eat it isn't near as important.  Even healthy foods can be overeaten and become bad.  It's all about the strength to commit to eating the right portion sizes selected from the right food groups at regular times throughout the day....and the rest will just happen.

So, even if everything I've said this past few days has been nothing more than one jumbled up pile of stank... confusing, contradictory, or everything everyone has already told me.  It all comes down to just what Sally says.

I know what good and bad foods are.  I know how to tell.  I know what constitutes a healthy portion size.  I know, yet I'm still fat.

If I don't have the power to use my knowledge... in a way that fits me... in a smart, and healthy way... then I'm my own worst enemy.  

Which I am...or have been.

I've always had this knowledge.  I've always known what foods I should be eating.  I've always known that it's so much more than counting calories and avoiding fat and sugar.  I've always known that my eating shouldn't revolve around my feelings, but revolve around the needs of my body.

There's just always been one ingredient missing.  The willpower.

I make excuses about how I'm bombarded with suggestions and diet plans and not knowing what the heck I should do.  But the truth?  Yes I do.  I've known all along.  

I know that at the end of the day, it doesn't matter what plan I chose to or not chose to follow.  I can pick at diet plans and find the flaws about what I can't do or what I'm not willing to give up.  But even those are excuses.  If I would just commit and do...I would succeed.

But, I feel empowered.  I feel like I don't have a rule book I need to follow.  I know that I just need to train my mind to only be open to the foods that do a body good, and avoid those that harm.  It really is that simple.

But without willpower... it's impossible.

So, now, my pantry and cabinets and refrigerator and freezer are full of only the foods that I can eat.  That's the easy part.  Now it's creating my routine to love myself, love my body, and treat it right.  

Excuses are like assholes... everyone has one and they all stink!

So, with the help of Sally, I'm going to battle my inner demons.  I'm going to feed my motivation.  I'm going to focus on the changes that are in store.

And, now, the Mad, Fat Woman is going back to doing what I do... with a new game plan.

Till next time!

Joanna

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman