Saturday, August 31, 2013

I'm Still Good

I'm still alive and well.

I know I haven't posted since Wednesday, but other than to just say "I'm still doing well", I haven't really had much to say.

I don't, today, either.  

Except:  I'm still doing well!

I've gone another week of eating well, counting calories, and being good.  In fact, I could say that this past week has been one of my best weeks yet.  Not once have I eaten anything I shouldn't, or really even felt tempted to do so.

Yesterday, the ice-cream truck made a visit to the school so that kids could have a treat.  We did this once a month last year, and several times I bought an ice-cream bar.  I didn't even consider it yesterday.  Even though I was hot, and an ice-cream would have been a great treat to help cool me down.  It just wasn't something I wanted.  I watched as kids lined up, I watched them eat their sweet, ice-cold treats, and all the while all I could think about was where those sticky hands would end up when they were finished.  HA!

I've been taking my pill each day between 10:30 and 11.  That has really seemed to help.  There has been absolutely no late night cravings for food, and I've had a lot of trouble eating the small portions of food that I've been dished up for dinner each night.  I'm pretty sure that I may have forgotten my pill yesterday, but it didn't impact my thoughts on my food or require me to need more food.  And when I say I'm "pretty sure" it comes down to I've gotten myself in to a routine...and I sometimes can't remember one day to the next if I actually stopped long enough to take the pill.  The realization usually hits later in the afternoon, and then I try and remember if I did or didn't.  Being that each day just run together in blurs, it's hard for me to remember if I'm thinking about that actual day or the day before.  

Regardless, pill or no pill, my eating IS becoming a habit.  I eat at the same time each day.  I eat similar foods each day.  And I'm loving the fact that it's just becoming my normal routine, and not something I have to consciously remind myself to do.

I'm still staying firm on their being hope for me yet.

Yesterday was Jeans Day at work.  I put on my jean capris that I haven't worn in a couple of weeks.  I immediately noticed that they were looser around my stomach.  And the school t-shirt I wore with them, I haven't worn since the Back to School Block Party we had the week before school started.  That day, the shirt held tight to my midsection.  Yesterday, it hung off of me...obviously, now too big.

It was a great feeling.  

Nobody else has really seemed to notice my weight loss.  Which is hardly surprising.  The people I work with see me every day, and I'm sure they're not noticing any drastic changes just yet.  I don't expect them to remember how my t-shirt looked the last time I wore it to know that it no longer fits snugly around my stomach.  But, feeling those changes myself is A-OK with me.  I know my body is finally starting to get smaller.  And I knew it wouldn't be long before I started noticing the changes.

This afternoon, I'm taking my Jelly to a birthday party.  Decked out with sweets, and cupcakes, and other birthday party goodies.  There will be none for me.  I already know that.  It won't even be a temptation problem.  How do I know?  Because just thinking about that stuff doesn't have the same effect that it used to.  I'm more worried about sitting outside for two hours in the heat...just thinking about food with that doesn't appeal.  

I'll be more worried about filling up my water cup and staying hydrated.  

Next Friday, I have my first check-up with my doctor since starting the pill.  It's weird to know that it's already been a whole month since I started taking those pills.  It's been three weeks exactly today that I started taking them.  It's crazy that in three weeks I've been able to make so much progress in the way I think about food, and how easy it was to overcome the battle I was having with junk food.  

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit.  Well, it's 21 days to the day for me...and I know that the habit is falling in to place.  

I don't feel like I'm in so much of a struggle or that temptation is lurking around every corner.  I've started to program my brain to only want foods I can eat, or at least...only the foods that I need.  I no longer think about a candy bar with longing and desire.  I no longer consider how a small handful of chips really can't be all that bad.  

I'm starting to finally get it.

Food is not a prize or reward.  It's not a companion during tough times or boredom.  It's just stuff that my body needs to function...and there are only certain foods my body really needs to function in a healthy way.  

The only "treat" I'm allowing myself is an extra cup of coffee on weekend mornings.  Hardly anything to worry about.  And even the extra teaspoon of fat-free creamer I put in to it is nothing to cause great concern.

Of course, I'm not out of the woods.  I'll never be.  These next few months, I'll be traveling a lot with my kiddos to various sporting events.  On those nights, dinner will come from places we stop to eat.  Or figuring out some way to pack foods to take with us...which will be hard because I'll be at work all day before we go.  So, I will get a true test at overcoming my food battle.  Will I opt for healthier options?  Will I seek out places that won't ruin my waistline?  Will I figure out a way to pack a dinner-on -the-go?

What it really comes down to is that a person battling weight issues will never be "cured".  Life will always stand in the way, throwing curveballs of various situations.  It won't always seem easy.  And it only takes a few minor setbacks to cause havoc on the success I've had.

But one thing I do know for sure, is that right at this moment...I'm good.  Great.  Feeling better than I have in a long time.  And I know that it will be hard to give up that feeling.

Have a great Saturday!

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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday!!


Ahhh, Weigh-In Day, here you are again.  

It goes by so fast...the time, I mean.  The weight doesn't.  The weight comes on so fast, but it takes FOREVER to get it off again.

This week has had its ups and its downs.  Still not perfect by a long shot.  There was no exercise this past week.  Unless you count the swimming this past weekend.  There was no walking, no running, no going in to the gym after school to do some sprint work.  Nada.  

My excuse - because that's what it really is - was the weather.  I was so darned hot every day, I did NOT feel like making myself get even hotter and more uncomfortable.  Lame, I know.. but that's what it came down to.

I was weak in making myself work-out... but I was strong in sticking with my eating.  I did MUCH better this past week with my food intake.  The pot luck day was my only real day to eat stuff I probably could have done without.  I haven't logged much this week, but I've been keeping track of the calories I'm eating.  My breakfasts are always the same, my lunches are always pretty similar, and my dinners have been much smaller portions that what I'm used to eating.  I'm using the hand measurements of palm for protein, fist for carbs, and hand for veggies.  I know that's not an exact science, but I'm apparently doing something right.

Which brings me to the numbers.

My starting weight:  265lbs.

Weight last week:  254.8lbs.

Weight this week:  253.2lbs.

That's a loss of 1.6lbs in a week, and 11.8lbs since I started almost 2 months ago.  Even though I was pretty close to the 265lbs number when I went to my doctor's office only three weeks ago.  So, technically, I've lost almost 12lbs in a few weeks...not months.

In fact, I know that I've lost almost 10lbs since that doctor's appointment...because at the doctor's appointment I weighed 262lbs.  So, I'm shy 1.2lbs of losing 10lbs in three weeks.

Not too shabby.

A 1.6lbs weight loss is definitely nothing to complain about when there was no exercise involved, and I went two days without taking my pill.  Three, actually, because I totally forgot to take it yesterday.  I was worried that might happen... because I've decided to start taking my pill around 10AM.  That's right in the middle of my teaching, and unless I set some kind of reminder for myself, I go right past that time without even thinking about it.

Now, I'm just itching to see a number in the 240s.  That sure would be nice.  That would be a comparable weight to when I first started working last year.  I know I should really start feeling some differences in the way my clothes fit once I get down in the 240s range.  

For losing almost 12lbs, there hasn't been as much of the feeling different as I thought there would be. I figured that 12lbs would be a nice start to my pants feeling looser and fitting better.  The truth is, that's not really the case.  There are a couple pairs of pants I've put on and thought they felt a little looser, and then there are others that are still just as tight and uncomfortable when I put them on.

Yesterday, I put on a pair of capris that I wore only last week, and they felt looser.  The shirt I paired with them made me look at myself and see a little difference in my waist line.  But just one day before that, I had to shimmy myself in to a pair of leggings that I wear under a dress.  The dress still clung to me a little too much for my liking, and the leggings were still on the uncomfortable side.  Not to the point of cutting off circulation or anything.. but a little tighter than I like.  

I've decided that once I reach 20lbs lost, I'll do another progress photo.  I, at first, considered doing one every 10lbs lost, but I'd like to really be able to see some difference in each photo.  And I don't think I'll get that pleasure taking a picture right now.

So, I need to get down to 245lbs before there will be anymore photos.

Three weeks ago, getting down to 245lbs was a WAY off obstacle.  Something I would really have to be patient for.  It's crazy knowing that 245lbs is only 8lbs away.  I've lost more than that these past 3 weeks, so there's no reason I couldn't be seeing that number in another month or so.  At the latest.

Next Wednesday will be my last weigh-in before it's time to go back to my doctor for an evaluation of my progress.  Even if I maintained my loss so far, I can't see why my doctor would grumble about an almost 9lbs weight loss since my last visit.  Although, I'd really like to see that number above the 10lbs lost mark.  Especially since the appointment is at 4PM...meaning I would have eaten two meals and drank a gallon or so of water before I have to step on the scale.  I'd like to be able to go to that appointment and know that regardless of how much weight the scale shows from that day's consumption, I'm still going to show off a more than 10lbs loss.

Which means I really have to put in some extra work this week if I want that to happen.  Even a couple of work-outs would be better than none.  And there's absolutely no room for a few minor slip ups here and there with my eating.  NONE.  Perfect eating every day.  

I know I can do it, I'm challenging myself to do so.  That doctor's appointment will be my motivation.  

So, here we go...another week, another set of goals, another focus shift to a smaller number.

Being a loser has never felt so good!

Till next time!

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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Day Before Weigh-In Jitters

I have returned back to the land of the living after being without internet for 24 hours.  Hopefully you all read the post I uploaded only 10 hours ago, giving the update for my Sunday... which was another very successful day of not taking my pill, but doing exactly what I was supposed to do in terms of eating.  And then some.

And now, I'm only 24 hours away from that time of the week that gets me in to a little panic.  Weigh-In Day.  

I'm always a bundle of nerves the day before an "official" weigh-in, because I never know exactly what the scale is going to show me in terms of how well I think I did.  I've spent the past week feeling like I've rocked the house, once again, with another full week of successful eating and staying on plan with my calorie intake.  

I'll admit, I've slacked off just a tad on the religious logging.  That never seems to last very long.  But, on the days that I haven't logged everything, I do a little mental math just to make sure I'm staying in my caloric range.  The best part about only eating three times a day, is that it's pretty easy to keep track of my calories in my head.  I'm not sneaking little snacks here or there, or forgetting about eating something.  My meals are so simple, and pretty repetitive, that I can basically keep track from the days that I do track.  

The only real changes I made to my meals yesterday, was the inclusion of veggies and a fruit.  I took a cup of baby carrots and sliced cucumber with hummus in place of crackers.  And I took a peach to satisfy that sweet craving I always get after eating my lunch.  I was taking PB&J sandwiches last week, so that helped keep the sweet monster at bay... but I didn't like how much sugar I was consuming with the jelly, so I figured a fruit would be much healthier this week.  My sandwich was ham, cheese, and mustard.  Less calories than the PB&J - and actually more filling.

I plan on doing that each day - taking veggies and fruit that is.  Even though I only ate a sandwich prior, I couldn't finish my veggies.  I ate all of the cucumber, and several of the carrots.. but then I just had enough.  I ate the peach shortly there after, and I was full.  

For dinner, Hubby served me up three pieces of ham... we were having ham, beans, and corn on the cob.  I quickly grabbed my fork, speared off two pieces of ham and put them on the kids' plates, and left myself with one piece of ham, beans, and only a small piece of corn.  There was another piece waiting for me if I wanted it, but I didn't.  I knew right away that I wasn't going to be able to eat as much as he gave me, and I knew that I shouldn't be eating that much meat anyhow.  Another win to add to my record book.  Me taking food off my plate because I know it's too much?  Don't recall that ever happening before.

And despite taking my dinner plate down quite a bit, I still felt full once I was done.  I couldn't have eaten anymore even if I wanted to.  

AND... there were absolutely NO cravings last night.  NONE!  I took my pill right before lunch yesterday, and apparently my two day hiatus paid off.  Because I did not get any form of urge to eat a snack last night.  Last week, I was fighting myself each night to resist.  I was successful with my fight, but it was so nice to not have to do any inner fighting last night.  I was in bed before I'd realized I'd successfully gone an entire evening without feeling the need to eat something else.  

Today, I really need to focus on drinking more water.  I didn't get near enough water in me yesterday, and I paid the price by extreme dry mouth by the end of the day.  That's the only side effect I've had from taking my pill, but drinking gallons of water helps keep that monster at bay.  I have to make a point of refilling my water cup between every bathroom break, at lunch, and before picking my students up from specials, so I know I'm getting the water I need.

Other than that, I'm ready for tomorrow.  Yeah, I'm a little nervous.  But not because I'm worried about what the scale will say... just because I'm worried I might not be as happy with the results compared to how much hard work I've done.  That's always a worry.  I have also come to terms, though, that as long as I keep doing what I need to do - the scale will eventually catch up.  

And I think I'm doing exactly what I need to be doing.  I haven't felt this sure about myself in a long time.  Habits are starting to be formed, I can feel it...and that sure is a weight off my shoulders.

Till next time!

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Monday, August 26, 2013

Another Very Successful Day

I'm very happy to report that Day Two of no pill was just as successful as Day One.  If not more so.  I actually made sure to eat all of my meals, and still ended up eating only 1100 calories... which is 100 below what I should have eaten.

Once again, there were no cravings or desires to rummage through my cabinets in search of something to snack on.

I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner...and kinda sorta had to force myself to do that.  Had I not been focused on making sure to eat when I was supposed to, I could have easily gone all day without eating anything.

We even lost our TV and internet yesterday, which would normally cause me to stress or get super bored and then eat.  I didn't.  I read and then went swimming instead.  The kids gave me all kinds of exercise goodness by racing me and playing which I had to tread water in 8 feet of water for about 30 minutes while we played.  It's surprising how tiring it can be to just treat water while at the same time trying to catch floating toy frogs that are being thrown at me.

I can't believe how amazing I feel having accomplished two days of mindful eating, minus a pill that's supposed to help me do exactly that.  Not just pulling off mindful eating, but actually having to focus on making sure I eat and not just making sure I eat healthy.

I noticed at dinner time I still didn't feel very hungry, and that's my usual worst time of the day.  I ate a smaller plate than everyone else, and felt perfectly content when I was finished.

Swimming is another activity that can cause some hunger pangs, but even though I went swimming after dinner...right in the midst of my snack attack time... I didn't want anything to eat when I was finished.

I'm going to take my pill today...and every day this week.  I'm opting to take it around 10AM, so it will be later in the day.  The hope is that taking it later will decrease urges that fall in the late afternoon/early evening.  And also maybe provide an energy boost when I need it the most.  It's no good giving me energy first thing in the morning, when I'm already rested and ready for the day.  I need that push by midday, after I've eaten lunch and ready for a nap.

That's all I've got for today.  Another successful and happy entry.  YAY!!

Have a great Monday!

Till next time!

a/k/a Mad, Fat Woman

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Well, That Was Weird....

Happy Sunday, everyone!

Despite going to bed around 11PM last night, I still managed to drag myself out of bed by 7:30 this morning.  I guess my body is finally starting to adjust, and realizes that 7-8 hours of sleep is all I need each night.  Which is all I'm supposed to need.  And that's good.

It's almost 9AM here in my neck of the woods and all of my laundry is either in the washer or the dryer.  I'm making it a plan to have it all completely folded and put away by 11 this morning.  That would be something I haven't done in a very long time.  Man, I hate laundry.  But, then I'll have Jelly's laundry to take care of...and that's even worse than mine.  Because her stuff is so small, and it requires a lot of folding and not as much hanging.

Anywho, reading about my laundry tales surely isn't how you want to spend your time if you're here on my blog, right?

So, let's talk about how I felt yesterday not taking my pill.

If you missed the scoop, yesterday, I announced that because I wasn't really feeling any effects of my pill.. I was going to take myself off of them for two days and start back up on Monday.  

Coming off the pill on the weekends is probably not the smartest idea.  During the week, while I'm busy working, eating is really the last thing I'm thinking about.  There's more important things to take care of... like keeping 20 kids focused on their work, grading papers, entering grades, and wading through the piles of paperwork that seem to appear out of nowhere each and EVERY day.

On the weekends, I don't have as much to occupy my thoughts.  Boredom sometimes takes over.  Boredom leads to eating.  I don't necessarily have to be bored.  I could be perfectly content watching a movie, reading a book, sitting in front of my computer...and the same feeling starts to lure its head:  I need food.

I knew all of this going in, yet I figured I'd throw caution to the wind and see how I did.

My day got started the way it usually on the patio.  I opted for a second cup, being that I've already told myself that on the weekends, I'll splurge for 2 cups of coffee in the morning instead of the one cup I've programmed myself to drink during the week.  And after my 2 cups, I was done.  I didn't want anymore.  Shortly there after, the family got ready to head out for our weekly grocery shopping adventure.  

As I perused aisles and aisles of food for breakfasts, lunches, snacks, and dinners, I noticed I wasn't feeling any urges to eat anything.  I wasn't tempted to sneak a little something extra in to the cart that wasn't on our list.  I kept my head focused on the stuff I'd be taking for lunches each day.  I had already decided to add some fruit and veggies in to the mix each day.  I picked up some baby carrots, cucumber, and peaches.  Something different than what I've been taking.  I grabbed my morning yogurts.  I picked out my baked crackers.  And all the while, completely focused on the task at hand.

I did goof up, however.  I was so focused on grocery shopping, I completely missed lunch.  A big no-no.  We got home around 3PM and I realized I hadn't taken the time to eat anything for lunch.  I just knew I was going to regret it once dinner time rolled around.  It was too late to actually eat lunch, so I quickly dug out my crackers and had a snack.  Hoping that it would take care of overeating at dinner time.

Two hours later, dinner was ready.  We were eating baked chicken breast, cornbread stuffing, green beans, and gravy.  I took two small pieces of chicken breast (they were the thin, tenderloin cuts), a scoop of stuffing, and a couple spoonfuls of the green beans.  I looked at my plate, knowing I had served myself the adequate required portion sizes of everything... but had a niggling feeling I wasn't going to be satisfied after eating such a small helping.  Especially seeing that there was food left over after everyone else had received their food.  I sat down and I ate.

When I was finished, I felt full.  Even though I hadn't eaten lunch, and had only eaten a handful of crackers since early that morning, my small plate of food had left me feeling satisfied.  I didn't need or want anymore.  

That was weird.  But, not even the weirdest part.

After dinner, I took the kids out to swim.  They played in the pool for over an hour...enjoying the fact that they haven't been able to get in the pool for a couple of weeks due to the very unseasonable temperatures we've been having.  Around 7:30PM, I decided it was time to go inside.  When everyone was dressed, Hubby suggested we all sit down and watch a movie.

And we did.

And throughout the entire movie, not ONCE did I get the urge to go and grab a snack from the kitchen or find something to nibble on while watching.  I didn't even have to talk myself out of doing it, because it didn't even cross my mind the whole time.  It wasn't until after the movie was over that realization had hit that I had sat for almost 2 hours watching a movie...and didn't eat a single thing, nor wanted to eat a single thing the whole time.

Not just weird.. but downright CRAZY!

I am the person that could eat dinner, put a movie on right after we're finished, and be munching on something within 10 minutes of the opening credits.  I'm the person that can't function without some kind of sweet or salty snack in my lap while a movie is on.  

After the movie, Hubby started pulling up stuff on his iPad about making cup desserts.  You know, those cakes you can bake in a coffee cup in the microwave with very few ingredients.  I kid you not, the word "ugh" came out of my mouth.  Not because I was grumbling about his waving around of temptations... but because the stuff he was showing me didn't appeal to me AT ALL.

What the heck is happening to me?

All week, while on the pill, I had been very conscious of my desire to eat.  Getting cravings to find something to snack on in the evening, or wanting to put a little extra on my plate because I was so hungry.  I had to be very diligent to ensure that I didn't do it.  I had to keep reminding myself of my purpose.  I had to mentally battle with myself that I didn't need the extra food or the snack.

And then, I go one day without the pill...and no desires or cravings come up.  At all.  In fact, not only was there no desires, but I even managed to skip a meal...and don't feel any form of deprivation from that skipped meal.

Could it be that coming off the pill for a couple of days will indeed have the effect I'm hoping for?  Does it even make sense that I feel the effects the pill is supposed to give when I'm not taking it?

It's all just very weird.

I'm staying off the pill again today.  I'm going to be a little more mindful of my meal times, and be sure that I stick to eating when I'm supposed to eat.  And I'm going to evaluate how I feel.  Will I have another day of amazing success?  Or, will I come to find that I'm wanting more food and starting to feel pangs of cravings?

I will have to wait and see.

Of course, there could be the slightest possibility that my body is starting to adjust to needing less food.  That while I'm taking the pill, I'm constantly reminding myself how strong I have to be..which leads to the desires of feeling hungry.  No pill, no thoughts about it.  My body may actually be starting to function with the small amount of food I'm giving it, feeling happier about the effects the smaller portions are having, and letting my brain focus on something other than food.  

I know it hasn't been long enough to just give the pill up.  I'm not taking it for it's mental qualities... I'm taking it because it's supposed to help with cravings, curbing my appetite, and boosting my metabolism.  The proof that it's working has been in my numbers on the scale the past couple of weeks.  There's no way I'm ready to jump ship, even if the appetite curbing effects really aren't working. If it's just boosting my metabolism, it's doing something positive for me.  And I plan to stick with it for as long as I need to get the maximum benefits from it.

I also feel, though, that I am starting to really get in to a good mentality about what I eat, when I eat it, and what I really need for fuel and what I don't.  And that's exactly what I wanted and needed.

It's still early days.  I still have a long way to go.  But, it's nice to know that even so early in to the process.. I'm making such good decisions and having so much progress.

And I can't ask for more than that.

Right now, though, I need to go and eat my breakfast...and finish that dreaded laundry.

Till next time!!

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Saturday, August 24, 2013

The Pot Luck Recap... How Did I Do?

So, yesterday I told you all that I was going to be facing my first Pot Luck of this school year.  Last year, a pot luck was something I got excited about.  A smorgasbord of homemade creations, fantastic indulgent desserts, and piles of grab-all-day snacks of chips and crackers and sweets.

But this year, just hearing the words "Pot Luck" sent shivers down my spine and sensations of fear to rise from my stomach.  

To someone who's trying, and has been pretty diligent, in trying to lose weight.. a pot luck is a huge nightmare.  It's not as easy as just staying clear or just saying no.  It's coming face to face with temptation and finding the willpower to make selections that are mindful.  Yes, the option is always there to just avoid it at all costs and not put myself in a situation to be tempted.. but then what am I learning from that?  I've tried to stay clear from temptation for the past couple of weeks, and the truth is.. I can't avoid it forever.  Just because there's tons of selections of all forms of food to choose from doesn't mean I can't have any of it... I just have to learn to take what I can and rather than avoid what I can't, train my mind to not even want any of that stuff.

All staff members are expected to participate in the pot luck, because the pot lucks are to celebrate birthdays..and the time will come when each of us will have our turn at being in the limelight of the celebration.  My first go-to option was to bring a couple bags of chips..which is what I usually do.  Then realization hit that I shouldn't be a part of the problem, but a part of the solution.  How many other faculty members were feeling the same way I was about the lack of healthy options?  So, I decided on buying a veggie tray.

There was just one problem.  When I got to the store yesterday morning, there were't any veggie trays available.  I panicked for a second..looking towards the chip aisle.. and then saw huge tubs of strawberries for a really great price.  I looked them over, picked up three tubs, and decided they would be my offering.  Not veggies.. but fruit is still good.

When I got to school, I took my strawberries down to the lounge and saw that the temptations had already started flowing in.. including some breakfast casseroles and sweet breads.  I didn't even consider taking any of it.  I popped my strawberries in the fridge, and walked back to my classroom empty handed.  And it felt really good.  I didn't have to talk myself out of not eating, I didn't even consider it.

Then, the moment of truth came: Lunch time.  I went down with my team, and the options were strewn over three counters, and a table was set up specifically for desserts.  The smell coming from the room sent my tastebuds in to overdrive.  I looked to the dessert table and thought it looked like a chocoholics paradise...or nightmare to this chocoholic.

I had tried to plan ahead and didn't take my pill until an hour before lunch.  I had hoped that the pill would eliminate any cravings... but it didn't.  I was on my own and had to face the now or never moment of proving that I could be mindful in my selections.  

I grabbed a plate and started with some green beans.  Then added some pea salad (actual salad containing peas that was topped with a thin layer of sour cream).  Then added a small spoonful of pasta salad.  Then a small spoonful of rice (boiled not fried).  In terms of proteins, I had options of fried chicken, barbecue chicken chunks, and meatballs.  I took a few chunks (4 to be exact) of the chicken.  I then grabbed two mini tortilla pinwheels.  And I was done.  I didn't even continue looking through the other two counters of food.  My plate was covered, and there was no desire to add more.  And for the record, when I say small spoonful.. I mean an actual spoonful.  A regular sized spoon, not a giant serving spoon.  

I sat down, and I ate what was on my plate.  I smiled to myself when I thought about what my plate used to look like last year... filled to the brim, piled high, spilling over the side.  When I was done, I was done.  No going back for more, no deciding to try a little more of this or a little more of that.  The only weakness came when I went up for some strawberries.  They just happened to be near the dessert table, and I noticed a pudding based dessert.  It looked like chocolate pudding with cream on top, sprinkled with nuts.  The dessert had already been cut in to serving sized pieces.  I grabbed the pie cutter and cut one of those pieces in half and took a small piece.  Basically enough for three bites.  And it was delicious.  There was a taste of peanut butter added to the chocolate, and the bottom of the dish was layered in a very thin sweet pastry.

Having not let chocolate pass over my lips in over two weeks, the sweetness was overwhelming.  Almost too much so.  I know that I couldn't have eaten more than the three bites I did eat.  I also had a couple of strawberries with it.  And when I was done, I felt full.  Satisfyingly full.  

I have no idea how many calories I consumed, because it was impossible to track the dishes without hunting down each person that brought the stuff I ate and ask them the ingredients used.  But, I feel like I did pretty well.  Maybe not perfect, but I felt in control.  I didn't pig out.  I didn't feel the need to eat more.  I didn't go back to the room for any snacks or afternoon seconds.  And, OK, I ate some chocolate dessert.. but not enough to consider the entire meal a total fail.

I don't feel like I ate too much, and comparing my performance to those acted out last year... the differences are immense.  

I could have probably done without the pasta and rice.  I could have definitely done without the small dessert.  But, all in all, I don't think I did too bad.  There were MANY more devastating options I could have chosen from... fried chicken being at the top of that list.  But, again, there was no talking myself down or rationalizing or inner bargaining taking place.  I knew right off the bat I wouldn't be eating fried chicken, or chips, or nachos, or hashbrown casserole, or brownies, or chocolate cake, or coconut cream pie.  I saw all of them, and there wasn't a fleeting chance that any of that stuff would make it on to my plate.

I consider that ultimate success.

And the best part is, the pill really didn't help AT ALL in curbing my hunger.  It may have contributed to the full and satisfied feeling I had when I was finished.. but I have no way of knowing.  That could have just been from my stomach actually shrinking, or having spent the past two weeks eating very small portions of food.  What I have noticed, though, is that I haven't really felt any effects of the pill these past few days.  Which is why I made the decision this morning to skip my pill for the weekend.  

I'm going to stay off of it for a couple of days, continue to be vigilant with my eating without it, and then try taking it again on Monday.  With the hopes that a few days off will boost the effects back in to full gear.  

Which reminds me... I need to think about getting out to grocery shop.  My house is pretty bare, in terms of food right now.  And it's time to stock everything up ready for another successful week.

Till next time!!

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Friday, August 23, 2013

My First School Pot Luck.. Yikes!!

Today is the last day of the second full week back at work.  It's only been a week and one day since actually having students in my class.

And, it's upon me.

The dreaded Pot Luck lunch.

The Pot Luck is a teacher's rite of passage.  A sacred part of the culture.  I have never been in a school that didn't have a pot luck celebration once a month, or every couple of months.  Our school is opting for once a month this year, to celebrate all of the faculty birthdays that fall within that month.

And every ounce of me is quivering with nerves.

Regardless of whether or not I plan on eating anything... I am still expected to participate.  I'm doing my usual, and buying a couple of bags of chips.  It's my go-to pot luck plan, because I am at school until 6PM each night, and I barely have enough time to feed the kids when we get home before we're all passing out... let alone trying to prepare something for an entire school faculty.

This will be my first true test at my commitment to losing weight.  Will I be able to resist the temptations?  Will I be able to sway myself from the dips and chips and meats and desserts?  Is there a chance I can eat, but only stick to stuff I know won't kill my calorie intake?  I know that lots of the faculty often bring some form of salad.  Can I get away with just having a few samplings of the different salads and veggies that are served?  Do I take my own lunch and just avoid the pot luck altogether?

Questions that have been haunting me since the minute I drove out of the school parking lot last night.

I didn't do so well yesterday.  I took a frozen burrito for lunch, that packs 300 calories all by itself... because I just needed a break from the mundane sandwich that I've been taking each and every day.  A 300 calorie lunch isn't that bad.  The burrito didn't contain any trans fat... just the usual processed crap I told myself I was going to try and avoid this week.  Yet, when I got home, I found that Hubby had made burgers and fries for dinner.  He did bake the burgers (they're not as bad as they sound and have way less fat than if they're fried), but he fried the fries.  I ate one burger and some steak fries.  Too many steak fries, probably... but only taking one burger instead of two was still out of my norm.  

Still, not happy with my food intake yesterday.  I was a little over in my calories...not substantially.. but over.  

And I'm not happy about going in to a pot luck situation a day later.

I'm stuck with that dilemma.  A part of me is saying that I should just take my own lunch and not participate at all.  Another part of me is saying that I participate, I just stay clear of the stuff I know I shouldn't be eating.

At least there's not a part of me that's telling me to just throw caution to the wind and enjoy one day of mindless eating... it has been two weeks since I've done anything like that, after all.  But, that's not going through my head.  My ONLY options are to not eat or only eat the good stuff.

I think my best route, and the safest route, is to take my own lunch.. peruse the options at the pot luck.. if nothing appeals as healthy, then I just eat what I brought.  I go in with one option, but have a back up plan if that backfires.  

One thing I want to try and do for future pot lucks is be the person that offers at least one super healthy option.  Like a veggie platter with hummus.  Veggies aren't healthy drenched in ranch dressing.  So, by pairing them with gives people who are trying to watch their weight ( an alternative to snack on.  Maybe a veggie AND fruit tray.  Hummus and Greek yogurt as the pairings.  

That will be great for future pot lucks, and something I definitely need to prepare for.  But, it's a little late now.  Or is it?  I suppose I could pick up a small veggie platter on my way.  See what the store has to offer at 7AM in the morning.  Now that I'm getting that idea... that's something I might do.  


Look at me making decisions like being mindful of providing an option I can eat... even if it is a little last minute.  That's a good sign, right?

I suppose it does me no good to whine and complain about healthy options if I'm offering up bags of chips to the mix.  The only way I can be sure there's something available to me is to be the one to provide it.  And OK, I can't make my whole lunch out of a few veggies and some hummus.. but I can sure add that to go with whatever sandwich I decide to take with me.

See, people, there's hope for me yet!  

I've also made the executive decision to take my pill to work with me, and take it a little later than usual.  I know I said on Wednesday that I wasn't going to upset the apple cart and mess with what I've been doing... but I've noticed that the effects of the pill have become almost non-existent now.  The cravings are calling pretty much all afternoon, once I'm finished with lunch.  Mornings have never been a time where I've dove headfirst in to binge eating, so it kinda makes sense to start taking the pill later.. when the cravings are at their worst...and see if the pill helps curb some of that.  It would be really nice today if that happens.. before walking in to the room of temptations.  

Being that it's Friday, it's a perfect day to experiment.  If taking the pill a couple of hours later does keep me up a lot later, I can adjust accordingly over the next two days...and still get the sleep I need.  If I take my pill around 10AM and find that I'm still up late tonight, I can sleep in tomorrow and try something else tomorrow.  

OK... I feel so much better now.  I'm not as nervous.  I've got a plan, and I intend on putting it in to action.  I'll pick up some veggies and hummus on my way to work, I'll pack my own lunch, I'll see what is available at the pot luck and only choose stuff that's healthy.  If that just means some veggies and hummus from my own offering, so be it.  I'll eat them and my own lunch.  Simple.

And I know I can do it.  I know I can be strong.  

Now, let's see if my actions speak as loud as my words.

Till next time!

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Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday!!


Oh's that day.  The day that gets all the nerves racing around my insides like I'm some kind of Nascar racetrack.

Most Wednesdays, when I'm doing weigh-ins, the nerves are usually bad ones.  I'm nervous because I know I haven't really given it my all...and I know that the scale is going to show me that.  Because no matter how much I want to blame the scale for being wrong, the truth usually isn't.

But this morning?

That was different.  It was a different excited nervous.  Because this past week, I've really tried hard.  Still not completely perfect, but I'm not even sure how I'll justify "perfect".  There will probably always be room for improvement.  A full week of logging my food.  A full week of counting my calories.  A full week of staying under my calorie limit.  And there's even been some exercise thrown in to the mix - which was my goal to add this week.

So, let's get down to it..shall we?


When I first started, again, I weighed 265lbs. (Technically I started the summer at 260lbs, and then gained I started over again the first week of July.)

I went to the doctor two weeks ago and got put on pills - that day I weighed 262lbs

I started taking the pills 11 days ago.

Last week (5 days after starting them), I weighed 257.8lbs.

Today??  Drumroll please.... 254.8lbs.

A loss of 3lbs in a week.

A loss of 7.2lbs in 11 days.

A loss of 10.2lbs in 1 month and three weeks.

That's freaking amazing!!  Especially since a bulk of that 10lbs has been lost in the past couple of weeks.

To lose 3lbs+ for two weeks in a row is unheard of for me.  I don't recall the last time I lost 3lbs in one week...let alone getting the exact same feeling the very next week.

Oh wait.. yes I do...that was the last time I buckled down and committed to being strong and doing what I'm supposed to do.

It's obvious that the pill is helping.  But, I'm not going to let it take all of the credit.  Had I not been diligent with my logging and counting and measuring and exercise - the pill probably wouldn't have done a thing.  I've put in the work, as well.  I only agreed to take the pill because I knew it would help buckle me down and really give it my all.

Not because I thought the pill would make all my problems disappear, but because I knew how much it's going to cost to pay for doctor visits and actually getting the pill each month.  I might throw junk food down my pie hole like it's going out of style, but I won't do the same with money.  If I'm paying for it, I better use it the way it's supposed to be used!

Staying on the pill is going to cost about $50 a month.  That's not a tiny chunk of change... in my world, that's a tank of gas, groceries, bill money.  I don't have $50 just laying around to play with.  If I'm going to spend that kind of money, I better put my money where my mouth is and justify it.

The sad part is, it sure has helped me stay vigilant with my eating and exercise... but it really hasn't helped in the way I was told it would.  My appetite isn't really curbed.  I still get hungry.  I still crave food.  I still get desires mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and mid-evening to peruse my surroundings on the hunt for sweets and snacks.  I've just made myself say NO!  I've told myself it's not worth it.  I've reminded myself about that cash I'm forking out, and to just try and focus on what I'm trying to accomplish.

So, I may be just paying $50 a month for the motivation to do what I need to do.  

However, I do have increased energy for the first couple of hours of taking the pill... but by the end of the school day I'm wiped out and ready to crawl in to bed.  So...again...a little of increased energy, but not near the effects I was warned about.  I've read about people taking the same pill, the same time I take it each day, and not being able to sleep at night.  That those people feel the effects for 8-12 hours after taking it.  I'm lucky if my effects last 2-4 hours.  

I could try taking it later in the day, but why disturb the apple cart?  I'm doing what I need to be doing. And that's the point, right?  

All in all, I'm completely happy with my results so far.  And I have no intention of slowing down.  I've reached a milestone - losing my first 10lbs - but that means I still have 90 more to go.  

Getting a taste of what success feels like sure does pump some air in my deflating system.  I was starting to think I was a lost cause, that no matter what I did...the weight would never come off.  The truth was, though, I wasn't really doing anything about it.  I'd whine and cry about increasing pounds.. but that didn't stop me from putting down the cookie jar, did it?

Hmm..cookies... haven't had one of those in a long time.  And it actually feels kinda great to say that.

In the past seven days, I haven't touched any soda (not even diet) or chocolate.  No cookies or cake.  No potato chips.  

There's another milestone to be proud of.

Yesterday, I had to fill out my paper for the Secret Pal program at work.  I love participating in Secret Pals, but I made sure to write on my form how I was trying to lose weight...and I'd really appreciate it if there was no inclusion of sweets or soda.  I'd be perfectly happy with receiving fruit or veggies or some other healthy snacks.  I don't want to be tempted..and I have the power to extinguish any fires before they are even started.

This next week, my goals are to just keep doing what I'm doing.  I want to add more fresh foods to my line-up, and try to avoid as much sugar as I can.  These past couple of weeks have shown me that eating three meals a day gets me where I need to be in terms of calories... no matter what I'm eating, as long as the portions are under control (and that even includes some junk food).  I want to focus on upping my portions, but of foods that are fresh, wholesome, and much healthier.  

I may still be getting hungry during the day because I'm eating the wrong foods.  I need to focus on eating more veggies...that's for sure.  They make a perfect snack, and don't wreck havoc on my caloric intake.

I also want to add some sprint work in to my exercise.  I was going to do that this week, but I stuck with just walking.  That's my goal for this next week - start running again.

And that's about it.  Nothing too major.  Nothing too crazy.

I'm going to keep taking it one day at a time.  

I have the power to do this, I know that.  I just have to stay the course, learn from my behaviors, and make every moment count.

Till next time!

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Monday, August 19, 2013

Am I Just Imagining It?

I'm not entirely sure... but I think I got my first feel of putting on some pants and them fitting a lot easier.

Although, I could be imagining it.

I mean, I put on a pair of shorts yesterday afternoon that have never been tight on me... but for some reason, when I put them on yesterday afternoon, they felt a LOT looser.

I had the same feeling when I put on my walking pants.   I use a pair of stretch capris to walk in, and it felt like there wasn't so much stretch needed.  Like they weren't so tight around my stomach.

I'm wondering, now, if I should try out some other pants.  Pants that I haven't worn in a while.  Pants that are still hanging in my closet, fit me the last time I wore them, they were just on the really snug side.  Should I give it a go?  Will it disappoint me if I was just imagining it?  

I know I can't have lost enough weight in 8 days (since I started taking my pill) to start having my clothes fit better...could I?

On Friday, I had a couple people at work ask me if I'd lost weight.  I never know how to take that question.  I mean, yeah...I'm trying...but I never know how to respond.  The last time I weighed, I'd lost 4lbs since starting the pill.. but the people I work with saw me at that starting weight.  Have I lost enough this week that it's noticeable?  Or was I just wearing clothes that made me look that way?

On Wednesday, it will be a week and 4 days since starting my pill.  That's 11 days.  And before starting my pill, I wasn't any lighter than I was on the last day of school.  In fact, I was a couple of pounds heavier.  

While I don't want to get my hopes up that my weigh-in this week will be awesome, I can't help but feel that I'm going to see a pretty drastic loss.  And if I don't, I worry that I will be disappointed.  I'm trying to convince myself that it's early days... I'm losing slow and steady and a loss of 1-2lbs a week is ideal.  A loss is loss.  But, I can't help but feel that my clothes are starting to feel a little looser, and wondering if people are actually seeing some difference or are just trying to be nice because they know that I'm trying to lose weight.

I'm forcing myself to stay off the scale to wait and see.  

Nothing like a little drama to kick off my week, right?  It might help motivate me to really push myself in the gym tonight and tomorrow so that I pull an even better number on Wednesday morning.  Although, history tells me that when I start a new work-out routine, I end up gaining a couple of pounds the first week because of water retention from the exercising.  Guess I really need to make sure that I stay on top of drinking tons of water, too.

I know it appears that I'm a little flustered this morning.  But, the truth is, I love feeling so excited about my progress.  Now that I know there should be some.  One of the main reasons I stopped weekly weigh-ins before, was because I knew I wasn't putting in 100% and knew that the scale would reflect that each week.  I figured by putting my weigh-ins to monthly, I had more time to put in some effort that might show a minor loss.  And again, a loss is a loss.

It's different now.

I'm putting in 100%.  I'm doing everything I've been told to do. Logging, counting calories, drinking lots of water, and today will start the exercise routine portion...even though last week, I got PLENTY of exercise from getting my classroom ready to go.

And I know some will try and tell me that I shouldn't rely on the scale to monitor my progress.  But, the truth is.. that IS how I have to monitor my progress.  My doctor says I have to lose 100lbs to get me in the healthy range.  If I'm not losing, I'm not doing what I'm supposed to be doing...or not doing it correctly.  I can gauge some success on how my clothes fit, how I feel, and all that jazz... but at the end of the day, the number on the scale reflects everything.

Especially this early in the game.

Sure, once I've lost 50lbs or even 20lbs, I might not have as much success and will have to adjust for that... but starting out is usually when the biggest change happens.  Hopefully it's that way for me.

But, until Wednesday morning, I just have to wait and see.  And gauge based on clothing and feelings. And motivate myself to do the work-outs and stay vigilant with my eating.  

And that's exactly what I intend on doing.

Till next time!

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Sunday, August 18, 2013

Why is it Always Such an Inner Struggle?

This morning, I woke up and it was 8:30.  A little later than I had wanted to sleep in, but still early enough that I could make it out for my walk.

And that's exactly what I told myself when I got out of bed.  It was still early enough to go for a walk.

But, then I had to have a cup of coffee...and take my pill...and wait 30 minutes to eat my breakfast...and then probably wait a little while for my breakfast to settle.

No biggie.  I just told myself I'd give myself an hour to get all that done and go at 9:30.  STILL early enough to get in a good walk without it being too hot outside.  The temps aren't supposed to reach the 80s until sometime this afternoon.

I took my pill.  Drank a full glass of water.  Drank my coffee.  Wrote my other blog while I waited my 30 minutes to eat.  Ate.  Drank another glass of water.  And then started getting caught up in this inner battle with myself.  By this time, it was about 9:15.

Do I really want to go for a walk?  I plan on walking every day after school this won't hurt if I skip today.  Have I drank enough water to keep me hydrated if I go?  What about my dry mouth issues?  Will I start walking and get all thirsty...and will it make me feel sick?

And then I started arguing with myself.  

I never regret going once I actually make myself go.  Why is it always so difficult to just make myself do it?  I enjoy walking.  I feel great once I'm finished.  But, then, why do I have to mentally convince my mind that it's the right thing to do?

Seriously, I'm not kidding.  There's a reason I refer to myself as the MAD, fat woman.  I literally have these inner dialogues going on certain occasions... such as this one.

Hubby then came outside to tell me that he was going to mow the back yard.  Immediately my mind said.. Well, you can't go now, you have to keep an eye on the kids.  If you go walking, the kids won't be supervised and they will bother Hubby while he's trying to mow, and that will tick him off.

I pretty much convinced myself that I was just going to put it off for today.

Then, by 9:50, Hubby was done.  Yard was mowed, and I was still sitting on the patio and I started getting this niggling feeling.  I've been so good all week.  I've kept my calories in check.  I've logged everything I've eaten.  Did I really want to fail on the exercise portion before I even start?

And the answer is NO.

I took my big butt swiftly inside the house, dug out my walking clothes, and put on my tennis shoes.  I was going.  Period.

And I did.  I walked for an hour, and did 3 miles in that time.  I had my music playing in my ears.  I kept the beat to the various songs.  And, I thoroughly enjoyed it.  

By the time I got home, I was absolutely drenched in sweat, but my body felt good.  I felt refreshed.  Like all the kinks had been worked out.  And my pace wasn't great... 20 minute miles.. but I had already told myself that my weekend walks were not going to be for exercise, they were going to be for meditative purposes.  When I'm walking around the school gym every day and throwing in some sprints and jogging..then I'll worry about my pace time.

I just wish it wasn't such a big hassle convincing myself to go.  It's true what I told myself during my inner argument.  I never regret going.  I always feel good when I get back.  I always enjoy it.  It makes me feel accomplished and strong.  

I tell myself every time I finish walking, and have the fuzzy good feelings, that I will remember those moments each that I'll never try to talk myself out of it.  But, that never happens.  Each and every single time, I end up in a mind battle deciding if I really want to go or not.  For the most part, I do end up going... but there are countless times that I've opted for sitting at my computer or curling up on the couch instead.  

I just don't want to do that anymore.  It takes one hour out of my day.  One.  And then I have the entire rest of the day to relax, and play games, and read.  

Even while I was walking, I was practicing my plan of action for when I'm faced with walking after school.  No doubt, I'll try and talk myself out of it.  I'll try and convince myself that I have too much to do in my classroom...stuff to get ready for the next day.  But, my kiddos are all gone by 3:30.  If I worked in my classroom until 5.. I'd have an hour to spend in the gym.  That's an hour and a half in my room, and an hour to walk.  Perfect.  Surely I can get everything that I need to do done in an hour and a half.  

Sure, I'll probably be tired.  Exhausted, even.  But... if I just force myself to change in to my work-out clothes...force myself to go in to that gym... I guarantee that I won't regret it.  I'll probably even go home with a little pep in my step, rather than getting home and collapsing on the couch.  

I just hope that one day, the inner argument will disappear.  It will transform in to the voice urging me to go..excited that it's almost time to work up a sweat and get my body moving.  That feeling that I hold on to every time I'm done will finally be the only feeling...and it will boost me up each and every time.

One day.

Until then, I just have to be strong.  Committed.  And never let my negative side win.

Till next time!

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Saturday, August 17, 2013

Time to Kick Start My Exercise Plan

Today marks one week since I started taking my weight loss medicine.  For an entire week, I've logged my food, counted calories, and stayed on track with my food intake.

That's HUGE.

Because I know that it's been a very long time since I've gone an entire week eating 1200-1300 calories a day.  A Very Long Time.

And during that time, I've eaten hamburgers.  And pizza.  And fries.  Yet, still somehow managed to not destroy my eating for the day.  Of course, there's a lot of work to be done.  Just eating the right number of calories won't get me very far in training my mind.  I also have to choose the right foods for those calories.  However, opting to eat a jr. burger and fries with water to drink versus a super-sized version of both with a large Dr. Pepper is progress.  Eating two pieces of veggie pizza versus the five pieces of meat loaded pizza I would normally consume is progress.  Progress, but still not good enough.  I want to be tracking my food to where hamburgers, fries, and pizza make an appearance once in a blue moon... not all together in the same week.

This next week, I'm really going to focus on matching my dinner options to the healthiness that my breakfast and lunches have had.  I've been vigilant in eating my Greek yogurt for breakfast every morning, and having a sandwich for lunch.  I have snacked two days.. using cucumber and hummus one day and whole wheat crackers the other.  I have had a snack with me every day, but only two days have I actually eaten them... and those would be days that I put in 12 hours at work and needed something in the afternoon to curb my hunger.

I have another plan to add this week:  Getting my exercise started.

This past week, I really haven't had the time to think about exercise.  And that is NOT an excuse.  I have worked 10-12 hours every single day this past week, and spent that time moving furniture, climbing up and down off of chairs, walking up and down hallways, and being on my feet all day long.  I come home EXHAUSTED and sore and achey.  Even though I haven't dedicated time to actual exercise, my body has gone through quite a work-out this week.

After being off work for two months, it takes a little while to get used to such long work days.  I've only had kids in my classroom for the past two days, but that means for the past two days, I've been on my feet from 7AM until 3:30PM... sitting down for 20 minutes at lunch.  By the end of the day, my legs are screaming at me and my back feels like it's been punched repeatedly.  

Regardless of how long it's going to take me to get used to those aches and pains, I committed to myself that I would allow myself one week for the transition.  And then it would be Game On for starting my exercising.

By exercising, I mean walking for 45 mins to an hour at least 5 days a week.  

Peanut and Butter start their sport practices on Monday.  That means I will be at school until 6PM each and every night while they are at practice.  That's the perfect time for me to go down to the school gym and walk around it.  Jelly will be with me, but I figure if I give her a basketball, she can shoot some hoops while I'm getting my sweat on.  I've already cleared it with my principal, and she's agreed to allow the gym to stay open in the evenings so that I, and anyone else, can use it for walking.

I can just pop my headphones in my ear, and walk around and around the outside of the basketball court.  

My hopes is that I'll do that for a couple of weeks, and will be able to promote up to jogging a few laps... maybe throw in some sprint work.  Regardless of how tired I am at the end of the day, I know that if I make myself do the exercise I'll go home feeling much better...and less achey.  It will work out the kinks from standing all day...and also clear my mind ready for the next day.

On the weekends, I'll play it by my feelings.

Take right now, for example.  It's 8AM and only 57 degrees outside.  Pretty freakin' unheard of for the middle of August.  When I came outside with my cup of coffee to do my normal routine of sitting on the porch and enjoying some quiet time - I realized how perfect it would be to go for a walk.  Except, Hubby beat me to the punch.  He planned a motorcycle excursion with a they've gone off to enjoy this weather from the back of a motorcycle.  Which means, I have to stay with the kids.  Peanut would usually do that, but she's spending the weekend with a friend.  

It's OK... that just means it's my turn tomorrow morning.  The weather is supposed to be pretty similar to this morning, so I'll just get up and get out to enjoy the cool weather and a brisk walk then.

That doesn't mean that I'll be sitting on my rear all day.  Being back to work this week has taken a toll on my house.  It's in desperate need of a good cleaning.  Floors need to be swept and mopped.  Bathrooms need to be scrubbed.  Bedding needs to be washed, and beds need to be remade.  Kitchen counters and floors need to be scrubbed.  All sweat inducing activities.

Not near as fun as speed walking to my favorite music, but it'll get the job done.  Besides, it will help me be even more excited about my time tomorrow morning.  After spending a day sweating in dirt, I will be able to sweat tomorrow morning in the sun...and fresh, cool breeze.

On Wednesday, the scale was very kind to me.  It showed a pretty significant drop in a short amount of time.  But, I know as well as the next person that the scale can do drastic things in a very short amount of time.  I'd like to think that this next Wednesday, I'll see another great number.  But, that won't happen unless I keep up the work on my end.  

The pill is not magic.  It only plays a very small role in any progress I want to make.  I have to do the right eating and moving my body to really see the results.

So, I'm scoring week one a 6/10.  I kept my calories in check.  That's about it.  The foods that got me those calories, however, need a lot of improvement.  My exercise needs a LOT of improvement.  

I also managed to keep my word on only drinking one cup of coffee each day.  And drinking tons of water (and only water) for the rest of the time.  I've decided that on weekends, I'll allow myself two cups of coffee each morning, if I feel like it.  But no more than that.  If I can get through this extremely exhausting week with only one cup of coffee each morning, I can get through my stress-free weekends with two.  Even though I don't really need two.  It's kinda like my treat.  Because, honestly, I love my coffee.  I'm shocked that I have had no troubles whatsoever cutting my caffeine down so much.  The norm for me is usually 3-4 cups of coffee before work each morning, and then another cup or two once I get to work.  And on extremely tiring days (like the first week of school), I would normally end up buying a diet Dr. Pepper in the afternoon.  For an entire week, I've had only one small cup of coffee and nothing else but water and haven't suffered from any headaches or fatigue.  I've been running on pure adrenaline all day long.

This first week has given me a lot to work on, but it's also given me a lot to be proud of.  I'm not going to completely reverse 15 years of unhealthy living my first week.  I know this.  Small steps is going to get me there.  Small successes will have major impact.  I don't feel overwhelmed or worried about sticking the course.  If anything, it's the complete opposite.  These small victories have helped motivate me to add a few more.  

Slow and steady wins the race.

I know this.  And doing that is fine by me.

OK, house work is calling...

Till next time!

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Friday, August 16, 2013

Got to Make it Quick....

OK.  I only have a few minutes before I need to get to getting ready for work.

But, I wanted to at least come by and share that my first day back to work was AWESOME.  You can read all about it on my other blog...

I was so nervous about going back in terms of my eating.  What sweets were waiting?  What temptations would I run in to? 

Thankfully - none. 

I stuck to eating my sandwich for lunch...and didn't even want the crackers I brought for a snack.  

I was on my feet pretty much all day, and that took it's toll on me.  It's been a few months since I've stood for that long.  By the end of the day, my legs and back were killing me.  But, it further instilled the fact that I really need to start walking now.  I have to start cracking down on working out and making those aches and pains disappear.

I'll openly admit, I faltered at dinner time.  I had to pick up something for dinner after work, and being that neither I nor Hubby were in the mood to cook, I grabbed two ready made pizzas at Walmart.  Even though that was probably the worst thing I could have selected... I only ate two pieces of pizza, versus the five slices I usually eat.  

I also made sure to pick up a veggie loaded pizza.  It was stacked with peppers, onions, mushrooms, and tomatoes.  Not healthy at all when they are all covered in cheese and grease, but at least I got some veggies in me.

I have to admit, the grease on the pizza did make me a little queasy.  After I ate, I felt yucky.  Like my body was not impressed with my food choices.  Even though I haven't eaten all healthy the past week, the amount of grease in one meal was NOT what my body was ordering.

I also got my test results back from all the blood work I had at my doctor's office last week.  I was happy to see that my blood sugar level was well within the realms of normal, and the doctor had no concern about pre-diabetes.  My cholesterol, however?  Yeah, not so good.  The doctor even believes I might want to consider taking some medicine for it.

That, I want to hold off on.  I know that if my cholesterol is that high, I run a greater risk for a heart attack... but I also know that if I really buckle down and lose the weight, my cholesterol will improve.  I want to give it a year to see how much improvement I can make with just eating and exercise.  If, by this time next year, the doctor is still very worried about my cholesterol levels...then I will take the medicine.  

This was kinda the scenario I was expecting.  A life or death situation where the weight had to come off, or run an extreme risk of an early demise.  I need to know that if I quit...again... I'm putting myself in to grave danger.  If I don't run the course, lose the weight, and get healthier - I'm literally killing myself.

So.  Game On.  

I have to lose the weight.  My life is at stake.

And that's all I have time for.

Got to go get ready for work.

Till next time!

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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Weigh-In Wednesday is Back!


I know, I know.... I said I wasn't going to do this.

But, you all should know me well enough by now to know that I change my mind more often than some people change their underwear.

What can I say?

I live life one day to the next...and some days I just decide to recant everything I've ever said.

I figured that because I'm now taking the weight loss meds, I'd want to keep an eye on my progress.  It's probably going to be one of my biggest motivators.  I know that even if I decided to carry on doing "official" weigh-ins monthly... my butt would still be on the scale at least once a week seeing how I'm doing.

So, why not just go back to weighing in weekly?

Because it's been a while since I've updated my weight, I'll do a little backstory.

I started the summer off weighing 260lbs.  I then gained 5lbs over the course of the first month of the summer.  So, I was up to 265lbs.  That's when I started getting some great advice from a homeopathic nutritionist and decided to start all over.  I reset my weight counter to reflect the 265lbs and started following her advice.  I then dropped 5lbs in the next month and went back down to 260lbs.

Thursday of last week, I went for my doctor's appointment and weighed 262.5lbs.  That was at 2pm in the afternoon... so I figured I was probably still around the 260lbs mark if I took in to consideration what I'd eaten that day, and normal body fluctuations.  That's when she prescribed the medicine.  I didn't, however, start taking it until Saturday because I had to have a medical procedure done on Friday that would have to be put off had I started the meds then.

This morning, I stood on the scale.  

I weigh 257.8lbs.

That's a loss of almost 5lbs in 5 days (if I go by the doctor's weigh-in)!! 

Or, a loss of 2.2lbs from my previous 260lbs number.

Still a good loss for such a short time, right?

I haven't seen numbers in the 250s for a long time.  And it feels good knowing that I'm really buckling down and starting to see some quick progress.

Yesterday, I encountered my first situation of eating out.  After a meeting I attended at school, my team voted on eating at a small diner for lunch.  I had packed a lunch, but being that I was going to be at the school until 8PM because of our open house - I figured I could just eat my packed lunch for dinner.

I sat and stared at the menu for a long time.  It was a diner.  Burgers, burgers, and more burgers.  Or fried whatever.  My first instinct was to check the salad options... slim pickings.  They had a chef salad that was "loaded" with ham, turkey, and boiled egg.  They had a taco salad that came in a fried bowl and "loaded" with taco meat.

And, sure, I could have asked for stuff to be removed.. but I wasn't really in the mood to eat a plate full of iceberg lettuce and diced tomato.  Which was the extent of the "salad" minus any of the bad stuff.

The rest of the menu consisted of mostly 1/3lbs burgers loaded with all kinds of stuff:  Bacon, fried onions, onion rings, fried mushrooms, and so on.  But, I managed to find a tiny piece of the menu dedicated to "regular burgers".  I went with a basic cheeseburger and small fries.  

Total calories were (based on estimates) 800 calories.  OUCH!!

The fries were only a small portion (about the size of McDonald's small fry).  I went with higher estimates on MyFitnessPal - but I'm sure I wasn't that far off.

Thankfully, my breakfast only consisted of 160 calories and my lunch (that I ate for dinner) was only 300 calories.  So, I was still in my calorie range by the end of the day.  And at the lower end.

I definitely could have eaten something a little more healthy for lunch, but it was nice knowing that if I prepared and planned a little... I could still have something like a burger and fries and still not sabotage my eating for the day.

Later in the afternoon, I had cucumber slices with 2 tbsp of hummus.  I didn't eat all of the hummus.  I did eat all of the cucumber slices.  When I got home, I ate the sandwich that I had originally made for lunch.  I ate it a little later than I'd like, but I was too busy with work to stop and think about eating it at my normal dinner time.

Overall, I feel fantastic.

The pills aren't causing any crazy side effects.  I'm not cranky or jittery or shaky.  I still have urges to eat, but I'm able to ward them off and focus on something else.  I keep reminding myself that I'm going to really do it this time...and regardless of whether the pill is doing what it's supposed to do, I have to think about what life will be like without it.  In fact, I'm kinda convincing myself that the pill really isn't doing anything - I'm doing it on my own.  I think this mentality will help once it's time to come off of it.

I'm fighting the urge to eat.  I'm keeping my calories in check.  Not the pill.

I'm drinking water by the gallons and sweating gallons in the process.  I think those two aspects are from the pill.  I have dry mouth, and I have to barely move to start sweating like a geyser.  But, I feel like both are positive side effects.  One is making me get the water my body needs, the other is getting rid of the water I don't need.  Win.  Win.

OK, it's time for me to think about getting ready for work.

Have a wonderful day, everyone!  

Till next time!

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Tuesday, August 13, 2013

No is a Strong Word...Just Have to Be Careful How I Use It


Well, yesterday was a busy and good first day back to work.

I got to the high school and got my breakfast.  I had scrambled eggs, grapes, strawberries, and two slices of bacon.  It was around 350 calories... but I had trouble finishing the eggs and didn't eat all of them.

After our meeting, we went back to our home schools and were given some time to work in our classrooms before it was time to meet at 1PM to get our first day back meeting over with.  I took that opportunity to decorate a bulletin board.

Even though all I had to do was climb up and down off a chair a few times, cut out long strips of paper, and then climb back up and down off the chair again...throw in not having any air conditioning in my classroom, and I was a sopping hot mess.  Even though that was the only physical activity I really did all day, you would have thought I'd spent an hour in a gym.  My hair was wet with sweat, and the nice "teacher clothes" I'd worn for my meetings weren't looking so nice after all that.

Before it was time to go to my meeting, I prepared my lunch.  My teammates decided to go out and eat lunch, but I was able to decline and threw my lunch in the microwave.  I ate leftovers from my dinner the night before.  Even though it was only a small portion, I had trouble finishing it too.

Finally, it was time to go to our meeting.  

It's basically an afternoon of going over all the school rules, discussing schedules, just getting our heads back in to the grinds of work.

One thing my principal always likes to do is give us a little something to welcome us back.

This year, it was a new school t-shirt and a PayDay candy bar.  

She opens with how hard a teacher really works, working above and beyond what our contract requires... and it's her way of giving us an extra "Pay Day" for all of that hard work.

It's sweet.  And thoughtful.  

Yet, because of my current eating situation... I made it more like she was out to destroy all of my hard work and wave temptation under my nose to see if I'd crack.

Not good.

My immediate reaction was to whine and complain about having a candy bar.  

Instead of being courteous of her gesture and thankful that we have a principal that likes to give us little treats to welcome us back... I whined.  

Looking back again now, I feel awful.  And I'm super surprised I didn't really upset her and hurt her feelings.  I was sitting right in front of her when I was doing all of my whining and complaining.  

Her's a woman that truly cares about her staff, wants to make them feel welcome on their first day back, does something nice and buys us all candy bars....and Miss Ungrateful (me) throws it back in her face.

I'm an idiot.

What I need to learn is that even though I'm committed to being strong and not wavering my stand on losing the weight, it doesn't mean that I'm not going to be challenged and confronted with temptation.  Especially working in a school environment.  There will ALWAYS be temptations.  There will be potlucks and cupcakes and sodas and sweets.

My job is to just avoid.  Not give in.

It's certainly not to offend or rant and rave about how hard it is for me to resist when it's right in front of my face.  

No is a powerful word.  But, it has to be used with a certain level of respect and dignity.  I can say it pleasantly.  

"No, thank-you"

Not use it with anger and disgust that I'm even being tempted with it in the first place.

"Ugh, I'm trying to lose weight... NO I don't want a stinkin' candy bar!!"

A strong and powerful lesson I have to learn is that the world doesn't revolve around me.  Just because I'm trying to lose weight, doesn't mean the world is going to stop tempting me.  That everyone around me is going to hide the sweets whenever they hear me coming.  They're not going to replace their kind gestures of candy bars and homemade cupcakes with Greek yogurts and carrot sticks.  

It's a part of life I have to adjust to.

Not everyone else around me.

Of course, this epiphany hit me once the meeting was over and I was back in my classroom.  I smacked myself in the forehead, and walked down to my principal's office to see if I had somehow offended her.  She seemed to be OK.  Maybe she hadn't heard all of my complaining.  I'm not sure how, being that I was right in front of her... but if she did, she didn't let on about it.


But then again, that's another great quality she has.  She let's stuff slide.  She knows that people sometimes say things that aren't meant to offend...are just thoughtless rants.  I just now have to keep reminding myself that I need to keep my mouth shut when standing in front of temptation.  Be nice.  Be strong.. but nice.

And for those wondering about the fate of the PayDay?

I stuck it in my lunchbox and brought it home...where I gave it to Peanut.  Appropriate, yes?

It's actually her boyfriend's favorite candy bar, and I thought it would be a cute gesture on my part to let her have it.  Not just that, but I found out she made Advanced on both of her MAP tests she took at the end of the school year last year.  

So, I turned the nice gesture that was given to me, and just passed it on.  In the exact same way.  Ironic, right?  Of course, my Peanut didn't complain and whine and be ungrateful about it.  At least I taught her well...too bad I'm not leading by example, right?

It was easy to not eat it.  I didn't sit and stare at it.  I didn't sweat over how it was calling my name.  At one point I did check the label to see how many calories it had... but once I saw that first ingredient:  Sugar... I put it quickly back in to my lunchbox.

Overall, I'm proud of myself.  I'm proud that I was able to eat sensibly for breakfast.  I'm proud that I was able to avoid going to grab a hamburger for lunch because I had brought my lunch.  I'm proud that I was able to stick that candy bar away and not be tempted to eat it.

I just have to work on my understanding of being strong in my head...not letting it slip out of my mouth.

I know that no one is out to get me.  They're not trying to sabotage me or see if I'm really as strong as I think I am.  They're just being thoughtful.  And I can be thoughtful with my decline.  I know they won't be hurt or upset if I just politely decline.  

But, they will be hurt and upset if I don't watch how I use the word No.  

And that was my lesson for the day.

Today, I'm going to do it all over again....and this time, be a lot more polite about it.

Till next time!

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